thicker than blood.

“As normal as things can be after you did what you decided to do,” he threw back at her, unable to even stomach the thought of her leaving again or combat it with the anger and frustrations that rose up every single time that he saw her. So many questions rose up his throat but got stuck behind the pain that disguised itself as anger when he kept to his area in the small room. “That’s not,” he shook his head, dropping it between his shoulders slightly as he winced from the pain. “That’s not what I meant.” His voice was defeated, lost somewhere between the anger in his bones as the exhaustion in his veins that wanted to stop hurting and pushing but couldn’t understand anything going on between them when there was supposed to be nothing there. But before he could say anything else, the nurse was back in the room and doctoring the two of them without affording them a chance to say another word at each other. When the nurse was looking at Luci’s hand, he was struggling to keep from staring at the two of them to when they came over to deal with his nose – Rafe could only see stars that shifted when the nurse had to help set his hand that had a broken finger or two. He stopped listening, knowing that Luna would remember it all for him when he wanted to speak to Luciana but couldn’t find the words.

“Easier said than done,” he muttered, considering dropping his head into his hands except for the pain radiating off the one that had gone through a wall recently. “She wouldn’t tell me why she left in the first place, why would she tell me why she’s back now? It’s not like the timing could be any better either. Not with Santiago wanting to go hard and Smurf wanting everything to feel like it used to be before you were gone.”

“Of course I would have. I would have been the one by your side and in your ear, everyone’s ear but things have changed. More than any of us like to say,” she admitted to quietly before she set aside her mug and set it in the sink to be cleaned later. “I don’t think about myself first anymore, or what I want unless it has to do with that kid. And so help me, if she comes screaming to me about a horror movie keeping her up at night, this whole place is going to turn into a horror movie after what I do to you.” She finished a faint smile, letting him know that she was only somewhat serious before she was filling the mug with water from the tap. “One cookie.”

“You know what this means now though,” she started to say, picking her words carefully when she knew how close they came to her own thoughts and concerns with allowing herself to come back to this world again. Her heart. It was going to get her killed one day and that would have been the best case scenario. “Making sure you make it count now that you’re back before you’re gone again ‘cause I don’t know about you, but this should be no one’s long term.”

Santiago was done working for the night. He wasn’t interested in reviewing any more of the pictures or reading the outlines on the pages. In fact he thought it was a bust and definitely wasn’t the next gig for the family. He’d shred everything in the morning. For now he was focused on his older brother. It was different having Adrian gone for three years. It was hard for him. Adrian was always the older and wiser one. The one directing traffic and keeping Santiago out of trouble when he would listen. He was also his confidant. The person he shared things with in an effort to right the wrongs he’d committed. His eyes still rested on Birdie. How could he of all people help create someone so perfect and innocent. “I don’t want this life for her. None of it.” Santiago had a goal. He’d never spoken it aloud and he wasn’t going to start now. He was already banking money. Hiding it away and he planned to do the same thing with each new job he took. In time he’d share the information with Devin. It would be enough for her to restart should something happen to him. It would be enough to give his little girl a life should things go wrong. She wasn’t built this life and even if he knew she could handle it at some point, he didn’t want her to be tainted by the sins her mother and father had committed. “You know why shit went south. Only works if it’s all of us together.” It took each and every one of them to combat their mother’s foolishness and with one missing, things had fallen apart. “You didn’t have to do that Adrian. You took a plea for shit I did. Shit that wasn’t even your fault.” Yes there was an innumerable amount of guilt he suffered from because of it. “Promise me something. No more of this martyr shit. Next time you talk. We figure this hit out together. You got me?” Santiago wasn’t amused when the conversation shifted to his younger days. “Guess what Adrian, I still look better than you. So now, who’s the punk.” He couldn’t stop himself from smiling. It was good to have his big brother home. 

Luna didn’t expect a different answer. How could she? The woman they were discussing without mentioning her name had that affect on everyone, including Luna. Her reaction was just different. She became more overbearingly docile in an attempt to find her place or prove her appreciation for the things that had been done on her behalf. “Nothing has changed there and you know she won’t change. She’ll continue to the obsessive, controlling woman she is. We just can’t focus on her.” It was easier said than done. especially when it seemed like she controlled her sons. Puppets on a string for her to direct in way she wanted. Cutting them off from the women who picked up the pieces in the wake of one of her tantrums. “You fighting with her right now isn’t going to help. Even if I know that everything you plan to say is true and she deserves it. At the end of the day she’ll turn it back on you.” There was the problem. They could never be honest. Never say what was on their mind. They just had to deal with verbal abuse. Luciana’s revelation hit Luna in the center of her chest. She refused to give the empty apologies that people often offered in place of condolences. “How are you holding up?” It didn’t matter if your family was a mess. They were still family and you were expected to mourn. “Tell me what I can do to help? I’ll bake. Get you drunk. Just be here for you. Whatever you need.” She had questions, numerous questions but it wasn’t the place to ask why it took her so long to come back. She was sure that question was written all over her face. History was difficult to face and they had a ton of it. All involving the woman that Luciana was currently hiding from. Luna did however ask the one question she couldn’t keep silent. “What about Rafe?” She knew he was partially the reason why it took Luciana as long as it did. Running her fingers through Luciana’s thick waves, she smiled, “Stay. I know you’re already thinking about escaping. Just stay. I promise you’re needed here.” 

“Then help me understand.” The relationship was tense to say the least. On the outside looking in it would have been expected the two would have been the best of friends. Neither one bowed easily and stood up for the things they believed in. While they liked to believe their opinions differed greatly, they really didn’t. It was all old wounds and fractured pride that made them respond the way they did. Right now, Santiago was hurt. Not for himself but for his brother. His arms folded over his chest and he moved closer. “Come on Lu. Cause based on what you said, seems like you have a lot to say about the situation and Rafe. Almost sounds like you’re mad at him. So what’s the problem? I’m asking. Help me understand.” For once he’d listen. Push aside any preconceived notions. “I mean it. Try me.”

Saint had him. The words had been enough to get under Adrian’s skin like he knew they would. He didn’t respond, he only smiled as he watched the exchange between the man and the waitress. “Are you putting me out Mr. Jiménez?” His smile gave way to a full laugh. His head moving from side to side as he still removed a few bills and placed them on the bar. Saint stood. His eyes still focused on Adrian’s face. “It was nice catching up with you tonight.” He was aware that the other didn’t believe him. “You need to catch up on things. Ask a few questions.” Placing his hand on Adrian’s shoulder he squeezed. “Welcome home Mr. Jiménez. I’ll be seeing you and your beautiful family around.” 

“If I had to guess, I’d say you’re worried about her doing it again or you don’t trust her to stick around. You do sound like Santi. Overprotective and suspicious. He’s been the worst, especially while Devin was gone. Are any of us in a good place right now? I know what you mean. I’m worried about him. Really worried. He doesn’t talk. And what he does say you have to force out of him. I just wish this thing were easier, for all of us.”  She looked up. Eyes settling on his face. “I’ll do the same for you. I hope you know that. No one comes before you. Got it.” She was on the verge of saying too much and so she shifted the conversation back to Rafe and Luciana. “Maybe they should both get their pride checked while they’re back there too.” 

“Just let me spoil you.” There was more she wanted to say but she didn’t want to shift them into another argument. Not like the one they’d had before. He went there though with the mention of him being inside and something went all over her. She swallowed what she wanted to say and opted for something different. “No more okay. You stay out here…with me. No more inside.” Forcing a smile, she finally sliced her own piece. Digging in and preventing herself from saying something that would get her in trouble. Lips still wrapped around the spoon and the rich goodness of caramel coating her tongue, Luna continued, “It’s good to have you home. I missed you. No one eats my stuff like you.” 

Every time Rafe opened his mouth to speak, nothing came out the right way or any way that would seem to work at closing the gap between them. Harder to do when he could barely look at her without feeling the pain flare up in places that she hadn’t hit. Still, the other choice was staying silent and wait for her to leave again before he ended up where he was four years prior when she’d left the first time. There was nothing that he was able to do then, just as well as now when he simply felt helpless as the nurse who was their own way around each other was in and out and left them to the stagnant silence that was suffocating. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t even remember what it was like to say the right thing or make her smile, replace the pain that he’d put on them with something else, or even know how it felt to be with her. “You were the one saying that you were ready to leave,” he shot back with an exhausted sense of self as he slumped back down onto the cot in the middle of the room with his arm cradled in his lap. “I’m just wondering when that is so that everything can get back to normal again.”

A big brother that he had been without for a few years now, Rafe reminded himself as he swallowed the words that would only push away another person. “What’s worse than what I’ve already done and said? I.. the way she looked at me, it wasn’t good.” And he’d done that.

“You could do that without sugar though I know it’ll be difficult when Rafe has that damn dog. Birdie loves it but don’t you dare get a dog for that girl, I can barely handle the animals that live here as it is. We don’t need another one,” she shot back with a sigh and a tease. “I blame both you and Luna, which suffice to say is something I haven’t been able to say for a long time. It’s nice, except when it means that Birdie isn’t sleeping for the night.”

“Usually,” she repeated after the other with a tap of her fingers against her cheek before her hands fell once more. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, not between them when Devin knew the other well enough to remind herself that some things needed to be kept while others needed to be said out loud. “It wouldn’t have changed anything if you had.”

“I don’t know. There’s something about past history and first loves that are hard to let go. You know I’ll make you the flan either way  but Luci’s not leaving. There’s somethings that are unfinished. It’s hard to get past it until you get closure. But who knows maybe you’re right. I know I said it already but seriously…thanks for coming. It means a lot that you did.”