The Brain of Supercrane

Our President of these United States of America has left this tweet up since 5ᴀᴍ Friday morning. 

Here is a quote from the article that Trump linked to. 

“Jack Dorsey ran downstairs and started smashing as many computers as he could, but he did need to ask for some help, as the hammer was pretty heavy. None of the programmers could lift the hammer, either. Eventually, they managed to program a robot to pick up the sledgehammer and smash the servers.“

People will say Trump only read the headline and didn’t actually click through to the satirical article. But after his town hall last night where he was talking about Joe Biden having Seal Team 6 killed during a *fake* Osama bin Laden raid (despite all of those Navy SEALs being, ya know, alive), I think it’s possible he did read that article and thought it to be absolutely true. 

If the court of public opinion will permit, I have evidence to support my suspicion that the president is actually that stupid. 

President Donald John Trump has a long history in which he developed a clear pattern of rampant stupidity and I believe him to be immune to satire (as opposed to the coronavirus).

He said stealth fighters are *literally* invisible. Multiple times. 

Clearly we have developed Wonder Woman levels of technology. 

He said that Hurricane Florence was “one of the wettest we’ve ever seen, from the standpoint of water.“ 

As opposed to, say, the standpoint of cats. 

It was a Wet Ass Purricane. 

Of course, we all remember the injecting of bleach. 

And sticking UV light up your patoot–which I believe is Dr. Manhattan’s origin story.

The president also has this weird habit of developing what I call “stupidity earworms.” They are foolish notions that no one corrects him on and he keeps repeating over and over. He becomes obsessed and can’t get the siren song of stupid out of his brain. 

One example relates to Hillary’s emails. Trump claims that she “acid washed” 33,000 emails. 

You might be wondering, “Hey Froggie, what is acid washing?”

Well, it’s a denim treatment that makes you look… SUPER RAD. 

As best as I can figure, Trump is talking about the security software called “BleachBit.” It will overwrite your disk drives multiple times with random junk so data cannot be recovered from them. Using software like this is actually standard practice and not that controversial. It’s good security hygiene. 

But Trump must have heard “BleachBit” and his broken noodle somehow converted that into “acid wash.” I think he literally believes that Hillary went into a server room and started pouring acid all over everything. 

I’m not even sure acid is a great way to destroy servers. 

You might just end up making them look… SUPER RAD.

But then there is my absolute favorite example of Trump’s addled brain. 

It is his pièce de résistance, from the standpoint of idiocy. 

He claimed that… the noise… from windmills… causes cancer. 

Not the construction materials. Not the electromagnetic radiation from electricity generation. Not the sun’s UV light that reflects off the blades. 

All of which would be only somewhat stupid claims. 

No, Trump’s stable genius blew right past somewhat stupid, straight through bigly stupid, and crashed directly into YUGE stupid. 

I repeat… he said the *noise* generated by windmills… causes cancer. 

He even did an impression of said noise–which I feel like endangered all the people at the rally. 

I mean, how does he know his super accurate windmill impression is not a carcinogenic sound? You know how you hear a toxic sound and you grow, ummmm… a melaudioma? A tunemer? An aural blastoma? 

Those things are totally real. No need to google it. 

He consistently shows he has no regard for the safety of his acolytes. 

He won’t wear a mask at rallies despite being infectious. He refuses to accommodate social distancing guidelines. And he will callously amplify dangerous sounds right into everyone’s earballs. 

I fear even showing you the clip. 

Please verify you have medical insurance before viewing.

May your auditory cancer death be swift and painless. 

Do you remember during the debate when Trump censured Joe Biden for saying he needed to be smarter about the pandemic?

“Don’t ever use the word smart with me. Don’t ever use that word. Because you know what? There’s nothing smart about you.”  —Donald John Trump, High IQ Man (Woman Person Camera TV)

But I think there is a better quote to sum all of this up. There is a quote from a distinguished educator who demonstrates just how far back this pattern of rampant stupidity goes. 

“Donald Trump was the dumbest goddamn student I ever had!” —William T. Kelley, Wharton Professor [source]

I see you, and in you, I see myself.

The world’s most indestructible critter just got even more indestructible.

Not content with its existing abilities to survive extreme temperatures, pressures, and the airless vacuum of space, the humble yet seemingly unkillable tardigrade looks to have unlocked another amazing superpower: the ability to withstand lethal doses of ultraviolet (UV) radiation.

While we have observed tardigrades surviving radiation before now thanks to a ‘damage suppression’ protein called Dsup, this UV resistance trick is a newly identified feather in the tardigrade’s cap, operating via a different kind of biological mechanism.

Scientists used a confocal laser microscope to map the topography of an IHOP flapjack. 

When they compared the relative change in elevation to the US Geological Survey’s data for the state of Kansas, they were able to confirm that Kansas really is “flatter than a pancake.”