DISCONNECTED

I know, I know, please don’t look at me like that. Please don’t get any closer. I am giving you all the parts I swore I’d never expose. I’ve grown so tired of holding it but this is not for you to hold. Please don’t get any closer, this is my own fault. My hands have always reached for things I’ll never deserve.

My voice trembles and I blame myself but I can’t change it. I can’t change it. Do not come any closer. I need to feel this, I promise. You don’t deserve this. I need to leave, it’s the only thing I do well.

I don’t need your sympathy, I don’t need anything. I can see it in your face, hear it in your voice. All this violence, my serrated edges, my core carved out of me, hollow inside, bones rattling in the wind. God is punishing me for believing I could forget what he did. I punish myself too, for believing I could be anything other than that. I know, I know, please don’t look at me like that.

Please, just stop looking at me like that. Throw your flowers into someone else’s grave.