yikes

you ever just like “wow that’s my voice? people listen to this clown on a daily basis?”

i don’t …like… “Know”

If you had five billion you could hop from job to job, calling entitled customers idiots all across your city, putting the fear of You into every shithead in town until people become afraid to be rude to servers and cashiers, lest you emerge from the back room like some kind of manners-enforcing specter

when people say my name im like.   cant believe i exist

What’s funny is that this actually happened. 

I’m unfamiliar with this story please elaborate

Finnish soldier gets separated from the rest of his unit but he’s the only one carrying the emergency amphetamines for the unit, takes too many and goes on a one man rampage for like 2 weeks straight giving the opposing Soviet soldiers nightmares for decades. Oh and he did it all on skis. 

Did he survive?

Yes, during his methed up 2-3 week rampage he got injured by a land mine, travelled 400km on skis, and only ate pine buds and a Siberian Jay that he caught which he ate raw. When he made it back to Finnish lines he was taken to a hospital where it was found his heart rate was nearly 200 beats per minute and his weight had dropped to 43kg (94.7lbs).

Those are the eyes of a man who has seen god and laughed

I miss sleeping next to someone

fucking idiot doesn’t even know the clone jutsu lol

I hate how fucking funny this is

she took the strap in the divorce

where’s my ghibli moment?? Not the cute one, I mean the one where a wild girl tries to stab me in the neck and I dramatically mumble from the dirt ‘you’re beautiful’ up at her

I’m waiting for the moment I get infected by a demon boar and go on a quest to save forest gods from the industrial revolution

Sasuke just texted me

If you brought me to an arcade as a kid and this mother fucker was there that was it. It was mine for the rest of the night. Back off.