Terielle

Not that I have that much, but finding stuff on tumblr is difficult and I want it a bit cleaner

Fanfics (yes it is X Drake only)

Various

OS X Drake/ (Marine First Mare) Reader

HC Dating your daughter‘s boss

Dating for Beginners

Prologue

1

2

3

4

My thoughts on mostly X Drake anything

X Drake

Who recruits SWORD members?

How secret is SWORD?

The Tales of Geralt of Amnesia

or: Observations on the first Witcher game through the eyes of someone who played the third game first and then years later decided to play all of them.

# 1Geralt learning to do his job

#2 Fisstech

#3 Yen is totally reasonable

#4 Geralt the Hypocrite

#5 Triss and Geralt in TW1

#6 Addas insignificance

#7 „loosing“ Aerondight

Me on other websites:

My fics on AO3 (English)

We‘ve finally reached The Witcher 2 - Assassins of Kings. And I‘ve played it twice without switching the path.

#7 No matter what you do - Geralt looses the Sword the Lady of the Lake gave him. Amnestic Geralt is an idiot

At first I thought it was a bug, because I heard that Aerondight gets lost during the prologue of TW2, but I had it in TW2. But it is not bug, you can avoid losing it - for Geralt to loose it later.

If you, like I did the first time, didn’t check your inventory and did the prologue with the standard swords equipped instead of D‘yeabl (the Sword Foltest gave me for not killing Adda) and Aerondight, you loose the standard silver sword and have Aerondight still ready in your inventory.

In the second play through I did change the swords but, since I remembered the dragon flying off with my sword, switched them before and kept it that way.

Still, even if I had the sword in my inventory and even equipped while ending TW 2 I didn’t have it when I started TW3 with the save files.

This is a bit in general and also influenced by the second game and contains !!spoilers!! For the outcomes of TW3.

#6 I think the developers wanted to have Adda gone.

With the last thing I already breached the Topic of Geralt dating Triss while Yennefer exists, and I know this is a controversial topic. Also Triss losses my sympathy in TW2 (she seemed a lot different in TW3), but more about that when we reach TW2.

#5 Triss hooking up with Geralt isn’t as bad as it may seem first glance.

So, poor Geralt doesn’t know shit. And nobody cares to fill him in on anything - whether fighting nor his dating life.

Why nobody tells him about Yennefer I have theories:

In TW3 Lambert and Eskel make it pretty obvious they don’t like her. So they’re probably kind of happy she’s out of the picture and they have other more urgent matters, like the Salamandra.

Triss… well, she is into Geralt, so she has reason not to tell him.

But then, in a tavern later in the game, an Innkeeper tells Geralt basically a short summary of the books - in a way the most people could have heard about it.

And he tells him that the Sorceress died while trying to resurrect the Witcher.

If that’s the story that spread, and Geralt was assumed dead until he reappeared, it is very likely everyone though Yennefer dead, too.

Of course if Geralt isn’t dead it is very likely she isn’t either, but who knows.

So if we assume it’s „common knowledge“ Geralt and Yennefer died, it is likely Triss thought Yen is dead - and has been for five years. So… not saying it was right of her but…

If she thought Yennefer dead it’s not that bad she went for amnestic Geralt.

A lot of these will be around the drunken Witchers in TW3. But I just love that scene and it lives in my head rent free. But with the knowledge of the games before it gives another light it the scene. Like for example:

#4 Geralt is a hypocrite

Again I‘ll take the drunken conversation at Kaer Morhen, when he ends the game with the words:

"Right, men, let's end on that. Or else I'll never be able to look you in the eyes again"

When we consider what is supposed to be the „best way“ to take Fisstech, I kind of see it. But it’s not the only way. And coming from someone who is a lot drunk in the game and knocks back potions to increase his abilities - not to forget that they’re poisonous to regular humans and even he can overdose them - he’s basically taking drugs. Or at least doing doping.

Basically the Witchers are doing drugs all the time. (Because technically even alcohol is a drug!)

But the actual hypocrisy is with Lambert.

Lamber drinks if you choose to have never „jumped out of a lovers window“

And Lambert declares it’s because it was a friends wife.

Yeah, Lambert, not cool. Eskel is right we he sarcastically calls him „a true friend“.

But Geralt saying he can’t look him in the eyes- why? Was it his girlfriend? I doubt it.

Ant that’s when the true hypocrisy hits. Depending on how you play, Geralt is not only plowing every woman he comes across (from poor villagers, via a dryad up to Adda) he is also hooking up with Triss. Yen’s friend. He is the cheating guy in there, he is sleeping with his Girlfriend‘s friend. I mean, I know Yen and Geralt is complicated and they’re not that exclusive but… Triss is doing the same as Lambert, sleeping with a friend‘s partner.

Or maybe he isn’t looking Triss in the eyes while… well, let’s go to deep into that.

And something not from that scenes- he always claims to be neutral, not involved with politics but the whole TW2 is political- but let’s take his chronological.

As I said on the first thing, I started TW3 after I saw season 1 on Netflix. And I didn’t like Yennefer there. Also found her in TW3 annoying, but I was biased. Also didn’t knew the story between Triss and Geralt in the games.

I don’t want to go to deep in that topic yet but… Damn.

# 3 Yennefer throwing the bed out of the windows is totally relatable.

Pretty soon in TW1 I realized, Yennefer is being totally reasonable and the pinnacle of self control for only throwing the bed out of the window and not Geralt and the other Witchers, who didn’t seem in necessary to tell him about Yen.

I mean… I just wanted to be nice and tell Triss to stay a bit longer after everything in the prologue. I didn’t knew it would end in bed.

With Abigail I just thought „he isn’t really hitting on her right now“ and tested it.

Anyway, still not sure if I like Yennefer or not (I should hurry up with the books) but I made sure Yen being a bitch in TW3 is totally appropriate. So whenever I find her annoying I remember: I deserve this. I made Geralt hook up with almost every woman in TW1 possible.

AO3 upload pending, the editor is being a bitch, so…

4 „trust your gut instinct“

Drake tried to brush sawdust and straw from the passenger seat as best as he could. Had he known you were interested in his animals and his work, he might actually have intimes you tot the Zoo. To at least transported the shavings in the trunk of his station wagon instead.

„Sorry about the pet-store smell. I order the substrate through the zoo, and it comes in bulk packs I have to repackage myself“; he explained while you typed on your phone. Then he spread a blanket from the trunk over the passenger seat, making it look neater for you.

———

It wasn’t possible to die of embarrassment, as you knew now. And the shame faded, too.

The laugher of your friends did not. Every time you told them about your Date with Drake you got the same reaction. Frist from Viola, who was surprised why you came home so early. On Monday in the break room Stussy laughed at you for going home with a guy who wanted to show you his python – and you assumed it was his member and still went with him. Admittedly, you had reacted the same way in her place.

Tashigi shook her head at exactly that, but then reassured you that it actually spoke in his favor. After even she laughed at you.

Praline had been so entertained, that for a brief moment she even forgot the stressful part of preparing her wedding.

But exactly those preparations kept you busy too, and you barely had a chance to look at your phone the next few days. On Friday evening you were sitting with Viola on your couch, watching your favorite reality show „the Vinsmokes“. You hadn’t planned to open the Snailer app during a commercial break, it was moire the habit of clearing all notification to make sure you noticed the important one, to start the weekenend in peace.

But now the app was open and to your surprise there was a message from Drake in your inbox. Hesitantly you looked at the screen. You didnt expect to hear from him again. If you hadn’t been so busy you might have blocked him, just to avoid further embarrassment.

But in the end curiosity won. He was a guy you had met online, it didnt really matter what he thought of you – but he was a good-looking guy who was genuinely passionate about his hobbies. And someone who showed that much dedication to his interests was definitely interesting.

From the corners of your eyes you saw Viola grinning at you, but you ignored her and opened the message.

„Hello,

Did you get home okay?

I’m sorry how the afternoon went. It was so relaxed and normal that i totally forgot it was a Snailer date. If you’re up for it, I’d like to make it up to you“

Surprised you stared at the lines. You didnt know what you had expected, but not with an apology and being asked fpor a second date. But you were skeptical. Had he only messaged you because he now knew you had been ready to sleep with him and he considered a safe bet now? Or had he actually enjoyed the day that much?

Hesitantly your fingers hovered above the on-screen keyboard. You tipped and deleted the message, and started again multiple times.

„I got home fine, thanks. What do you have in mind?“, you finally typed. Then muted the phone and almost threw it at the coffee table.

Viola just raised an eyebrow. „Snailer? Dick pic or cheesy poem?“

You couldn’t help laughing despite your sudden nervousness.

Taglist (is there a better way then to just type it again and again?)

Or how I'll call it from now on:

The Tales of Geralt of Amnesia.

#2 Fisstech.

So, who knows the scene of Geralt, Lambert and Eskel getting wasted in Kaer Morhen, loves it. I played it with all Dialoge options and reloaded and whatever, and sometimes just watch YouTube videos of that scene.

And while their drinking game is fun the ending is… odd.

It ends with Geralt ending the game with the words.

"Right, men, let's end on that. Or else I'll never be able to look you in the eyes again"

I mean, yeah, Fisstech is a drug and that’s not good but… from a Witcher who knocks back poisonous potions on a regular basis and at least in TW1 gets so often drunk that my husbandfrom just occasinally glancing at my screen remarked that I‘m drunk a lot.

So… taking Fisszech to keep out with the succubus? Morally dubious but given the circumstances….

But then I met Jethro in TW1. And they talk about Fisstech.

Jethro: "You're pretty green..." *sniff* Geralt: "Not so green I don't know the best way to take Fisstech. Fold back your skin and rub..." Jethro: "wehere?" Geralt: "where you can fold back your skin, Jethro"

Note: according to my research Drake wouldn’t do that in a realistic scenario, because it means stress for the animal. And he wouldn’t do that to his pet just to impress a date, given he didn’t want to go at first. But I’m doing it for the same reason medical shows defibrillate an asystole - For the show.

3 - “pay attention to what happens between the lines“ 

“You have a date in a museum? Are you serious?”, Helmeppo asked, taking a bite of his wrap.

Drake did the same but frowned, “I like to go there.”

The fashion-design student rolled his eyes, “but not for a date! Go to the cinema, have dinner, lunch or-“

With a deep frown, the older man turned to him, “we’re grabbing lunch together on my break, but I’m not having any fun at all.”

“Guess we’re both lucky this isn’t a date.” Helmeppo retorted, shaking his head, “Museums are boring”

“I don’t think so.”

“I’m already sorry for the poor girl.”

——

Drake had told you he lived a bit out of town, and you sent you friends your position via Snailchat, just as a precaution. While Tashigi reminded to be careful, Viola sent a row of fire emojis.

Even if the drive really took a while, if felt like barely a minute passed. But this time it was you doing the talking. He asked for your hobbies and interests, and you answered. Sooner than you had expected you reached the small suburb and you stood in a ground floor flat of a small apartment building. You followed Drake’s example and took of your jacket at the entrance, and only a few steps after it turned out to be a good decision. Drake‘s flat was well heated. Very well. But except the tropic warmth it wasn’t very spectacular. The most flamboyant features were the reason for your presence and a telescope in front of one of the windows. Besides that, the living room had a comparatively large television and a couch. On the coffee table between those stood used dishes, a controller for a video game console and a stack of magazines. You didn’t see kitchen, bathroom and bedroom yet, but you weren’t here to get a full view of the apartment. You just wanted to know where you did end up.

Determined Drake headed for the two terrariums opposite of the television. In one of them sat a green iguana, and the other a sandy one.

„This is Ysera“, he pointed on the green one and then on the beige one „and this is Nozdormu.“

„Cute“, you commented and meant it like that. The animals seemed contest, as far as you as a layperson could judge, „but you promised me a python.“

„Of course“, when he stepped past you to guide the way you could see the blatant pleasant anticipation on his face.

The bedroom felt even warmer than the living room, but that was secondary. As he said, a floor to ceiling terrarium covered one wall completely.

„This is Paarthurnax“, in his from proximity really fascinating blue eyes shone obvious pride.

Politely you stepped closer to the glass to peek inside, looking for the tall snake. It actually took a moment until you found the animal with the even brown blotches rolled on a rock. At first you were impressed because he had such a big and extraordinary pet, but now it was the way he kept this pet. You know you shouldn’t be surprised that it reminded you less of the terrariums in the living room and more of a zoo enclosure. The terrarium looked massif, thick glass panels met on metal reinforced edges, outside were display showing temperature and air humidity. On the inside was a surprisingly big pond, something like a log with branches, that even on your eyelevel were still solid, and on the ground various plants and diverse types of underground.

You took a step back „Paarthurnax? Unusual Name for a snake.“

Sheepishly he avoided your gaze, „I have him for quite some years and…“

„I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee“, you grinned and he reciprocated it.

Snakes have never been your favorite animals, but you didn‘t dislike them either. The opposite, why should they don’t get the same recognitions as pets as others, just, because they‘re not fluffy? And the big Snake underneath the heat lamp was impressive. Nearly as much as the terrarium itself, and the dedication to reduce the own living space for it and accepting the immense heating bill. Now that you knew that the terrarium was about as long as the animal itself and high enough Drake could stand upright in it, you could guess why he heated his whole apartment - to keep the difference between temperatures smaller. But his dedications was everywhere visible. In his bedroom you saw more utensils for the pet than for him. A closet that was probably for his clothes, stood at the foot end of the bed, besides the terrarium was a rack holding utensils and devices which purpose you couldn’t quite figure out, and infront of the cabinet besides it were crumbles of the same underground than inside the terrarium.

You took a seat on the edge of the bed, crossed your legs and put on your most seductive smile. Since he took of his leather jacket you knew it wasn’t your worst decision to accompany him home.

„And what do we do now?“

„Do you want to get closer or touch him? He‘s used to humans“

You grinned suggestive, „well, I‘m here to admire your python. I assumed I’m not here just to look“

He looked at you surprisingly serious, „good, then it‘s for the best if you come in. Let me take him and when I say it you can carefully touch him. No hectic movements, and not at the head. He might sleep in the same room as I do but he‘s not a cuddly toy“

Baffled you nodded. A weird type of foreplay, but you could imagine that the Snake was far from a lightweight. And when he wanted to show off, you would let him have that. Slowly you followed him inside the terrarium, and a wave of humid warm air hit you.

It was fascinating to see how the snake slowly lifted its head and watched him but let him lift it up without objection. And what seemed weird at first served its purpose. The only thing betraying the apparent effortlessness was the bulging of his muscles, while he lifted the big animal. That and the obvious cautiousness was hot. Same for the calmness he kept when the snake curled partly around his upper body to find hold. And how his shirt was moved in the porcess

„A gorgeous animal“, you said, even if your eyes were more on his shirt, that was a bit out of place due to Paarthunax‘ movements. Now you got a glimpse of the lower line of his abs and the shirt was flattened against him like a second skin, leaving not much to imagination.

„You can touch him. Slowly, and at the sides. Body center would be best“, Drake reminded you slowly, while his attention was on his unconventional pet.

The body center was your goal, too - but rather his that the snake’s. But you played along, your curiosity was piqued. Carefully you did as told and let the tips of your fingers glide over the snake. It felt different than assumed, the scales were smoother than expected, and warmer.

„Just like this“, Drake praised calmly.

With a coquette smile you looked up again, „and what do we do now?“

„I fed him a few days ago, so I can’t show you that“, he hesitated, „and its too early to hold him yourself“

You stood close to him and casually let your hand wander from the python’s body on his arm, „I‘m certain here are some other interesting things we could do. Outside of the terrarium.“

As careful as he picked him up he let Paarthurnax slide back on his place below the heat lamp. He frowned deep in concentration, while the strong snake glided over his shoulders on the warmed stone.

„I have a telescope, a few actually, but there isn’t much to see at the moment, it‘s still too bright outside and-“

„You- you really just wanted to show me your pet?“, you interrupted him and voiced what just dawned you.

„Yes, what else?“, he straightened and turned to you, confusion showed on his face.

„I… I should leave now.“, you muttered and made a slow step towards the door, „where is the next bus stop?“

„A few minutes walk - I can walk you there or drive you back, if you want.“, he offered, obviously taken by surprise and opened the door

„I.. I‘ll manage“, you muttered, while squeezing past him, grabbing your handbag and fleeing the apartment.

If anyone else wants to be tagged, let me now, I'm happy you'r along for the ride <3

First of all, I‘m kind of new to the fandom here - but here were things I saw and thought and wanted to share.

As the caption says, I’ve played the third game when Netflix brought season one, and stopped watching after season two, because Eskel. I don’t think I need to elaborate. And a week ago decided to play the first two games before replaying the third.

# 1 Geralt learning to do his job.

It costs me a fair amount of coins to acquire books about herbs or monsters so I can loot them. So apparently the other Witchers didn’t tell Geralts amnesiac ass how to do that. I mean we only have the one in the beginning, and that’s it.

But that makes the scene with Eskel in the third game even more funnier.

You what I mean? When they’re hunting the Forktail?

In the Greeting Eskel acknowledges that Geralt has his memory back. And at the end of the Quest is this gem of Dialoge:

Eskel: Alright. Let’s collect the spinal fluid and get out of here. Cut into its back, just below the Skull.

Geralt: gonna tell me which side of the knife to cut with next?

Eskel: the sharp one. Come on hurry up.

I always loved that because it’s just a beautiful banter between friends. But now….

Again a little reminder: I can't replace "Y/N" or "Name" in your head while reading and prefer characters having names - so "Yin" is my stand in for you. If you can replace it in your head, you'll manage here as well ;) And if not: Congratulations, you have a new name. I'll try to avoid the use, but for me it feltnot good dancing around it here. Have fun!

2 - "choose a suitable location"

"Koby said you haven't found someone nice yet?", asked Hibari and adjusted her camera's lens. "No", answered Drake, standing beside her in the staff-only area of the tropical enclosure. „You do write them ?" "Yes", he answered and crossed his arms, "but it's difficult if I'm not allowed to talk about my pet or my job. And if it shouldn't get weird". "Why can't you do that?", she looked up. He pointed towards one of the iguanas in front of them, "my protégés aren't cuddly. I have dead rats in my refrigerator and to me stars are celestial bodies - not horoscopes“

"Off to new adventures", you mumbled while covering the short distance between the bus stop and the Museum of Natural History. In front of the wide staircase, you could already see your date for today, who almost exclusively spoke about his favorite comic books in your messages. But you didn’t mind, after all you appreciated a good book,movie or series. It was hard to tell which was the most flamboyant aspect of him. The hairdo, his size, or the blue leather jacket. Or maybe it was the combination of those, but at least he looked like he did in his pictures. Including the I-don't-want-to-be-here-stare. With a smile, you waved, but when he just nodded, you sighed. That was not exactly the kind of enthusiasm you expected from a date, but well. You were already there. You must be Drake", you greeted him. He nodded and let his gaze roam over you, "Yin?" "Guilty as charged", you grinned to cover your insecurity in the face of his sheer size and lack of excitement.  "I'm glad you're here" "Are you sure? You don't look like it", you said before you could stop yourself. The corners of his mouth wandered even farther south than they had been before, "I wouldn't be here otherwise". "Okay okay", you put up your hands in defense. He didn't seem to be a source of joy, but he was rather reserved in his messages as well, "Shall we go in?" Finally he seemed like he actually wanted to do that, and together you entered the imposing building. "Do you come here often?", you tried to start a conversation. "Every few weeks" "Do the exhibits change that often?" "So you always come to see the same? Again and again?" "Yes". You pursed your lips. If he wanted to remain silent, he should. Very soon you decided against staying at his side and roamed through the great hall on your own. But after a while you noticed him stopping rather long in front of the dinosaur skeletons. "Which is your favorite dino?", you joked while stepping beside him again. "The Allosaurus" he answered without a moment's hesitation, "less known than other theropods, like T-Rex, but during his time he was an apex predator." And some of the most complete skeletons are from him. There is even a documentary about one of them, Big Al. Paleontologists assume they were pretty tough, given the many healed injuries on the bones. They also could open their jaws wider than others. It reminds me a bit of snakes and- oh" You grinned, "If you want to know something about dinosaurs, ask a paleontologist or a random seven-year-old, I heard. But as it seems, guys in their thirties on Snailer are well informed as well." "I didn't want to bore you", he answered curtly. "You didn't", you nodded towards one of the giant skeletons beneath the ceiling. "What do you know about the others here? How about this one?" "Pterosaurs are actually flying reptiles, not dinosaurs", he stated. "In this case, I would like the private guided tour through the fossil exhibit", you winked, and for the first time you saw the hint of a smile on his face.

~~~

When you paused at the museums cafe you were certain you couldn’t keep even half of what Drake told you. But now without the skeletons of long extinct animals he was silent again. „Small-Talk isn’t really your thing, hm?“, you stated. „No, not really“, he confessed. „But Dinosaurs and Comicbooks?“ „Reptiles, actually. But some historical reptiles often get taken for Dinosaurs and“ he paused, „sorry, I digress“. "I prefer you talking about anything to awkward silence," you waved it aside, "so… reptiles?" "I've always found them fascinating ", he shrugged, "Today it's alligators, iguanas, and venomous and constrictor snakes instead of lizards and slowworms, but otherwise not much has changed. I turned my passion into my profession"  "Is that so? Are you some kind of Crocodile-Dundee?" "No, I'm a caretaker at the Grandline Zoo." “What?” Wide-eyed, you looked at him. “Does that mean that instead of long-extinct animals, I could have seen live ones? Including stories about the individuals?” He stirred his coffee slowly. “I’m in the reptile section. Most people don’t think that’s very exciting.” “But they still have their own personalities, don’t they?” you inquired further, even if you had to admit that cute meerkats, clumsy pandas, or big cats were probably better suited to impress a date. “Yes,” he said and after a brief hesitation continued, “but I have some at home, if you’re interested.” "What? Alligators?" You lifted an eyebrow and shot him a cheeky grin. "Iguanas and a constrictor snake", he replied with the hint of a smirk. "And what are we talking about?"you asked, placing your hands together and slowly moving them apart, "You have to say stop" "Your arms are too short." For the first time today, you saw an actual smile - and it really suited him. "In numbers?" "Roughly three meters" You let out an impressed whistle, "And where do you keep it?" "In a terrarium," he replied, dead serious. "You don’t say" "It's a big part of my bedroom", he admitted, before glancing at you, "Do you want to see it?" You took a moment to think. It was very straightforward, but given his small-talk skills, flirting probably wasn't one of his skills either. He was handsome, and aside from the bumpy start, it was by far the best date yet. And why were you doing this? To entertain your friends? To find someone to accompany you to your childhood friend's wedding? No - you could allow yourself some fun. You grinned, "Why not?"

If someone else wants to be tagged, let me now, I'm new to this:

Some things first. since I only needed to translate I wanted to share it and I hope it‘ll live up to the expectations, next chapter on Friday probably, from there every two weeks I assume.

What I actually wanted to say: I don’t like the „name“ stand in or „y/n, l/n“ because my brain is unable to fill in a name and I just read what there is. So I’ll try to avoid it but if I need the name I will use „Yin Lin“, since I learned that is basically „Y/N, L/N“ just put differently.

I originally posted the prologue on Drakes birthday (but not here), as a little necessary Detail for the Drabble.

I don’t know how tagging works, I just try: @jintaka-hane I hope it was you.

1 - Choose someone you want to spend time with

“How do you plan to celebrate your birthday?”, Grus asked while getting his belongings from the gym locker.

“As usual”, Drake shrugged, “Kujaku brings Pie and nags about me having more telescopes than couch pillows”

“You’re turning thirty-three. On a Friday! We should celebrate” disagreed Grus, “or a least have some drinks at a bar”

“Drinks sound nice” Drake agreed.

“Good”, Grus slung his sports bag over his shoulder, “you know she’s right, though?”

Drake frowned, “I quit university, but I’m still interested in it”.

“You own two couch pillows but four telescopes, Drake. Four!”

“And equipment”, he added dryly.

“If you come without a plus one, my mom will set you up with one of my brothers or cousins” - these were your best friends words. You liked the charlottes, because of Praline you’d known them since childhood, but you also knew it wasn’t an empty threat.

Which is why you were now sitting on the couch of your shared apartment, enjoying crisps and cocktails while Viola and Stussy gave their best game show host impressions. Considering they barely knew each other, your roommate and coworker made an impressive team. Between them the television mirrored your phone screen. To be precise: the Snailer-App. Maybe it was because of the drinks you had had by now or just their presentation, but you liked your idea more and more.

“And here we have the next candidate”, with a wide gesture Stussy pointed at the screen, where a man with silver hair, an unconventionally shaved goatee, and a scar over his right eye smiled relaxedly in the camera, “Rayleigh, seventy plus-“

“What age limit did put in?”, Tashigi on your left asked.

“None”, Viola stated dryly.

“That’s to old for my tastes”, you remarked and Tashigi nodded in agreement.

“But he aged well”, Praline noted on your right, “and he probably has quite some experience”.

“Should I bring him to your wedding?”, you asked, shooting her a pointed look.

“So, next”, viola stepped in and took your Snailphone, “here we have Vito-“

“I’m sorry, but I can’t get my eyes of that tongue”, on every single picture of the man with slicked-back black hair, his extraordinary long tongue stuck out. In some pictures he was even posing with a pistol.

“I’m not sure he’s allowed to carry that”, Tashigi voiced your concern.

“If he knows how to handle it”, Stussy smirked and licked her lips.

“With the gun?”, Praline asked confused, “how is that to her benefit?”

“The tongue”, viola winked.

“Next”, you demanded, before they could dig deeper in that topic.

“He reminds me of Kaku”, commented Stussy, and with a short glance at his profile picture and the prominent nose you agreed.

“Keep going”, you all agreed.

~~~~~~~~~

Not everyone was weird from the very beginning. Still, your dates were…. Quite something.

A guy named Apoo invited you to a club, where he complained nonstop about the music and told the DJ to play one of his tracks. Or let him take over. After that was without success, he let you listen to his music on his phone and kept talking about himself. Pretty soon you gained the impression he was more interested in promoting himself and his music than meeting someone.

You didn’t have a second date.

As it turned out, the age limit had been ignored furthermore, and so Beckmann was one of your matches. In your opinion, even the fifty-year-old was a bit too old for you, but he was very charming. The easy evening at the beach bar could have been very nice, if not for his redheaded buddy. He was always with you and at some point drunkenly proposed a threesome - after he already spilled his beer all over you. 

And of course you ended up in a traffic control on your way home. At least the pink-haired young police officer was very kind, and after your passed alcohol check, he even apologized and wished you a good evening.

Needless to say, there was no second date with Beckmann. And no threesome with him and his buddy.  

Hawkins, whose way of writing fascinated you, was a unique experience. Instead of a greeting, he told you the possible outcomes of your date, including the likelihood in percent. And he left even before the waiter arrived. The cards told him you weren't meant for each other.

It was your fastest date. 

 The evening with Ace was memorable as well. Good-looking, confident in a likeable way, - almost too good to be true. During dinner he fell asleep several times and landed face first in his meal. Unfortunately, he once pushed over a candle, which then set the tablecloth on fire. Luckily no one was hurt, and the fire had been extinguished quickly. But him running off without paying his bill was a bit brash. If he'd asked for you to pay or lend him something, it wouldn't have been a problem. After all, you were independent enough to invite a man, should his ego allow it. 

But disappearing and then sending you a message as if nothing had happened? No.

The handsome, tattooed, soon-to-be surgeon stood you up. It could have been excused due to his job. Even the second and third time. But he never seemed as if he regretted your dates being cancelled. Again.

You didn't even try a fourth time.

You didn't even know how Magellan ended up in this selection, but he spent almost the whole evening in the bathroom. During a brief sequence when he actually was in the restaurant with you, he even took his plate back to the restrooms.

You didn't feel the need to repeat that.

No, your dating record wasn't exactly fantastic, even though you rejected the complete disasters sending a dick pic or a lame pickup line from the very beginning.

Modern AU, and since One Piece uses transponder Snails, Communication devices will be snail related.

0 - Prologue

“No”.

“Come on, what‘s the worst that could happen?”

“What’s the best to happen?”

“You being happy?”

“What makes you think I’m unhappy?”

“I can’t remember the last time I saw you laugh”.

“I think I’ve never seen you laugh”.

“Your face”.

“People give you a wide berth”.

“Your hobbies scream I am so single I don’t even try to get laid”.

Drake regretted asking, when he looked at the faces of Koby, Hibari, Helmeppo, Grus and Kujaku.

“This”, Kujaku tapped her finger against the crease between his eyebrows, “doesn’t help your case”.

Annoyed he shoved her hand away, “I have hobbies I enjoy. I like my job. My friends are sometimes annoying, but I’m happy with my life as it is”.

“Your face tells a different story”, murmured Helmeppo over the rim of his drink.

“What is wrong with my face?”, drake  asked, slightly exasperated.

“The corners of happy people’s mouths point upwards, not downwards”, Grus said, jumping to the blonde’s aid.

“The reasons for that are sitting around this table”, Drake mumbled into his beer.

“We just mean well”, Koby tried to reassure him.

Drake sighted. He believed him and Hibari, but he doubted the other’s intentions’ “and how exactly would a girlfriend help with that?”

Hibari tapped her index fingers together, “wouldn’t it be nice if there where someone waiting for you at home-“

“I already have that”

“A human, who makes you smile? Asks how your day’s been?”, she continued and squinted towards Koby.

“I don’t want to talk about my day, when I get home”, he wanted to read his comic books, maybe play a game, and on his days off visit the planetarium. Or a museum. Or a library. He wanted peace and quiet.

“Well Hibari, Drake’s different from us normal and social functioning people”, Helmeppo said putting an arm around her shoulders, “he wants to brood in his solitude and only leaves his cave, when we drag him out”

“My flat is nice”

“Sure, if you enjoy living in a terrarium”, Grus said, balancing his chair on two legs.

Drake remained silent and sipped his beer.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if there would be someone supporting you right now?”, Kujaku elbowed him slightly.

With a defeated sigh the three his phone on the table, “fine, if it’ll make you leave me alone, get me that stupid app”.

~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks later Drake regretted that decision. It has been a bad idea. Technically he didn’t care, but it annoyed him. They wouldn’t leave him alone. Ever since his mobilphone had been ringing continuously. it wasn’t the app, but his friends, besieging him with messages. Even if he didn’t meet up with them, they had no other topic. This evening was no different.

“Hot, cute, no, kinda nice, oh my god what is that? Cute, cute, oh she’s my type,…” Helmeppo commented while swiping across Drake’s phone.

“That one has a cat in her picture, how about her?”, Grus at least seemed to have his interests in mind, though none of them deemed it necessary to show him what they were doing. But since he hasn’t used the app once since they installed it, he apparently had lost the right to have a say.

“You’ll message the women, if you have a match, right?”, asked his supposed best friend.

“Yeah yeah, whatever”, he said not taking his gaze off Grus unreasonable giant television, where he was slaughtering virtual Zombie hordes.

“Your yeah yeah sounds more like kiss my ass”

“Feel free”

“If you’re that desperate, you could’ve have used Snailer”

“If were desperate I’d just talk to someone”

“Sure”, Helmeppo rolled his eyes, “because you are such a chick magnet, smelling like dung and covered in hair”

“I shower when I come home”, Drake defended himself, “besides, reptiles don’t shed”

“What does flr mean?”, interrupted Grus.

“Lfr”, Drake corrected immediately, “looking for raid”

Helmeppo shook his head “female led relationship”.

“Now I see what Kujaku meant about his hobbies”, whispered Grus.

Drake paused the video game and sent his friends an accusatory glance, “you said you wanted to play some games together again” 

“No, I asked if you wanted to come over to play some games at Grus’ place”, grinned Helmeppo and gesturing towards the fancy penthouse suite, “enjoy it, you won’t find better equipment anywhere”.

Grus patted his back in camaraderie, “you do what you like and we’ll make sure you get someone warm blooded in your bedroom for once”.

First of all, as funny as it is, just for a moment forget the theory of Sakazuki being Hibaris dad. Done? Great.

Now imagine this:

In an AU, similar to our world or in our world, you got pregnant young, most likely in your late teen years. Now, in your early to mid thirties you have a wonderful daughter, Hibari. She joined something like police or military, and given she is underage you had to sign everything. Then she got recruited to some kind of special forces or specialized unit. You were worried, even scared first, but given she is more mature than you at this age, and the facet that she desperately wants it, you agree. Hell, your even a bit proud of her and happy someone saw how great you darling daughter is.

But given it is a dangerous and rather secret thing, you know how important discretion is.

So, are you in? Great. Let’s start:

#1 Dating your daughters Boss