Mercenary Park National Reserve Official "Tumbles"
@tf2husbandryofficial
Mercenary Park National Reserve is a safe, revolutionary habitation and restoration project dedicated to properly homing, studying, and restoring the Mercenary population of the world, educating all about this fascinating subspecies.
OOC: Major blog renovations underway! Some information here may be changed. See this post for more details.
From our team at Mercenary Park National Reserve, it's a pleasure to meet you all. This blog will serve as a lighthearted and informative place to learn all about these incredible creatures! Some are murderous, some are more murderous; all must be treated with care and respect.
We're here to provide information and answer questions about behavior, caretaking, and general facts about these fascinating critters.
Please read our FAQs!
If you think you’re better than us and know how to run our park better than our skilled, educated, expendable staff, please leave a tip at our complaint line!
About our team under the cut!
Our Team
Dr. Bungus: Any pronouns. Our Greatest Lead Researcher and the primary PR specialist despite everyone's best wishes, Bungus has held strong through twelve mutinies and counting! They studied at a college in a big old hole underground and have a degree in Engineer as well as a minor in Demoman. She is underqualified in literally every other aspect and should never, ever have been trusted with leadership. Suspiciously moldy at all times.
Dr. Jasper: Lead geneticist and population ecologist, Jasper is also the resident Scout and Spy expert after receiving a “degree” from a "college". Aside from educational experience, Jasper also owned multiple tame Spies throughout their childhood, all of which led regrettably short lives. Jasper also denies any claims that he displays sadistic or sociopathic tendencies. Jasper's statistics are always in perfect order and reflect an accurate picture of population growth, as well as any spontaneous mutations that are naturally frequent without human tampering.
Dr. Spaghetti: He/they/it. Dr. Aries Spaghetti is a behavioral specialist and heavy weapons guy researcher! He originally applied to the scp foundation but was quickly denied due to the questionable legitimacy of its resume, so he just settled for the next best thing. Nobody has yet succeeded in trying to figure out what hey do when outside of the job, and their name seems fake but nobody has the balls to ask about it. They were originally an intern but then the other behavioral specialist was RETIRED HONORABLY, THEY ARE STILL VERY ALIVE AND WELL, NOTHING HAPPENED WITH A SOLDIER.
Dr. Frost: She/her. Dr. Serena A. [Middle name classified] Frost is a leading expert in animal husbandry, [redacted], projectile weaponry, and romance, with 10 degrees, 2 of which are PhDs in Quantum Physics and Pharmacology. Dr. Frost is an expert in capture, containment, and enrichment, acquiring most of the wild endangered mercenaries and successfully suiting environments on site to their needs. Dr. Frost is not studying Dr. Bungus or attempting to overthrow them. Dr. Frost will not kill you if you do not deserve it. [Redacted]. Dr. Frost is not romantically involved with any mercenaries. Dr. Frost is definitely human. Dr. Frost is married to Dr. Peake (twice divorced).
Dr. Peake: She/her. Marine biologist and medic researcher. Dr. Jessie Peake was hired out of Maryland to help study the mysterious "spycrab" but quickly hyperfixated on the Medic. Is definitely not 35 crabs in a lab coat. She was appointed head medic researcher after the previous head researcher got overconfident and was ripped apart by the medic for organs. Note from Dr. Bungus: the last sentence is made up and did not happen. We are deeply devoted to the well-being of each and every one of our employees, even if they are incredibly exploitable. Thank you for your time.
Dr. Blue: She/her. IC Blue is the resident park ranger of the reserve. Currently, she’s writing a thesis on Soldiers, thus her inclusion as a Soldier Specialist. The only researcher without a lab, Dr. Blue prefers the hands-on learning, rugged hiking and camp outs associated with chasing the perfect shot. Unrelated but she holds the Guinness World Record for staying perfectly still for days on end! She’s often found in the wild along with Dr. Seraphin, filming and interacting with the local mercenary fauna, as well as giving guided photography tours. She was raised to think she was human. Her sweet, bubbly persona and care for her craft will draw you right in!
Dr. Seraphin: They/them. Dr. Borealis Charron-Innocent Seraphin is the vet of the Mercenary Park National Reserve who definitely wasn't raised by a Malpractice of Medics and a Huddah of Pyros :) They can often be found attempting to feed the Pyros snacky treats. They have a definitely correct and legal veterinary license and definitely did not walk into the Reserve and perform critical surgery on a Pyro and never leave. They are paid in bed and board.
Dr. Yesh: She/he. Dr. Angela A. Yesh is one of the junior researchers in the team. She also acts as both the security, archeologist, and captor of most of the mercenary life. Was originally a senior before being demoted for [CONFIDENTIAL.] An appritience of Dr. Jasper (out of legal reasons, regarding [CONFIDENTIAL]), she is also specializing in Scout behavior, and even has a companion himself. She can be found investigating ancient artifacts, extracting EGO from critters known as Abnormalities, and inspecting the well-being of both the mercenaries, and the research team. Paid in bones, and security from police officials, due to [REDACTED.]
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
i have replaced the brains of a scout with a fish brain.
-TV head's friend
Good thing you didn’t do that within the confines of MPNR. I think that would both highly offend our OSHA representative and count as an OSHA violation somehow.
i get the feeling my sniper&pyro duo will be sticking around long-term! ive fireproofed most of the house, and everything flammable is already kept out of reach.
with that being said, what are some other things i should consider when taking care of these two? specifically in regards to interacting with them (too much vs too little), things to watch out for (distress calls + ideal vs concerning behaviour), and anything ive missed in preparing the house.
and before you inevitably ask me to send one or both of them to you — that ain't happening, they're pretty much inseparable and seem rather content where they are.
Most Mercenaries can regulate how much they interact but there's always one or two who can't! Pyro's tend to be a Very Friendly Sort.
Arrow's are always good enrichment for the two of them, Snipers love shooting them, and Pyro's love setting them ablaze!
-Sorry I couldn't be of more help on the Sniper front, Dr Seraphin
so, i've encountered a scout—at least, i think it was a scout. i'm sure it was a scout, it was wearing a ripped red hoodie, with the dog tags and messenger bag and a single running shoe. but my gosh, it was the most messed-up scout i have ever seen. its face was covered in blood and its entire body was covered in these nasty-looking lumps, and when it saw me it lunged at me on sight and i swear it tried to rip me apart with honest-to-gosh claws. was it really a scout?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I've been thinking of redesigning my merc room to fit Care and Warrior more. What should I get for them?
(OOC) im going to be a 1000% honest with you im pretty sure im the only guy who looks at this blog anymore and i have no fucking clue what is going on i am so sorry
currently leaving a trail of fresh kidneys in coolers to get the aforementioned medics away from my house. pray for me. don’t ask how I got the kidneys.
Good luck! And I won't as long YOU won't ask why I'm there!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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i found an abandoned sniper on the side of the road! please give me some advice as i have no experience :(
He's probably fine! Snipers are known to wander as they are accustomed to empty, wide expanses of land. He likely just came by the road to investigate what it was. :)
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