Hi I’ve been dead onljne for ages but I have a doctor’s appointment today and I so badly don’t want to go. I switched to overnight shifts since it was scheduled so I got up at like 7:30 last night and the appointment is at 4pm today. Weirdly haven’t gotten any reminder e-mails/calls/texts which makes me think maybe I got the day wrong so I have to call and check. It’s just a routine physical checkup I’m too tired to think of anything I wanted to bring up, and it’s kinda expensive to get there and back. But it’s in 2 hours so I can’t cancel. Probably doesn’t help that I’m freshly showered in basically pajamas. I want to take a short nap but if I’m due for sleep and try to nap I’m just out for 8 hours and no alarm will wake me. I wasn’t going to post this but it is really so representative of me trying to do things that I just thought ok I’m being ridiculous just make one call and show up, and then I tried to call and got an error message I’ve never heard before saying I couldn’t call this number from this line, and now I’m realizing I’ve never made calls from this phone, so now I’m thinking of asking a roommate to try test calling her, and thinking of what am I gonna do when I can’t call and I need to be leaving for the appointment in an hour if it’s happening. I could probably ask to borrow hers to call but then eghhh

My therapist has started responding again but it’s absolutely not helpful. I went into everything and she’s just like “thanks for sharing, sounds like you’re going through a lot” and it’s like yeah that’s why I’m here?? You’re supposed to help or something? So far every response is like venting to a friend who told you you could but then got busy right after they said that and feels bad saying no now but obviously doesn’t want to talk. I think I’m allowed to request a new therapist through this thing but that’s intimidating

I signed up for on of those online therapy things right after Christmas and it’s supposed to be two messages a day and I’ve gotten 2 messages so far, one of which was her explaining how things would work. And she took some time off on/after New Years which ok fine, and then the day he was marked as back she just sent a message to be like “im so behind now, I’ll get to you as soon as I can” which okay, but that was Monday and I’m starting to be like, ok I’m paying for this monthly. And I had just started to really get into bigger stuff the day before she was going to be back. So I don’t know if she’s just taking time to have a thoughtful response to everything I said because it was kind of a lot or if she just like forgot or thinks I haven’t really needed to talk because I haven’t messaged her since she said she was behind.

I finally did but I was literally just sitting here not taking my miracle brain meds like “I’m too tired for functioning, I just wanna vibe today”

Are you actually horrible at posing for pictures or are you just aware that failure to appear sufficiently uncomfortable with being photographed will make people feel more at ease with dissecting your appearance and personality

Trying to sew without adderal now is just like. It’s been 2 hours. I’ve cut out 7 trapezoids. I Am Exhausted.

It’s honestly astounding how much people on here will start making a billion assumptions and start dissecting like 3 lighthearted tweets and jump to the worst conclusions of everyone involved and make them into these strawmen to make essay length posts about, and then really act like it’s other people who make a personality out of misusing progressive language to earn some points on the internet.

When covid ends I just want to go to drag shows and get one of those ridiculously over the top milkshake jugs where there’s an entire other dessert on top.

U ever just like...I don’t want to be a person that does this thing, I just want to do the thing.