i've written out parts of my thoughts before, but nowadays is a different time with the absolutely unhinged paranoia about lgbtq people trying to "groom" your kids and weird ideas about "critical race theory" being promoted by politicians to stir fear
So...I would say that the key is, do not challenge people's deeply held feelings, impulses and beliefs about things, but rather argue based on values they share with you
I mean okay first of all, this is definitely going to be a controversial take, but if someone feels distaste and repulsion at the idea of a man dressing in drag, you're not going to "convince" them not to—and you don't have to, because feeling distaste about something someone else does is just...a feeling. Maybe they will unpack it on their own time, maybe they won't, but as uncomfortable as it may be to admit, feeling completely arbitrary distaste over another person's harmless action is a normal human thing and you've experienced it too. What actually matters is whether you learn to deal with this feeling in a healthy way or if you decide the feeling must be telling you that [thing] is objectively evil.
I get a lot of mileage out of saying things like "This is America and it's a free country, and we get to live how we want and express ourselves how we want even if the government doesn't like it." And I know people who, personally, believe that gay sex is "morally" wrong, but are staunchly pro-gay-marriage because they believe that it's a fundamental American value for people to be able to live their lives the way they see fit and to be treated equally to everyone else.
And I honestly do respect that? I respect people with a mature understanding of the fact that "My personal opinions and feelings on someone else's choices are not as important as their right to make those choices." I think this is something we all need to learn, because there will always be things that we will find we don't FEEL positively about, or don't personally think are good (nose jobs, recreational Benadryl, tattooing Dobby's face onto your chest, that one weird kink you think is gross) and that does NOT mean our personal feelings should be made into law and used to punish and harm people.
One thing that is a pretty consistent stated value among most American conservatives is personal freedom.
Recent events like book bans, drag bans, abortion bans, and trans healthcare bans are all attacks on personal freedom—the government stepping in to legislate what an individual can and cannot do. That is something that people across the political spectrum in America can and should be concerned about, even if they disagree on the issues involved.
Express your concerns that book bans open the door to the government arbitrarily restricting what information you can have access to. "I just don't think the government should be able to control what I can and can't read, as if the individual can't be trusted to think for themselves."
Likewise, banning drag gives the government the power to control how individuals dress and express themselves. If a public performance can be illegal based on how the performer is dressed, that can be used to arrest anybody that says anything in public that the authorities don't like. Clothes are assigned gender arbitrarily: pants used to be inappropriate for women, and men used to wear heels. Who is to say that a robe or a kilt is different than a dress? Ultimately, people have the right to live how they want in this country, and if a man wants to wear a dress, he can whether his neighbors like it or not.
Talk about how banning abortion and trans healthcare sets a precedent for the government controlling people's medical decisions. Why should someone need an outside authority to decide what medications they can and can't take?
DO remind people that what they see claimed by politicians and the internet is wildly out of touch with what the average person thinks and believes.
If someone tries to go the "But what about the children?" route, just straight-up "So you think that we need to reform public schools? See, I agree with you, I think it's very harmful for kids to be spending so much time in a public school environment being primarily influenced by the pressures and stressors there. If kids spend 8 hours at school and then have 5 hours of homework, of course they're parroting whatever their schools teach—they don't even have time to talk to their parents or other trusted people in their lives, and they're being forced to memorize so much stuff that they can't think critically about it! See, I would want my kids to have access to a big library with a wide variety of views, and teach them to think critically about different perspectives on a subject. These book bans are going to make sure kids never even get exposed to alternative viewpoints, and that's how you get adults that can't think!—"
Honestly censorship is hard to defend with a straight face, so the main thing here is to just defuse the irrational panic over critical race theory. If they try to allege some hypothetical book with hypothetical sexually explicit material, ask for details and watch them squirm.
Abortion is another one of those things you will not be able to change someone's feelings on, so you must focus on several things:
the reasons WHY people have abortions, and how better education, health care, and financial resources for mothers (like paid maternity leave) would decrease this number. Yes, abortion will never be fully eliminated, but please stop emphasizing this and instead emphasize how in an ideal world, abortion would only HAVE to be sought in the most tragic circumstances because people could either prevent pregnancy before it happened or get sterilized if they are sure they don't want kids.
the fact that pregnancy and birth are very risky and carry the likelihood of severe bodily harm and death. Absolutely have examples of awful pregnancy/birth complications on hand—personal to you or people you know if possible. There is a real effective argument to be made that regardless of personhood of the fetus, protecting oneself against severe harm to one's person is a human right that people have.
bonus: ask them WHY they think rape is harmful/bad. This question (provided they agree with the premise) brings into sharp relief the fact that the physical boundaries of a person's body are inherently meaningful in some way. Deflect and ignore any attempt to twist your argument into the fetus somehow being a "perpetrator" of a crime. Repeatedly assert that the purpose of abortion is not to "punish" the fetus (which cannot suffer and cannot experience punishment) and shut down any claim that is based on "it's wrong to punish the fetus" as a straw man.
Judges and politicians cannot be trusted to determine when abortion is best practice or medically necessary, because they're not doctors and do not have medical expertise. The legal system cannot be trusted to determine if your wife had a miscarriage or not.
Also bring up proposed abortion death penalty bills. It is legitimately open season for "I told you so" on a million things pro-lifers insisted were baseless paranoia.
And honestly? A lot of people who would have considered themselves "conservative" DO find recent developments alarming, so again, your main job is to defuse the cult-ish fear and paranoia of thinking disloyal thoughts
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