Mina

At 14, I told my guidance counselor that I didn't want kids. He chuckled, patted me on the back, and informed me that when I got a little older, and I was with a guy, I would change my mind.

At 16, my grandmother nearly had a heart attack because of her three granddaughters, myself and the youngest agreed we didn't want to uave babies. Ever.

At 17, my father asked about my life plan. I told him: graduate high school, get my college degree, do some traveling and writing, go for this particular job I wanted, retired around X age, take month-long vacations to places I wanted to spend time in, etc. He asked, "What about a husband? Children? Normal things a girl is supposed to think about?" My response- a husband if a man came along that could share an adventure with me, kids were a No Go. He assured me I would 'grow up' qnd change my mind.

At 19, I shocked my former babysitter who had known me since I was a toddler, when I confirmed the rumour she'd heard that I didn't want kids. She patted my mom's arm and reassured her in a sweet voice that, "Don't worry, girls say a lot of silly things before they meet the right fella, and wise up. She'll give you grand babies"

At 22, I was talking to a college professor who chuckled at my making a comment about how, "thank goodness I'm never going to have to worry about juggling child rearing eith marriage, work, and life", then she realized I was serious. She asked if I was alright, thinking I could-not (not didn't-want) kids. I told her the truth, could have but didn't want to. She was aghast, then told me that I'd change my mind when my husband wanted some kids.

Well, I'm over 30, still have absolutely no desire to give birth, adopt, raise, or have much of anything to do with children. I don't hate children, I don't think people who have them are crazy (more power to you, to create and/or care for another person), and I don't think it's impossible to have a life AND have children. I recognized at an early age that I don't have that biological imperative to procreate, I don't have the patience to deal with children (something that has shown very little improvement as I've gotten older, in fact it might be getting worse), and I don't feel my life is incomplete without creating another life- I am good with living my own and doing my best to enrich the lives of those I care about (I try my best to be a good friend, to be a good sister, good daughter, good pet-owner, and a good person in general).

So please, please stop telling girls (or really kids at all, but especially girls) that they will change their minds. Please don't tell them that meeting 'the right guy' will make them suddenly feel broody, that their potential future husband's desire to have children will make her reconsider and see things his way. For one, a couple should have had that conversation and decided if it was a deal breaker, LONG before they got hitched. For another, it's her body that gets to grow and birth another human being- her husband's desire to be a father doesn't supercede her autonomy.

Please, let girls make their own choices? Girls are forced to mature too fast as it is and are bombarded from all sides with SHOULD (you SHOULD be a size 2, you SHOULD wear this dress, you SHOULD have a boyfriend to be a normal teen, you SHOULD always smile), they don't need another judgement from someone who hasn't walked a mile in their particular shoes. Respect teenage girls and their ability to look at the world, themselves, their situation, and their future, and make an important choice.

*gets off soap box, slides it back under the sofa, lets out a sigh*

I was raised Mormon, so I was told that I wanted kids. Not I said I wanted them, I was told from the time I was eight that I wanted them. For a long time, I believed that I did want them.

Then my sister started having kids.

That was when I realized that, no, actually, I did not want them. I had been told for over twenty years of my life that I wanted kids. I saw my sister go through pregnancy and birth and realized that nope, I loved my niblings, but being a mom wasn't for me.

They won’t even leave you alone when you have three chronic illnesses and two blood conditions. Basically two of these chronic illnesses makes it hard to conceive. The one blood condition can cause blood clots and kill the child and the other chronic illness can cause damages to the child’s brain. I don’t want to talk about my specific conditions, because I don’t know you. I can live a normal life if I take 3 meds every day and eat properly. I can’t drink, smoke nor not move because it could affect my health negatively. It’s a full time job keeping this body running normally.

But even doctors say it’s not impossible to get pregnant, it would just really be an awful difficult pregnancy. And that I would have to check up every few days and bla bla bla the child could die. So based on that and my body literally feeling ill when imagining pregnancy, I have accepted the fact that GOD doesn’t want me to procreate. And when I say ill I mean I get herpes from the sheer disgust I feel. It’s my personal belief based on my life circumstances. I believe that the Holy Spirit is guiding me towards a childless life. And that is fine. Every chronically ill person should evaluate their illness in regards of having a family or not. My childhood was also awful, I grew up around abusive people and I know I am not fit to be a mother. I can be lovely to your child, take care of it and attend to its needs. But what makes you so sure I will be like that to my own child? Again, I am barely keeping me alive and running to afford to go to work.

REGARDLESS if I explain the situation or not, people are too stupid to understand „I don’t want children“ or „Pregnancy is so difficult that even doctors are hesitant when talking about it“. I will just answer with „If you want to attend my fetuses funeral, sure, I’ll get pregnant“. Or „I didn’t think we were that close to actually explain to you how my body will exactly a)give the child a bad disability or b)kill it, but ok, let’s start“.

The only possibility to get rid of nosy people is to make the situation so unbearably awful that they just have to shut up. Straight up ask them why do they think that they can project their wish to have a family onto you. I also don’t date men that want kids. Yet those men do not understand that they aren’t so great that I will change my mind and still bother me. Dating is already hard, but with my character that is not easy at all and the illnesses and the childlessness it is so impossible I will just quit. If God wants me to have a husband then he will sent him to me.