𝘤𝘳𝘺 ♡ 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺 ,

i.   it’s  been  a  few  years  since  he  had  last  set  eyes  on  her.     admittedly,   she  had  all  but  slipped  his  mind,   only  surfacing  when  he  heard  whispers  about  her  from  newspapers,   tv  commercials,   or  iwaizumi.    a  big - time  olympic  star ;  that’s  what  she  was  now.   he  had  to  admit,   he  was  jealous.    when  her  body  had  become  too  feeble  to  play  anymore,   she  returned  home.    their  reunion  was  anything  but  special.    he  scarcely  recognized  her,   after  all,    ignorant  as  ever  until   iwa - chan stepped in.    ai - chan  was  gorgeous  now,    the  old fellow  crybaby  he  had  grown  up  with  seemingly  long  gone.   she’s  colder  now,    rejects  his  unabashedly  frivolous  advances   with  the  snap  of  a  whip.     whapish !   oikawa  feigns  hurt,   but  deep down,   he  doesn’t  care;    that  envy  of  his,    venomous  &  striking,    clutches  his  heart  in  an  iron  grip.

she  frequents  aobajohsai  fairly  regularly  a  whiles  after  their  initial  run - in,    claiming  to  be  nothing  but  an  innocent  wanderer.    sometimes,   she  watches  him  practice.   sometimes,  she  stays  when  the  rest  of  his  team  has  left,   watching  in  the  stands.     she’s  grown  on  him  some,   he  supposes.   almost  like  an  annoying  wart  that  just  won’t  go  away.     that  night,   oikawa  simply  ignores  her,   focusing  on  the  ball.   nothing  mattered  other  than  that  ball.     not  even  the  sharp !  protests  coming  from  his  knee.   he  can  scarcely  understand  how  she  could  be  so  weak     -     so   foolish   as  to  let  a  simple  injury   stop  her  from   pursuing  her  career  in  the  olympics.    he  could  never     -      no,    would  never    -    make  that  mistake.

and  just  like  that,    he  overdoes  it.  he  leaves  several  hours  later,   the  sun  having  long  since  vanished  over  the  horizon.   to  his  surprise   (  and  disdain ) ,   aylen’s  there.   his  worthless  pride  dictates  that  he  straighten  his  back  and  walk  with  his  head  held  high.    but,   there’s  a   limp  in  his  gait  and  he  stumbles ;    she’s  there  in  seconds,  supporting  him, and  in  his  exhausted  state,   he  wants  to  snap ! ! at  her   ( ‘ leave  me  alone ! ‘  )    but  her  eyes  are  soft  and  full  of  concern,  so  he  bites  his  tongue.    instead,   a  playful,   flippant  response  is  given  instead,   faux  smile  stretched  wide  across  his  visage.    but,   she  doesn’t  falter,   instead  helping  loop  his  arm  around  her  shoulders  as  she  assists  him  to  a  nearby  bench.    the  cold  demeanour  he’d  seen  many  times  before  is  absent,   and  suddenly  he  sees  her  not  as  the  failed  olympian  he’d  grown  to  resent,   but  as  the   young  girl  he  had  grown up  with.   he  looks  upon  her  with  shock  and  surprise   as  she  insists  on  staying  by  his  side  until  the  pain  subsides,   his  name  soft  on  her  lips   ( “  tōru . . .  “  she’d  sigh,  before  admonishing  him  for  overexerting  himself  once  again ).  

she  had  seen  the grand  king, oikawa  tōru,   fall  in  action,   and  yet  . . . ? perhaps  it’s  the  exhaustion,   or  perhaps  its  the  nostalgia,   but  that  poisonous  envy  relinquishes  his  heart  for  the  slightest  of  seconds,   and  he  feels  something  akin  to  a  flutter  as  she  continues  to  fuss  over  him,   tenderly  holding  a  cold  drink  up  to  his  swollen  knee.

ii.    ai - chan  is  beginning  to  hang  around  him  more,   and  in  all  honesty,   he  doesn’t  really  mind  it.   she  tells  him  of  her  own  injury  after  that  fateful  night,   and  while  he  still  can’t  quite  forgive  her  for  passing  up  such  a  great  opportunity   (  she  was  younger  than  him,  after  all.   what  a  waste.   )   he  reluctantly  heeds  her  advice  and  takes  it  easy  on  the  training  for  a  while.       but  only  for  a  while.       for  the  preliminary  matches  for  nationals  were  coming  up  and  coming  up  fast,   and  he  had  to  make  sure  to  beat  that  annoying  creep  ushijima.   he  becomes  a  man  obsessed, spending  hour  after  hour after  hour  in  the  gymnasium,   never  once  taking  a  break.   iwaizumi  warns  him,   but,   in   true  oikawa  fashion,       he  overdoes  it.      again.

except  this  time,   ai - chan is  in  the  stands  to  oversee  his  blunder.    an  angry  hiss !   pushes  past  his  lips  despite  his  best  efforts   to  conceal  it,   catching  her  attention.   pretending  to  just  be  tying  his  shoes,   he  waves her  off  once  more,   broad  smile  masking  the    sharp  pains   he  feels  resonating  from  deep  within  his  knee.       but  she  sees  through  it.   sees  through  his  facade,   and  it  occurs  to  him  that  she’s  always  been  able  to  read  him  in  a  way  that  no one,   not  even  iwa - chan,   ever  could.   and  it  unnerves  him, as,  for  once  in  his  life,   he  couldn’t  say  he  could  do  the  same  for  her.    in  a  way,   she  reminded  him  of  ushijima  :    an  annoyingly  impenetrable  wall  that  he  couldn’t  see  past.    he  barely  notices  when  she’s  by  his  side,  so  lost  in  his  own  head,   and  she  makes  him  lay  down.   she  scolds  him  again,    but  rather  than  feeling  the  urge  to  snap ! at  her  like  before,   he  simply  laughs  &   smiles   and  does  what  she  says.     her  touch  forces  him  out  of  his  thoughts,   surprise  taking  a  hold  of  his  visage  as  she  instructs  him  to  lift  his  leg  up.    to  his  chagrin,   she  gently  guides  him  through  a series  of stretches,   and  slowly  but  surely,   the  pain  ebbs  away,   as  does  his  annoyance.

       “    ne,   ne,   ai - chan !   you’re  a  miracle  worker !   i’m   cured !  “      except  that  it’s  only  a  momentary  reprieve,  and  the  roll  of  her  eyes  confirms  it.      but    -    he  doesn’t  expect  her  to  smile  when  she  does.   his  eyes  go  wide,   and  his  breath  catches  in  his  throat.   he  hasn’t   seen  her  smile  like  that  since  they  were  kids.   it’s  warm ;   inviting.    dare  he  say,     cute.         once  more,   she  says  his  name,   and  his  heart  squirms  in  his  chest.

what  a  weird  feeling.   he’d  only  felt  it  maybe  a  few  times  before.

iii. it’s   the  big  day.      while  he  doesn’t  show  it,   nerves  twisted  and  churned  in  his  stomach.    serve  after  serve,   spike  after  spike,   he  watches  as  his  teammates  carry  out  their  designated  warm - ups  while  the  other  team  nervously  watches  on  from  across  the  court.   it  was  going  to  be  an easy  match.   they  were  a  relatively  new  team,  and  had  never  entered  a  tournament  like  this  before.   still,  he  has  to  remind  himself  to  keep  his  head  in  the  game as  he  spots  a  certain   newly  appointed  manager  walking  the  halls  as  karasuno  made  their  debut  at  the  sport  complex.   they  make eye  contact,   and  for  some  reason,     his  heart  becomes  tight.    hand  on  his  chest,   he  fists  his  jersey.    and  then  grins  at  her.    

they’d  become  a  bit  closer  recently,   with  ai - chan  sometimes  watching  he  and  the  guys  practice  and  sticking  around  to  ensure  that  he’d  been  doing  the  stretches  she  had  taught  him  prior.      “   you’re  conspiring  with  the  enemy,   you  know.   “     he  said   teasingly,   but  she  simply  shook  her  head,   claiming  it  was  simply ‘ what  friends  did ‘ .     but, he  can’t  help  feel  warm  &  fuzzy  inside  when  she  taps  cutie  manager  on  the  shoulder  and  excuses  herself  from  the  team  to  make  her  way  over  to  him.   they  talk  briefly  about  the  upcoming  match,   and  oikawa  slips  in  his  usual  jabs  about  karasuno  crashing  &  burning.   to  which  he  gets  a  smack  on  the  arm  before  spotting  that  oh - so  familiar   tender look  in  her  eyes  once  again.

      “    eh  ?   ai - chan,   if  you  look  into  my  eyes  like  that  any  longer you  might  just  fall  in  love   ♡ with  m -   “   he  teases,   but  is  cut  short  by  the  sensation  of  fingers  gently  brushing  through  his  hair.    she  sweeps  his  unruly  locks out  of  his  eyes,   head  canting  to  the  side  before  fixing  his  uniform  in  an  almost  thoughtful  fashion.     he  stares  at  her,  dumbfounded,   before  she  tells  him  that  it’d  be  embarrassing  if  their  team  captain   wasn’t  keeping  up  with  his   ‘  pretty  boy  image ‘ .  

and  just  like  that,   she’s  gone.  her   soft   ‘  good  luck  ‘  lingering  in  the  now  vanilla  scented  air.       did   she  always  smell  like  that?       it  was  so  nice    . . .

   “    oi,   shittykawa ! ! !   get  over  here  and  practice  before  i  kick  your  ass ! ! !  “

right,   the  match  . . .

iv.   tears  trickle  down  his  cheeks,    leaky  nose  wrought  with  snot  and  despair.   they  were  so  close.    so  close  he  could  almost  taste  it.     but,     no.    that  unbreakable  wall  that  was  ushijima   -   no,    shiratorizawa  had  stopped  them  dead  in  their  tracks  one  more  time.  he  can  scarcely  look  karasuno  in  the  eye  as  he  and  the  others  trudge  past  them,   heads  heavy  with  defeat.    that  cozy  vanilla  scent  fills  his  senses  and  he  knows  exactly  who  it is.   but  he  can’t  look  at  her,    simply  wipes  his  eyes  and  exits  the  gym  along  with  the  rest  of  his  team.    not  good  enough.   never  good  enough.     despite  all  his  best  efforts,   he’d  been  shut  down  again.   he  would  never  reach  nationals  for  his  third  and  final  year  at   aobajohsai.

he  hears  of   karasuno’s  victory    later   on  that  night,   and  something  in  him  aches.  hurts.      his  pride,     perhaps?       the  green  -  eyed  monster that  lurks  within  whines  and  thrashes  and  demands  that  he  try  harder.   and  so  he  goes  takes  to  the   streets,  rubber  soles  burning  against  the  asphalt  as  he  pushes  himself  harder,   harder,   harder.     he’s  not  sure  when,   or  why,  or  even  how,   but  he  finds  himself  at   the  old  park he  and  iwa  used  to  play  at  as  kids.    it’s  getting  dark,   so  there  aren’t  really  any  children  around,   only     -       and  he  stops  there,       fists  clenched  tight   as  chestnut  meets  azure.       ah.       there  it  was  again.      that  feeling  in  his  chest   . . .     and  his  eyes,   now  red  and  puffy  from  his  earlier  cries,    are  shut  tightly  as  he  forces  yet  another  smile    unto  his  face  and  shoots  her  a  wave,   preparing  to  go  on  his  merry  way.    but,     suddenly,      she’s  there, only  inches  from  him,   eyes  just  as  tender  and  concerned  as  ever.     was  he  that  much  of  a  handful?    this  was  beginning  to  become  a  pattern  for  them.    his  facade  lasts  only  a  dozen  of  seconds  before  it  comes crashing  down,    and  before  he  can  get  any  words  out  she  shushes  him  with  a  simple          ‘   i  know.  ‘    

and  suddenly  he’s  at  his  limit,   eyes  redder  than  ever  and  shimmering  with  tears  as  he  sniffles loudly   in  front  of  her.     they  lost.      they  lost.      they  lost.      he  wasn’t  good  enough.    a  setter  determined  the  pace  of  the  game;   set  the  morale.   the  tempo.   he  failed  his  team.     and  his  heart   aches.     and  then  he’s  in  her  arms, cradled  softly  with  a  care  that  he  never  knew  she  harboured  for  him,   and  he  cries.    but,  strangely,   he  feels  almost   . . .   at  peace ?   it’s  a  feeling  he’s  felt  a  few  times  before,   but  his  heart  feels  almost  as  though  it  is  dancing  in  his  chest.   her  embrace  is  warm,   welcoming,   comforting,   and   god  she  smelt  just  as  good  as  before  too.

                ‘    breathe,    tōru.     just  breathe.     it’ll  be  okay.  ‘

for  all  the  resentment  and  envy  and  anger  he  felt  towards  her  before,    oikawa  had  to  admit   . . .    it  was  almost  nice,    now,    to  be  able  to  be  comforted  by  her  like  this.   by  someone  else  who  had  tasted  the  same   supreme  and  unbearable  failure  that  it  hurt  so  bad  it  made  him  teary  -  eyed  just  thinking  about  it.