do one good thing before you go

achievement unlocked! fail to finish breakfast purely for [i am too miserable to eat] reasons

wouldn't it be so nice if i could just. stop. like fuck you and fuck this i hate eating i hate rules around food i hate needing to eat i hate hate hate having to devote so much of my day to a thing other people will try to use to lead me around like a dog FUCK THIS

kind of impressed someone else voted yes. yes it's so obvious i'm this close to turning on you and biting your head off but you're still here? okay i guess make your choices. is it also equally obvious to you that i don't actually want for even a second to not be treated like a person? i just want people to stop treating me like a person because i'm desperate for half a reason to give you that treatment back without it being my fault? because i can't stand the thought of ever having to account for anyone else's thoughts or feelings for even a moment?

(no beers in) what is every thought you’ve ever had about me ever

i don't-- or i'm not supposed to believe in manifestation or whatever but today's a bad day and it's going to get worse. woke up already scared and mad. excited to get worse forever.

and by excited i mean. [static noises]. i know this isn't terribly interesting. i don't even want or plan to die; i'm just... in that awkward spot where i'm unfixable by most measures and the remaining measures require something i'm.never ever going to give. i have enough of a life that there is something to ruin if you call the cops on me. i don't have enough of a life to consistently get a full night's sleep

[half asleep] now i'm sure most of the reasom you haven't called the cops on me is because you don't know where i live or what my legal name is but please be assured if you did i would never speak to you again

i don't. particularly mind looking totally pathetic right now. so. i hope you mostly understand me as a thing that hisses and spits and swipes at you but doesn't actually expect blood. it's fine if you believe you know what i need better than i do because there are, in fact, limits on what you can do to me. yes this is still about my friend who had to get my FORMER HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL to threaten to call emergency services on me instead of doing it herself. not to still be hung up on some bullshit from like six months ago and i do see how she got there, i am of course not trying to paint her in a flattering light, but Jesus Christ

do you want to stab me. since you've had a bad day