The Birth Educator

Your mind will play a large role in how your labor unfolds. Feelings of fear, lack of safety or conflict can stall or stop labor. Your cervix may stop dilating, so labor continues to go on without any cervical change. This of course lengthens the time of labor since it is necessary that the cervix dilate completely in order to push a baby out.

On the flip side, when women experience feelings of safety, warmth, compassion and love during labor and when we know we are okay, our bodies can open up smoothly and our relaxed and calm minds can even hasten labor, causing our bodies to open up in an easier way.

We tend to view due dates as far more accurate than they really are (this is especially true in the US). The pressure from the medical world to induce labor can be intense, even for the mom who has gone a mere two or three days past her due date. 

According to my midwife’s calculations, I carried my first daughter 15 days past her due date, so I was slightly more than two weeks overdue. Oh boy, did I feel the pressure from the medical world to have my baby. I actually was able to carry her a lot longer than most women (it is somewhat rare for a birth practitioner to support a woman in carrying her baby this long), but I really had to advocate for myself to stave off an induction.

I eventually had to give in once I hit the two-week mark and agree to an induction or else (or else!) my midwives would have to transfer my care to a doctor. So I agreed to schedule my induction for Monday morning (day 15) at 10 am. Thankfully, my body went into labor on its own on nine hours earlier at one in the morning. Phew! (To read my birth story, go here.)

A recent study by the US National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences found that the length of pregnancy can vary by as much as five weeks. This is important information for expectant parents to take into consideration, especially since the medical world seems to become quite hyper when a woman goes a few days past her due date. The researchers concluded, “…the best that can be said is that natural variability may be greater than we have previously thought and, if that is true, clinicians may want to keep that in mind when trying to decide whether to intervene on a pregnancy."

2. Sex. Oxytocin, the hormone that causes contractions while also giving mom feelings of love and safety, is released during acts of intimacy. Semen contains prostaglandins which naturally ripen (or help to make soft/efface) the cervix. A soft cervix is a good indicator that mom is ready to go into labor, even more so than dilation (how far open the cervix is). If the cervix is still hard like the cartilage in your nose, chances are your attempts at starting labor will be unsuccessful. A hard cervix is a sign that your body is just not ready to have that baby! (Note: if the bag of waters has broken, sex is not an option due to the risk of infection.)

3. Nipple stimulation. This act also releases oxytocin. But be aware, this has to be somewhat intense nipple stimulation. So if your partner is up for the job, that is one way to do it, or you can use a breast pump.

4. Herbs/castor oil. For this regimen, you will need to be under the direction  of your midwife. Castor oil causes diarrhea, which can then stimulate the uterus to contract. The herbs work to do the same thing. You have to use specific amounts and take the herbs and oil at certain times. Since it is important to do this safely and correctly (herbs are powerful!), I will not put the schedule here; you will have to ask your midwife. I carry my babies long: my first was born 15 days past the due date and the second was born 11 days past. With our youngest, we took herbs to help the process along. It worked (she was born about 20 hours after the first herbs were taken), but I must say that contractions felt goofy and a bit "wrong."

Patience is a virtue. If there is no valid medical reason to induce, then take it easy, find a pool to relax and be weightless in for a while and know that your body will go into labor when your baby is ready.

Click on the image below to buy the kind of castor oil my midwife recommended to me. 

#3 Avoid stress. Most Americans, not just the pregnant ones, need to heed this advice. Stress causes all sorts of chemicals to run through our body causing us to be in a fight or flight state. When stress hormones are present, it is impossible for the loving and relaxing hormones to be present. Our emotional health is just as important as our physical health during pregnancy. You may need to make some lifestyle changes in order to relieve the stress in your life. (The earth won’t stop spinning just because you have to give up a couple of responsibilities for a while.)

#4 Talk to your baby. Remember to be aware of the life that has taken up residence in the center of your body. Be sure to focus on the little one inside you daily and think about your new role as this baby’s mom.

#5 Rest. Get in a comfortable position, close your eyes and breathe deeply through your belly. Try to let go of any worries and rest your mind. 

That being said, people like numbers. So a typical average weight gain of a healthy mom would be between 25 and 35 pounds. What is important to realize is that you need to gain weight—it is a sign of a healthy pregnancy. Even if a pregnant woman was overweight before she got pregnant, she still needs to gain weight in order to grow a healthy baby and carry to term.

Studies show that women who have poor weight gain, especially during the last trimester, have a higher risk of preterm birth (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8558295). This study also showed that it doesn’t matter whether a woman was underweight, overweight, normal weight or obese before getting pregnant…an insufficient weight gain in the last trimester increased the chance of preterm birth.

So be kind to yourself and your baby during pregnancy. Eat whole foods and stay away from empty calories. If you’ve never eaten in a healthy way before, take time to educate yourself on how to eat properly. This can be the start to a whole lifestyle change for you. Here’s to your health!

The baby’s first poops are called meconium. Meconium is black and tar-like and very hard to wipe off of a baby’s bottom. Since newborn babies are extra sensitive to temperature, he will probably cry and wail when you do those first few diaper changes because the air is too cold and the wipes are even colder. To make the process quicker and easier, use a little oil.

Coat baby's bottom with any gentle oil of your choice (almond, apricot kernel, olive, coconut, etc.). The next time baby poops, the meconium will slick right off! No need to scrub and scrub to get that tar-like poop off your baby’s bottom…it will be as easy as pie to wipe right off!

If you have a large network of family and friends in town, great! Try enlisting them for help. See if you can arrange for someone to come by for two hours each day (especially during that first week) to take care of the laundry and do some  light cleaning. If you and your partner are lonesome doves without any family nearby, consider hiring a postpartum doula. This is a worthwhile investment into sanity.

During the last months of pregnancy, try to plan ahead by making and freezing nutritious meals. Stock up on healthy snacks that will be easy to grab out of the pantry or fridge. I knew of a gal who baked a ton of healthy muffins to freeze (she made sure there were dark chocolate chips inside each one to satisfy her sweet craving).

Try to budget so that you and the daddy can be home with the baby for as long as possible. My husband had a measly three days of work leave when our first daughter was born. This is obviously not adequate. If possible, make sure dad has at least two weeks to stay home, and if he can stretch it to four, that will be even better! Becoming parents is a major life shift, so the more time off you give yourself, the better! I know most women have twelve weeks of maternity leave, but this often is not enough--both emotionally and physically. You will likely not be ready to go back to work yet, so try to think outside the box and come up with a plan that allows you more time with your baby.

Create a nice nest, probably in your bedroom, where you and your baby can lay down, get the hang of breastfeeding and just be. Make sure necessities are within arm's reach (diapers, wipes, blankets, clothes) and try to picture yourself not leaving your nest for that first week of baby's life. This will help you and baby to bond and get to know each other, it will give your body the rest it needs and it will help breastfeeding to become established (make sure you feed on demand, especially during those first few months, so your milk supply can become established).

Of course every birth situation has its own uniqueness, and if you decide to schedule a second cesarean, that is fine, but you don't have to. Just because you have a cesarean for one birth, does not necessarily mean you have to have one for your next birth. Many women have had VBACs, and if you desire one, then I suggest interviewing care providers in your area until you find one that is supportive of VBACs and who believes in your body's ability to birth vaginally. 

A cesarean is a very common surgery these days, but research does suggest that repeat cesareans come with increased sets of risks and potential problems. It may be a good idea to do some research, talk to some women who have had a VBAC and then talk to a doctor or midwife experienced in VBAC. 

“It feels like your body is turning inside out!”

“Well, you just gotta get an epidural because the pain is so bad. But, man, that epidural needle is HUGE!”

“It’s the worst pain you will ever experience, but then the baby is born and it is all worth it.”

“You feel like you are going to die.”

See why I was scared?

Now that I have given birth two times, I can say that my experiences were quite different—vastly different, actually. I loved giving birth and feel that it can be an empowering experience for a woman. So what does it feel like?

First of all, every body experiences labor in its own unique way. There is a big mind/body connection in labor, so our minds can actually make the experience more or less comfortable, depending on how safe we feel. This is why it is so important to become educated about the process so that you aren't fearful, because fear causes tension that causes pain that causes fear that causes tension...and so on.

The way I describe contractions is with the word intense. Labor is very, very intense. When you stop to think about what is happening, you may get a better idea of what it might feel like: your uterus, which is a very strong muscle that has grown from the size of a pear to the size of a watermelon, is contracting and trying to open your cervix, move your baby down and then push your baby out. Contractions tend to build in intensity and then release. The wonderful thing about natural childbirth (meaning a drug-less birth) is that there will be rest times between each contraction. Contractions get longer, stronger and closer together as labor advances. At the start, you may have 20 minutes of rest between very mild contractions. When you are far into the process, your contractions may be 4 minutes apart. Since we time contractions from the start of one to the start of the next, if your contraction lasted for 60 seconds (a very average duration), you would have 3 minutes of rest time if they are 4 minutes apart (for more on timing contractions, go here). Note: When drugs are introduced into the process, labor will be affected. Pitocin, for example, makes contractions closer together and a lot more intense, making it difficult to handle the pain.

So remember, this is your birth and you can decline or say no to anything. If you don't want to have vaginal exams, fine. If you would like to wait a few more days (or weeks) to be induced because it doesn't seem medically necessary to have an immediate induction, fine. If you want to decline having an IV and would rather drink faithfully from your water bottle during contractions, fine. You may have to sign a form stating you understand the risks and it may be trickier going against the flow depending on where you live, but it is your birth and your right to say yes or no to any intervention.

#2 Snacks for mom and real food for dad. Once you head to your birth place, you should be in active labor. Don't go in too soon...if you are still smiling for the camera, then it is too soon. Active labor demands all of our focus, so if it isn't demanding all of your focus, then it probably isn't time to go to the birth place (for more information on this topic, read The 4-1-1 Rule). If a women is in active labor, she probably won't be too hungry, but she may need some snacks to boost her energy, especially if labor is long. A honey stick provides quick energy and it usually isn't difficult for a mother to consume. Fresh fruit, such as grapes or  watermelon, are also good choices. Think about the kinds of mild foods you eat when you are sick...those are typically good choices during labor. Dad, however, is another story. He is going to need real food to keep his energy up, so pack him a hearty sandwich.

#3 A tennis ball. Counter pressure low on mom's back can be very relieving during labor. Sometimes women want their partners to push low on their back for hours! A way to make this more doable, is for the partner to push a tennis ball into the mom's lower back (you can even try this during pregnancy...it will feel good then, too!). Note: massage is probably too stimulating for labor, but steady counter pressure can be heavenly!

#4 Gum or mints. Undisturbed birth is the best kind of birth because it allows the laboring mom's hormones to flow, which help her handle the intense sensations. You wouldn't want to pull mom out of "labor land" with unpleasant breath. Make sure all birth helpers have access to breath fresheners of some kind! (Read more about birth hormones here.)

#5 Chocolate. There's no better way to say "thank you" to the nurses, midwives, doctors, doulas, etc. then with chocolate. After your baby is born, you can have a little bag of chocolates to pass around as a way to celebrate your baby and thank them for their wonderful help! (I was at a birth once where the mom did this...you should have seen the nurses faces light up when she asked them if they liked milk chocolate or dark chocolate better and then gave them their treat.)

#6. Towels for your vehicle. Birth is messy, so make sure you have towels to put under mom during her car ride to the hospital or birth center. Her bag of waters might release, or if it already has, it can continue to leak.

#7 A couple pairs of comfy socks for mom. Women tend to be hot during labor, but their feet tend to be cold. Also, if you are having your baby in the hospital, you may not want to walk around barefooted. Get a pair of comfy socks, the kind that have grippers on the bottom of them so there is no risk of slipping and falling. It is best to pack a couple of pairs, because like I said, birth is messy.

Of course you will also want to pack items for baby and make sure the car seat is properly installed in your vehicle; I recommend taking it down to the fire department to have them make sure everything is in right...their is a high percentage of people who install them incorrectly! You will also want to bring your toiletries and a change of clothes for mom and dad (again, birth is messy...make sure dad wears his grubby tennis shoes for the birth, just in case).

Colostrum is the first milk a baby receives from its mother--it's thick, usually slightly yellow-tinged and comes out in very small amounts because a newborn's tummy is so tiny, especially during its first few days of life. Colostrum is chock full of good, healthy nutritious "stuff" for your baby; that is why many people refer to it as "Nature's vaccine." One nutrient found in abundance in  colostrum is vitamin K. So if you are planning to breastfeed your baby, the vitamin K injection might not be necessary.

A bummer about this routine newborn procedure is that it is an injection. Some parents feel it is best to avoid this kind of unpleasant stimulation for their baby, but if you do feel better giving your baby some extra vitamin K, you can request an oral dose. The oral dose allows the vitamin K to be processed through the baby's gut, which is a far more natural way than intramuscularly with an injection (but check with the hospital fist, since some don't stock oral vitamin K).

"I'm just pregnant...we can move to another city and find a new house to live in."

"I"m just pregnant...I can keep up with everything like always."

But you know what...you aren't just pregnant. You are becoming a mother and your life is changing in a very paramount way. When I found out we were going to have a baby, I could picture myself on a raft being drug by the waterfall's current where I would eventually plummet over the edge. Who knew if I would make it out unscathed? But I did know one thing: There was no way to keep myself from going over the waterfall--giving birth was my inevitable fate because there wasn't any other way for my baby to be born! I knew I was embarking on a life-changing journey.

So, pregnant days aren't just ordinary days. I have come to believe they are sacred. They are worth setting aside time each day to relax and reflect on the changes happening in your life. Even with a busy schedule, you can take 10 minutes a day to be thoughtful and to direct your attention inwards--to feel your baby moving inside and to think about what it means to be a mom. What are your hopes and dreams as a mother? Who was a great mother figure in your life? Do you have any fears about the birth? Be sure to read some positive birth stories and attend a great childbirth preparation class (meeting with real people is far better than simply learning on your own via the internet). 

So if someone treats you special, as that one man did me, accept the kindness knowing that you deserve some extra attention, help, love and support. Becoming a mom is a pretty holy event. I've done it twice now and each pregnancy and birth has changed me in ways no other experience ever could.

Swimming not only feels great, but it is great for you. Being submerged in water helps your blood pressure stay low. Plus, water gives your body relief as it takes all of the extra weight you've been carrying around for months and carries it for you.