🦌 - Artemis

It annoyed you however, how long it took you to realize that this was once again just Odin's doing. That should have been your very first suspicion, but in the end you decided to cut yourself some slack. After all, you had had your own little agenda going on, so you had simply overlooked some of the warnung signs and had let yourself be lulled into a false sense of security, right?

But not anymore!, you thought triumphantly. You were smarter now and therefore wouldn't let yourself be led astray that easily ever again.

What this discovery meant for your own mission however, you were still undecided on. Maybe there was no mission at all in the end. Maybe this was just something out of Odin's bag of tricks yet again and Heimdall really didn't see anything of importance in your mind... A red herring. Could a mind-reader even read what wasn't thought at all...? If you thought about it now, it actually sounded quite far-fetched...

But one thing at a time. There were far more important things to take care of now. To tackle that however, you had to hold out for yet another day.

Even then, the weather was still raging and storming outside the lodge, and the longer it went on, the more you were convinced that this storm couldn't possibly be of natural origin.

Wouldn't surprise me if even the bad weather would be Odin's fault, you thought grimly.

...Was that a crazy thought? Possibly. But at this point you didn't really care.

Instead, you cared about how you were going to break your news to Atreus. After all, you hadn't uttered a single word to him before about your suspicion that Heimdall could help you unravel the mystery of your missing past. It made you feel a little guilty, especially since you expected him to always tell you the full truth. But even if he would react a little… displeased, your discovery would surely make that fade into the background.

Nevertheless, you decided to approach the subject a little more cautiously. After all, Atreus had always preferred to first get to know the whole picture before forming an opinion about something.

"Atreus, hi!", you finally called out to the young god when you caught him – quite accidentally of course – leaving his room, a thick tome under his arm.

He smiled fleetingly and without even really looking at you, which immediately made your heart sink, even without his next words. "Oh, hey! What's up? I can't talk for long though, the All-Father just sent me to get a book..."

You covered the short distance between you in a few steps and then laughed, though you couldn't quite conceal how forced it sounded. "Busy as ever, huh? But I get it. I just wanted to ask how you're doing! Since we haven't seen each other much in the last few days..."

"Uh, yeah, feeling really bad about that actually, sorry. Truly." He grimaced, then rubbed the back of his head with his free hand. "I promise, I'll make it up to you again. Ah, but yes, I'm fine." With each word he edged closer to the end of the hall. "Great, even! I just need to-"

You studiously ignored his rush. "I take it you managed to get out of your rut then?"

"Huh? ...Oh! Oh, yeah. I did, kind of. Guess the All-Father was right after all to give me that break, huh?" The young god laughed briefly and a little embarrassed sounding, before he started to leave again.

"Sooo", you quickly called after him however, "No interest in how I'm doing?"

At this he stopped in mid-motion and turned back to you. A prominent crease had formed between his eyebrows now, but this was Atreus after all, who sometimes knew you better than you knew yourself even. So of course he noticed that something was up. It wasn't like you were trying particularly hard to hide it from him, though.

"Of course I have? It's just, the All-Father-"

"What? Wouldn't understand that you wanted to talk to family for five minutes?"

When he opened his mouth to, from the looks of it, protest again, you raised an eyebrow and crossed your arms. That did the trick.

"...All right", he finally sighed, "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine!", you replied cheerily, "The weather's been a bit of a mood killer though, especially since there's not much to do when everyone's homebound, but well... It's still a nice break from the eternal winter, you know."

"Yeah, I do actually. But surely Jörgen still has his hands full, right?"

"He does." Now it was your turn to sigh. "But he still refuses to let me work full time for him. It's not 'proper' for a 'guest', blah blah... But" You grimaced. "Maybe in the end that's for the best, actually. I'm afraid since yesterday morning he's not too happy with me..."

You practically saw his ears perk up at this. "You had a fight? Why?"

"Ah." You waved it off. "Not that important. It was... It wasn't even a proper fight, we just had a little... misunderstanding, I guess you could say. It was rather dumb, really. I'll go apologize later."

"Sounds good." He puffed out his cheeks as you just stared at each other for a few moments, then shifted the weight of the book in his arms and cast another quick glance toward the study. "Well! I guess I should-"

"Hey, how's that one drawing you started the other day going, the one of the Black Thunder? Did you make any progress since-"

"Okay, what's up?", he interrupted you this time, giving you an exasperated look.

"What's up with what?", you asked innocently.

"I already told you that the All-Father wants to see me, but you keep starting a new topic! Is there something important you want to tell me? If so, please spit it out already, I obviously don't have all day."

For a few seconds, you just stared at him with your mouth half-open. You hadn't expected an outburst like that. This wasn't really like him at all...

"Okay, fine. Yes, there is something I'd like to discuss with you", you quickly admitted, so as to not upset him further. So much for wanting to "broach the subject cautiously"...

"Is it urgent?"

You frowned as you noticed the annoyed undertone in his voice. "Uuuh, yeah? Kind of?"

"You sure? Doesn't seem like it."

You were speechless for a moment. You could understand that he was a bit impatient right now. But when he usually got wind of someone having a problem, he would drop everything he was doing right then and there. So what was this reaction now…?

"Ah, so I'm not important enough anymore?", you asked irritated and quickly added, when he opened his mouth again: "Oh wait, I forgot. You need to hurry. Because when the 'All-Father' calls, everyone instantly has to dance to his tune, right."

A little voice inside you screamed that this was absolutely the wrong way to get through to him in this situation, but you just couldn't help it. Hearing him like this seemed like tinder for your leftover irritation from the last few days and made you go straight on collision course. And just like that, "cautiously" promptly sailed out the window and down the cliff.

Atreus looked at you incredulously. "I'm not dancing to- Okay, look. If that's yet another case of you worrying about nothing then please don't, alright? I've already explained it to you a thousand times that there's no need. What else do you want? Do you suddenly have a problem with not being allowed to attend the lessons, after all? Is that it? Do you want to mother me in there, too, now?"

"'Mother'?", you repeated, aghast, "I don't-"

"Because that's what it feels like, honestly!", he burst out, each word feeling like a punch to the gut, "That you keep telling me to be careful, that you keep asking me how I'm doing, that you always want to keep an eye on me wherever I go- ugh! It's so annoying! Sometimes you don't even leave me enough air to breathe!"

For a brief moment, you didn't know what to say to that. You were positively stunned. It was as if you were suddenly talking to a stranger.

Well, it was true, he hadn't exactly reacted very enthusiastically to you showing concern for him before. But the way he was talking now, it sounded like he had been carrying this feeling around with him for much, much longer.

How much truth was there to this? Had he already harbored such thoughts before you came to Asgard even...? The thought was like a stone slowly making its way down your throat.

"Where is that coming from all of a sudden?", was therefore the only thing that left your lips in the next moment, laced with barely concealed hurt.

But Atreus either didn't seem to notice, or he really just didn't care. "'All of a sudden'? I told you, over and over again, but you just wouldn't listen!"

It hurt. You really had had absolutely no idea that he felt so strongly about this. But how could you? He had never mentioned this before, not a single word! You had spent almost every day together lately, but he had never expressed himself so strongly. On the contrary, spending so much time with you had been his own idea even!

You would have liked to swallow the bitter words, especially since you knew very well that as an adult, you should be the one to behave more maturely in this situation. But after everything that had happened lately and where your state of mind was at this very moment, it was as if they were just bubbling out of you now.

"Oh yeah? Well, better to be annoying than stupid! At least then one of us is still thinking rationally and is aware of how completely absurd and dangerous this whole situation still is!"

"If you think that, why are you even here, huh? You didn't have to follow me to Asgard! I didn't ask you to!"

That one hurt even more.

"...You know why I'm here", you just said quietly.

But Atreus simply ignored that, too. "Yes, because you think I'm weak! Because you think I wouldn't be able to do this alone, that I need a... a guardian or something to take care of me! But it's the other way around, I have to take care of you! Because – and I know you tend to forget that – but unlike you, I'm still a god and a giant!"

"Well, nowhere is it written that giants can't also be dumb as tree stumps!", you immediately countered, "And anyway, shouldn't that fact actually make you a little more cautious? Or was a new sword and a few compliments really all it took for you to forget what the Aesir did to your people?"

After you finished, there was an icy silence between you for a few seconds. Then the young god suddenly came up to you and – before you could react in any way – grabbed you by the arm and dragged you into your room.

You laughed as soon as the door slammed shut behind you and you had gotten over your surprise. "Oh, now you suddenly worry about who's listening in, huh? Personally, I think it's high time that someone put a mirror in front of Odin's face."

And indeed, you felt pretty giddy when you thought that he might have been listening in from his study. The fact that it was infinitely more likely that he would rub his hands in glee because of your argument rather than get angry at your words didn't occur to you once. No, your brain was actually twisting the whole thing in such a way that you now thought to yourself: Ha! It's about time he knows that not everyone falls for his little charade!

"Are you out of your mind?!", Atreus angrily confronted you the next moment, causing you to snort loudly.

"That's what I should be asking you! You may think you have this all under control, but you don't, no matter how much you wished you did! You can't. Outsmart. Odin! You are usually so attentive and now you don't see that he is just manipulating you like everyone else? He is just playing with you, Atreus! And you seem to be falling for it on purpose! It's like... like I don't even know you anymore!" you ended, upset.

You saw him flare his nostrils for a moment and braced yourself for him to throw something equally as bad in your face. Instead however, he just took a deep breath and walked over to your bed to put the tome down. When he turned back to you, he was obviously trying to maintain his composure. Some book you should really take a leaf out of, especially as an adult, but you were far too upset for that right now.

"Look. I hear you, I do", he finally began again, looking at you imploringly, "I just... I just want to do some good, that's all."

No sooner had he finished speaking than you threw your hands up in the air. "But what does that even mean, Atreus?! You're always saying that, or you just give me these... these vague non-answers when I ask you about why you wanted to go to Asgard in the first place. To 'prevent Ragnarök'...? Really? You can't expect me to be reassured by that, even if you make it sound so easy!" You sighed heavily. "Yeah, well. It may be my own fault that I'm also stuck here now, but don't you think I still deserve some honesty...? Especially under the present circumstances?"

Atreus gnawed on his lower lip, letting his eyes wander around the room in an agitated manner. If you hadn't suspected before that he was hiding something from you, it couldn't be more obvious now. And the longer that he struggled with this, the more your anger faded and gave way to serious concern again.

"I... I want to tell you. I really do! I just..." He groaned and ruffled his hair. Then he looked at you almost pleadingly. "Can't you just believe that I have to do this? And that I know very well what is at stake here?"

"Maybe I could if you would make a little more sense! What exactly are you even doing besides helping Odin get something that he so badly wants, huh? He's just using you and... You don't seem to mind at all! And for what? For a bunch of... nebulous answers?? Who's to say they're not just lies, too? You know how he is!"

Suddenly it was as if he… deflated. With drooping shoulders, he sat down on your bed and ran his hands over his face. "Okay", he then began, "Okay. So. Here's the thing. There's this... this task I have to do. I know this doesn't sound very… enlightening either, but hear me out, please." He took a deep breath. "I have to stop something bad from happening."

You waited for him to continue and – when that didn't happen – followed up with: "...I know. Ragnarök."

To your surprise however, Atreus then shook his head. "Something just as bad." You saw him swallow. "Maybe… even worse."

...Even worse than the outright end of the world?? Yeah, now you were definitely worried.

"Anyway, I know that's basically just another non-answer..." The boy laughed hollowly for a moment. "But that's all I can tell you, unfortunately. I promised someone. But you can believe me: It's important, really important even, that I keep this bad thing from happening. I just have to."

You felt like he addressed that last part as much to himself as he did to you, maybe even more so. And suddenly you saw that little boy sitting in front of you again, who you had met for the first time, when you had opened your eyes in that unfamiliar wooden cabin back then. So young and yet it seemed as if he was already carrying the weight of the whole world on his shoulders... And judging by his words, this could very well be the case even. It made your anger finally cool to a low simmer.

"...And to achieve that, I have to work with the All-Father, there's no way around that. For a certain time at least. Have to glean all I can from him, have to learn new magic, become stronger... Get answers. I know it's a little difficult, but... Can you just trust me on this? Please?"

You were still plenty skeptical, no question. Especially of this ominous "promise" he was supposed to have made to someone. Someone he obviously trusted as much, if not more, than you. Or Kratos or any of the others for that matter. He had apparently kept them all in the dark! You didn't know what to make of that. It all just sounded so... theoretical. And as if it would take a hell of a lot more than good intentions to put this into practice. Not to mention that it was also more than dangerous to make the outcome of this venture wholly depend on none other than Odin's cooperation...

"...I can try, okay?", you finally sighed and then grimaced, "Even though it's actually more than 'a little' difficult to wrap my mind around all of this. Especially because... I don't know, doesn't all this sound exactly to Odin's liking? What if he uses it to betray you? And everything just gets a lot worse? I mean, you can't deny that it would be just like him to stab you in the back in the end."

Atreus gave you a small smile. "Well, that's what you're here for, to watch my back."

You just had to roll your eyes at that, despite the serious topic. "Oh, ha ha. Come on, you know what I mean! It's Odin!"

"Yeah, but – and I know you don't really want to hear this, but believe me, now that I've spent some time with him, I think I can say with good conscience that we can trust him on this. We've got the same goal, after all. Part of it, at least. Also" He suddenly seemed to avoid your gaze. "Everyone's got him kind of wrong actually? No, listen! I know how that sounds, but I just mean that... the All-Father isn't driven by power or war, as we always assumed. He only wants knowledge and some of the same answers I'm seeking. And to change fate" He shrugged. "Same thing I want.

"He's still an Aesir though", you deadpanned, "And the worst one, at that."

"Yeah, well. So is Thrúd, though."

You looked at him a little annoyed. "That's not the same and you know it."

As soon as you had finished, he jumped up from your bed. "Why not?"

"Uuuh... Are you kidding, or...?"

Suddenly he started pacing up and down in front of you. "Think about it. Haven't we learned exactly that in our time here? That not everything is as it seems at first glance? I mean, I don't deny that the All-Father has made some mistakes, yeah, but-"

You couldn't hold back the laughter. "To say the absolute least..."

"But" He gave you a pointed look. "That doesn't really matter now, does it? And he actually tries to make amends for all that!"

"Oh, yeah? Says who? Odin?" You laughed again. "You can't be serious, Atreus. You heard Mimir, he's lying through his teeth as soon as he opens his mouth."

Atreus stopped and scoffed. "Yeah and you only talk from Mimir's perspective. Because it's all you know! If you had spent some time with the All-Father like I did, then-"

You felt yourself slowly but surely begin to lose your patience again. "Then what? Would I also think that his crimes don't matter anymore, now that we're depending on him? No, thanks. It's obvious that he hasn't changed in the slightest. Also", you added, "What's with you only calling him 'All-Father' as of late...?"

He, however, only replied with: "Like I said, you're just saying that because you don't know any better." And studiously ignored the last part.

"Oh I don't? Well, think again! Because as luck would have it, I got firsthand experience of that!"

"What do you mean?", he asked, confused, crossing his arms.

You took a deep breath. Okay, time to put your original plan into action and bring him back to his senses.

"Remember the party Odin threw for you? Well... Back then I made the – granted, quite stupid decision to have a little chat with Heimdall. And during that, I had the distinct feeling that he saw something in my mind... Something about my past, possibly. But you know how he is. You can't just 'ask him politely' for something, he would never give in. So" You crossed your arms in front of your body as well. "I came up with a plan and tried to gain his trust. To get him to tell me what he had seen."

You might as well have just told the boy that you were half dwarf with the way he was staring at you now. "You did what?"

"The point is though", you quickly pointed out, "That I found out something completely different in the process. Namely, I have good reason to believe that Heimdall was actually tasked with manipulating and isolating me. You see, Odin has not changed one bit! He's still the same old scheming son of a bitch he's always been, even if he pretends otherwise."

"Hold on, hold on!", Atreus then shouted, raising his hands, "So you're telling me... While you've been lecturing me constantly about being careful... You've been trying to trick Heimdall. The Heimdall. The one person who wouldn't hesitate for even a single second to literally murder us!"

"Oh come on, that's a bit over the top, don't you think?" Atreus laughed in disbelief, but you didn't let that deter you. "And it's not like it even came to anything-" You paused. "Well. Not much, at least."

Immediately, the boy stopped. "What does that mean? Did he do anything to you?"

You quickly waved it off. "No, no-" But then, the memory of a pair of very intense, very close purple eyes shoved itself in front of your inner eye again and you quickly tried to think of something else before your cheeks could betray you... "I-it doesn't matter, though. Fact is, that Odin is up to something, like I told you."

"'Doesn't matter'? It's Heimdall! What made you think that this would be a good idea?? He hates me! Hates us! The guy is non-stop threatening us and you know that this is not just hot air and that he really is that strong, right? He could snap you like a twig...! Ugh!" Atreus agitatedly turned around. "I can't believe you did that!"

You wanted to protest that everything had turned out alright in the end, but then he faced you again and continued heatedly: "See, this is what I meant! You accuse me of being reckless, but then you play with fire and keep forgetting that you are just a mortal among gods!"

You frowned angrily. "I didn't forget anything, how could I with you constantly reminding me? But even that doesn't make our situations any more comparable. At least I know where I stand with Heimdall, while Odin lies to you through his teeth! And you don't seem to care at all, even now that you know about it!"

"Who even says that this was an order from the All-Father?"

"...What?", you groaned in irritation.

"Heimdall is evil enough that he could've planned something like this entirely on his own!"

"I mean... I guess? But..." Heimdall was undoubtedly capable of this. But you had trouble reconciling this supposed solo effort with the image of the "perfect subordinate" you had come to know. No, you could hardly imagine Odin being entirely blameless here. "...I don't thing so, honestly. That just doesn't make sense."

"Yes, because according to you the All-Father is apparently responsible for every single evil in all of the Nine Realms", Atreus scoffed, "Yet he probably doesn't even have you in mind. He's never even inquired about you! Why should he then sic his 'best man' on you? It may sound stupid, but as a mortal you don't mean anything to him." It did indeed sound pretty stupid, but that was mostly because of hearing those words come from Atreus' mouth and how easily, at that... "Believe me, the All-Father has nothing to do with this. He's too busy for that, busy with only seeing the big picture and all that."

You thought you had misheard him at first. Here you were, telling him that you had very good reason to believe that his "All-Father" was following his own secret agenda and Atreus' reaction was to just, brush you off? What??

"What do you mean, I'm 'blaming him for everything bad'?", you then asked, narrowing your eyes, "And what if I was? It's Odin we're talking about here! Just because you're pursuing a similar goal – supposedly – doesn't mean he'll suddenly see you as an equal and stop betraying you whenever a good opportunity arises! I... Gods!" Now it was you who turned your back on him and walked a few steps into the room, "I can't believe that you still seem to underestimate him after all I've just told you!"

"And I can't believe you still misjudge him like that! Were you not listening to me earlier??"

"Yes, I was! But let me just reiterate: If we can prevent Ragnarök from happening and he dies in the process? That's still the best possible outcome! And I hope you still agree with me on that!"

He hesitated for just a millisecond, but that was all you needed.

"I can't believe it..." You shook your head slowly and then ran your fingers through your hair. You felt like you were in the completely wrong story. This conversation had definitely gone in a completely different direction than you had imagined in the beginning. How could you have foreseen that, though? The two of you had never argued like this before, not once! And the fact that this was all just happening because of Odin only made you angrier. He managed to even ruin things when he was entirely uninvolved!

Outside, there was another loud crack of thunder as you looked accusatorily at the boy opposite you. "He's got you wrapped around his finger and you don't even realize it! Instead you walk around here like you have everything figured out! Face the facts, he manipulated you just like everyone else, he-"

Suddenly Atreus laughed out loud, but it sounded absolutely devoid of any humor. "Oh, you mean like Heimdall, yeah? So the All-Father is responsible for his son almost killing us? Nevermind the fact that he didn't even know about this initially and as soon as he did, he stopped it!"

"You don't know that all that, surely that was just another scam of his to-"

"Do you even listen to yourself?? Are you honestly protecting that blonde asshole right now?! You're so fixated on making the All-Father this... this overpowered villain who has his fingers in every game, but-"

"But what? But what, Atreus?", you interrupted him loudly, "He's just a 'poor old man' who's afraid of dying?? Gods, I... This is ridiculous, I can't believe I'm hearing this right...! Honestly, if Kratos were here right now he-"

"You leave my father out of this!", the boy suddenly shouted, his face flushed.

You, in turn, stared at him with equal fury. "He's my father too, in case you've already forgotten!"

Atreus opened his mouth, but then closed it again before making a sound. The flash of embarrassment that flicked across his face in the next moment however, was telling enough.

It made you feel like, all of a sudden, the floor beneath your feet had opened up and you were now falling into a bottomless, dark abyss… Falling and falling and falling.

When you finally found your voice again, you first let out a short, cold laugh before saying: "Yeah, don't bother. We both know what you were going to say, Loki."

And with that, you stormed past him and let the door to your room slam shut behind you not long after.

***

hope you enjoyed(???) thiss<3 as always, feedback is welcome and very much appreciated!!

tags: @shinyportalsandthings @nuclearwinter88 @onix-a @thecastanova @tiababylo @suzumi-hiddenmistclan @cynder-ire @that-doesnt-help4245 @lavenderqrts @astronautspacesailor @grievedeeply @plzfeedmebread @gamergirl5125 @fantabulous0001 @urdarkestsecrets @lacm-ac @zyrart @nonpoppin @anya00 @gxrdenofthxrns @entityunbound @lillyxsj @malumxsubest @r0siee3 @httptaegi @visionsofmagic @shobi-enzo @lunaryasha @11queensupreme11 @anime-roberts @loirsavette @universallythingwagonuniversity @astraqal @a-bunny13 @carmoon218 @booksandblanketnests @chaoticlandsoul @pyrostatic @spezler @black-star1472 @thefreakmunson86 @dijanur @maniplague @judyfromfinance

For several days now it had been raining cats and dogs outside, almost as if the sky had decided to pour an entire year's worth of precipitation on the city. The gray carpet of clouds gave the interior of the Great Lodge a real cave-like feeling. Thanks to the wildly flickering candlelight – the building might have been many things, though not exactly windproof – twitching shadows danced all over the walls and gave the very nice and not at all unnerving impression that one was constantly under observation. At best by the residents, at worst by something you'd rather not think about too much, especially not in one of those aforementioned dark corridors. 

And yet, that morning you practically skipped into the dining hall, grabbed an apple from the display, and then searched for familiar faces (bar one) as you took a hearty bite. Your gaze slid around the room and then up to the ceiling. The Asgardians had wisely secured it so that the hall would not be flooded. The sight made you a little discontented, but then you finally spotted the handsome face of the cook stepping out of the kitchen. Immediately your mood brightened again and you made your way across the hall.

Jörgen saw you and your uncharacteristically cheery face coming from afar and therefore had enough time to wrinkle his forehead before you came to a stop next to him.

"Good morning!", you greeted, beaming.

The wrinkles deepened and resembled a canyon now. "Morning...?", he replied a bit confused, "Uuuh, don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see you so happy, but..." He put down what he had been holding – a bowl full of porridge – and then moved his hands to his hips. "...It's weird. All things considered, I mean."

He gestured upwards, where, with excellent timing, a loud crack of thunder sounded in that very moment. You briefly wondered if Thor was in a bad mood today, before shrugging your shoulders.

"I like rain. You would too, if you had lived through Fimbulwinter for so long."

He made a face. "Well, when you put it that way..."

"It's just too bad they barricaded the ceiling. Imagine how funny it would be to have to dodge the raindrops." You laughed before taking another big bite of your fruity breakfast.

Jörgen just stared at you for a moment before promptly turning away and muttering: "Aaand the weird is back..."

"Oh, come on", you laughed as you followed him into the kitchen, "I'm just bored, so my brain is being silly."

"Bored?", he asked over his shoulder, "Well, that won't do. As a cook who's hands are practically overflowing with work-"

"Yeah, I can see that", you giggled.

"-I can't let that happen." He stopped and looked around. "What does Milady prefer, leftovers or peeling fruit?"

You acted as if you had to think very hard about your answer. "Hmm, I think the fruits have a score to settle with me." You held up the rest of your apple. "They're out for revenge."

"Sooo... leftovers?"

"What, you think I'd just give in like that? No, I'll make sure those juicy little things know who they've messed with here!"

"You know... As a pacifist, I feel it's all kinds of wrong what I'm about to say now..." He grabbed a cutting knife and offered it to you. "But I'm honestly afraid these fuckers are going to cut your throat while you're sleeping, so here. Go get them."

"They won't suffer, I promise." You grabbed the wooden handle and then nodded solemnly.

In the next moment both of you burst into a fit of giggles, before you finally devoted yourselves to your tasks.

You did justice to your words; cutting fruit was just the right thing to keep your head busy enough to prevent it from taking on a life of its own again. This practically made you into a knife-wielding whirlwind, and so it didn't take very long until you wiped the last slices of fruit into a bowl and announced your victory.

"Whoa", Jörgen then commented and nodded appreciatively, "Must be a new record."

You proudly raised your chin. "I told you. They didn't stand a chance." You stuck a piece of plum into your mouth and then asked, chewing: "So, what's next, boss?"

The cook laughed. "Well, when you've served the fruit, you're welcome to lend me a hand with the-" His eyebrows shot up at you already grabbing two of the bowls and then disappearing through the door. "...leftovers."

You did the same with the remaining bowls before wiping your hands on your apron and then picking up your new assignment. Jörgen looked at you inquiringly as you practically threw yourself into your next task without even taking a single breather.

You only paused when, even after minutes, you still felt his gaze on you. "What?", you then asked with an irritated smile, "Am I doing it wrong?"

He quickly shook his head. "No, no. All good!"

"Buuut...?" You slowly raised one of your eyebrows.

"Ah, it's nothing really." He shrugged. "I guess, I'm just... surprised? About your workaholism lately. Not that I'm complaining, of course! It's just a bit strange to witness, is all. Guess the patrols must have had a positive side effect after all, huh? Who would've thought."

He laughed, but you didn't join in. On the contrary, you actually felt your own smile slip a little at his last words, but quickly tried to cover it up. Like so many times before in the last few days. And every time it became harder and harder...

You snorted and turned back to your cutting board to try and distract yourself again. "There's nothing positive about this experience."

He stopped laughing. "Yeah, no, I know. I just meant-"

"Positive? Please. The only positive thing is that I didn't throw myself off the wall because of him."

"I mean. That sounds indeed pretty positive…? But-"

"Believe me, every day at this close proximity to him? Was agony", you babbled on, without even being aware of it really, or paying the slightest attention to the increasingly concerned looking cook, "Good thing that it seems like the rain keeps him away from here. Dude's probably too vain to let it ruin his hair or something. Ha!"

But then something occurred to you. "…No wait, it's not like he even needs to be present, right? What do they say about him…? That he can even 'hear grass grow'? So he's probably sitting at home right now, all comfortable, while spying on us like the stalker he is. But not on my watch!", you raised your voice as you continued to torment the cutting board, "You hear that, you snotty prick?? Yeah, keep listening in on us making breakfast, I'm sure there's lots of valuable intel to gather and make daddy happy with!"

You accentuated your last words with an overly enthusiastic strike, splattering half the countertop, the floor, and even your clothes in the process.

What followed was a brief silence until Jörgen finally stepped next to you and calmly raised his hands. "Okay, listen. On the Heimdall topic, I'm with you all the way, you know that. And I'm also very happy for you that the patrols are over now. What I said earlier was meant as a simple joke, so there's no reason to get mad or-"

"'Mad'?", you interrupted him once more, laughing a little too loudly, "Who's mad? Certainly not me."

"Suuure...", the cook replied, before gently taking the knife out of your hand, "Nevertheless, it would make me feel a lot better if you stopped waving your knife around like a crazy person. I don't want to be responsible for you losing an eye and the All-Father having to lend you one of his eye patches..."  

You allowed him to disarm you without complaining, but then rolled your eyes and pulled the apron over your head. "Whatever. I'll just go take care of the bread baskets outside then." You raised your hand as he began to protest. "No, it's fine, really! I don't really care what I'm working on, busy is busy." After that, you threw him one last overly cheery smile and then left the room.

Jörgen closed his mouth before slowly shaking his head and mumbling: "Definitely weird..."

+++

You knew perfectly well that you had acted a little crazy this morning. Yet it wouldn't have mattered at all if you had just told Jörgen the truth, because in doing so, you would have just backed his already low opinion of the blonde god. Nevertheless, you had bitten your tongue. Nevertheless, you had once again just swallowed it down and decided to deal with it another day. But this was how things were going for several days now and, meanwhile, you had the unnerving feeling that it was only getting worse the longer you kept ignoring it. Like some kind of poison that was slowly corroding you from the inside...

As if on command, another mighty thunderclap sounded from outside. You promptly turned in your bed and stuck your tongue out at the window.

But of course it wasn't just the stupid weather that prevented you from getting the distraction you were so desperately seeking. Another reason was Atreus, who, since Odin's return, had once again only shown his face for some small talk, if at all, in the last few days. Most of the time it was like before his break and you only saw him from afar. A green shimmer when he walked around a corner. A shock of red hair that disappeared behind the door to Odin's study... It really bothered you that the old goat had taken over his whole life again, just like that. Apparently he wasn't all that serious after all, about giving Atreus a little more free time going forward.

What a surprise, you thought sarcastically, Who in all the Nine Realms could've predicted that?? It was just another lie to prop himself up as the big benefactor he wants others to see him as...

You thought about looking for Thrúd, but the two of you had been hanging out so much lately that you felt like you were starting to get on her nerves. And besides; instead of bothering teenagers, you should probably rather look for company your own age...

But the only other person you knew that fit this description you had likely scared away while making breakfast this morning. So as things stood, it seemed like you just had to make do with yourself for the time being.

It was strange how much that bothered you now. Being alone...

You buried your hands under your head and pulled up your legs while staring holes in the wooden wall opposite you.

You missed the time before all this. Your cabin in the woods, the wolves and yes, you missed the winter too, no matter what you had told Jörgen this morning about how much you enjoyed the rainy change. If you would say that out loud however, everyone would probably think you were completely off your rocker, even Kratos and Atreus, who were just as familiar with the endless ice and snow. Atreus – always in tune with nature – had once told you that he felt the cold was slowly squeezing all the life out of the forest. Back then you had been captivated by his stories about the many colors of summer, it had just sounded so imaginative, so full of wonder... But even then you had already secretly thought that you didn't really mind the endless white either. How could you? After all, it was all you had known, your whole world.

Yes, it was true. Fimbulwinter was cruel, you couldn't deny that. It had covered Midgard with sorrow and death, and pushed all the life back so far that the realm seemed nearly extinct now. Living through it was hard, especially as a mortal.

But despite all that, you had also made many beautiful memories.

Sure, the first years of your "remembered" life had been difficult. Especially coming to terms with the fact that you had lost your prior memories. You had felt like a newborn. Everything had been unknown, confusing and unsettling. Maybe that was why Kratos had accepted you so quickly – by his standards, at least. After all, there was no other place you could have returned to, and being on your own would have meant certain death.

Atreus on the other hand, had been the complete opposite, naturally. He had actually told you so himself once, how absolutely excited he had been about you from day 1. Of course, the young god had had plenty of other company already; his father, Mimir, the wolves, the dwarf brothers... The occasional murderous Freya and the odd Draugr or Raider… No, he had not lacked company per se, but definitely younger one. And so he had accepted you right from the start, there had been no awkwardness, no shyness. No, you had practically become siblings the day you had woken up in their hut.

Thus, it was also him who was responsible for the majority of your fondest memories. Kratos had also been involved in your "education" of course, but his contribution had been of a more... practical nature (at least after he had realized that he didn't need to handle you with kid gloves). From him you had learned such things as housework, chopping wood, cooking or repairing things. Atreus had also been involved in that, but his personal lessons had rather focused on your mind. He had (re)taught you to read and write, even in different languages. He had explained the plant and animal lore of the Nine Realms to you, as well as tracking and orientation. He had even taught you one or two spells – but you seemed to be quite magic-resistant and not even the simplest ones had worked out as intended so far.

And he had taught you to dream, though Kratos and Mimir, as well as the dwarf brothers every now and then, had also been considerably involved in that. When you had been sitting at the fireplace in the evening, already half asleep from the day's work, and had listened to their stories and tales of their many adventures... You could hardly imagine that there should've been moments in your forgotten life when you had felt happier.

But as much as you missed those communal moments, your heart was also heavy now when you thought back to the moments you had marched through the forest by yourself, all alone yet still absolutely happy. The protection stave had kept any dangers away from you, so you had been able to move freely – in the immediate vicinity of the cabin, at least. And oh, had you enjoyed those walks. How often you had wandered through the woods, indulging your thoughts... Reacquainting yourself with your own person and coming to terms with your lost past. And simply learning what it meant to be you again. The crunching of the snow under the soles of your shoes, your icy breath in the air... Maybe you had been alone back then, but never had you felt truly lonely.

So why did this feel so different, so suffocating now? What had changed that you suddenly couldn't stand being by yourself anymore and were now yearning for company in such a way? It troubled you immensely, because it almost felt like you were losing yourself all over again.

There are these different versions of me all over space and time, you thought. In your faceless past, in a snow-covered forest, in a wooden hut illuminated by firelight, in a dwarven home in the world between worlds, high up on a wall built by giant hand, where you could see the beauty of a whole realm down below-

And there it was again.

Your poison.

Without further ado, you pressed your face into the pillow beside you and groaned loudly. Somehow, every thought process, no matter how far-reaching, always seemed to return here. As if Odin had tied you up too, just like Freya.

...But maybe that was exactly the point.

As soon as this thought crossed your mind, you sat up and felt your heart beat a little faster. Maybe this was Odin's task for his son. To confuse and unsettle you. To force himself into your life and manipulate you just like Jörgen's sister. What this should have to do with your missing past was still a mystery, but it was a possible explanation for, well… pretty much everything else.

Of course the possibility of a simple magic spell remained too, but by now, you strongly doubted that; you didn't feel bewitched in the slightest. No, this smelled like good old Odin-manipulation to you. After all, on its own, this had already worked quite well so far, so why use magic? He had kept you and Atreus apart most of the time, presented Asgard to you in a new, more benevolent light... Had forced his damned purple eyed son on you, who was now successfully haunting your mind like one of those ghosts from Atreus' stories about his many adventures with Kratos.

Oh yes, you had spent waaay too much time with that blonde asshole lately. That was all this was, the explanation for your current misery. You had gotten used to him way too much and had thought about him way too often. Now he had nestled into your head like one of those little bark beetles and just wouldn't leave you alone, even though the last time you had seen him was actually days ago.

Why else would you think about him still, despite him making it unmistakably clear to you at your last encounter what his true intentions were? That he only meant to manipulate you? Why else would your last interactions haunt your mind at night even and bathe your dreams in purple? And, most troubling, why else would you have a feeling akin to missing every morning lately, when you didn't see Heimdall waiting for you in the dining hall??

That thought bothered you the most by far. It should be unimaginable. Missing. Whom, that incorrigible prick?! Ha, as if!

Maybe you made it a bit too easy for yourself by simply shifting the blame for your inner chaos back to Odin again... On the other hand, why shouldn't you? After all, the old vulture was to blame for so many tragedies, wouldn't that make it absolutely ridiculous to not assume that he was also involved in your current mess? Besides, you felt like the evidence was overwhelming. It was him who had ordered Heimdall to take you on patrol, the thing that had jumpstarted all of this. Even Jörgen thought that there had to be more to Heimdall's interest in you and then there was also his strange behavior every time he had read your mind. Coupled with the fact that Odin was the root of all evil in your humble opinion, all of this made you pretty confident in your prior conclusion.

Yes, that was the answer. Having his son mess with your thoughts and emotions was just another one of that one-eyed bastard's ploys to get you out of the way and have better access to Atreus.

"Too bad that I won't let that happen though, old man", you said to yourself and smiled grimly.

***

hope you enjoyed thiss<3 as always, feedback is welcome and very much appreciated!!

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There was something so creepy about him.

The way he looked at you. Stared at you. He didn't even think about looking away when your gazes crossed. It was like he wanted things to be awkward between you both.

Not like you wanted any sort of relationship with Heimdall, but it would be nice if he tried to be a little hospitable, would be far better than whatever he was currently doing. Which was—not so shockingly—staring.

You shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, trying to act like you couldn't see him. Though, by now he probably read your mind and knew how you felt. Maybe that's why he kept doing it, he wanted you to feel extremely unwelcomed.

It wasn't like you wanted to come to Asgard in the first place. Your brother, Atreus, did. After a very heated argument back at Sindri's tree home, he ran off and sought out Asgard in spite. Of course he wasn't happy when you tracked him down, your father wouldn't be happy either—considering you went without his permission.

All you wanted was for Atreus to be safe. You'll be damned if you let your little brother get hurt by a bunch of piss-faced gods who think they're above everyone else.

With a sigh, you turned and walked away from the open area where Heimdall and a few other Aesir stood. Still, you could feel those eyes piercing through you like a spear.

"He's a weirdo, right?" You jolted, not expecting someone to talk to you. Turning towards the voice, you noticed Thor's daughter, "Um..."

She snorted at your awkward demeanor, "Relax. Everyone here thinks Heimdall is a jerk." You chuckled slightly at that, at least you knew you weren't alone.

"Im... glad to hear. Thrúd, is it?" She nodded. You've seen her talking to Atreus before leaving back at the lodge. Maybe she didn't have enough time to talk to you then, so she's doing it now. That or her parents didn't want her to.

"And you're Loki's sister, Huh?" She put her hand out, "Nice to meet ya!" Slowly you reached out and grabbed her hand, she shook it roughly. Seems like she's excited.

"He's told me a lot about you. Must be fun having a big sister. I've only had brothers." Oh, right. You remember her brothers, Magni and Modi—the ones father killed.

"Right." Suddenly the situation turned awkward.

"Always have to make newcomers feel threatened or uncomfortable, do you?" A hand landed on your shoulder, making you flinch and turn.

It was Heimdall again.

Good gods, how long was he standing there—was he watching you the entire time?!

This time he wasn't looking at you though, he was staring at Thrúd. She stared back, a frown on her face, "I don't always make people uncomfortable. Right?" She looked at you, making Heimdall do the same.

Both pair of eyes pinned you to your spot. Licking your teeth, you responded, "No, I don't think you do." This was literally your first time talking to her so you didn't know if what you said was even true. Hopefully it was.

Heimdall rolled his eyes, "Lies. Lies. But I will leave you to be her personal toy if that's what you'd like. Nine realms know she hasn't made a single friend since being pushed out." Stepping back, he bowed mockingly before walking off with a laugh. But you didn't miss the way his eyes lingered on you a little longer.

Thrúd scowl, "Don't worry about him. He's just being an ass as always. It's nothing new." You nodded. That was strangely relieving. Maybe he'd soon realise you weren't worth it and would leave you alone. Maybe.

____________________

He didn't stop.

Those purple eyes never left your form. They tracked your everywhere. It felt like not even walls could stop him, like he'd just burn holes through them.

Even now, as people talked and murmured amongst themselves in the dining hall, he didn't focus on them. He only focused on one person. You.

The only reason you were even there was because Atreus was. It was late, the moon was high, and he had only just gotten back from a mission Odin sent him on a few minutes ago. It frustrated you how much Odin kept you and your brother separate, and Atreus was too oblivious to notice it.

I need to speak to him privately. We can't stay here any longer, You thought, staring at Atreus as he munched on a piece of bread. It was probably cold.

Opening your mouth, you were about to call his name, but he cut you off by yawning. "I think that mission tired me..." He laughed sheepishly, rubbing his neck, "I'm gonna go sleep."

Atreus stood quickly, moving to leave the hall. "Wait-" You grabbed his shoulder, making him turn, "Atreus, I need to speak to you... In private."

He stared at you. His eyes swiftly glanced over your shoulder before returning to you, "Could... It wait until morning? I'm really tired..." Your brows furrowed. Why was he acting like this? "I- alright..." You let go of him, watching as he smiled at you, saying goodnight before disappearing down the stairs.

It bothered you that he clearly knew it was important, yet decided it could wait, but the look in his eyes told you something was off. And the way he looked past you—at what? At who?

Turning around, your eyes scanned the hall. And you noticed one person—one god—who wasn't there. Heimdall.

That bastard.

The large doors of the lodge swayed the tiniest bit, indicating someone just left, forgetting to close them properly maybe.

You weaved past a few servants in your way, not caring about what they whispered to their fellow acquaintances. You shouldered open the door more aggressively than intended, but you didn't care. Right now you had your mind set on confronting a certain Aesir.

It didn't even cross your mind that whoever left the lodge could have just been a random Aesir that likely didn't even know your name. But to your eyes only one person was missing from that room, and you would have noticed if he went down the stairs in the lodge, right?

Just in case, you kept one hand on the dagger attached to your hip. The one your mother gave you, since your father was far more detached from you when you were a child than he was with Atreus.

You shook the thought from your head. Now wasn't the time to reflect on your childhood. Things have changed. For better and for worse.

Slowly, you stalked through a smaller, narrower path connected to a larger one. It made you less likely to be seen by others, and right now you didn't need people being suspicious of you—far more than they already are—you'd add.

"Looking for me? I feel honoured." You turned around, finding Heimdall emerging from a gap between houses. It was just big enough for a person to make themselves comfortable between.

Not wasting any time, you asked, "What did you tell my brother?" You saw his lips turn upwards ever so slightly, but it was hard to make out his expressions when he was standing so far, in the shadows of the houses, caused by the moon's light.

"You caught onto that quick. Though," His arms raised, extending outwards, "I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. You're one of the smarter... Half-giants I've met. I mean it, really!" Could he answer your question any slower?

"I didn't ask if you think I'm smart. I asked you what the hel you told my brother." You saw his eyes roll. They were the only things that the darkness couldn't hide from you. Every second they glowed brightly.

"I only instructed him one thing..." Heimdall moved closer to you, stepping out of the dark and into the moonlight. Instinctively you pulled out your dagger, aiming it at him. He stopped moving, but by the look on his face, you doubted he was intimidated. "...that he stay away from you, or I'd hurt you in ways that he'd never imagine possible."

That didn't scare you, it may have you feeling a bit uneasy, but not scared. "Is that what you're here to do now? Hurt me?" "No. Something quite the opposite, actually. That is... If you comply." The hand holding your weapon to him didn't falter, not even as he took a step closer.

"You don't scare me, Heimdall." He took another step closer, you stood your ground, "That's exactly what draws me to you."

You scoffed, "My lack of fear for you?"

"That and the lack of consideration you put behind your actions. I mean, how many other people would put a weapon  between themselves and I?" The tone of his voice grew more playful, as if the current situation didn't stress him, "When they know damn well it cannot stop me." It was clear it did not.

And to you It became increasingly more clear that you were in a secluded area. Hidden from any and all eyes expect Heimdall's. No one was around. No one could help you. No one would hear you.

He led you here. So you were with him and him only.

You gripped your dagger harder, the muscles in your arm straining, your breathing growing heavier when he stepped even closer, "Try anything and I'll kill you." He stared at you, a frown on his face. And you silently regretted saying that when he didn't speak.

It was tense. Quiet. All Heimdall did was stare into your eyes. You didn't dare tear your gaze away from his.

After a moment, he scoffed, before breaking out into laughter. Moonlight bounced off his golden teeth as he continued laughing, making them shine. "Do you..." He calmed himself down, still smiling widely, "Really think... That you can kill me?" He tutted, eyebrows furrowing in a way that made him look like he was staring at you with pity. "Oh, sunshine... That will never, never happen."

You dashed toward him.

As soon as the last syllable rolled off his tongue, you moved forward. The muscles in your arm burned at the movement, but it was a relief. They were finally able to move after being suspended in the air for so long.

You aimed for his throat. Your mission was to kill him. He gripped your wrist, yanking you towards him before throwing you into a nearby building. Your head banged against the wall and you hissed in pain. Weapon long forgotten, lost somewhere on the ground when Heimdall threw you. Everything became blurry and you closed your eyes for a moment.

When you opened them, Heimdall was kneeling in front of you. "Have we learnt our lesson yet?" His head tilted to the side, eyes staring into your half-opened ones.

Clear your mind. The words of your father echoed through your head. Do not let your enemy know your thoughts.

"No." Your left hand reached up to grip his braids, your right hand punching his face.

He stumbled back, groaning, his hand reaching up to his now bleeding face. You took your chance and ran, heading for the lodge. You needed to find Atreus.

The path seemed a lot more confusing on the way back, or maybe it was your racing mind making it seem like that.

You could hear Heimdall's rushing footsteps growing louder and closer. They were far more quiet than yours, but you could still pick up on them.

Finally, you saw the lodge come into view, the lights on it glowing brightly—but there was one thing that worried you.

Heimdall's footsteps stopped.

But yours didn't. Your legs kept moving. They went even faster now. Just as you were in a meter or two of the lodge, a hand gripped your arm, pulling you behind a house and back into the darkness as a hand covered your mouth.

You squirmed in Heimdall's grip, biting, kicking and doing whatever to try and escape.

Your teeth bit deep into his palm and he gritted his own teeth. The hand around your midsection, holding your back to Heimdall's chest, squeezed tight until there was little air in your lungs.

This caused you to stop moving, your head spinning once more. You heard Heimdall 'tsk', "Now now... Is this any way to treat your lover?" He finally released his hand from your mouth, trusting and knowing you wouldn't scream.

"You're a deranged fuck if you think anyone could ever love you," Venom dripped from your words, "Especially... when you do... stupid shit like this..." The little air in your body slowly disappeared with each word.

Heimdall noticed your struggles, and despite your words, he loosened the grip on your waist. You took in large gasps of air while Heimdall began speaking.

"True. Though being loved is a hard thing to do or come across now." His hand on your torso moved further up until it reached your throat. It didn't do anything, it just lingered there. "So sometimes, you just need to do things like this."

"I wonder why it's so hard for you..." He didn't like your tone. "Don't worry, you'll have plenty time to find out. It's not like you're ever leaving."

Your eyes narrowed, staring at the wooden wall in front of you. Before you could speak, Heimdall did, "And you will be staying here, sunshine. Unless you wanted your brother to have a... Painful death."

"Touch him and I'll-" you choked on your words when he squeezed your throat, stopping your breathing again.

"I won't touch him if you agree to what I'm proposing." His hand let go so you could breath, "And we both know you can't defeat me. So your best option would be complying." Not even the slightest bit did you agree to what he wanted you to. You hated him. This only expanded that feeling.

But your brother...

You wouldn't be able to live with yourself if he died.

"I'll make your life a living nightmare." It wasn't a yes or a no, as much as you wanted to say the latter.

There was a warm feeling on your neck and you recognized it as Heimdall's breath, "Even better. I love a good challenge. Hard to find one when you're a god of my capabilities."

Everything he said made you want to roll your eyes or curl you lips in anger. The hate you had for him was unmatched. The anger that filled your body when near him made you feel like exploding.

"I hate you."

He chuckled and it sounded like what a snowstorm felt like. Cold.

"I know. But don't worry... in time, you'll learn to love me."