*uses an em dash and a colon in the same sentence* we're done when i say we're done.
$LAYYYTER
almost home
Stranger Things
🪼

Andulka
ojovivo
The Stonewall Inn
YOU ARE THE REASON

★

ellievsbear
d e v o n
Claire Keane
Sade Olutola

Love Begins
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

Kiana Khansmith

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@theautumnbookworm
*uses an em dash and a colon in the same sentence* we're done when i say we're done.

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My 11-month male cat lets my foster kittens nurse on him.
(Source)
im sorry these are the funniest tags ive ever seen
A headcanon that no one can convince me otherwise is that Simon is a boundary king. You establish/mention something and he never challenges it or treats it as something that you have to “get over” for the sake of ~personal growth~. You’d never have to explain or excuse yourself to him. And not only is this man the Boundary Respecter, he’s the number one Boundary Protector.
He may be the most outwardly emotionally constipated person you’ll meet, but you know he loves you when he’ll straight up go to war to make sure your autonomy is honored. (Because who’s going to argue with the 6’4, skull-masked weapon of a man when he tells someone to knock it off and leave you alone?)
sickens me to my stomach. how dare this guy get to live my dream.
Some clarifications and an update
This person has more emotional intelligence and healthier skills in navigating relationships than most people

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SUCKER
Teasing Steve with a lollipop during a slow shift at Family Video...
“How does this place even stay open?” Steve mutters. He’s standing behind the counter with you, squinting out into the mid-day sun. “Zero customers in…what’s it been? Three hours?”
It’s one of those afternoon shifts at Family Video.
The ones where every time you glance at the clock on the wall, it’s only been two minutes since the last time you checked, so you spend the whole time in agony trying not to look at it.
It could also have something to do with the fact that you're trying not to notice how attractive your coworker looks in that green vest.
“I don’t even know," you reply, picking up a nearby cloth and dragging it across the counter in an attempt to keep your hands busy. "The passage of time down slows here. Like, a black hole."
There’s literally nothing left to do. All the returns have been shelved, the store is tidy and organized, but actually, you haven't cleaned under the register...
You’re shoving at the hunk of metal, attempting to push your rag underneath it when something catches your eye.
There, at the edge of the counter, sits the complimentary candy jar.
𓂃 ࣪ ࣪⋆✩˚ ༘ [leon kennedy]: facts, facts, unfact facts?
— in which! you could name a few facts about leon on the tippy top of your head, but, well, maaaaaaaybe there were some exceptions.
wordcount! 4.7k (what)
warning! hey so i lied, MDNI, explicit smut (first time writing c'mon give me a chance), cliché, idiots in love, childhood best friends trope, absolute teeth-rotting stuff, very and i mean very LIGHT ANGST like i swear it's just a dabble, LEON IS AN EATER (oral, f-receiving), fingering, p in v, dirty talk, heavy make-out sesh, light praise kink, light degradation kink, light condescending praise, size kink if you squint, sumn sumn leon being leon, snowballing if you squint, possessive f! reader, cockdrunk f!reader, dom! leon, pussydrunk! leon, leon whimpering, one mention of bleeding (not while fucking), bro i swear this was NOT supposed to be a smut i was js thinking w my phantom 13-inch dick okay? OKAY!
loosely inspired by: please by bts (and my thirteen-inch phantom dick)
LEON S. KENNEDY IS A MAN OF FEW WORDS. He likes to keep things simple. Minimal. Straight to the point. That’s just the kind of man he is. He likes his coffee black and his pastries with less sugar.
“Great day, welcome to Annie’s Café. What can I get you?” It was early, and the employee’s tone sounded fake—which, honestly, okay, valid—it’s the crack ass of dawn and the birds still haven’t sung to their heart’s content. No shit the employee sounded ready to clock out, even if they just arrived. Drive-thrus included.
“I’d like two iced Spanish lattes in large with a box of macarons, please,” Leon replied, politely, as if nothing could rain on his parade. He’d been feeling quite peckish, as of late, and he thinks it’s because he’s been hanging out with you too much after each grueling mission.
Now who was he fooling? Himself, obviously. Mission or not, he’s still banging on your door. Too much, unfortunately, to the point that you—begrudgingly—shoved him your spare key the next day so you could actually experience shitting in peace again, and he could just waltz in as he pleases.
“Okay, anything else?” The tired voice of the server blaring from the speaker wrenched him out of his reverie. He shook his head once, twice, then, as if remembering something, he answered, “Make that three boxes. And add that Mango Rose Tart Special, thanks.”
“Okay, please proceed to the next window to claim and have a nice day ahead. Hope to see you next time at Annie’s!” The voice from the speaker sounded tired—dripping with faux cheeriness, but nonetheless, moving to serve his ridiculous order of freshly baked boxes of macarons and a tart, with cold-brewed lattes.
Nodding to himself, mentally patting his back as a job well done, he drove towards the next window, picking up his (rather bulky) order with a dashing half-smile that made the servers thank the gods that pretty people with huge biceps exist. If that was their reward for baking at 3:00 am, they’d gladly make some more.
Hey, anon here😁!! I BEGGG FOR SOME DISGUSTING TOM RIDDLE FLUFF OR SMUT.. anyways that all thanks ily💋💋
THE ONLY EXCEPTION
PAIRING: Tom Riddle x Fem!Shy!Reader
WARNINGS: Slightly suggestive, our girl Pans is a troublemaker, Tom lowkey threatens Pansy, disgusting fluff, and yeah! 💌
SUMMARY: You get your nails done with your friends for the first time. Tom’s never been one to like things lacking purpose, but as usual, you’re the exception.
WORD COUNT: 1,207
A/N: hello anon honey!! i chose a fluffy little piece, but i have some ideas for smut in the works for next time (and maybe you can send in some more😼)! as always i hope you all enjoy, i tried out proper capitalization rather than lowercase so let me know what you think! do we like it better with or without 🤔🤔
The first thing that Tom noticed upon your arrival back to the common room was your smile. Or rather, the way it stretched ear to ear in a display that made the edges or your eyes crinkle, radiant and carefree and so different from your usual sink-into-the-shadows entrance that Tom felt himself still. The second thing he noticed was the way Parkinson and Greengrass had you pancaked tightly between them, arms curled around yours with their done-up, gaudy nails standing out against your skin.
i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

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i was training a young person at work, and she referred to sexual assault as "SA" out loud, and i immediately was like, "no, it's sexual assault, call it what it is," bc idgaf if the algorithm overlords have taught y'all that you should fear direct language, how tf do any of you expect to ever address real issues with any amount of seriousness if you can't even say the words? imagine an advocate looking a sexual assault survivor in the eyes and asking "did he grape you?" it's absolutely fucking absurd, but these young interns and new hires are coming into an environment where we deal with survivors of all different kinds of abuse, and they're coming with the mindset that the words are as bad as the actions, and that makes them shitty at the job and look juvenile af
i HATE self-censorship for a lot of reasons, but being in crisis work makes it even more frustrating. who are you censoring for? like i am being so fr, WHO are you censoring for? have you even thought it through? people who have been raped know that they have been raped. if someone attempts suicide or is grieving someone who did, saying "sewer slide" isn't going to protect them from any of the feelings. a murder victim's family isn't going to feel better bc you said "unalived" instead of murdered. if anything, it's just extremely invalidating and othering. it's saying "what happened to you is so bad that i won't even say the word," which is NOT trauma-informed care. you are not protecting survivors/victims when you self-censor. the ONLY things you protect when you self-censor are the puritanical ideologies that are being encouraged by rich fascists who want your money and obedience
say the fucking words, guys. just say the goddamn words before i go insane!!!
another freaky superman thought of mine | 18+
Clark is absolutely obsessed with your thighs. And yes, I think there would be a time when Clark would want you to try your damndest to suffocate him while he eats your pussy out as you ride his face. The pure euphoria that finds him as his arms wrap around your waist while you squeeze and grind against his head & tongue makes his heart beat rise just as much as his dick does in his briefs. You can always feel the smile gracing his lips underneath you as your body rubs back and forth; seeking out the best point and pattern of pleasure for yourself. Even still, Clark knows that you are kind. Your pussy may be on his mouth and your ass in his face, but your thighs instinctively leave an opening for him as if he needs air to breathe. As if. One of his hands slides down from your waist to your thigh as he gives it a quick smack—more loud than painful—as to bring your attention back on him. You both have had conversations about this little habit of yours. Clark has expressed his needs thoroughly: that he wants to be nothing more than your chair when he eats you out in this particular position. No thinking, no worrying, and no doubting from you that you're "too heavy" or that "you'd hurt him". All the man wants is for the love of his life to grip the ever loving life out of his face with your thighs and to taste your orgasm all over his tongue like the fucking reward it is to be the man underneath you. To be the man that you chose to be this vulnerable & comfortable with. To help bring you this great amount of pure and carnal pleasure that erupts all throughout you. Your body jolts from his smack, and you remind yourself of what he's told you before. Clark's smile returns to his face as he feels the pressure of your thighs come around his head; more permanently. His hand leaves its place on your thigh and returns back to your waist, but not without an accompanying kiss he gives to your asshole that makes a moan leave your lips. He enjoys the smothered feeling. He enjoys the act of this privilege that you've bestowed upon him. Clark is honored that you can use him as your own personal toy to bring yourself to one of the highest forms of pleasure. Fuck, the gratification of it all is so intense that it makes him cum in his briefs; hands free.
thinking about cowboy!clark kent talking you through riding him in his awfully charming southern drawl.
"yeah, there ya' go, honey," he's guiding your hips on his cock with big, warm, calloused hands heavy on your skin, his tip hitting that sweet spot inside you with each bounce.
there's an obvious bulge in your tummy from just how big he is, disappearing and reappearing with every shift of your hips.
"ohgod–" you choke out a whine, resting your sweaty forehead on his broad shoulder, letting him do most of the work by manually moving your hips. "s'big, clark" you bite down on his shoulder, his salty skin coating your tongue. that pulls a groan from him, he's rubbing the fat of your ass tenderly.
"i know, baby. i know" he's so loving, so incredibly doting that you can't help but cry out his name, wrapping your arms around his neck and clinging to him as his cock nearly splits you open.
"feels good though, don't it?" he drawls, gripping the hair on your head gently and pulling your face from the crook of his neck so he can pepper reverent kisses on your flushed, damp skin. "my pretty baby, jus' want t'make you feel good" he coos, head lolling back as your pussy flutters around him in response to his sweet words.
"fuck, clark" your face twists in pleasure, limbs turning into puddles as you feel that knot in your gut tightening impossibly. greedy hands roam his body, your fingertips running over his tanned arms and squeezing at his biceps. "m'close" you breathe out, looking down and literally moaning at the sight of the creamy white ring at the base of clark's member.
"i know it, sweet girl. can feel ya' milkin' me" he shakes his head, huffing a chuckle that shifts into a groan as you dig your manicured nails into his shoulders, leaving crescent-shaped marks in your wake. he doesn't mind when you mark him up, if anything it makes him twitch inside of you.
his balls tighten up, heavy with cum as you grind down on him a few last times before your orgasm washes over you, leaving you moaning whorishly into his skin as he fucks up into you. "aw, there ya go, s'good h-honey, love you, sweetheart" he praises you for cumming, as if he didn't just do all of the work. "claaark" you breathe out, collapsing on top of him as a post-orgasm calm washes over you.
he finishes shorty after you, as he always makes it a goal to get you to finish before him. he thrusts up into you sloppily and shoots his warm release deep inside of you, making you squirm on top of him from the strange sensation. "i know, baby, feels weird..." he groans lowly, rubbing soothing circles into the small of your back.
he lets you collapse on top of him, basically a puddle from how fucked out you are. he's pressing little kisses to your bare shoulder every so often, making sure you're as comfortable as you can be. "did so good for me, honey." he's just the sweetest cowboy. <3
© mayhemi | all rights reserved.

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a real true mutual waits until you are opening tumblr at work to reblog sexually explicit art
it would suck being a new immortal. like it’d be 2109 and people would go, “what was it like seeing ancient civilizations rise and fall like that? seeing the pyramids being built? watching the expansion and growth of the new world?” and i’d just be like, “no…no i was born in 1991. so like, wow i’m gonna see some cool stuff, but, i mean i’m not that much older than just a really, really old person, you know? phones were big back then. so big. but only for like ten years, then they got like, as good as they are now. uh. rhinos existed. don’t think i ever saw one in person. cool, good talk.”
even worse, imagine being an immortal who keeps missing stuff. “What was it like seeing the pyramids being built?” “Fuck if I know, I was in Madagascar.” “Oh, okay. Well, how was the Renaissance?” “I fell down a hole in Scotland and people thought I was an enchanted well for four hundred years, it was over by the time I convinced someone to get me out.”
And now, a lesson in biases:
We barely know anything about Madagascar pre-500CE. We don’t even know whether the island had a permanent population before then, despite finding a bunch of much older signs of temporary human presence.
Malagasy mythology makes mention of the vazimba, a “precursor” ethnic group that might or might not be distinct from Madagascar’s current population.
The point is, we do not know.
So you were in Madagascar when the pyramids were being built in Egypt, i.e. during one of the most obscure, most undocumented parts of Madagascar’s human history?
Oh, buddy, you better go and make a bunch of anthropologists and archeologists really happy RIGHT NOW instead of feeling bad about missing everyone else’s pet Major Event.
It’s been a decade since we left that comment and you have the best reply anyone’s left to it.