Dr. Ivo Robotnik

Greetings, underlings!

Yes, yes, I know, the most handsome, intelligent, incredible, magnificent man in the multiverse has decided to grace you pathetic bootlickers on Tumblr. You all must be very, very excited. Now,

Welcome to my EVIL blog!

"Oh, glorious Doctor, whatever is this blog about?", you must be asking, whilst you fall to your knees and bow down to your great ruler in joy - and terror!

Well, fret not, fools, I'll answer your question, and also establish some rules! (Can't have you lot getting too rowdy, after all. An emperor must control his people — or, rather, robots, which is exactly what the lot of you will become once the Earth is mine and I can truly kickstart my robotomy program!)

Anyway, look under the cut to find out more details, if you dare!

Well, y'see, I'm very big in several industries. I practically dominate almost every market!

I mean, I run a buncha casinos, so I'm crucial to the entertainment industry. Oh, and obviously, there's oil and gas — I own the entirety of Oil Ocean Zone.

I also run MeteoTech, where I allow people all over the world to purchase my robots for security — a lot of which are used at casinos I own but don't actually visit often myself, so they've all got their own managers and stuff running them. Plenty of nightclubs like my bots, too. It's always nice going on a night out and seeing my own tech proudly standing guard at the door. They're all programmed to let me push through the queues and get straight in, teehee! A little cheeky of me, I know, but hey, you're really telling me you wouldn't do the same thing?

Anyways, back on topic. Then there's RobotnikTech, where I make the Extreme Gear stuff and some nice, fancy, personalised cars.

I then use TV and newspaper advertisements to boost all of those things!

Those casinos, the oil and gas factories, MeteoTech, and RobotnikTech are all then owned by the main business — Eggman Industries. Kinda like how a chain of restaurants are all owned by the same big company, if that helps you peasants understand.

Actually — I've also got another business in a different industry, but it's slightly less legal, so I can't discuss that. But I'm just gonna put it this way: if you ever need to chill out, I've got just the stuff for it!

Uh, because that's MY ride? DUH! That's like asking why Batman doesn't just sell Batmobiles!

I already have an endlessly growing fortune anyway; there's no need for me to make another one by selling copies of my sweet baby. And I can always gain loyalty through other methods - whether it be propaganda, manipulation, or just good old robotomies!

Why are you quoting Toy Story at me? What is the point of this ask? What are you trying to ask me???

You people are strange.

Had to repair Orbot today because Cubot managed to accidentally put him in the washing machine when he was napping in the laundry basket! MORONS!!!

... Suppose it's kinda funny, though. There's never a dull day in my evil lair!

I'm so hot. I love my reflection so much. I'm the handsomest man ever. Send post.

I hate public transport. After my Eggmobile gets destroyed in combat, I usually have to take a train back to my lair, dragging the damn thing with me. And the people on there are always so judgy. Always glaring at me but never saying anything out of fear.

But today?

Someone spoke up.

My Eggmobile had a lot of smoke coming out of it and someone's baby kept coughing and the mother went MENTAL at me!!! And I was like, 'seriously, lady, just go sit somewhere else and stop being a Karen'. And she was like 'there's no other seats' and 'you shouldn't be allowed that thing on here'! Uggggghhhh. And then I got kicked off the train at the next stop! Unbelievable. I can't do ANYTHING anymore.

I’m gonna shave your moustache.

I could be anywhere, at any time. Watch your stache, egghead

How ominous. Good luck with that, though, you don't scare me! You'll have to get through my badniks and ME to get anywhere NEAR my 'stache!

What kind of ridiculous question is that? Of course I don't! I bleed BLOOD! Real, thick blood! Like a HUMAN MAN. You do know that "Eggman" isn't literal, right? Right?

I wouldn't be surprised if you thought it was, actually. I'm surprised you can even type with a brain so miniscule.

does this imply you're afraid of Sonic

NO! Psh, what a ridiculous notion. No, I'm not AFRAID of him. I know he won't do anything to me. I'm just wary of what he might do to my robots!

Eggman Frontiers. Obviously.

Godzilla, next question. Why else would I add him to Sonic Rumble?