do one good thing before you go

(no beers in) what is every thought you’ve ever had about me ever

i don't-- or i'm not supposed to believe in manifestation or whatever but today's a bad day and it's going to get worse. woke up already scared and mad. excited to get worse forever.

and by excited i mean. [static noises]. i know this isn't terribly interesting. i don't even want or plan to die; i'm just... in that awkward spot where i'm unfixable by most measures and the remaining measures require something i'm.never ever going to give. i have enough of a life that there is something to ruin if you call the cops on me. i don't have enough of a life to consistently get a full night's sleep

[half asleep] now i'm sure most of the reasom you haven't called the cops on me is because you don't know where i live or what my legal name is but please be assured if you did i would never speak to you again

i don't. particularly mind looking totally pathetic right now. so. i hope you mostly understand me as a thing that hisses and spits and swipes at you but doesn't actually expect blood. it's fine if you believe you know what i need better than i do because there are, in fact, limits on what you can do to me. yes this is still about my friend who had to get my FORMER HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL to threaten to call emergency services on me instead of doing it herself. not to still be hung up on some bullshit from like six months ago and i do see how she got there, i am of course not trying to paint her in a flattering light, but Jesus Christ

do you want to stab me. since you've had a bad day