motherfucker

the fuck??? no, i didn’t know.. i stayed home and all i’ve been hearing is some fucked up shit went down, but no one has told me specifics

I think him and I had our time together, but we’ve both moved on.

Eli’s gaze kept shifting from the brunette’s delicate face, to his beat up dirty combat books that were planting firmly into the pavement. He wanted more than anything to just hug her tight and let her know that everything was going to be okay. Though, a small part of him was holding him back the hurt being to much to bare at the moment. “I know..” He whispered softly, before her next words started to make him angry. “Easier for me? Easier is finding out from some gossip site? And is that really what you think? That you were just a hook up for me? That may be what it was for you, but don’t you dare put words in my mouth. That morning when I woke up, I was going to ask you to give me a shot…” His eyes started to feel heavy, watering. “You’re decision is what I’m worried about. It’s you, Bianca. You just shut me out. Because that’s easy for you. Shut people out and you won’t get hurt. Guess I’m the real fool, huh?” He scoffed. “I would’ve been there had I known. Through all of it. JUst so you knew that you weren’t alone. Well, looks like not telling me got you that. So, I hope you’re satisfied.”

Bianca’s eyebrows knit together as she looked at him fiercely, “You think I told that stupid gossip book? Cause I didn’t. I didn’t want anyone to know..” She took a moment, shifting on her feet uncomfortably, finding it hard to share what she was feeling, but she almost felt like she owed it to him, “You weren’t just a hook up for me, okay? You weren’t, I just... I didn’t want to.... Dammit, I-I didn’t want..” She shook her head, stamping her foot a little as she struggled to get her words out, “I wanted to protect you. From me. From getting hurt. I wanted it to be just a hook up for you, So that you could walk away and be fine.” Her jaw clenched as she looked at him, feeling tears starting to well up and trying to fight them off, “You’re not a fool.” She whispered, her gaze shifting towards the sky in an attempt to hold back her tears, but his words cut her life a knife and she felt a tear slide down her cheek, “I didn’t want you to feel obligated to be there for me.. I didn’t... I expected you to be mad, to yell and-and throw shit. I didn’t think you’d care about me. No guy ever cares about me.” Swallowing thickly, she finally brought her gaze back to look at him, “No, I’m not satisfied. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. I did all of this alone so you wouldn’t get hurt, so you wouldn’t have to carry this burden with me. I’m really sorry, Eli. It’s probably better that you hate me, I’m no good for you. Clearly.”

Eli looked back at the female, trying his best to stay calm. The news hit hard, and he was still trying to wrap his head around eveything that had been going on recently. He nodded before standing. “Sure..” He spoke straight forward as they exited the library, letting out a deep breath as the brunette spoke. “Look, before I say anything else I want to make it clear that no matter what, I respect your decision. It’s your choice and I don’t have a right to dictate what you do with it, Now, it would’ve been nice to have actually know, Bianca. I would’ve been there for you. But, instead you keep it a secret? You shut me out and completely ghost me And then you just waltz on in like nothing happened?” His voice starting to crack as he got upset.

Bianca’s eyes met with his, a bit of surprise showing on her features as her eyebrows rose. She wasn’t really expecting any amount of kindness from him, so she couldn’t help but be taken aback by his words. Her lips parted, but she struggled to find the right words. Needing to look away from him, her gaze shifted to the side before she spoke, “I wasn’t trying to.. waltz right in.. I just, I’m trying to.. feel normal again.” She shrugged, her arms crossed tightly across her chest still, “I.. I thought it would be easier, for you, if I just dealt with it myself. I mean, I was just a hook up for you, you didn't sign up for anything more than that.” Her eyebrows knit together as she felt a lump forming in her throat, “I’m sorry, Eli. Really. I know... I know you deserved to know, but.... I was scared. Scared that you’d wanna keep it and that I’d agree, cause I.. didn’t want to do what I did, but... I knew it was what was best. I didn’t make the decision lightly, believe me.” She finally brought her eyes back to meet his, “I thought you’d be mad and hate me, And anyway, I always deal with things on my own. It’s better that way.”

“Whoever is behind this stupid burnbook is going to pay. They’ve crossed the line too many times” she spoke angrily before taking a deep breath to calm herself down. “Okay…but, that will be dealt with later” she began, mulling over how to approach this. she couldn’t even imagine what Bianca was going through right now but, she wanted to be there for her friend. “Are you okay? Do you need me to do anything?”

Bianca nodded in agreement, though it was hard to look away from her phone, from the post that was made about her. She lifted her head so she could meet Fiona’s eyes, giving her a sad smile, “No. There’s nothing anyone can do. It’s out there now.. Everyone knows what a truly shitty person I am..”

Everyone’s out for themselves, so whatever. Hope it was worth it for them.

“Are you… are you okay?”

“No. I’m pissed. How someone could just tell everyone something so fucking personal.... I went through something traumatic and now the whole school knows. Great.”

“They can, can’t they? Even people that you thought you can trust.” He answered back, his nose buried in the textbook that lay in front of him before finally looking up. “I think you and I need to talk.”

Bianca realized she spoke out loud and looked up from her phone, her heart suddenly beating fast, “Eli...” She pressed her lips together in a thin line, feeling nauseous and like maybe she should just run, but she knew she had to face this, “Okay, we can talk. Outside?” Her voice was quiet. She stood and crossed her arms over her chest as she led him outside before turning to him, her eyes cast downward, “So, you wanna get all your yelling out now?”

Eli closed his book once he had the girl’s attention. It was hard not to focus on her. Especially after the night that that they had shared together. Though, the fact that she never spoke to him afterwards replays in his mind whenever he thinks of her. “It’s okay. I don’t bruise easily.” He joked lightly. “Maybe I like to live my life a little bit on the edge.”

A smile spread easily across her face, naturally teasing him back, “Oh, so is that your way of saying you like things a little rough?” She smirked, her eyes slightly narrowing as she questioned him playfully. It was almost too easy for her to flirt with him, almost too easy for her to forget. Her head nodded, “Well, that kind of lifestyle certainly fits with your aesthetic, though I’d still be careful. Accidentally running into someone is one thing, but you’re gonna accidentally run into a bench or pole and that’ll be very embarrassing. Though I do hope someone manages to record that moment for me to laugh at.”

I don’t believe you, but I’m not gonna push… Wanna go get blackout and get slushies? Rant about how stupid boys are and how dumb this town is?

It’s been a shitty few months, but that’s as much as I feel like saying. Oh my god yes and yes. Wow, didn’t know how badly I wanted a slushie until you said that. I’m definitely gonna mix flavors, too. When I’m drunk, I mix ALL the flavors.