Appoline

what im doing:

today i decided to write about what’s been worrying me and causing me to overthink and stress out for the past few days. i was trying to avoid it because the cause of all this isn’t worth a moment of my time, but no matter how much i try to force myself to not care, it still consumes me. so instead of trying to shove all the things that have been bothering me to the back of my mind, i wrote about it. and i decided that in exactly two months im gonna turn back to this page and write my reflection on it, see where i was at before and where ill be at in that moment. knowing that my future self is gonna see what im going through right now and assure me that it’ll all be fine is comforting in a way. ofc, there’s still that lingering thought of what if things turn out terrible and i end up even worse than i am now. well, there are two ways i can deal with that: 1. i’m determined to believe in myself and i wouldn’t betray myself by making poor decisions. i’ll probably make mistakes that i’ll regret later, but im not going to let myself go down, im only going up. 2. things that’re out of my control are out of my control and there’s nothing i could possibly do to change that

his eyes are brown, sweet and comforting. when he laughs they sparkle.

we talk about anything and everything until 5am. he listens to my stupid stories. we laugh about ourselves being a mess.

jump into puddles when it’s raining

draw and paint without needing to be “good” 

find a cookie recipe and do your best

collect weird rocks, thinking they’re gems

fall in love with sunsets, misty mornings, snow and rainbows

borrow a big stack of books from the library 

be excited for small things, like seeing a butterfly or pretty bird or a cat

do ‘embarrassing’ things without a care in the world if it makes you happy

go on your own adventures and plan new adventures for the future in a book

create detailed life stories of random strangers you see on the train

make a wish when an eyelash falls out, when you see a shooting star or ladybug, at 11:11pm, or invent your own superstitions for luck

have a rich world of imagination. create a beautiful strange world or thing to go to when you’re sad and need an escape, or just before you fall asleep so you can dream of this world.

be kind, gentle, loving and helpful without expecting anything back. make tea and sweet treats for people you love

believe in magical creatures, and make ordinary things and people magical in your own way.

learn to be alone and enjoy the silence and peace, but also care deeply about others, and make others feel loved and special like they deserve

find your signature scent, aesthetic, handwriting, songs, quotes, clothing and colors like you’re a protagonist in a movie

learn to smile instinctively at people you make eye contact with. be a person that radiates warmth. be the friend you’ve always needed and wanted

see the good side in everything. don’t hold grudges or let small things affect your happiness

when you catch yourself dreading something, keep telling yourself “it will be nice”, the worst case scenarios almost never happens

make playlists for your moods, your favorite people, places, moments and things you want to experience

invent games for mundane things, like raindrops having a race rolling down the window

go swimming and pretend to be a mermaid, grow flowers and make jam and apple pies and pretend you’re in a fairytale

explore places aimlessly. walk without a purpose so you find nice surprises and places that become special to only you