Things I've Never Said

I was planning on writing something before I march on the day of my graduation. Some kind of reminiscing about the memories-- good or bad-- that deserves a look back. Gawwhd these thoughts in my mind are overwhelming me that I don't even know how to start cos I know that it’ll be a novel... four years??? How can I write something that happened in four years? I have a lot but buuut...

**See how I suck in doing introductions... but anyways...**

Four years ago... I was sixteen. National University wasn’t my first choice. Actually, I only applied to one university and yes I failed that examination. After a month of pitying myself, my mother advised me to try NU since my father is an alumnus and I could get a discount. I took the examination and luckily I passed and even got a scholarship. I enrolled and officially bleed gold and blue on May 05, 2014. By then I knew I'll be truly a Nationalian by heart and soul. When the only school I hoped for neglected me, National University chose me, believed in me and welcomed me wholeheartedly. That is the start of me loving my school, and I always will.

I held a blue scholarship entitled to have a 50% discount on my tuition fee-- a great help to my family. The catch is that I have to maintain a grade not lower than 2.50 and to have a GWA of 3.00 and above. Btw we follow the grading system of La Salle, 4.00 as the highest cumulative grade you can have and 1.00 as the lowest or the passing grade. If I was able to maintain it, it could be a ticket for having a full scholarship.

First year was so fun. All the first times and flipping moments. I met my best friend, Alyssa. We have a lot of things in common that made us strong and inseparable. School works were so tough and the set of professors was so DEMANDING!. But I got to handle all of it because I have my best friend beside me.

I celebrated my 17th birthday with a new set of friends. I got a video greetings from Kuya Jjay courtesy of my lovely friends. Yay!

Got my first ever EXO album.  모든 걸 걸고 널 들이킨 나 “modeun geol geolgo neol deurikin na” I know only EXO-Ls will know.

Visited a lot of museums. This is when we were required to visit museums for our Art Appreciation class. Since we're all young, we’re not that familiar with such places and we ended up laughing at ourselves cos we don’t actually know what to do or what way to take. Gaaawwwhd those times :’(

NU Pep Rally 2k14. The time when I finally felt in my nerves that I am already part of a big family which was the NU Bulldogs. “HEY! NU LETS GO! HEY! NU LETS FIGHT!”

UAAP Season 77. :D We always try our best to watch NUM basketball practice and training after class. Lowkey watching games live was required in our PE class.

8th floor became our favorite hangout place inside the school. 

Weekends were basketball day and all those things athletic. I remember going to Araneta wearing our PE or NSTP shirts and hoping for NU faculties to notice us, tell them we want to watch and eventually give us free tickets. Yaaay!!!!! :P

First-year students were considered as the lucky charm of NU cos we won a lot of UAAP titles during season 77. Yeeeepppppp! :D

The waiting game after the match just to take pictures with kuya Paolo and kuya Jjay and all other athletes. We even met random fans as well. Those struggling fangirl moments in the parking lot, elevator even on sidewalks. WAAAAAAH!!!!

That solid feelzz when the whole NU community was genuinely supporting the NUMBT until their most awaited championship day came. I'm beyond happy that I've been with them since day one of the season 77.

Though not allowed, we still pushed just to get inside the court to take pictures with our athletes.

Geez, then I met Arjan.

We went to almost all the events and parties hosted by my school. But the most and by far the memorable among all was the NUMBT Victory Party. That is I guess the last party before first sem ended. I was just myself and I felt so free. For a long time of being that “good girl”, that night was a scapegoat. We jumped, we danced, we screamed like there’s no tomorrow. We even went home late around 1am.

“KUYA GARY PAPICTUUUUUURE!!!!!!!“ moments.

I will never ever forget that short Infinitea moments of me and Arjan that Victory party. <3

I lost my scholarship because of a 2.50 grade in Algebra. The sole reason why I have to transfer to a new block section. During those times I felt like I'm gonna be an outcast because I don't have any background about that new section and considering that they already established a good friendship since our first term. Totally no best friend to confide with. I faced my subjects alone for the first-month cos I still can't get over with the fact that I lost my scholarship and I was away with my block section. But as days passed by, I've realized that I'm missing the moon while counting the stars. My new block mates weren't that really hard to mingle with. They're like a chill but focused students. A perfect environment for an introverted me. I met Mary Ann, Andrea, and Rush-- the originals. I met new faces that I'll never forget. 

Those NSTP days wherein we will go as a block section to our assigned baranggay and we’ll do charity works. Will never forget those kiddos that smell nasty -__-  hahahahah.

Summer of 2015, I went home to Quezon to spend my vacation. This is by far the most struggling part of my entire life. I've seen how my parents work their butt off just to sustain our needs. Never thought that they really gonna do everything for the sake of us. I've seen how my mom tries to hide her tears when our electricity was cut down. She even shamelessly asked our neighbor to let us plug at least one extension so that we'll be able to get even lights. She was badmouthed by random strangers. I've seen even heard relatives using damn words against my mom. But I couldn't do anything... but hide and cry. I couldn’t do anything because I know that I’m one of the reasons why she has to do it. :’(

I regain back my scholarship when I turned 2nd year. I chose to stay with my current block section cos I just felt like I’m more focus with my academics than with my old block section. Alyssa and I remain the best of friends. We even helped each other in our subjects. I was actually an A-student-- and you already know what that means.

I’ve learned to appreciate myself more because I felt like I boost my confidence when I regain back my scholarship-- I felt so overwhelmed. Every day was something to look forward to the subjects I have and how I managed to get high grades with all of the requirements we have.

Color Rave Party!!!!! So much hype for this event :D

I’ve experienced traveling with friends and have sleepovers, night swimming and all. 

In just one month, I’ve been in two provinces courtesy of my sister.

I was involved in a pyramiding and lost money. :(

I celebrated my 18th birthday. By far the happiest birthday I’ve ever had. If I can just bring back that day, I will.

I traveled alone going home to Quezon. Pat on the shoulder dude :D

I attended YFC Quezon Youth Conference last 2016. I miss my YFC fam soooo bad :(

I joined a quiz bee being the representative of the Marketing Association in 2015′s CBA Week.

We had a one-week entrepreneurial show together with different block section.

I accompanied Alyssa for her photo shoot in QC and that was so memorable. “KUYA GARYYYY”

I made a huge gift present for Alyssa’s 18th birthday, we even traveled all the way to her hometown in Gumaca, Quezon with our college friends and professor.

Our group of friends grew bigger as we met Christel, Cess, Anna, Jazz and Marvin.

Alyssa and I had a huge, unspoken misunderstanding that left us both hanging and awkward.

We went to Pampanga to celebrate Christel’s 18 birthday. I didn’t spend any penny during that trip, it was all on Ma’am Dadz.

I had an irregular schedule of subjects so I have different sections for each subject. Don’t get me wrong, I am a regular student but then I just chose to have a different kind of schedule? Why? because why not? I met a lot of my batchmates and even got new friends.

We’ve done tons of school papers and all other requirements and presentations.

Overnights because of just nothing and school-related kinds of stuff.

I started getting acne that really declined my confidence.

I lost friends.

I’ve learned a lot of life lessons. Here’s a link to my 20th Birthday entry.

Grew up a little more. 

Realized I wasn’t really good enough as I thought of myself.

I celebrated my 19th Birthday with my main squad. Its a salubong birthday celeb actually.. :D

The mandatory birthday celebration of Christel cos I wasn’t able to be at her exact birthday :D

WE SURVIVED OUR FEASIBILITY STUDY and all other major subjects.

I had my OJT at PLDT-Espana where I met friends that are actually worth keeping.

I attended Christmas party during my stay in PLDT. ONE.OF.THE.BEST!!!!!!

I had my whole night “inuman” with friends and realized that Gin can really make me drunk.

Crying moments whenever I can’t come to my fave artist’s concerts.

Random days before Graduation.

TATA Digital Marketing Training in the span of 15 days straight. I was exposed to all things digital. Of how the internet works and how it can help us, Marketers, as we finally step out of school. Geez, I learned a lot.

I met John. :’( BOI :(

I became closer to Allie. I realized that people like Allie are the ones I should be getting friends with cos he’ll definitely force you to study and be active and that’s a great thing right? Well at least for a lazy me.

Late night graduation pictorial photoshoot. NAKAKALOKA! We actually waited in line for a day. Thank God we still looked fresh in our graduation pictures. LELS!

All those waiting game for graduation-related stuff. Hella NU, I love you so much buuut but just like how people bandwagon it, napaka-bulok  din ng sistema. But let’s look at the brighter side cos we were able to mingle and spend time with our friends before we actually be parted away. Gawwd I also realized that even though I already saw faces from all the block section of Marketing, I still have some random faces I am not familiar with. Isn’t that weird? HUHUHUHU

Baccalaureate Mass. That procession around Bustillos under the scorching heat. Waaaaaah!

The gaga all over graduation dress and heels. I went to malls for like 3 days looking for something unique that no one will realize that actually exist that I can wear. But I ended up in a boutique somewhere in Fishermall. And I was all by myself all throughout that process. :(

Phone-begging-graduation gift. But I wasn’t able to have one :(

Fulfilled my college bucketlist. YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!

Finally, GUUUURL, I GRADUATED!!!

LINK OF MY COLLEGE ALBUM-- if you wanna see :D If you just wanna see... Heheheheheh

I know there are a lot more notable scenarios in my life as a college student. Some must be kept private, some I already forgot. Who knows, I might be inspired to write more about my life as college-- I have a lot more kwento but I’m just too tired. And hey, I’m a working girl now. Thank God!

2. Read a lot of books.

It doesn’t matter if it is a school book or your favorite comic book whatsoever as long as it is in English… I must stress on that, it should be in ENGLISH and much better if it is a novel. Tbh we have enough resources for books and school materials at home cos my sister is a bookworm, two of my aunts are both teachers and very supportive of us that is why I don’t have any scapegoat for it. But ya gurl is just so lazy. It feels so annoying that sometimes when my professors would ask us about something that I know that I know but I can’t get through it cos I can’t really remember if I heard it from my sister or from someone whatsoever. Gurl I really regret not practicing myself to read cos I know I can do more than that. 

Also considering that to read fast and to comprehend as well is very important in college and it can be your advantage. Professors are also already expecting students to have good grammar skills and communication skills—those will still define you, like seriously—because we are already college after all. I also recommend watching American series, it really does help.

3. Professors are people too.

They are not monsters to be afraid of. Don’t hesitate to visit them during their consultation time and just interact with them with random things. Professors really appreciate students who are giving random efforts without being asked to do. But being sipsip is a different thing.

4. You must learn how to cook.

College is being independent or I’m trying at least to be independent in my case. It may come as our stepping stone towards entering adulthood, yes that is so cliche. To be honest, I struggled a lot with this too. I’ve never cooked for my family cos I’m the youngest, you know the norms. I’m currently living in Manila and my parents are in our province. I have with me both of my sisters who were also studying and busy doing their own thing. There are times when I got home super drain and there’s no food or I have nothing in my stomach before heading to school and things like that. What I’ve realized is that buying food three (sometimes four or five) times costs me a lot. By then, I started asking my mom for a food recipe or even take the advantage of modern technology to find tutorials and all. Right now, I can proudly say that I can cook a little bit of a decent food like sinigang and adobo but still, I doubt myself cos no one eats my cooking except me. Awts.

5. Grades will still somehow define you.

Most people say that grades will never define us. In reality, in college it does, or maybe not only in college. Sometimes your grades will also define how people will treat you, yes and let us just accept it, okay? People with good grades will be treated with superiority or something and come the opposite with people who are not, even get bullied or smart shaming. I know it sucks but it is the reality, guuurl. What we need to do is make an action to make ourselves better like I said, read a lot. Work harder and it will pay you back in the future.

6. Never ever get yourself in a group project with your friends.

Especially when it comes to academics. Friends tend to make “asahan”. You’ll get compromised if they know that you can do such things because they will leave the work all to you. But at the end of the day, they’re your friends and you’ll do your part as a friend (and still hoped that they will do their part as well). 

7. Keep a journal.

College is as memorable as high school. I really regret not having a journal until now. I realized that I have a lot of notable experiences way back in first year—cos you know the first times and all—that I must have written since then. All the sleepless nights and gimmicks and crushing on athletes and just anything under the sun that deserves a look back.

8. You may not find love in college—but that’s okay.

You might imagine college as if you were also to bumped with your knight-in-shining-armor in the corridor while rushing to your class and boom sparks happened. Don’t expect that such fairy tales, movies, and TV series will also happen to you. Well, other people might but more or less I guess, it is not really happening in college.

9. No one cares about you except you.

Yes, there are friends, but at the end of the day, you only have yourself. Be independent. Don’t rely on other people cos if you have your own thing they might as well have their own. You should really know by now to enjoy staying by yourself and to believe in yourself—especially with recitation and presentations. 

In college you are on your own, you will make your own grade. If you do wrong in a presentation, let it in for the day and tomorrow no one will remember and no one will care about it. Before college try exploring and be familiarize yourself with Microsoft software and Adobe, I swear it’ll come a good help.

10. You’ll realize all your flaws and imperfections and get insecurities

Being in college, you’ll get overwhelmed with so many people: whether it would be how they dress, how smart and cool they are, how attractive they are or how they carry themselves. In some point, you will always find yourself incapable of something—you’ll get a lot of insecurities. I know that is just okay, just chill and remember that it is inevitable. Everyone has insecurities no matter how perfect they are. What you can do is try to be the best version of yourself every now and then. It is the least favor that you can do for yourself.

My real name is Marie Grace Q. Jolo.

I was born on the 29th of August, year 1997.

Currently taking up Business Administration - major in Marketing Management at National University-Manila.

I’m an Ornithophobic.

I can’t stand the smell of rotting feet.

I wish I could read people’s mind.

I’m an EXO-L, Blink, Reveluv, and iKONiC. Annyeonghasseyo chingus!

That is why I can sing Korean songs~~~

I admire guys with a ring on their finger. I don’t know why I find it so adoring with men. Like feeling ko ang lakas makagwapo.

I prefer staying at home all day.

I do brush lettering.

I’m in love with colors eg. faded pastel pink, pastel gray, and white.

My favorite subject is biology but I don’t appreciate the presence of animals.

I’ve been in two schools when I was in elementary. I started grade school at Holy Trinity Academy but I graduated from The National Teachers College.

I’m moody— that’s what people say.

I’m scared of nuns. Lalo na sa mga nakaitim. Hindi ko alam tawag dun sa damit nila, basta yung itim na ganun. Hahaha

I hate hospitals like I always feel uncomfortable or maybe I just don’t like seeing people who are in such pain and those dying. Tbh I don't like to see people’s tearful eyes and losing hope.

When I was young I’m scared of going to restrooms so I always pee in my underwear— my mom always scolds me.

I don’t appreciate mayonnaise except with burger.

I have trust issues.

I’ve become a class president for like two consecutive years in high school.

My skin is indescribably sensitive— I get wounds unconsciously.

I’m a shy person. I don’t talk to a lot of people but I’m not suplada.

My sense of smell is the strongest among all my five senses.

I hate commitments— just because I don’t know how to handle them.

I don’t know how to express my thoughts in the right way people can understand.

I can’t sleep with lights off.

I think I’m awkward.

I am right-handed.

I don’t drink Milo, I eat it.

Fave author: JK Rowling and Colleen Hoover.

I’m a fan of Taylor Swift.

I’m a YFC for 5 years now.

I’d rather collect shoes than clothes and bags.

I love coffee. Ordinary coffee. Yung timpla ko lang.

I don’t like pure chocolates. I want it to have something with it like; a chocolate brownie, hot chocolate drink, chocolate sandwich, chocolate donut.

I really want to be an interior designer. I love moving things around; changing curtains, the smell of a newly washed bedsheet, countertops and islands. Organizing rooms and offices and lofts and things like that.

I have a collection of Total Girl magazine when I was young. I got the influence from my elementary best friend but either my mom or dad threw it away when I went to college.

I am a Manila girl since birth but I got to move to Quezon with my parents when I turned high school.

I really have a wavy hair just like my dad.

I am too emotional like sobrang babaw ng luha ko.

I have a small box of memories where I store every piece of memorable days and experiences. But unfortunately, I lost one box when I was in high school without any knowledge of its whereabouts.

I love doing arts and crafts. I have an artsy heart.

My sisters and I share a room.

I do still believe in chivalry. I wanted my first boyfriend to be my last and the father of my children.

I love watching YT videos and reading random blogs.

I have a thing for romantic-mysterious-sci-fi-supernatural movies, series or stories.

I can’t help but cry whenever I watch any version of Romeo and Juliet either a theater play or movie.

I am a big shipper of Wesley-Dobrev (Paul Wesley and Nina Dobrev), Madden-James (Richard Madden and Lily James) and WilKate (Prince William and Kate Middleton) love teams.

All-time favorite foods: sinigang, brownies, pizza, and donuts

I’m a picky eater.

I didn’t have a stroller bag when I was in elementary but I remembered asking my parents for it and when I transferred to a new school, it’s like the whole elementary department were all in 3rd and above floors so parents really know best.

I am a perfectionist— OC girl here.

I love collecting pens and stationeries even though I don’t really use them cos they’re all cute that feel like I’m just gonna ruin their cuteness.

My feet size is 8 sometimes 8 and a half. I have a combination of my mom and dad’s feet; wide and long.

I have eczema when I was young and that returned when I was in 2nd-year high school.

We used to spend our summer vacation in Quezon with my grandmother or with my Tita in Cagbalete Island where I really got to enjoy my childhood and learned a lot. Especially how to “mag-igib ng tubig” every dawn or else we’ll not have water the next day.

People would always say that I have a weird voice.

I love watching wrestling but I closes my eyes with serious moves.

I love taking random photos.

I used to blow bubbles whenever I feel tired and hopeless.

I used to make my dad his coffee when I was young.

I got a little bit abuse by a man in green while I was riding a jeep in fifth grade. That is why I hate green color.

I like doing surprises.

I used to watch Jimmy Neutron, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Madelaine, Spongebob when I was in elementary before and after school, all that in Tagalog version.

I wrote a story way back in sixth grade but I lost it and I am so sure that it’ll hit the market nowadays.

I am patient whenever I do something I like.

London is my dream destination;

Canada or SoKor is where I want to live; and

New York is where I want to work.

I’d like to have my own publishing company and to have my self-titled magazine.

The note app and phone calendar on my phone serve as my personal diary— I wrote almost anything there.

I have my own way of talking to God.

I believe in fairy-godmothers

My favorite Disney princesses are Belle and Aurora.

I’m in love with Olaf.

I really want to blog many things but I suck at expressing myself.

I don’t know how to draw but I want to be an architect. HAHAHA that is the point of learning, right? To learn...

Perhaps I can’t cook decently cos no one eats my cooking.

I’m perpetually tired.

I prefer American series than Kdrama. But there’s this thing, I like the story concept of both but I just feel like stories of kdrama could really get along with American superstars more. It is just me? Nevermind me. But KPOP is life. Love you BI.

I can’t stand watching horror films without someone beside me.

I don’t like spices like di ko talaga naeenjoy yung food.

I loathe confrontations.

The superpower I would want to have is to never to need to sleep cos…

I hate the idea of needing to sleep at night and

I hate goodbyes and goodnights.

I can’t sleep without a blanket, either hot or cold weather.

Sofia Andres is my wardrobe goals.

I’ve mastered faking emotions.

I never left my country and I would love to someday.

My fave flowers would be; pink and white roses and sunflowers.

I want to write my own novels someday.

I always have a water bottle in my bag. Also an antiseptic alcohol.

I’m not flexible, literally.

I used to love outdoor activities when I was a kid.

I like playing with only my shorts on when I was a kid and then when I needed to pee, I’ve realized that I’m all naked and that’s really awkward.

My height is 5′1 and I weight 50kg.

I love dancing and singing without people watching.

We arrived at the venue around 6 pm, that’s I guess the call time. We just have some random introducing of ourselves with our team leader, Kuya B and we ate dinner afterward. Then the moment of truth, the first talk started. The feels were legit and authentic. After the mind-blowing first talk, those people behind the camp played a song, entitled, Kung Ako Nalang Sana, without lights and with our eyes closed. It was mesmerizing. Who would have thought that Kung ako nalang sana can also be about Jesus? I was moved by my emotions. I cried. I didn’t expect that it will be sucha heartbreaking song. And that song became one of my favorites; I love the voice behind it. It captured me— almost all of me.

The morning of the following day, November 3, 2012. We were gathered in a room with no idea of what will happen. While waiting, this guy they call A—  yes the guy I was talking about— I call him kuya A. Together with kuya J, both of them rushed to the blackboard to face us and I can say that he’s a little bit shy based on his looks. They taught us worship songs, they taught us how to praise and even our batch dance craze. He’s cute when he sings and he can also play the guitar. He got sarcasm and made us all fell into his witty jokes. Did I mention that I just stared at him for like a minute that time? Yes, I did. Di lang ata minuto yon eh. Then there, I guess it all started.

By afternoon, I often see him around— or more likely I’m really always looking for him. You know that feeling when you know you’re starting to like a person, you feel like you always want them to see. And that feeling is like as if you’re on cloud nine. Haaaay only heaven knows. Baduuy uy.

The evening agenda was to choose a team— dance, sing or a comedy show. Through my interrogating skillz level 101 (hahahaha) and my guts, I was able to ask a lot of and (random) people of what team kuya A will be part of. By that, I knew kuya A will be the one who will mentor the singing team so I guess you now know what team I chose? And tbh right now while writing this one, I still feel the giddiness, the kilig, the never ending smiles and the same feeling I felt and I can’t help but think... How was he able to change my perception of my own dream guy? Paano ko naconvince yung mga kaibigan ko na singing yung piliin without the hint that I might like him? Why did I fell to someone who is totally different to me? Hmmmmm.... idk. It’s indescribable you know, di ko din alam kung ano nakain ko non at sobrang lakas ng loob ko. Shet naiiyak ako while writing this. 

Expectedly he taught us possible songs to sing for the E-Night where all of us must be participating. And you guys he never failed to make me smile all throughout that practice. We sing we dance, and (we laugh and that’s mandatory). I remember while rehearsing, there’s a sudden blackout and we all screamed out loud and turn into bursts afterward because of our own unexplainable expressions LOL. He called our team “Girls Direction” cos we’re going to sing that time some One Direction’s songs. After the given time for rehearsal, we ended up having just one song and we’re still not prepared for the performance. But he assured us that we’ll just be fine. And okay, I’m gonna say it… I’m gonna admit it. I’m sooooo kilig while he’s teaching us and when he looks at me. Okay. OMG!

After the entertainment night was our first ever praise fest where we sing worship songs to uplift and praise Christ. And with kuya A as our worship leader— I didn’t expect it to be him. That moment when he’s telling stories and the way he closes his eyes while singing. His sincerity, passion, and dedication in serving God are just amazingly superb about him— and I love it. And by that I know, yes this guy… is that guy... right at that moment... I knew it was something else. For the first time in forever, I felt the feeling of how it is to like a significant other. That affection that sees no perfection, no faults. Yet I’m also feeling guilty that time because, I’m supposed to be there because of my Savior but, I just found myself knowing Him and knowing that He also wants to teach me of loving with no limits, with no hesitations, to see no hindrance, to just love and appreciate.

Day 3, November 4, 2012. Our last day. We are all terribly exhausted: lack of sleep and the random emotions we had through talks. And the last talk started in the morning and ended at noon. There’s a part where all the old YFC’s were going to welcome us and will show us how to do the YFC handshake. I got so excited because I knew that kuya A will be holding my hands. Ya ya ya ya. I tried to focus on the speaker but hey excitement is so real. But I did focus on the talk and I absolutely didn’t expect the last part— the coffee-changing-colors thingy. Gawd those guys behind the camp were just so amazing and I’ve also realized how amazing God really is despite all our shortcomings.

And my most anticipated part. After the talk, the old YFCs started to line up in one corner of the room. Few minutes, I saw him running and making his way to the line wearing his heavenly smile. Oh geez, kuya A you're an angel in disguise. My eyes can’t see no one but him and I’m looking straight into his eyes. Gawhd I wonder, how many girls had fallen for it. And these people started giving their hands for the handshake. And I can still remember how they were moving so fast like how my heart was and my nerves were. Waaaaaahhh bat ako kinikilig ng gantong oras.

Okay… Seven… Six… Five… Four… Three… Two…

“Hi, Kuya A” I said while giving him my hand. “Hi, Ace!” and we shook our hands. “Welcome to YFC!” he said again, smiling...

Gawhd!

After the camp, I finally told my friends that I have a thing for kuya A and they actually agreed that he is really cute. Days after the camp was lighter than ever. No heavy feelings on the inside and no more worries— at all. Then, I got his number. I texted him with some kind of thank you messages for taking care of us and things like that. He is really approachable you guys and really naughty— yep no doubt about that. We almost texted a whole day. A whole day of non-sense and kilig overload ya know what I mean... yep shhhh. I can still remember those exchanging of cheesy lines and punch lines like what? Did I actually text that to him? eewww hehehe joke hahaha. A big OMG.

The following camp, we were both part of the mission team of Batch 29. It is the last day when I was assigned to wash the dishes. While washing, he went to me and asked if I already ate but I don’t exactly remember what I said to him. Then he left and came back with food and I remember laughing at him. Gawd why did I laugh? I said that I’ll eat later but he insisted and he really scooped the food for me. Yay, that’s one of the most unforgettable experience I had with him.

I didn’t even know that the guy behind the “Kung Ako Nalang Sana” voice is him. Gahwd... Divine! And what I really admired about him the most is that he is serving our Man up there for like 13 or 15 years now? and still counting. Gawhd kuya A, you’re unbelievable. 

But as days passed by, I knew everything should stop.

Above all, thank you kuya A for sharing your fun stories with me. With us all your bunso. Thank you for giving us countless reasons to live for Him, to praise Him, to uplift Him. Thank you for everything. I’ve learned so much from you and I became closer to God. Thank you for those never dull moments. The seawall tambays after mass. For all the inspiring words during the worships. For everything that you’ve done unintentionally. I will never ever forget that short video message you made for my 16th birthday, despite your busy schedule. Thank you for that sweet message. Thank you for singing Iris to me. That will always remind me of you every now and then. Sad thing is, I already lost that video. But those words that you told me… will forever be stored in my heart. And that song… that song will always be my song for you as well. Even though I lost that video, I will never ever lose this another video message you gave me with you singing Kung Akin ang Mundo for my 20th birthday. Kuya A… I’m speechless. I can’t thank you enough for the memories, for the time, the effort and all. You will always have a soft part in me. I will always love you. I got you. I’ll never ever forget you, I promise. I miss you so bad. I don’t want you to read this but if you do, please don’t let me know or yes please let me know. 

I just wish that you find the right person for you, the one you have been dreaming of too. The one who will make you happy just like what you did to me. You deserve more than that. I’m always hoping for your good health. Please do take care of yourself— that will mean a lot to me.

And yes, kuya A***, you got me.

Photo from: xxx 

I have a lot of stories to tell like how we accomplished our papers and defense with great remarks and how we handled stress and group misunderstandings and all. Gawhd that moment when I’m finally writing the last sentence, the last word and the last period of our “final revised paper”. It feels so surreal like did we just made it? So to make it more detailed, I listed the highlights of my life these past few weeks.

We danced for our Consumer Behavior class while wearing corporate attire. I hate that I enjoyed it.

Few days after my birthday comes a huge disturbance in my entire college life. In our E-commerce class, one of our requirements is to come up with a website of our Feasibility proposal. I am the one who made it cos hey I’m a frustrated blogger LELS. Nope honestly because in our group, I can say that I’m the one who has the glittery-sparkling eyes for design and I am very patient with it. So I volunteered. I made the website using Wix ADI where they gave me a lot of templates but I made my own one. I spent a whole day even night just to perfect it. I even slept between 2 - 3 am. After I satisfied myself, I asked my group mates to just delete the text (given by wix) and replace it with our business description. So I was so glad that finally after days of sleepless nights, I can finally be at ease. But on a Sunday, I received a notification from our professor on that particular subject, she said that it was copied. I’m like whaaaat? what portion? So I opened the site and saw that the description wasn't changed at all. My group mates didn’t do it despite giving them the whole account after I finishing the design. We got zero points in that project and I’m like a crying baby cos I’m/were graduating students and that happening is something that shouldn’t be happening. I’m not blaming my group mates cos as a student as well, I must be very careful in everything I do and finish it right away. I felt a little bit angry with our professor cos she did broadcast the issue to all her other students BEFORE confronting us like you are a professor. After all, you are the one who knows what to do and what not to do. But despite that, a lesson learned and that is more important.

Last September 16, my sister and I attended a book fair at SMX Convention Center. Before we get inside, we lined up for so long, it's like a 5 circling line from end to end of the convention + the scorching heat. But all of that was worth it cos when we entered, the smell of books was so satisfying. There are books everywhere and I found myself lost in them. My sister even literally lost her phone while browsing for books. What a sad reality, a phone in exchange for books. I can feel her bittersweetness while on our way home. 

We went to Paranaque to celebrate Tita Beth and Xian’s birthday at their crib. We ate a bunch of pizza and cakes and all we can consume. We served foods to a lot of kids from their neighborhood and it was just so satisfying seeing those kids with a smile on their face. 

 My sister taught me to ride a motorbike and hell yes, ‘twas scary at first but also easy to learn + the bonding moments. *wink*

Our very own baby, Lairiel, my niece, stayed with us for a week and she’s the reason why I want to go home early after school. Yay, cuteness! + she knows how to make tulug-tulogan.

My fave blogger couple, Kuya David Guison and Vina Guerrero are liking my photos in IG and replying to my comments like waaaaah! That’s every fan girl's dreams. I hope to meet them soon.

My Wednesday schedule was always a blockbuster one cos its a whole day. But on our last day in my Consumer Behavior class (my last subject during Wednesday) we played Pinoy games like Bahay, Baboy, Bagyo, and 7UP. And it was so fun, I had fun.  I felt the closeness in us despite some irregular students. This is something we have longed for after a stressful day. Truly one of a kind.

Last October 3, we had our Feasibility Showroom where we presented our Feasib proposal to NU’s stakeholders. We also got to see other section’s feasibility proposals and I was in awe. I didn’t expect that my batchmates do really have incredible minds. The other team in my section even won the first place in Service Category.

Last October 12 I had my internship interview with Summit Media. You guys I am an avid fan of this publishing company since I was 9. I remember my best friend way back in elementary influenced me with Total Girl magazine so we always see to it that we have a monthly copy. Not even minding if we still have money left. Ohhhh I also remember we buy magazine together and I’m feeling nostalgic. Miss you best friend! :( SO BAD! So going back... that is the reason why I immediately applied for an internship position but unluckily... HUHUHUHUHU they need full-time M - F / 8 - 5 PM and I’m from QC and Summit Media is in Ortigas and I still have an evening class and you know Manila traffic is so real. So it is really a big NO. Just imagine my life would be :( But on the other side, I’m just so happy to finally have a step at their office. Gosh, the smell of the office and the ambiance is really what I want like waaaaaah! I can live in their office. LELS!

We got an A in our E-Marketing Proposal. Remember that website copying issue? We bounced baaaaack! We were advised to change our business proposal on this subject and what... we did it. We nailed our presentation. I once said to myself and I even promised my professor this “BABAWI AKO!” Then our new proposal made it! Our panel didn’t even questioned us and just said that we have the best presentation like OMG!!!! That panel is truly one of the terror professors of NU-CBA.

Last October 23, we had our final final final defense for Feasibility and glad to know that everyone in my class passed it. It felt like just talking to our panels since we did a lot of defense prior to the final defense. So it's just a matter of being well-knowledgeable and being confident. After all, we are actually the one who made the proposal so we know it from its roots.

After the defense, we went to Ying Ying to celebrate and to have also our sem-ender. As usual, never a dull moment.

I got my official PLDT internship ID and I’m gonna spend my 2nd semester with them. I officially started last Nov. 08 and the employees were like really very accommodating + my supervisor is literally sooooo cool like everything is allowed but with being punctual and honest as the biggest rule to be followed. My co-interns were really fun to be with as well and I felt them the first time I ever spent time with them. What I also noticed is that people there are very religious, well in my department.

Binondo Hits! We went to Binondo for an interview which I turned down. Then we went to a church but I forgot the name of it. But it is my first time so gotta wish wish wish if you know what I mean hahaha.

Face your fears. No one could ever face that except you. Go out of your nutshell, spread your wings and just be that person that is you. Let people love you for who you really are.

Family is always a blessing. I know I’m not the only one who ever dreamt of having a perfect family. There are these times that I wish to have a different mother and father even sisters. But at the end of the day, there’s no such thing as perfection, there is only love. And that love is the reason why I’m here. I have to accept the fact that my family is the greatest blessing God has given me for any reason. I know these people are the ones who never and will never leave me despite all my inconsistencies and all.

I am not special, I’m not the sun. Heard it from ate Hannah Ngohayon, a vlogger. I am not special. I guess by this age I must constantly remind myself that “the world doesn’t revolve around me” and I have to deal with it. People do have other priorities other than me, the same way I don’t towards them.

Don’t ever lose yourself by just trying to catch up to the world.  No matter how weird you are, you are beautiful, you are unique and it’s just a matter of appreciation. Of how you will turn your insecurities into something favorable to you. Don’t compare yourself to other people cos you don’t know their stories and they might as well don’t know your story. Lastly, 

We can lose friendships. And that’s okay. But a real friendship will end up still together even after a long time separation. Because the equivalent of friendship is misunderstandings but at the end of the day, real friends will choose friendship and forgiveness more than anything else. And real friends will never EVER turn their back on you despite all your irrationality, and those people are the people worth keeping for.

Don’t let others make fun of you. Because you don’t deserve that, girl. You deserve to be complimented in a nice way. Because swear, that’ll be the start of having doubts about yourself. Don’t ever let that happen to you.

Appreciate the little things. No matter how small it is, remember that other people might not have what you have and they deserve it even more than you. And yet you have it.

Say I Love You. cos it will definitely not kill you. Say Thank you. For everyone deserves to hear that, not because they did something for you but because their presence is… just enough.

I can do all things. Through Christ who strengthens me Philippians 4:13. I suddenly remember what my high school teacher told us: “To see is to believe but to believe is to see”. I know I can do such things but doubts are always making its way to me and my goals. But to believe that God has it already planned for you then I guess you just have to believe that we all can do it.

It’s okay to cry. Because all of us is capable of being hurt. But you must always know how to see the light behind it just like what the cliché saying goes: “There’s always a rainbow after the rain”.

It’s okay to have fun and it’s okay to be happy. Because you deserve it too and as simple as that. But it doesn’t mean that you will only have fun when you’re with your friends or family. Happiness can also be found inside of you, you just have to let it go. And sometimes because of our over and rational thinking, we most likely to make more mistakes. So gotta make use of own guts sometimes as well.

Keep a journal. I’ve learned it from kuya Nate Punzalan, a vlogger also. Hello, hello, hello #PUNmily. That every people must have a journal, or most likely I should have a journal. We never know when we will get some kind of inspiration to write because inspirations can come from nowhere. And when we have it, we grab it, we write it.

Control your emotions. I recently watched Kita Kita. That part where Lea chose to just stare at her fiancé and her friend together rather than to confront them directly with a lot of people watching. I’ve realized that you don’t have to waste your time for those undeserving people because that will only take a lot of your energy that deserves more than that.

Think before you speak. And just what the old saying says: “Do not unto others what you do not want others to undo you”. So you have to think about the things you want to blabber out to people because as much as you do, they can be hurt in just a matter of snap.

Don’t live to impress people. You can’t even please all the people around you so girl, don’t bother impressing them for something you’re really not. You’ll just end up the victim of your own frame-up story.

Some people can’t give you what you expect them to do for you. One of the feeling that I hate the most is the feeling of disappointment. And by that I need to have something to control it, to alter it and that is to… just don’t expect too much from people. In that way, you’ll not just be helping yourself not to get hurt but at the same time, you can take things lightly as well.

Everything happens for a reason. a cliche. I always knew or more likely I want to always keep in mind that everything that is happening around me is something worth keeping because there will be a time that you’ll realize that… oh yeah, that thing is that thing I’ve been trying to know why and here is it, taaa daaa. There might be a lot of no answer from the Man up there, but hey, definitely He got more than good reasons why that is happening to us. Patience is just a key to it.

There is always someone better than you. When I was in high school, I felt like I’m a dominant above all my classmates because I kind of like “advance” to them like with the techs I have and the things that I’ve already experienced and things like that buuut but… when I turned college gawhd. I’ve come to realize that I am no better than other people. I’m just like them. I felt like I just came out of my mother’s womb again and I don’t know anything. I am completely blank, just like what I said in my intro, I got culture shock on the very first day of college. But that doesn’t mean that you’ll not work hard for anything you want. Victories are earned and not by just luck.

You are not alone. And if you ever feel that girl, kneel down and look above. We people are not meant to go about this life alone. We are not alone. There are social media… phone calls. Make use of it to contact relatives or even old friends. We need not to do everything all by ourselves and there are still people willing to help you. Go grab them, appreciate them.

God is everything. And it said it all.

Thank you, Lord! For more lovely and fruitful years!