Mar 2, 2025
42 weeks and 4 days, and we have BABY!
Unmedicated VBAC, 2 days of labor, 9lbs 8oz
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE I AM!!!!!
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42 weeks and 4 days, and we have BABY!
Unmedicated VBAC, 2 days of labor, 9lbs 8oz
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE I AM!!!!!
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After my csection, I felt incredibly disconnected from my baby. I couldn't hold her for a while afterward, which only added to the disconnected feeling. It took me weeks to start developing a real bond with my baby. I didn't understand. I had loved this baby so much while I was pregnant with her and was so excited to meet her. But once she was here, she was alien to me. She looked just like me, everyone said. I could see the resemblance, too. But that didn't make it easier to connect with her. I felt like a horrible father. I felt guilt and shame that I carried with me even after I did bond with her.
When my second baby was born, the doctors put him directly on my stomach. After my wife cut the cord, they took him to the warmer to examine him and do all the newborn things. Then they brought him back to me and put him on my chest for the golden hour. During this time, as I understand it, the birthing parent and baby are supposed to bond. My body is supposed to help regulate his body. I've heard from people that this is when they fell in love with their babies. I didn't feel that. I felt tired and distant. I kept trying to give him to my wife to hold. I used the excuse that I held him for 9 months it should be my wife's turn. But the nurse encouraged me to keep him because it was important for his transition into the world. I held him for that hour and then gave him to my wife. After passing him along, I pretty quickly fell asleep. When the nurse woke me up to take me to my postpartum room, I felt a little more like myself and a little more connected to the baby. But nowhere near what I had heard people say about their connection to their baby.
Later, I tried to feel this out with my wife. I didn't really understand why I couldn't instantly connect with my babies. My wife pointed out something to me that I hadn't even considered: when I get overstimulated, my instinct is to retreat into myself, to put up a barrier between myself and the world. Both births were very overstimulating for me but in different ways. I needed time to work through the overstimulated feelings before I could reconnect with myself, let alone connect with this new person in my life. Once I was able to do that, I could bond with my kids. Unfortunately, with my first, working through my overstimulation took longer because the csection recovery kept me from fully reconnecting with myself for a while and I kept contributing to it by beating myself up over it.
Realizing this, it made so many things click into place and changed my perspective on my connection to my first baby. She is very clearly undamaged by my inability to bond with her. And my second has the benefit of a dad who now knows he's not a horrible father for being disconnected. I'm just a dad who needed time to regroup before I could be fully present. So instead of beating myself up and keeping my baby at a distance, I just let myself feel through it. While I am not generally good at feeling my feelings, I'm going to try to build on this realization and let myself feel more and let myself work through my feelings instead of trying to squash them. I think I'll be a better dad for it.
Going for a vbac with my second this time around (had a c section at 37 weeks with my first due to pre-e, breech baby, failed ECV) and people look at me crazy when I tell them I do not want an epidural. Even if I have to get induced for pre-e again, I only plan on using IV pain meds and/or gas. The spinal/ epidural is the only thing I have birth trauma over with my daughter. I can’t get into it how bad it was, but it was bad enough that I’ll take back labor over getting it again.
*and yes, my maternal fetal medicine doctors encouraged me to vbac, before anyone without a medical degree tries to tell me I can’t :)
I've been walking with the little one as much as we can fit into the schedule. She loves the park. One of the big recommendations for best possible preconception with VBAC aspirations is to walk between 1 and 3 miles per day. I'm not sure if I've reached that yet, but I'm making strides (ba dum tss 🥁 😅). I've been more intentional about incorporating some scar tissue massage into my daily routine as well. I am also going to start making raspberry leaf tea daily, and am looking into some skin serum options and a liquid collagen supplement. Let's see what I can really do when I make daily, intentional choices for my health.
Picked up antibiotics ✅
Snagged a bump pic ✅
Almost fainted in a target ✅
Guess it’s time for some bed rest ✌️
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Finally got in to see the OBGYN. And we had some good news, some concerning news, and some confusing news. Let’s start with the confusing:
I normally have very low blood pressure and poor circulation. I often let the lab tech/nurse who is doing my vitals know that while it is normally low, my anxiety in and around doctors make it spike to look “normal”. Apparently today it was still low so I either wasn’t freaking out as much as normal (kind of unlikely) or my BP is through the floor rn.
The concerning news: We don’t know yet what is causing the ligament pain. We have another ultrasound booked for tomorrow afternoon to make sure it isn’t a kidney stone or an ovarian cyst or my appendix**. Sadly, either it’s something they’re looking for, or more tests to find out what’s causing the pain. Worst case being an MRI to check that there isn’t tearing or minor rupture.
**already had my appendix removed due to constant cysts and needing to rule out appendicitis. We had the option to get imaging done and or an exploratory so we just went with the exploratory and appendectomy.
The good news: Ligament investigation ongoing and aside, we should be able to try for a VBAC! There are many risk factors to take into account that may change this plan, but as it currently stands we should be able to attempt a natural birth for our newest addition. This both terrifies me and excites me. While I’ve come to accept the importance and need for our past belly-birth, the potentially shorter recovery time and less likely chance of infection has me very excited. However the unknown factor of what to really expect with my body, the pressure to progress at least a cm an hour for dilation, and the chance of rupture and emergency intervention makes me very nervous. I pray to the goddesses and spirits that we are blessed with a healthy opportunity to succeed. Currently the chance rests at about 60% success.
Everyone on our team is aware that I am willing to go for the cesarean if it’s deemed necessary or safer for baby and myself, should complications arise. Our last go was just so traumatizing though, that I’m just extremely nervous to jump into that boat again without just cause.
Everyday you grow bigger and stronger, and everyday I become more impatient to see your beautiful face. I love you little baby, and your family is thrilled to be meeting you soon. ❤️ Your big brother asks me everyday if you’re well, and gives you lots of hugs and kisses. Your Daddy loves to feel you move and respond to his handsome voice. Your Aunties, Uncles, and Sibrents are so stoked to get you presents and toys and playdates. You are so loved already. Mommy is going to do what she can to keep you healthy, happy, and safe; I promise 💘
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I suggest rather than calling women stupid or debating the validity of the decision to have a home VBAC, we should consider why women make this decision.
Women choose out-of-hospital birth due to disrespectful and abusive care, including obstetric violence and forced/coerced cesareans, delivered by hospitals. Parents also choose out-of-hospital VBAC due to VBAC bans and restrictive VBAC policies (i.e., repeat CS scheduled at 39 weeks, labor can only last 12 hours, baby must weigh less than _____, no induction/ augmentation, etc.)...
...And this isn’t a comprehensive list of why women choose home VBAC, but it’s the ones that many nurses, providers, and administrators have control over...
...We shouldn’t be asking why women are so stupid and reckless. We should be asking: “What can we do to make women feel safe coming to our hospital to give birth?” And: “How can we increase access to VBAC in all hospital settings?”
Why is trying for a VBAC great? You're shaming women who get multiple c-sections. C-sections save lives and it doesn't make women lesser mothers.
Oh my God. I’m not shaming anyone. Nothing that I said can be construed as suggesting that C–Section moms are “lesser mothers.” Please get a grip.
Trying for a VBAC is great for most women. Vaginal birth means no surgery, a shorter hospital stay, and an easier recovery. Also, repeat C–Sections can put the mother at risk of certain complications in future pregnancies, including placenta accreta. Obviously, a VBAC isn’t possible for all. I never said it was.
I think it’s great that, after a C–Section and stillbirth, Joy seems to be planning a hospital birth. I think it’s great that she is taking steps towards a safe delivery. I hope the VBAC will go well for her! If it doesn’t, I’m glad that she will be in a place where she can quickly and safely get another C–Section or other treatment for her or the baby.