during the last few weeks i would sleep 10+ hours everyday. waking up at 3 pm and wanting to go back to sleep again as soon as i opened my eyes.

today i slept for two and a half hours, woke up for no reason with the my thoughts swirling around rinharu fanfic i read yesterday. for the first time in a month, my first thought was not “why” but instead something that i enjoyed thinking of.

huh

as i spend my time alone at home i try to reconnect with my old self that i so pointlessly lost while going through stuff in life. uk. remembering old things (and old otps, apparently). reading old diary entries (on this blog as well; thats why i logged in). building a picture of what it was like at school. at the first university. what was it like when i dated my first ever girlfriend. i think a lot about her lately for some reason.

i recall things and remind myself that they are a part of my story no matter what. i forgot many stuff. i still forget a lot. sometimes i am surprised at what i find in my old diary entries. feels like this was someone else. but not me

when the radical change took place though? in 2016? lots of people told me back then that i changed a lot over a shot period of time. i do not think i ever came back to what i had been before. or i ever will. but i have to remember; i need to, or i still will be missing some parts of me. i am the puzzle that is too hard to complete; but i have to.

i changed my url so that will be hard for any people from real life to find this blog, since i have used the previous one in the other places as well. just letting you know... you, the future me, i guess. i am certain i will still come back here. who knows then, though.