this polycule needs therapy

"the first album I ever owned was the friends soundtrack" - a millenial

"how did he handle his wife giving birth??? that's the ultimate tampon!!!" - my sibling about someone terrified of tampons

"sometimes you make regular things look treacherous" - my sibling to our other sibling while they are wildly shuffling papers

"we have a trans sheep. or maybe it's just crossdressing." - the woman who does not own any farm animals

"if you had five penises, could you pick up a cocktail with it?" - my meta

"i need to stop by a fish store to buy worms for my toilet" - a friend

"if you need children's books on satanism, or envelopes, they're in the middle drawer. I organized the office supplies!" - my meta

"i am not afraid to bah humbug a motherfucker" - my friend ms. scrooge

"the question is, are lesbian farmers good at taxidermy?"

"there are no futures in goats" - my meta

"did you know I've stuck my whole arm up many cows' butts?" - my friend, apropos of nothing

"I have feasted on the carcasses of my enemies" - my partner, having just eaten a dandelion salad

"you see, a while back I was really hungry and I ate a tornado siren. the state of [state] is still deciding what to charge me with" - the loudest human known to humanity

"they'd be community tits" - my partner about why my tits wouldn't help me during a workers uprising

"[my cat] knows everyone. he has exfoliated lots of fingers" - me

"why would I buy piss when I have plenty of my own" - my sibling