Hiya

i was dipped in a barrel of toxic slutch when i was born

[ID: A screenshot of four tumblr comments. The first is by @ya-friend-oak and reads “Achilles,” the second is by @quank and reads “baptism,” the third is by @notjeffbezos and reads “Joker,” and the fifth is by @homophobicpalpatine and reads “slutch” End ID.]

LINGUINI HAS A RAT ACCENT 

Ever wonder if youre the reason a homophobe exists? Im pretty sure ive made like at least 5 people homophobic

cult of no personality. everyone worships you for being boring as hell

influencers

minecraft youtubers

Isekai protagonists

thought this was about Star Wars for a hot minute and was like “heh heh yeah we will” 

Why would you stop this genius system? Just start paying the raccoons and call it a day

Unionize the raccoons.

only a manager would see raccoons trained to take out the trash and think “I must fire the person responsible for this”

ah yes... my symptoms disease...

when u have period cramps but u haven’t actually started yet like ur uterus is legit just humming the fucken Jaws theme song

The assassin you sent after me is part of my found family now

Imagine being famous celebrity Kamilah al Jamil, dying and going to the afterlife, walking into the office of the Architect(s) of your entire afterlife experience, and seeing a framed photo of your long-dead, way less successful sister in said Architect’s office because she and her rando friends reformed the entire afterlife system and are directly responsible for you and everyone else not being tortured by chainsaw bears forever.  How do you even react to that?