The Barbed Wire Satire

Biden Insists He’s ‘Focused Like A Loser’ On Inflation, All Other Problems

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden is always on top of things – he thinks. No matter which problem he created that happens to be the biggest news story of the moment, that’s his biggest priority. Gas prices were his biggest priority. Then baby formula. Now, gun control. “My administration is all about helping the average American family,” Biden told reporters today. “In my 50 years of living in the Swamp,…

Monkeypox Warning: Angry Biden Puts A Pox On Monkeys Everywhere

WASHINGTON – An angry President Biden put primates of all kinds on notice yesterday. As news outlets try to stoke monkeypox fears for the general population, Biden told monkeys everywhere to keep their diseases to themselves. “Let me be perfectly clear. I’m up to my neck in crises at the moment. I don’t have the energy to deal with planet of the apes right now! Come on! My administration is busy…

Biden Going After Baby Formula Fat Cats, Toddlers Who’ve Cornered Formula Black Market

WASHINGTON – President Biden held a baby formula summit today to address the worsening shortage gripping America. Joe met with CEO’s of “Big Formula” behind closed doors, locking out the press. A statement was released afterwards that shed light on the meeting. President Biden placed blame for the shortage of baby formula on industry ‘fat cats,’ complaining they were concerned with profits over…

Biden Administration Secretly Working On Car That Runs On Blame

WASHINGTON – President Biden today announced that his administration is working feverishly on a new vehicle that will run on “blame.” Blame is something that is always in abundant supply in Joe’s White House. And despite his miserable poll numbers in every area, Americans give Biden a 96% approval rating on his ability to always blame someone else. There are many problems in the country right…

Left Hates SCOTUS Erasing Roe V. Wade Mistake, Kind Of Like An Abortion?

WASHINGTON – Someday soon, the landmark abortion case from 1973, Roe v. Wade, may be aborted by the Supreme Court. And Democrats are losing their minds. But isn’t the SCOTUS correcting a mistake the same thing progressives view an abortion as being – correcting a mistake? The gnashing of teeth and tribal screams have begun. They mad. Maybe Obama told them if they like their Roe v. Wade, they can…

Biden Appoints Mental Patient To Head New Thought Police Agency

WASHINGTON – Through the Department of Homeland Insecurity, President Biden is trying to start a new agency to censor Americans. The Disinformation Governance Board is the fancy name thought up by bureaucrats to disguise the suppressive effort. Disinformation is defined as “anything that conflicts with a narrative or view supported by a Democrat.” As the ‘Thought Police,’ the agency will…

Biden Misfires, Says There’s Nothing Scarier Than A Ghost With A Gun

WASHINGTON – President Biden announced yesterday his intention to crack down on “ghost guns.” Because, in his view, “There’s nothing scarier than a ghost with a gun, I’m being serious here. This is not hyperbole. You don’t want to mess around with those things.” Biden, who claims he’s been slimed by 3 separate ghosts, explained the problem with ghost guns is that they’re invisible. “Just like…

AMERICA – Activists in the gay community have finally adopted a streamlined, easier-to-say tagline. The new moniker is more user friendly than the traditional LGBTQIA+ the movement has used recently. “I know it takes a little longer to say every time one refers to someone in the community, but the old one was hard for the average person to remember the order,” said one activist. “And LGBTQ looks…

WH Giving Mops, Buckets To Psaki, Others For Cleaning Up After Biden Speeches

WASHINGTON – Every time President Biden makes a speech, there’s a ‘clean up on aisle 46’ needed. Joe says whatever Joe says and then his communications team has to come out and clean up his mess. Jen Psaki is basically his janitor at this point. Biden’s latest mess is calling for regime change in Russia. Speaking about Putin, the president said “For God’s sake, this man cannot remain in power.”…

Kamala Explains Passage Of Time, But Asks ‘What If Time Stopped Passage-ing?’

LOUISIANA – Veep Kamala Harris is known as the Aristotle of the Democrat Party by Washington insiders. Everywhere she goes, she shares her knowledge and wisdom with those lucky enough to witness her presence. This week, Harris opined on the significance of the passage of time. “The significance of the passage of time, right? Most of us think ti-i-i-ime is on my side. But does anybody really know…

Disney Flying Freak Flag Over Magic Kingdom, Plans To ‘Gay Up’ Content

MAGIC KINGDOM – Woke Disney has promised to create new content for kids that is LGBTD+ friendly. The D stands for Disney. The move is apparently trying to capture that coveted “3-16 year old, sexually confused” demographic. The media company plans to shove the gay/trans lifestyle down consumer’s throats through new content, as well as ‘gaying up’ old fan favorites. Disney’s new CEO said, “We’ll…

Biden Angered By Continued Russian Hostilities, Thought Last Week Was Spring Break

ON A DELAWARE BEACH – President Biden was visibly angry after hearing Russia was continuing to bombard Ukraine while he vacationed. “Come on, man! It’s Spring Break! Putin knows that. Don’t they have Spring Break in Russia? Go to the beach, Vlad. Chill, baby!” “I came here to unwind and thought Putin would pause hostilities for Spring Break,” Joe told reporters. “I guess he’s taking this whole…

WH Prefers Term ‘Natural Gas-Lighting’ Because It Makes Lying To Americans Sound Cleaner

WASHINGTON – Democrats are worrying that more Americans may be getting wise to their constant gaslighting efforts. President Biden and others have been gaslighting Americans on record inflation, record gas prices, etc. on a daily basis. ‘Gaslighting’ refers to telling citizens that the reality they are experiencing is not really reality. ‘Natural gas-lighting’ is a made up word that more…

Fossil Fool: Kamala Urges Americans To Transition To Space Cars ‘Like In The Jetsons’

WASHINGTON – Democrats in the Biden administration are confused over why Americans are upset about skyrocketing gas prices. There is an easy fix according to the brain trusts of the party. Just get yourself a space car! Before she leaves to screw up the Russia/Ukraine conflict even more in Poland this week, VP Kamala Harris shared her thoughts on our current energy mess. “People, look, just get…

Close One! Joy Behar’s Brain Breaks Her Fall On Set Of The View

MANHATTAN – TV host Joy Behar is one lucky lady! Today, on the set of The View, the redhead forgot how to sit in a chair. The hateful host tumbled onto the hard studio floor as all the hosts were taking their seats. Fortunately for Behar, her brain broke the fall since she landed on her a$$. Other hosts rushed to help the embarrassed Joy to her feet. She clearly had had her bell rung by the…

SOTU Biden: We’ll Have To Go Back To Masking If Putin Launches Nukes

WASHINGTON – Miraculously, masks are no longer needed at President Biden’s State of the Union speech. Dr. Anthony Fauci says Biden’s words and intentions have defeated the coronavirus. However, the world has a new virus to be worried about – Vladimir Putin. The Russian virus has been alluding to using nukes against those who defend Ukraine, as he tries to takeover that country. President Biden…

SOTU: World Waits To See If Biden Can Say ‘State Of US Is Strong’ Without Laughing

WASHINGTON – Vegas bettors are saying odds are against whether President Joe Biden can actually say “The state of our union is strong” at the end of his State of the Union speech this week, without laughing. Previous presidents have used the tagline, but Biden’s presidency has been a trainwreck. The president is a known liar, but even many Democrats doubt he can pull it off without laughing. “I…