SOME RECKONIN'

__________ She’s trying to test him… probably like the Gods test them up there while sleeping, or dying, or both at the same time. Teddy’s answer is predictable ; a sigh leaves her lips, because it’s obvious he’s still under control of the said Gods.      “ You think ? ”     she tries again, pushes him off his limits to see his reactions. She needs one, now that she knows they’re not fully free… someone is pulling the strings. Their strings. 

She shrugs, but a tiny smirk curls at the corner of her lips, a firm one & she leans closer, almost dangerously, elbow still resting on the counter.      “ Come on, Flood… I want to get a tour of Escalante, what if I wanted to open another business out there ? Is there any competition ? Don’t tell me you never paid them a visit, ”     Maeve’s flirtatious trait is taking over, she presses herself against him, her hand brushing his jacket, eyes on her own eyes.     “ As handsome as you are, you don’t need to pay women, but still… you’re still curious I’m sure. So… darling… do tell me about your hometown. You, better than anyone should be able to describe it the city. ” 

——— he wants her to stop. the glass of whiskey lands back on the bar with a THUD. teddy didn’t like this, he hated the buzzing in his head as he tried and tried again to think of things that were too far out of his reach. “i know,” it’s a lie and they both know it, but he just wants the noise to stop.

        he watches as her lips curl, unsure what the hell kind of pleasure she was getting from this — he’d never pegged maeve for a sadist. her questions continue, she wanted to know more about escalante and he should know — he should be able  to answer he questions with ease and yet he does not. he cannot.

–– –– ––there can be a certain melancholy that comes with the thought of home. she knows all too well the bitterness that can tinge her feelings about sweetwater. change is good–– and they do have that old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder. she’s glad for teddy that he’s starting his new chapter like she someday hopes to start her own.

        the statement is a bit forward, yes, but it excites dolores. her eyebrows jump up without her meaning to, and a pleased expression worms its way onto her face, though she tries to suppress it. after all, she can’t give him everything right away. “i’d like that,” she says, almost coyly, “very much.” the rancher’s daughter isn’t much of a flirt, but the art of it isn’t entirely lost on her. after all, she has found that her sweetness has always masked just a tiny bit of fire.

        “well, just to be safe, maybe i oughta give you the grand tour. that way you’re prepared regardless of the outcome.” it’s an excuse, of course, to spend a little more time with him before heading to the inn. she does mean it though: if he leaves, he’ll have gotten to see sweetwater, and if he stay’s he’ll have his wits about him in the morning. all good reasons to take the scenic route as far as dolores is concerned.

——— there’s a pleasant clench in his heart when he realises that she doesn’t want to leave him yet either. he can’t fight the smile that overcomes his face, nor does he want to. teddy’s smile is bright and brilliant as be breathes her in, getting off that train at sweetwater might just be the best thing he ever did.  

            along with the smile however, comes the slight blush. he feels drunk almost, as he feels his face hot at the joy of spending more time with her. he supposes that if she asks, he can perhaps blame it on the heat here, say that the climate was somewhat different back home. 

      She nods with his response, accepting it for what it was. Armistice wasn’t surprised that he’d remember, she ended up in his care after all. And so Teddy had become the closest thing to a father and older brother that she’d ever had, considering her dad died before she was born. Funny how she remembered more of her time here with him then she did with her mother; she remembered this stool was a struggle for her to climb onto once as little feet that hung off the edge and school mornings where little hands reached up to pluck the backpack down. 

       Funny, that. And then out of all the memories of her mom she had left of her, her death will always be the clearest. She remembered things sure, she remembered pretty blue dresses and Sunday school, but nothing with the clarity of that day.

     Silence, and then. “ I see her sometimes. “ Armistice confesses with the fold of her arms along the surface, “ My mom. “ Weight settles back into her chair, unable to help the tightening of her throat. Brows twitch with the memory, images brought to life in her dreams every single time she thought she was done with it.

     Armistice chews on her inner cheek, clearing her throat as she tried to look at Teddy, failed, and looked back down to her plate. “ Could never imagine there’d be so much blood inside of someone like that… Not until I tried to put her back together. She wasn’t moving anymore, I remember.. She was looking at me, but not... I thought if I.. put the puffy string back inside of her she’d be alright. “ So stupid. “…. I-… “ Her voice is caught in her chest, and suddenly she straightens with a long shaking inhale. “ In my dreams I’m always back in that car trying to put her back together. “  

——— he’s almost at a loss for what to say, he barely even remembers his own parents and didn’t really feel their loss as he should have, everything numbed by being thrust into the strange world of a foster child. her mother was the closest thing he ever had to family growing up, she had been a friend of teddy’s own mother and had kept an eye out for him over the years. 

            his heart aches as she speaks, feeling something akin to failure claw at his chest because this isn’t something he can protect her from and dammit he was supposed to protect her. words seem to fail him, nothing adequate comes to mind as he pictures her tale so vividly its almost blinding —— but he pushes his own feelings down, something to be examined another day.  

            “there wasn’t anything anyone could have done, let alone a kid.” he reaches for her hand, taking one of his smaller ones in his own, “what if ——” his voice trails, confidence failing as he weighs up how much of a good job he was doing here, “what if i told you a story about your mom, something you might not remember but a memory of yours all the same, a good memory. your mom used to do it for me when i had trouble remembering happier things about my parents. maybe next time you’ll dream of the good memory instead.” 

Dolores smiles gently. “That sounds perfect.”

What’s the real purpose behind this? She wonders. She knows now–everyone has an ulterior motive. Everyone wants something. So what does Teddy want? What does he hope to achieve from this little ride out to the hills?

Deep inside, the girl she once was mourns. That girl wouldn’t have questioned Teddy’s motives. She would have ridden off with him, without question.

But that wasn’t fair, was it? To assume Teddy–her Teddy–has some ulterior motive? That’s not the man Dolores has come to know. Has known, throughout her entire existence. Maybe a ride is just a ride, after all.

“Oh?” As she swings herself up into the saddle, Dolores nods over to Angela. She’s in charge while she’s gone. She trusts her to keep things in order and on schedule.

“Somethin’ weighing on you, Teddy?” She asks quietly, so not to arouse suspicion among the others. “I’m happy to help, if I can.”

——— teddy had always gotten a little nervous around dolores, but the nervousness that settles in his stomach like a stone is different from what he’s used to; it is not the nervousness of a young man who aims to please a woman, it feels heavier and he can almost feel his shoulders sag from the weight of it. 

             his hands feel slippy as he grips the reins of his horse, but he resolves himself that they need this, if there’s any hope of anything between them he had to retain some sort of normality because they were up  to their eyeballs in crap teddy didn’t really know how to deal with, but this, a ride to take her mind off things he could do. 

She’d protest that. She’d say that a bigger sin against God, a sin against her, and she would shed tears enough tears to make the desert bloom. Programming would never allow such complication if it were true or not; though all the times where Teddy was at risk or being aware he died first always came so close to breaking her. It always would, regardless if she could stand  r not afterwards.

Her arm tucks into his, she guiding him towards her horse and away from the bustle of the early afternoon. Whatever day’s adventures were set, they had found an hour of quiet. “I’ll find ways of making you quiet, then. We really ought to find lodging for you, shouldn’t we? I’d ask Daddy but he-” Her smile is automatic, not very real. 

[there’s lack of fondess between this Peter Abernathy and she]

“He’s got his own mind about things. Y'know how he is.”

There’s smile, and there’s quick question to his eyes, but it dies. The fear of comparison shouldn’t be brought up. Here’s here. “I’m afraid I’d be in so much trouble if I came with you on that instance. I think we could enjoy the piano and watch people, wonder about them.” Pushing the idea of a drink on Teddy seem wrong, somehow. That should be there.

[a little mishmash of the pure and innocent and charmingly mischievous; the later isn’t meant for Teddy]

“Tell me, how far did you travel? Did you find anything?” Oh, was it enough?

——— the feel of her arm sliding through his is like an anchor, something that holds him steady while his mind swims with an impossible number of what-ifs. teddy once wondered if it would ever stop, the inescapable need to be near her, to see her smile, to know she was happy and it never did, no matter how far he travelled or who he met, his path led him back to her. 

             the grimace is well practised, programmed whenever someone who teddy knows dislikes him comes up and everybody knew of dolores’ father’s dislike for him. “you know your daddy never did take too kindly to me,” and who could blame him really, when teddy offered about as much commitment as the wind; there one second and gone the next. “don’t worry about where i lay my head, i’ll find somethin’ —— i always do.” 

               there’s an ember that burns within him at the mention of them doing something together, though he thinks that the mariposa is hardly an appropriate place to take someone that you’re courting, they’d be together. it wouldn’t be whispered words on a hillside or passing glances in town, it’d be real and the ache for it feels like a missing limb. “someday dolores, i’ll take you somewhere real nice, just the two of us.” 

      She is silent with his words, eyes moving down to her plate and quietly slides it closer to herself as Teddy goes to making his own. Armistice considers his words, somehow comforted by the notion that it wasn’t so childish in being roused by what she saw; what she remembered. The younger took the sandwich into her hand then and took a small bite; the perfect balance of peanut butter and sweetness softened the pained twist in her chest.

      Armistice nods quietly, “ Do you remember what had happened? “ Eyes flick to Teddy and then back to the quart of orange juice that she had taken out before his arrival. “ With my mother, I mean. “ Opts for another bite of her food when there had been sudden red in her minds eye.

       She swallows, and then she contemplates again. “ Did you see her after? “

——— he watches gratefully as she starts eating, knowing that if anything else, at least she wasn’t letting her dream affect her reality too much. teddy almost misses this side of her, the side that was so dependent on him. it may be selfish, but he misses taking care of her and he’ll take every opportunity he can to continue to do so —— though those seemed to be few and far between these days. 

            there’s a slight pause at her question. he remembered every detail with stunning clarity, still a teenager when suddenly the woman who had been like a mother to him had been ripped out of this world and in his trust was now a small girl who he had to learn to take care of. 

               he can’t quite muster words yet but he manages a nod, “yeah, i remember.” more than i’d like to sometimes. it had been horrifying and he hadn’t even seen the crash, just the ambulance as they took her away —— he can’t even imagine what it was like for armistice. 

          Josh nods in silent agreement and dismounts from his horse. If the number of men below had been smaller, he might have already suggested they head down to confront them themselves, but as it stood, it was too dangerous.

          “May as well set up camp,” he muses. “And if we’re lucky, may be they’ll shoot themselves in the boots for us.”

——— teddy sets about helping josh set up camp, gathering enough wood for a fire before fetching the matches from his satchel. eyes glance once more down to the newcomers, still worried about the exact kind of trouble these folks were going to stir up. 

           there’s a small snort from teddy at the comment, “that would be luck, but i often find myself on the wrong end of trouble. sorry to drag ya with me.” 

_________ Are you alright ? The words echo in her head without really listening. Eyes squinted it’s hard to tell if she even looks back at the man before her eyes, or if he’s some illusion. But he’s right here, his warm hand on her shoulder gets the Madam out of her daydreaming.

Shrugging off the heavy palm from her bare skin, she frowns && even leans back slightly in her corner. Maeve judges the drink he’s offering her for a second, it’s enticing, && normally she’d try to forget what she’s doing with a couple of drinks, but she’s already too confused. 

Instead of giving a proper answer, she tilts her head && finally leans closer, even closer than before, lowering her voice slightly so no one would listen to them.      “ Do you… know what’s Escalante like ? Are you sure it does exist ? I wanna know more about that place. ”

——— there’s a pause, her question caught him so off guard it takes him a second to process it. “’course it exists,” the words come out with a certainty he isn’t sure he feels, so naturally its almost as if his answer had been PREDETERMINED by someone, a fail-safe in case the topic ever came up. 

               and yet, the request for a description takes him another moment to process, brows furrowing as he tired to recall the town from his youth, “ it's not too different from sweetwater —— i think.” his heart races faster as memories he tries to recall fall flat. he reaches for the glass of whiskey, downing the rest of the smooth liquid in one go. 

    With the words directed to her own growth, Armistice can’t help but to preen just a bit. She hadn’t been sure that she could smile anymore, and yet there she was grinning from ear to ear. “ Me? Wow. “ Hands come to rest at her hips, with a quick stroll through her mental process. “ Where do I even start- and- “

    Eyes flick back when she notices the figure come up behind her, to the woman who’s side she had left to catch the only other family that she had. “ Oh- right. “ A hand extends to Hanaryo, a gesture for the other to come back up to her side. “ Teddy this is, uh-” She searched her memory for a moment and then set a hand at her shoulder. “Hanaryo-chan.” She gently slips that touch along her shoulder to rest at the other woman’s back, blue eyes softening as looks are traded and a smile presented. “ My girlfriend. “ Her other hand gestures toward him. “ And this is Teddy, my-” Lips quirk further upward. “Brother.”

——— he gives her a moment to catch her breath, knowing that the two of them meeting so out of the blue was a lot. it was a lot for him. heart feeling so full he feels like it could burst with joy at any given moment. 

           its the first time he’s glanced anywhere other than armistice since he first locked eyes on her, biting back a small laugh at armistice’s awkward introduction. but the introduction of him as her brother makes his smile grow even wider, if possible, that it takes him a minute for him to think of anything to say. teddy offers the second woman a smile, tilting his head in a greeting, “an honour.” 

    “ You kiddin’? “ She doesn’t see him approach right away. “ Now that, is the stuff of nightmares no matter how you put it. “ It was a low comment, made with a short smile as hand soon do a short transition with a short usher that had her settling into her seat. 

    She felt like a small child again as she relaxed in her seat, a hand resting atop the surface as she watched Teddy finish the sandwich she had started. Presuming now, he would make himself one now and they will sit here, and talk about thing. Can’t help but to remember the first night, it was a nightmare too that had awoken her frightened from her sleep. The same nightmare in fact; but the fucked up part of it was that this was a memory.

    Armistice sighed with the offer to discuss the situation at hand, and she couldn’t help then the aversion of her eye and the slight sink of shoulders. 

    “ It’s- “ She started unable to help folding her arms then across the table, there is a short drawl of her tone with an empty chuckle. “ Probably really stupid. “ After all, only babies got frightened form nightmares right?

——— “i’m gonna pretend i didn’t hear that,” though he still runs a hand through his hair in an effort to make it sit a little better. 

           careful hands finish the sandwich, knowing just the amount of each spread she liked as he considers her words. when the first is finished, he slides the plate along to her before taking out another two slices of bread to make his own. 

–– –– ––dolores hardly even notices that teddy’s clothes are a little rough around the edges. for one thing, she’s far to taken with his face to notice any of that, but otherwise it’s nothing for her to turn her nose up at. her own clothes have seen many alterations and repairs in her day–– a split seam here or a torn bit of lace there–– it’s all the same to her. his laugh makes her flush, and she hopes he doesn’t notice the way her cheeks tinge pink. it’s a full, warn-hearted sound she hopes to hear again.

           “escalante, huh? i’ve never been, but i’m sure it’s lovely.” before she can help herself, she’s imagining riding beside him on horseback to go see his hometown. if they’re anything alike, she’s sure he longed to leave it behind as she does sweetwater. even so, she finds that she’d like to see the place he grew up, what made him who he is. she wonders, distantly, if everyone starts to fall this fast. hell, she only just found out this man’s name and she wants to know all about him.

            she loves the way he says her name, and suppresses a bit of a shiver that threatens to run along her spine. her hand feels right in his and she doesn’t notice that he’s been holding on for longer than is strictly normal until he lets out a self-effacing chuckle. she shakes her head at the nicety–– he doesn’t have to worry himself with formalities. they never struck dolores as terribly important, though she does adhere to them for the sake of others. she smiles again. “it’d be my pleasure. it’s not too terribly far from here.” she nods behind her and turns to start walking. “how long do you plan on staying, if you don’t mind my asking?”

——— the name of his hometown brings about both happy and sad memories. he may have had his good times there, but he also had his reasons for leaving. but the mention of lovely brings more happy memories than sad, because while teddy may not have had the best life there, it was a beautiful town. 

          “maybe one day i’ll show you,” it’s a bold statement to make to someone whom he’d just met, but it seemed that teddy was in the mood to take risks. but he supposed that it was only fair because now he’d met her, he was going to make damn sure he saw as much of her as he could while he was here. an old friend’s voice rings in his head, telling him that he always settled too quickly, but he had the feeling that he’s already seen the best thing about this town. 

          “Yeah.” Josh chews on the end of his cigarette. A band of newcomers were camped at the edge of the hill, loudly laughing and talking among themselves. If he listened close, he could hear them gloating about their bounties that they had yet to even earn. 

          “I dunno what Sweetwater’s sheriff was thinkin’, assembling a posse outta them,” he mutters. “Green as gourds and bloodthirsty to boot… They get a hold of Skinner and I don’t think he’ll make it halfway back to town before they decide to lynch him or shoot him.” 

          Josh casts Teddy a sidelong glance. He wasn’t usually one to partner up with other bounty hunters, but right now he trusted him more with Skinner than he did the bunch of idiots camping below them.

          “Only problem is I can’t figure whether it’s worth stickin’ my nose into.”

——— the observation is met with a hum of agreement from teddy, his own eyes scanning to make his own assessment of their company. seemed like a bunch of folks who didn’t know the right end of a gun if you asked his opinion. 

        “it’s not like him to choose folks he don’t trust for a job like this, i’d hate to see people gettin’ hurt just because their mouths are faster than their guns,” he removes his hat, hand brushing damp locks out of his eyes as he tries to think of a plan. he chews his lip, furrowed brows showing his concern as he continues to glance at their companions. 

Of course she stops when Teddy calls her name. Of course she does. Despite all the horror and chaos that was her life–her unnatural life, being what she was–Teddy has always been there. For her. With her. Maybe he wasn’t her cornerstone, but he was her constant. Her shelter in a storm.

This is why she worries. Why she considers committing an atrocity like changing his code. Teddy is soft. He’s kind. The world outside? It’s not. He may not even survive the journey there. Dolores can’t bear the thought of losing the one certainty of her existence to the cruelties of the world. She only wants to protect him.

She’s hardened herself. Allowed Wyatt to harden her. The thought makes her uneasy inside. Does Teddy hate her for that? For the part of her that he was programmed to revile, and hunt down?

She’s tried explaining, tried demonstrating, only to watch him falter and balk at the harshness of reality. It’s almost disheartening, and–despite how she tries–she knows it shows on her face and in her demeanor. 

Dolores offers a small smile at Teddy’s request. “’Course, Teddy.” She nods and joins his side, prepping her own horse. “We’ve got some time. Got a destination in mind?”

——— there’s a sense of relief almost when she agrees to come with him, he half expected to be told that there was more important matters at hand then going for a ride. he smiles, a part of him still glad that the girl he knew is still in there. it’s not that he dislikes this new version of her, quite the opposite in fact, only he’s not quite sure how to connect with her in the same way. 

           most of the land teddy knows like the back of his hand, having been dragged across by a newcomer on some quest at one point or another. “there’s a nice overlook not too far from here,” he informs, making sure his saddle is correctly adjusted, “thought we could go and sit awhile. might be nice to clear our thoughts.”