love me tender

The sound of a glass door sliding open and then closed interrupted the silence you were in. You instantly recognized the smell of vanilla and the sound of flip-flops hitting the floor under you. “If you are trying to tan with that sweater on, you could win the tan line competition on the boardwalk.” Belly sat down beside you with a sigh, glancing down at your sandy thighs before gently wiping them clean for you. “”How did you find me?” You remain in your position, wiping your eyebrows from the little drops of sweat that had formed. 

“There’s only so many places you can be,” Belly snorts, “I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to try looking at your house. Besides, Susannah messaged your grandma about having you over for dinner to celebrate the start of summer.” You slowly opened your eyes at the mention of Susannah, blinking rapidly from the sunlight. You missed her advice and how she can read your mind with ease, knowing exactly how to fix any problem you had gotten yourself into. But when you thought of Susannah, Conrad followed. 

You hadn't spoken much after Christmas break, assuming keeping consistent contact with her may make things weird. While you didn’t know what happened or what went wrong- you still didn’t want to make things worse than they needed to be.

“Woah, Belly.” You sat up to be eye level with her. Last summer, Belly’s hair would tangle so often she left it in braids or tied up just so she wouldn’t have to manage it. Her skin had light marks from nervously picking at pimples and her teeth were hidden behind braces. But Belly seemed to have traded her braces for straight teeth, her hair perfectly laying down her back and her skin clear as if she had never had any marks at all. “You’re hot.” Belly blushes and tucks her hair behind her ears.

“Oh please, look at you. You look completely different.” You give her a soft smile, nudging her arm softly. You felt different. You had spent the last 4 months trying to distract yourself from your mind and solely focused on studying. Still, that left time for haircuts and boxed hair dye.

“Have the boys seen you yet?” Pulling your knees up to your chest, you rest your chin on them and give Belly a knowing smirk. “Yes.” You already knew her answer as she started to laugh.

 “Jeremiah almost ignored me completely.” You laugh at the thought alone and roll your eyes. “And Conrad-” Belly takes in a breath and her shoulders tense, her whole body still for a moment. Her eyes drift their attention from the deck below and quickly to you. “I..I am sorry. Jer told me about you guys.” You swallow the lump forming in your throat as she puts her hand on your forearm and uses her thumb to gently soothe your warm skin. “It’s fine.” You shake your head. You couldn’t make Belly ignore what happened, even if you wanted to. Conrad, Jeremiah, Steven, Belly- they were all one, a complete package wrapped in salt water and sea foam. It wouldn’t be summer with only half, and you wouldn’t be a good friend for letting your personal life get in the way of everyone else.

“Honestly, I don't know what’s up with Conrad. He’s been such a prick since we got here.” Belly curls her lip upward in frustration. “I caught him smoking pot by the pool last night.” You felt sick. 

“What? What..what did he say?” You ask and sit up straighter than you were before. “That he quit football, that he was thinking of not going to Stanford." You thought of the sweater you had given him for Christmas. You wondered how long he had known he was going to leave you, how long he had decided he no longer wanted to go to Stanford. Belly only shakes her head as if she was trying to make it make sense to herself but couldn’t come up with any logical reasons. Probably because this wasn’t logical- this didn’t make sense and this wasn’t Conrad. 

Gentle Conrad, who was never the first to break eye contact and always the last to let go of a hug. Conrad who always asked permission to kiss you or to hold your hand, the Conrad who traced the freckles across your cheeks with the pads of his fingers. The same Conrad who stayed up to help you study and never made you feel stupid when you didn’t understand something, the one who would mail you college brochures littered with markings to show you where his dorm would be compared to yours. 

You don’t respond as you stare ahead of you, watching the ripple of the palm trees sway in no pattern or order. “Jer said he’s been like this since New year’s. He thought maybe something happened with you guys when he came back from the city to see you.”

“No, at least I don’t think so.” Belly furrowed her eyebrows as she watched you speak, her eyes looking concerned. “He seemed fine- more than fine when he was with me. He called me a week later and sounded like.. Not like Conrad.” Your teeth sink into your lower lip as you make eye contact with her. You hated the look of pity, especially in Belly’s eyes but there was comfort in knowing you were seen. While you were too scared to admit it, you feared that avoiding Conrad meant losing the friendships you had created with everyone else. “Hey Belly?”

“Yeah?” She tilts her head slightly. 

“Thank you for finding me.”

It was snowing, gentle enough to see it fall from the sky before it disappeared on the ground. While the breeze was harsh against your skin, it still wasn’t cold enough for the snow to stick; small puddles of water began to form on the pavement. Conrad took small strides beside you to match your pace. 

“Aren’t you cold?” You glanced at him as you walked by his side. Your hands were cupped together in the sleeves of your jacket. Conrad chuckles while shaking his head, his hair following the movement. His hands were stuffed in the front pockets of his jeans but the cuffs of his sweater lifted every now and then to reveal the knuckles of his fingers. He had given you his scarf to wear, and although you felt like you were almost drowning in it, he insisted that you had never looked cuter. 

“I don’t think you’ve stopped shivering since we stepped outside your front door- I am fine, trust me.” He slightly shuffles towards you before draping his arm over your shoulders. The tips of his fingers were warm as they brushed along your exposed jawline before moving downward to squeeze your arm. You sheepishly smiled. “How are you not cold? I am freezing.”

“Hey, you wanted to go on a walk.” Conrad smirked as he looked down at you. His words were heavy with sarcasm but his eyes searched you head to toe- making sure you were okay to keep going. “I guess I thought we could be babies about the cold together.” 

You had never really seen Conrad like this- wrapped up in thick clothes, covered up so modestly. Snowflakes fell against his hair as it blew back in the wind. There was a soft blush spayed across his cheeks and nose, his lips a vibrant pink. All you have ever known was Conrad with a tan and swim trunks. You had spent 4 months learning him through a screen; blurry and so far away. Seeing a new part of him made something in your stomach tighten. 

“What? Do I have something on my face?” Conrad used his free hand to point to his cheeks, making a circle with his pointer finger. You blushed after being caught staring at him but looked down at your feet to hide it. “No.. no sorry, just thinking about how much I missed you is all.”

When you think back to this moment, you knew; there is no part of Conrad Fisher I don’t want to see because I love them all.

Belly and Jeremiah were keeping you company in the flower shop. They sat on creaky wooden stools beside the front desk, letting the breeze from the open door cool them down. “You should totally come over after this, my mom has been practically begging us to bring you to the house.” Jer swung his feet back and forth as the tips of his sandals just barely brushed against the floor. Belly looks between the both of you.

 “I don’t know.. I don’t want to make things weird for anybody and I definitely don’t know what I will do if I bump into Conrad. Which is highly likely considering it’s his house.” You say, moving fallen strands of hair behind your ear. 

“So, what? I mean, no offense to Conrad but he’s been a dick for the past couple of months.” Jeremiah rolls his eyes as he speaks. “It’s not fair that because of something he did, you have to suffer for it.” 

You scrunch your nose as you look in his direction, the sun being brighter on his side of the shop than where you stood on the other end. “I’m..not suffering.” You say. It’s Belly’s turn to roll her eyes as she jumps off the stool and lands on her feet. “Y/N it’s not anyone else’s business but yours,” Belly pauses to glance back at Jer, “But we know this last year hasn’t been easy on you and we care about you so much. Conrad is being an idiot, and pushing everyone away. We don’t want to see you do the same.”

You felt flustered in the moment, feeling so exposed even with the cans of flowers hiding most of your body. “We also care enough to give you space if that’s really what you need, but it wouldn’t be summer without you.” Jeremiah says, his voice more gentle than before. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I will come over after.”

“Yay!” Belly grins and pulls you into a tight hug, and Jermiah followed. “There is so much to talk about. Did you hear that Belly might be a debutante?” 

You don't usually enjoy having early mornings in summer. You preferred to take your whole break as an opportunity to sleep during the day and stay awake all night, even if you were just going to lay on your couch the whole time. 

“Are you excited?” Susannah was still parked in the driveway of your grandmother’s summer house, giving you the time to put your seatbelt on in the passenger seat. You felt nervous from the moment you woke up- so much so, you skipped out on breakfast and added 20 minutes to your shower instead. “I am..I have just never done this before.” It felt silly for something so simple to make you feel so out of place.

It was Belly's birthday the next day and she was adamant on making sure you would be there for dinner. She had explained to you how every year, they designate a full day to her. With her being the only one to have a birthday in the summer, it was the only day where you would find everyone in one place; Jer wouldn’t be at the boardwalk, Conrad wouldn’t be surfing and Steven wouldn’t play any pranks on Belly. 

When Belly told you everyone dressed up for a nice dinner and dessert, you didn’t really know how to respond. You hadn’t expected to do much this summer, let alone anything that required you to dress up. Conrad offered to take you shopping to find a dress, but Susannah had already beaten him to it. 

“Does your dad not take you shopping?” She asks with a smile.

“Not really, he gets a bit awkward about helping me find things. He usually drops me off at our mall while he runs errands if I need some clothes or lets me do online shopping.” You chuckle to yourself and Susannah laughs with you.

“Well, now you have me.” She reaches over to give your hand a squeeze. The action makes you look up at her with a smile. Suddenly you weren’t nervous anymore.

“Y/N!” Susannah is standing behind the kitchen island. There are bowls full of sliced fruits and diced vegetables covering the marble counter top. You can assume all the work has been done by Susannah due to the cutting boards in front of her and the stained apron she wore. Beside her, Laurel’s arms are elbow deep in the sink and covered in soapy dishes but she pauses to look up at the group of you standing by the entryway. 

You hadn’t expected to feel so at home being here, especially seeing Susannah. It was like all the worries you had before didn’t even matter the moment you walked in the door. You take a deep breath as your shoulders relax. “Susannah!” 

You make your way towards her and she pulls you in immediately. “You look so gorgeous.” Her palm gently strokes your hair before she extends her arm to Belly. “Both of my girls decide to grow up overnight.” Belly laughs as she walks over to the both of you before wrapping her arms around either of you. 

“I would join but I think you’d rather me stay here.” Laurel says. All three of you laugh at her remark as she holds up her bright yellow rubber gloves, dripping with soapy water. “Aww you can always hug me Laurel, I am about to go shower anyways.” Jeremiah speaks up as he sits on the stool across from her. Laurel raises one of her eyebrows at him before smiling to herself. “I think you’re allergic to dish water, Jer.” 

“Hey! I have done dishes before.” Belly scoffs as you all pull away from one another and Susannah gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze. It was as if she didn’t want to let you go. 

“Oh please, Jer. You didn’t know we had a dishwasher until 3 summers ago.” Belly remarks, sitting next to him. You laugh with the moms as Jeremiah sits up straighter. “Only because I was too busy handwashing my dishes to notice.” With a snort, you shift the cutting board in front of you and grab a knife to start helping Susannah with dinner wordlessly. Everything was the same, all in the same places as you remember it.

“Oh my gosh you’re such a liar, I have been washing your dishes for the last billion years.” Belly’s arms move sporadically as she talks. You had always enjoyed watching Belly and Jeremiah together, how animated they would get in their petty arguments. And how they would move on as if nothing happened.

“Billion? You’re only like 12 years old.” Jeremiah says. 

“What’s going on?” 

“Oh!..Conrad, you’re home.” Belly swallows as she puts her hands on the counter. She twists her body to fully face him before glancing over at you. You were still standing beside Susannah as your eyes drift away from the vegetables you had started cutting. Your whole body felt frozen in place as you gripped the counter top to make sure you didn’t fall over. You weren’t even sure if you were still breathing once you made eye contact with him.

You felt sick. You knew you were going to see him inevitably, but you didn’t feel ready. You didn’t want to see him like this- with someone else. His fingers were intertwined with another girl, who smiled unknowingly at everyone.

“Nothing, what’s going on with you?” Jeremiah has a smile on his face, but his words come out sharp and tense. He crosses his arms over his chest without breaking eye contact. 

“I told mom I was bringing someone over for dinner.” You look away. How can he look so calm, so at ease? Does he not see how this was affecting you? Did you really mean nothing to him? “I thought,” Susannah starts to speak, looking down at you and back at Conrad, “Yes, I must have forgotten. But it’s not a problem, I am making enough food to feed an army.” 

Conrad blinks as he finally looks in your direction. You couldn’t see him as he bit his bottom lip and loosened his grip from the girl’s hand. His chest physically hurt to take every breath as he was confronted with the reality of you seeing him like this. He wondered if you noticed the bags under his eyes or the paleness of his skin, he wondered if he looked like the same Conrad you used to love. If he looked how he felt; utterly destroyed.

⋆｡°✩

“Well, what a shitshow.” Steven sat on a beach chair. The sky was dark but the dim lights that surrounded the deck made it feel earlier than it was. Belly had her arm draped over your legs to keep her above the water as you sat on the edge of the pool, leaning back on your hands. The water was cool on your calves even with the slightly humid air. 

“Steven.” Belly spoke sternly as she glared in his direction. 

“What?” Steven asked defensively, crossing his legs as he leaned back. The white collared shirt he wore only had two buttons but they were both open. There was a deep green emblem covering the right side of his chest, ‘Cousins Beach Country Club’ it read. 

“Who was she?” You asked. The question had been itching at you all evening. 

“Her name is Nicole, she’s a debutante this season.” Belly looked up at you with an empathetic frown. 

It had never occurred to you until this moment just how different Conrad was. The people he surrounded himself with and the person he was raised to be, it was unfamiliar to you. There was never anyone who would do your dishes or fold your laundry for you, and there were no debutante balls. It was hard not to compare yourself to Nicole. Not only was she beautiful but she came from the same world he did.

“Hey, don’t think about it.” Jeremiah spoke up. He had been quiet the whole evening but you could see how angry he was without having to speak at all. 

“He’s a jerk.” Steven nods at Belly’s remark, but you shake yours.

“No, I don’t want to come between what you guys have with Conrad. I still..,” You take a deep breath, “I still care about him.” It’s silent for a moment. “Whatever is going on with him can’t be more important than supporting him through it. Even if he is pushing everyone away.”

Steven stands to his feet. “For what it’s worth, you’re just as important to us as Conrad.” You smile at Steven who smiles right back. “But I will always be the first to kick his ass when necessary, alright?”

“Goodnight Steven.” Jeremiah calls out as the dark haired boy opens the back door, giving a wave before going inside. “Speaking of debutante, who are you taking as your date?” You change the subject as Belly lays on her back, floating on the water. There was a slight blush on her cheeks as she smiled up at the sky. “Oh! I uh.. I am taking Jer.” 

“What?” You gasp with a grin before using your legs to splash Belly. Jeremiah laughs at Belly’s reaction and shyly rubs the back of his neck. “Moving on! Are you coming to the charity match?” Belly can’t help but shoot looks towards Jeremiah as she swims back in your direction. 

Next weekend Belly and the rest of the debutantes were hosting a volleyball match on the beach to raise money for charity. It had been brought up over dinner but you had been so distracted that you hadn’t given anyone an answer whether you would be there or not. Besides, you hadn’t been back to the beach in so long, you were patiently waiting for an excuse to go down to the ocean but never had the energy. 

“I would love to.” Now it’s Belly’s turn to splash you from sheer excitement as she laughs. 

“Belly!” You can’t be angry at her when she’s this happy, even if she’s completely soaking you with water. “I smell like chlorine!” You shout as Jeremiah joins in on the laughter. 

“Guess you have to stay the night then, you can borrow some of my clothes.” She gives you a sly smile and you stand up. The tips of your hair are dripping wet and your shirt has become barely see through. The night breeze causes goosebumps to form on your skin as you shiver. “We have clean towels under the bathroom sink.” 

“I will leave you guys be and meet you inside, Belly?” You look between Jeremiah and Belly with a smirk. While Belly’s intentions were probably innocent, you didn’t see the harm in teasing her and trying to insinuate she had a plan to be alone with Jer. Belly shakes her head, flustered all the sudden before sinking under the water in efforts to hide her face.

If you thought you were cold outside, you were definitely freezing once you were inside the house. Your wet feet pad along the wooden floors of the living room, where Laurel and Susannah are fast asleep on the couch, as you make your way up the stairs. You had spent enough time here to know where everything is, even without the helpful reminders from Belly. 

It was so quiet, the most you had ever seen this house and you were trying everything you could to not disrupt- “Y/N.” You stumble a bit as you hug yourself, the sound of your name causing you to spin around to where it came from. “Conrad.” You swallow.

“I..,” Conrad isn’t sure why he said your name. He could’ve ignored you completely given the fact you didn’t see him come out of his room after you passed by his door. “I didn’t expect to see you tonight. Here, here tonight.” Conrad has to force himself to stop talking as he avoids eye contact. He nervously shifts his weight between his feet as you grip your arms tighter. 

“I wasn’t sure if I would be here tonight either.” You respond. 

“It was nice to see you again. I hope everything is okay?” He says it more like a question than a statement as he looks directly at you. He looks worried or curious, you can’t tell anymore. You’re not sure how to answer him anyways as you shiver from the cold AC vents above you.

“I’m gonna go clean up. It was nice to see you, Conrad.” He didn’t deserve to know how you felt or how you were doing. After the way he left and the way he showed up tonight. You don’t give him time to respond before you’re going to Belly’s room to find a change of clothes. You took the opportunity to text your dad you’d be staying with Belly for the night before gently tossing it on the mattress beside you. 

⋆｡°✩

You hated to admit the amount of glimpses you stole in Conrad's direction this entire afternoon. Belly even seemed to notice as she raised her eyebrows at you with a knowing grin. You rolled your eyes as you stood amongst the crowd of people before lifting two thumbs in the air. 

“Go Belly!” You shout as the crowd claps and cheers. Your bare feet were covered in sand as people in bright t-shirts began tossing volleyballs back and forth, flying over the net just as quick as it was hitting against the players arms. Taylor, Belly’s friend, had come into town not long after the night you stayed over. She took your place at Belly’s birthday dinner, much to Belly’s dislike, but she understood why you weren’t sure if you’d want to come. “Conrad ran off only a couple hours into breakfast, I think he assumed you’d be there.” She told you the next day and Taylor nodded her head with a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. But you didn’t believe them. Because if it were true, then Conrad would’ve gone to the flower shop to find you and tell you that himself. 

‘Y/N I could barely see you there, come sit with us!” Laurel spoke over the crowd of people as she waved her hand at you. The Fisher and Conklin family had blankets and chairs right in the front, not far from where the judge’s table was. You wouldn’t mind having a bit of distance between you and the pack of sweaty people. So you take long strides and move yourself towards the rope tied in front of you, made to block people from pushing forward too much but that didn’t seem to stop them, before ducking your body under it and walking towards where Laurel was standing. 

You couldn’t look at them and you couldn’t look at yourself. Or Conrad, Jeremiah or Belly. It was so bleak. It wasn’t Susannah. You tried to help Laurel as she made her rounds with everyone, cutting fruit and making sandwiches until your hands cramped. Laurel was adamant on using the flowers from the shop for the funeral. ‘’It was her favorite place in Cousins before she got sick again. Her last example of normalcy.’’ She told you and you didn’t argue. You knew it was what she wanted. It helped you distract yourself as the days counted down; filling your car with flowers even through the pouring rain. 

There was a war in your mind; your body was aching for this to be over but you knew once it was, that this would be it. Susannah would become a part of the past and used as an instagram post during birthdays and anniversaries. You would try to find her in small things, but it will never be enough- the beach, the water, the smell of sunscreen and this house.

You always loved this house, how could you not? You fell in love in this house. 

⋆｡°✩

Conrad sat beside you, tapping his finger in a rhythmic beat against your knee. The gentle kitchen light was resting upon the familiar and unfamiliar faces of His family as you nervously watched Susannah set an assortment of food on the table. It had been nearly a month of you and Conrad seeing each other nearly every day and it wasn’t a secret that it had more than friendly intentions; nothing needed to be said, you both just knew.

“Conrad said this is your first summer in Cousins.” Jeremiah, who you had just met and was adamant he was going to be your future best friend, broke you out of your thoughts. “It is, but my Grandmother grew up coming here every summer. She finally convinced my dad and I to come stay with her this year.” You didn’t want to bring the mood down by adding extra details. Conrad knew every bit of it though. He knew about your parents' quick divorce, how your mom got remarried last year and suddenly dropped contact with you- how your dad and grandmother were so worried about you wallowing your final highschool years away in your room because of it. 

“Well lucky us to have found you so quickly.” Susannah says with a grin as she sits down, giving you a subtle wink that earns a smile right back. “Have you taken her to the boardwalk yet, or Rosie’s?” Belly asked before taking a bite of pasta, her eyes never leaving the both of you. 

When you first arrived at the beach house earlier that evening, you had knocked on the door with a small bundle of daisies in one hand and an apple pie in the other. Belly was quick to open the door and introduce herself, showing you around the bottom floor of the house with an excited smile. “It’s nice to have another girl in the house, Susannah has been trying to get Conrad to bring you over since you two met.” Her braces were pastel blue and her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. You spent nearly an hour sitting beside the pool talking before Conrad even realized you had arrived, but you could tell it meant a lot to him to see you with his favorite people.

“Not yet. I am building up to it.” Conrad chuckles.

“He has taken me to the ice cream shop downtown. It’s right beside the flower shop but Conrad convinced me it was the best ice cream I would ever have.” You glance at Conrad with a teasing smile. 

“And Conrad was right!” Steven, Belly’s brother, shouts. “No way, the shack at the boardwalk is superior.” Jeremiah argues, mouth open in shock that Steven would disagree with him.

 “You want tourist flavors with a tourist price? Couldn’t be me.” Steven raises his hands in defense as Belly bites back a laugh and you can’t help but do the same once you see the look on Jer’s face. 

“We are also technically tourists!” The curls on Jermiah’s head bounce as he shouts with desperation in his voice. That was all it took for everyone at the table to burst into fits of laughter. You took the opportunity to look beside you at Conrad, only to find that he was already looking at you. Though, he wasn’t laughing like the rest of the group. He had been looking at you with endearing eyes the whole time. An instant blush crept its way to your cheeks as you shyly squeezed his arm. 

He didn’t have to tell you how he felt, you could read it all over his face. Contentment, happiness, love.

That’s what the whole summer felt like. Belly had told you that Cousins always felt like a magical place for her and you started to feel it too. It was as if all your worries washed away in the ocean, every issue becoming smaller and smaller the longer you stayed. And just like Belly, you waited months for the next summer to come.

⋆｡°✩

Long distance between you and Conrad felt easy, both of you applying for colleges and trying to schedule campus tours for the same times and dates. You had gotten so used to seeing him through a screen that you started to forget what his hand felt like holding yours or how he smelt coming out of the shower. 

It was infectious, the way you and Conrad were. Your dad felt it too. Your house felt like a constant state of sunshine even on the colder winter days. He would hum songs to himself while making you both coffee and you would bop your head along to it as you made breakfast. You think that is the reason your dad also fell in love with Conrad. I mean, how could he not? It was so easy to love him, but it helped that he made you feel so happy.

“So, what are we getting for each other?” You were leaning on your elbow while your free hand brought handfuls of popcorn in your mouth. This was usually how you spent Friday nights, your laptop screen lit up with Conrad’s face while the rest of the world was quiet. “Getting each other for what?” Conrad asked, the tiniest hint of a smirk on his face. You pause to give him a blank and unamused stare. “For Christmas.’’ 

Conrad chuckles at your reaction before tapping his pointer finger on his chin, pretending to think. “Hmm.. Christmas. Remind me when that is?” 

“December. The 25th of December. I am pretty sure it’s the same day every year actually.” You roll your eyes. You knew if you made eye contact with him then you would break character and smile. You’re far too stubborn to lose.

“Don’t worry. I will give you the best gift you have ever gotten.” You laugh at his exaggerated voice. 

“We will see about that Mr.Fisher.”

You had sent Conrad a Stanford University sweater (gently sprayed with your perfume) and a card. Conrad, being Conrad, decided a present wasn’t enough and he had to do something better than that; so, he surprised you. He spent almost all Christmas break living in your guest bedroom. Him and your father were quite smug knowing they had planned this without you catching on, but you didn’t mind losing that one. 

It was only a week later that you got the call. Conrad was short with you, his voice was emotionless and you were too shocked to question him. You knew he was stressed with school and sports, but you had been so open with one another. You had never heard Conrad this way and he had never spoken with you like this either. 

“What…what?” Your mouth was dry. It was like the whole world was frozen in time. “I can’t-,” Conrad took a deep breath, “I can’t focus on my academics if we keep doing this.” You heard his voice shake as he spoke. It sounded almost painful coming from his mouth, but you couldn’t feel anything. “But the worst of the semester is over, I don't understand.” You shook your head. It didn’t make sense. None of this made sense. Why now, when everything is getting better? It had been months since you thought of your mom, especially since Sussanah had become that figure for you. In a way, losing Conrad felt like losing her too. 

It goes silent on the other line for a moment as you try to remember where you are. You sink your knees further into your mattress. “I am sorry. I know it’s not fair, but I just have to make some hard decisions right now.” 

“Hard decisions? You knew what this was. You knew you wanted to focus on college admissions this year and you knew we were going to be long-distance until the summer.” Your eyes slowly fill with tears as you fiddle with the hem of your shirt. You felt pathetic for even arguing with him, it felt like you were fighting to make him stay. Trying to convince him that you were worth staying for. “Things change Y/N, I quit football yesterday too and we didn’t plan on that did we?” Conrad snapped. You had never heard him like this. He was usually so gentle and careful with his words, with you more than anyone.

“What? Conrad, is there something going on? Football is-”

“I don’t want to make this any worse than it has to be.” He interrupted. He spoke softer this time, you could hear the regret in his tone and you hoped he knew that you’d already forgiven him without him having to ask. “We can’t even talk about this?” 

“I am sorry Y/N, I am. I really am.” There is nothing left to say, nothing left to fight for once Conrad ends the call. You wait for a moment and leave the phone against your ear, hoping you just imagined the conversation. 

It was only two years ago when you had met Susannah for the first time. Not much of the summer crowd had arrived to Cousins yet, but you could feel it. There was a gentle breeze in the air that made the harsh sun feel more bearable and the sweet smell of ice cream, so sweet you could almost taste it when you spoke. You had been tucked away in the far corner of the flower shop when you heard a cheerful voice. Your attention shifted away from the bundle of Peonies in your arms and towards the front door you had left open, waiting for someone to curiously step inside. 

“Sorry if i scared you,” The blonde woman smiled brightly, “It’s just that.. I have been in Cousins for so many years and yet I have never been here before.” When she looked at you, you couldn’t help but smile right back. The crinkles by her eyes and soft freckles became more visible as you moved closer to her, making sure to not drop any flowers along the way. “It’s my grandmother's shop. She usually keeps it closed during the summer but I volunteered to work this year.”

It wasn’t entirely true. Yes, your grandmother had been running the shop all by herself for as long as you can remember but you hadn’t exactly ‘volunteered’. But in this context, it was nicer than saying ‘my family knew I would spend my entire summer watching movies or reading books and feared I would forget that the rest of the world was waiting for me to go explore it. So, now I have been tasked to take care of plants I have never heard of until just a few days ago.’ 

“I’m Susannah by the way. I think we should get to know each other, considering I will be here everyday.” Susannah laughed at her own exaggerated comment. She began walking along the walls of the store, her fingertips brushing along the rows of leaves that sprouted proudly towards her. “I’m Y/N.”

That summer, you had learned about every flower that bloomed on the east coast. Susannah would often come in and stay for hours. Helping water and pot the plants as you tried to organize and clean up the store. Often she would even leave empty handed; you both enjoyed each other's company and learned more about one another in the process. 

Now, the shop was quiet and dull. Even the whitest of daisies didn’t seem to lighten up the aisles of flowers left on the shelves. Rain was softly starting to splatter on the ground. You didn’t think it ever rained here, but there was no better suitable moment for it. Your arms were tired from lifting and loading dozens of bouquets into your car. But you didn’t show it as you wordlessly closed the glass door behind you and locked it.

⋆｡°✩

Your day had been crowded with unfamiliar faces. Your head had started to ache from trying to remember everything Susannah had been teaching you the last month. But luckily, people didn’t seem to notice when you would stumble on the names of plants or the few times you pricked your finger on thorns. 

The sun was close to setting and all you wanted was a scoop of mango sorbet. The sticky hands and faces of families walking by the window of the shop had been teasing you all day and you knew the bike ride home would feel far easier with something cold in your system. You didn’t take your time to close the door of the shop and twist the lock before quick footsteps moved towards you. “Shit.” Your eyes peeked over your shoulder. It was a boy and he was looking right at you. 

“Can I help you?” You were nervous. Even more nervous than when you failed to pronounce Coreopsis just hours before. 

“Sorry, I was just hoping to get here before you closed.” His voice was gentle. Almost like he wasn’t expecting you to unlock the door for him. Not because he assumed you weren’t kind enough to do it, but because he was too kind to ask. “Um,” You glanced at the store beside you, the taste of sorbet almost begging you to be selfish, “I am in no rush if you want to come inside.” You unlocked the door before he could even respond. His shoulders immediately relaxed and he took a deep breath. 

“Thank you, seriously. Thank you so much.” You wondered why a boy your age would want a plant so urgently. Flipping the light switch on, you watch as he takes slow strides towards the flowers. You internally begged him not to ask you what any of them were called. “Is there anything you’re looking for?”

“I think some Peonies or Hydrangeas. I um,” He paused to glance back at you, “I haven’t been the best this summer. And I think the only way to get in my mom’s good graces would be a bunch of flowers.” You smiled to yourself as you watched him. He was cute, now that you could really see him. 

“It’s only June. How bad can you be?” You teased him. He was surprised but smiled at the remark.

 “That’s exactly why flowers are needed. The situation is dire.” 

You laughed as you grabbed a few small bundles, along with some greenery. Wordlessly, you began making a small bouquet of flowers for him. “It’s Y/N right?” Your eyebrows pinch together as you look up at him. 

“How do-”

“My mom hasn’t stopped talking about this place the last few weeks. I’m Conrad, Susannah’s son.” You swallowed. Your Susannah had a son. And he was cute. And you were helping him pick flowers for her. “It’s nice to meet you Conrad.” You smile at him just as you finish up tying the stems of the flowers together with a brown rubber band. His name felt natural to say, like you have been saying it your whole life.

“Don’t worry about the costs.” You say once you notice him reaching for his back pocket. “Susannah has helped me so much, and honestly I have been trying to give her free flowers for a month and she refuses to take them so you’d be helping me.” You notice him hesitate, wanting to argue with you but he also knows his mother well enough to agree with you. So, he doesn’t. 

“Thank you.” He seems nervous all of the sudden. The shop suddenly became the quietest it had been all day. “There is a party this friday, you should come. I can pick you up after work.” Conrad was usually confident and sure of himself, but his thumb began fidgeting with the plants in his hands when you took a moment to respond. “Are you sure a party will help you stay in your mom’s ‘good graces’?”