𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝟐

(I’m not actually sure if I’ve done this one before, but what the hell.)

Demoman~ They’re preparing for battle to start when he lightly boops them on the butt with the tip of his grenade launcher and tells them that hes ‘keeping an eye out for them’, before giving an overly-dramatic blink, since he can’t wink. It makes them laugh, and after the battle he says a bit more seriously that he really does look out for them, because he really cares for them.

Medic~ While checking/putting in their uber-implant, he gently lifts out their heart and examines it for a moment.

“Ah, look, your heart is in mein hands. I suppose zhats only fair, since mine has been in yours for a vhile now.”

He’s pretty nonchalant about it, but even under the medi-beam its obvious his cheeks are a little redder than normal.

Scout~ He’s a little sheepish as they’re walking around the base idly. It might just be sunburn, but he looks a little redder than normal. He just kinda blurts it out and looks away, like he’s been wanting to say it for ages but he feels like an idiot for not planning it out more.

Pyro~ Pyro invites them over and they hang out together in Pyros room. The share a few stories and chat a little, maybe reading some comic books or watching some TV. While in a quiet moment, Pyro  gently takes one one of their hands while with Pyros other hand, they lift up their mask. Pyro lightly lets his crush see and touch their face. Not much is said, but it shows how much Pyro trusts them.

Engineer~ He invites them to come into his workshop on a day off and they hang out a little. He works while they chat, maybe have a few beers. After a while he stops working and they joke around a little, sometimes with Engie playing guitar. When it starts to get late, and they think about leaving, Engie asks them to stay a little longer, and they can’t say no. He tries to serenade them a little with his guitar but messes it up a little due to his nerves. 

Its a case of ‘Aw, hell.’ before he learns over and kisses their cheek as he goes red.

Heavy~ He lightly knocks on their door one evening after a battle, and they welcome him in. Hes a little sheepish, but after a moment he grabs them and picks them up in a bear hug, holding them tightly. 

“Heavy, you alright?”

“Da….Just worried after battle today, wanted to check on you.”

“You…You know that you can do that without hugging me, right?”

He just squeezes them tighter and mutters. “Never want to let you go.”

Soldier~  Its rather sudden - they’re probably in the showers one day after battle and he grabs their chin and kisses them roughly, before silently going back to washing himself. Its the first time they’ve heard him be silent, and the first time they’ve ever kissed.

Sniper~  He just can’t seem to get to sleep in his van. He stumbles back into base in his undershirt and some old boxers to get some coffee, when he sees his crush sat at the breakfast/dinner/meeting table. He grabs a drink and sits with them, and they chat about why they can’t sleep. He almost doesn’t do it, but he blurts out that he can’t sleep because of them on his mind.

Spy~ .He comes into their room late at night after knocking. Its become fairly regular; the two of them chatting late at night as a means to unwind. There isn’t any touching, and usually they barely look at each other; its just talking, with sometimes a cigarette or two thrown in. After a while this time he looks over at them and watches them for a moment.

“Its strange, don’t you think?”

“Whats that?”

“Of all the people I’ve known, worked with, been with. You’re the one who I want the most.”

(Gonna go with reading since god damn that’s some awful writing!)

Soldier~ Soldier isnt the best reader, and asks Engie to read it out to him. After about three paragraphs, Soldier silently gets up and leaves the room. Its some time before he decides he ever wants to read again.

Sniper~

Pyro~ They manage to sit and read some before getting distracted and drawing on the pages and setting the book on fire. Somehow more books keep appearing in their room, and they all get the same treatment.

Scout~  He’s heard its a kinky adult book and sits to read it with the intent of getting off to it - hey, its the middle of the desert, theres not much else to fap to. He finds one or two parts to get off too, but feels guilty and dirty afterwards.

Heavy~ He refuses to read it. He hates the destruction of books, but if he sees a copy of it, he lets Pyro use it as target practice.

Demoman~ He reads it while blind drunk. Hes the only one who manages to literally read the whole thing, but he remembers none of it the next morning. Everyone is envious that he has no memory of it, the lucky asshole.

Medic/Spy/Engineer~ Since these three read quite a bit anyway, are familiar with bodily functions and have heard how bad it is, they get together and read bits of it out loud to each other. Everyone can hear awful impressions and laughter from Spys Smoking Room while they’re reading it.

I caught myself checking out a sketchy old farmer dude in parking lot cuz he was wearing yellow glasses and looked vaguely like Sniper.

When little Mun-Dee falls from the sky into a backyard in the outback, his soon-to-be adoptive father wears a moustache like the good australian he is:

But then, when we see him again in heaven through Sniper’s eyes, he doesn’t have it:

I always wondered why Sniper’s dad, being a true australian, didn’t have a moustache. Having finally noticed how he used to have one, now I think I know:

His son always had troubles being accepted because of how un-australian he looked, and when he had troubles growing a moustache like all the others, his father decided to shave so his son wouldn’t feel as much like an outcast. Despite never accepting his professional choices, Jonathan Mundy never stopped supporting his son.

(So these are more like…things I have called the mercs in conversation or shouted at them in-game to the screen. I also tend to call them names depending on the loadout I see them with.

As in, ‘Ugh, just got killed by a fucking…Kablewy dude.’ or, ‘goddamn fucking Spy Prick asshole.’)

Heavy~ The Hoov, Mister Picnic, Handsome Bear, general eating noises, Macho Macho Man, A Butt To Follow

Pyro~ Baby, Poot, a general ‘HHhhhhhhnnnnk’ noise

Soldier~ Shouty, Nyyaarrrghh!, Toots (as in he toots his horn),  general yelling noises, Captain America if the freezing process backfired, Patches

Demoman~ Ka-blewy, Badoosh man, MELEEMELEEMELEE, The Less Annoying Nyoom.

Sniper~ Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaall, Super Pro Butthole, Stabby Mc Stab Stab, Vest

Medic~ Handsome Gramps, Coat, Twinneedle, Dr Waltz, The Hand From Surgeon Simulator Gone Wild

Scout~ The Child. Annoyance, Speedy Speed Boy, Shooty Patootie, The More Annoying Nyoom, Wanananananana.

Engineer~ Pancake Stack, Nope, Lil’ Fucker, moveyourfuckingsentryDICK, Knifewrench (For Kids!)

Spy~ *Obnoxious French snorting noises*, Prick, Vroom, Stabby Mc Stab Stab Special Edition The Directors Cut, John Travolta After A Breakdown, Failed Bandit

Medic - Grampsome.

Sniper - Piss pole, lanky streak of piss [where I come from, calling someone a streak of piss means they’re thin], Snipples, Bush Tucker Trial, sPISS,

Scout - Scouting for Girls, Boston Boi, Yorkshire Terrier, The Batter, Straight Outta Boston, Russell Howard, Hop Skip and a Where-The-Fuck-Did-He-Go, [I have a lot for him but I forgot-]

Demo - Hot Scot,

Demo- black lavender, Mr. bombastic, stinky drinky, pirate

Heavy- custard, meat mountain, Rocky, Stronk, dump truck, subway, om nom, tall and large

Sniper- Lizard, emu, Legs McGoo, stinky, yellow-good bye

Spy- Squid, snail trail, Fancy pants, suit and die

Scout- Girl Scout, baby face, cookie batter, scooter, speed racer, pizza boy, Joker

Soldier- Major Payne, woobie, gunny lee, captian crunch, Sgt. Slaughter, Lt. Launcher, private punisher

Pyro- soots, ashy, smolder, dragon born, hot pants-suit

Medic- foxy grandpa, wurst doctor, pecker checker, LPN (little play nurse), two-face, birb dad, Dr. Doves

(So these are more like…things I have called the mercs in conversation or shouted at them in-game to the screen. I also tend to call them names depending on the loadout I see them with.

As in, ‘Ugh, just got killed by a fucking…Kablewy dude.’ or, ‘goddamn fucking Spy Prick asshole.’)

Heavy~ The Hoov, Mister Picnic, Handsome Bear, general eating noises, Macho Macho Man, A Butt To Follow

Pyro~ Baby, Poot, a general ‘HHhhhhhhnnnnk’ noise

Soldier~ Shouty, Nyyaarrrghh!, Toots (as in he toots his horn),  general yelling noises, Captain America if the freezing process backfired, Patches

Demoman~ Ka-blewy, Badoosh man, MELEEMELEEMELEE, The Less Annoying Nyoom.

Sniper~ Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaall, Super Pro Butthole, Stabby Mc Stab Stab, Vest

Medic~ Handsome Gramps, Coat, Twinneedle, Dr Waltz, The Hand From Surgeon Simulator Gone Wild

Scout~ The Child. Annoyance, Speedy Speed Boy, Shooty Patootie, The More Annoying Nyoom, Wanananananana.

Engineer~ Pancake Stack, Nope, Lil’ Fucker, moveyourfuckingsentryDICK, Knifewrench (For Kids!)

Spy~ *Obnoxious French snorting noises*, Prick, Vroom, Stabby Mc Stab Stab Special Edition The Directors Cut, John Travolta After A Breakdown, Failed Bandit

Medic - Grampsome.

Sniper - Piss pole, lanky streak of piss [where I come from, calling someone a streak of piss means they’re thin], Snipples, Bush Tucker Trial, sPISS,

Scout - Scouting for Girls, Boston Boi, Yorkshire Terrier, The Batter, Straight Outta Boston, Russell Howard, Hop Skip and a Where-The-Fuck-Did-He-Go, [I have a lot for him but I forgot-]

Demo - Hot Scot,

(So these are more like…things I have called the mercs in conversation or shouted at them in-game to the screen. I also tend to call them names depending on the loadout I see them with.

As in, ‘Ugh, just got killed by a fucking…Kablewy dude.’ or, ‘goddamn fucking Spy Prick asshole.’)

Heavy~ The Hoov, Mister Picnic, Handsome Bear, general eating noises, Macho Macho Man, A Butt To Follow

Pyro~ Baby, Poot, a general ‘HHhhhhhhnnnnk’ noise

Soldier~ Shouty, Nyyaarrrghh!, Toots (as in he toots his horn),  general yelling noises, Captain America if the freezing process backfired, Patches

Demoman~ Ka-blewy, Badoosh man, MELEEMELEEMELEE, The Less Annoying Nyoom.

Sniper~ Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaall, Super Pro Butthole, Stabby Mc Stab Stab, Vest

Medic~ Handsome Gramps, Coat, Twinneedle, Dr Waltz, The Hand From Surgeon Simulator Gone Wild

Scout~ The Child. Annoyance, Speedy Speed Boy, Shooty Patootie, The More Annoying Nyoom, Wanananananana.

Engineer~ Pancake Stack, Nope, Lil’ Fucker, moveyourfuckingsentryDICK, Knifewrench (For Kids!)

Spy~ *Obnoxious French snorting noises*, Prick, Vroom, Stabby Mc Stab Stab Special Edition The Directors Cut, John Travolta After A Breakdown, Failed Bandit

Medic - Grampsome.

Sniper - Piss pole, lanky streak of piss [where I come from, calling someone a streak of piss means they're thin], Snipples, Bush Tucker Trial, sPISS,

Scout - Scouting for Girls, Boston Boi, Yorkshire Terrier, The Batter, Straight Outta Boston, Russell Howard, Hop Skip and a Where-The-Fuck-Did-He-Go, [I have a lot for him but I forgot-]

Demo - Hot Scot,

Long post, so its under a cut!

Also as someone who trained in graphic design for a while, I really love typography. I had a lot of fun with this one, thanks!