Lemons Are Good For The Soul

step one: prepare your vegetables

step two: wash good

step three: wash good

step four: don’t trust farmers

step five: put a little extra “you know what” in your ingredients

step six: dump the meat

step seven: measure out your meat unnecessarily precisely and then slap it in the bowl

step eight: korea does not have a system of measurements, they go by spoon

step nine: tendenize your meat; you can use a hammer or pineapple

step ten: juice is the best

step eleven: doesn’t exist

step twelve: kill the fat cell

step thirteen: practice / all of them

step fourteen: only cook if you’re feeding ten people or more

step fifteen: mushroom time

step sixteen: the chunky has to go fine / make sure you get your vitamin something

step seventeen: you need mineral; you mineral or you die

step eighteen: pound until hamburger / you must be precise

step nineteen: i just lied / throw away your tablespoons; you won’t need them

step twenty: i lied again

        b: check to see if it’s sample spoon by putting it in your mouth

step twenty-one: all the other steps were not important, but every step from twenty-one on is important

step twenty-two: it’s expected that all your ingredients should eventually just mix together

step twenty-three: real sesame, none of that fake stuff

step twenty-four: and one more

step twenty-five: add MSG

       b: it’s your choice

step twenty-six: doesn’t exist

step twenty-seven: everything’s a tablespoon unless it’s two tablespoons

step twenty-eight: go with your gut

step twenty-nine: onion has to have there

       b; you could’ve put onion before all these other steps

step thirty: the more the garlic, the better that it is

       b: good for you

step thirty-one: we unfortunately have to put a little more salt

step thirty-two: throw away half your salt

step thirty-three: i don’t know???

step thirty-four: no time to laugh

step thirty-five: put some pepper then throw it away

step thirty-six: most important: soy sauce

step thirty-seven: wash your hands

step thirty-eight: mix massage

        b: don’t break the precious meat

step thirty-nine: if it turns out hamburger, that’s fine

step forty: let it marinate

step forty-one: wash your hands / need more prettier

step forty-two: you’re wrong, you’re just wrong

step forty-three: call gordon ramsay, tell him he’s wrong

step forty-four: make it about three millimeter

step forty-five: bitter the better

step forty-six: no french allowed

step forty-seven: we’re going for color / never be delicate with your vegetables

step forty-eight: high

step forty-nine: the most important step: don’t believe a word i say

step fifty: place hand in the pan to test the temperature, exactly five inches above

step fifty-one: whatever the temp was, turn it down a little bit

step fifty-two: salt brings out the sweet flavor

step fifty-three: doesn’t exist

step fifty-four: in the bowl where you mixed the carrots and bell peppers, carefully pick out the peppers

step fifty-five: cook it gently

step fifty-six: you want the crunch

step fifty-seven: don’t time it, just look at it / high heat first

step fifty-eight: check the temperature, high heat, check it with a hand in the pan, stick your face in there

step fifty-nine: you know it’s hot when your hand’s brown

step sixty: pick a random tool out of the bucket and use it to scoop the meat with / make sure your pan is thiccc

step sixty-one: make sure it sizzles like a [insert cat purr]

step sixty-two: start spooning your meat

step sixty-three: you know it’s cooking when you hear the sound

step sixty-four: impatient; dump the whole thing

step sixty-five: put a lid on it, let it do the job

step sixty-six, the “last” step: let’s make it a little prettier

step sixty-seven: “voila” is now korean

step sixty-eight: you won’t be disappointed

step sixty-nine: mom is never wrong / deny deny deny

step seventy: maybe a little more salt or soy sauce

step seventy-one: make sure your meat isn’t too thin

Omg the king has spoken!!!

Context: we’re trying to sneak into a worm cult temple in the underdark, and our Druid is based around summoning dryads and animals.

Druid: “I have a plan! I’ll summon the lesbians, then they can cast pass without trace!”