airplane tickets should be free if you have internet friends you reaaaaaaally want to hunt like prey

wholesome camping trip where she encourages me to shotgun every hit she takes of a blunt with her and gives me drink after drink, once i’m sufficiently intoxicated she walks me to the middle of the surrounding woods and tells me i have 10 seconds to run before she starts chasing me. I have no idea what she’s gonna to do me when she catches me, but i do know weed is one hell of an aphrodisiac to her and the look in her eyes is animalistic

the tragedy of tumblr is you will inevitably meet people who you should be having a sleepover with. you should be rolling around on their floor and rummaging through their fridge and watching shitty movies with. you should be shopping with should be going out to a cafe with should be wandering through the aquarium with. people who you should be experiencing quotidian joys with... and you cannot! because they live one million miles away

deepthroating is a cute trick you can play on girls to make them grab the back of your head and choke you on their cocks

*flirting* -And if you break through my many layers of shyness and the shell I crafted from assuming most people would rather not be bothered I can talk for many hours about a number of video games that I either like or dislike (depends).

"I need to pee!" No, you don't; you want to pee. What you need is to sit in my lap while I press on your belly and switch between mocking your desperation and praising you for holding so well for me.