The day was finally here. I was about to go into a procedure that was going to alter my life in more ways than I could have possibly imagined...
This has been such a difficult part of the journey to document. I am not completely sure why, but it has been a psychological boundary that I guess I just havenât been able to cross. After my second birthday as a cancer survivor (just a few days ago), I decided it is time to cross this boundary and continue this blog. As many of you may already know, the âtwo year oldâ stage is yet another milestone in the process of looking forward to a new norm and realizing that everything is still moving forward, time waits for no one, and the act of seeking your new norm will take you for a ride if you do not take charge.
Surgery was scheduled to last for 10 hrs., but was actually completed just under that of 9.5 hrs. I was truly blessed to have the best two surgeons anyone could hope to have. They worked together so well, and treated my husband and myself as a couple. This was very important to me and I knew that I was about to change forever. Among the many thoughts flashing through my mind... I really do have cancer. It really did happen to me. Would I wake up from this amount of anesthesia? Was my husband and life partner ready for anything that might happen? Had I done the best job I could possibly do with my life thus far?
Most of my time thus far in life had been dedicated to striving to be a good friend, lover/confidant/spouse, career woman, aunt, artist, humanitarian, citizen of the planet, etc... now I didnât know what I would be once I made it to the other side...if I made it to the other side. I had to hand over all of my trust and all of my life to two very talented people - although they were indeed the best and highly recommended, it still felt a little strange as I signed my life away, underwent a ton of medication, and watched my husband sitting on the side of the bed with a head so red from stress that I was sorely afraid for him. Would I be okay after the epidural was installed, and after it came out? I had heard stories and had friends in the past that had been moved too soon after an epidural due to a nursing shift change and lack of communication. A female chaplain came in and asked if we would like to pray. I was so appreciative. I hope to find her again one day to thank her. Was everything okay back home? Pets? House? My saintly mother-in-law and brother who had both opted to come and help with whatever time they could spare....none of this will ever be forgotten and it really felt good to just to know they were there...a comfort amidst the storm. The same goes for friends and family (cousins, parents, friends) that sat in the waiting room, even though I could not see them. Just to know that they were there means more than I can ever repay. Even those that came to visit after the surgery, and who can forget my precious little nephew who was so sweet and so curious about the buttons on the side of the bed...I was afraid we were going to have one of those hilarious âThree Stoogesâ moments where the patient gets shot out of the hospital bed :)) All of this helps the healing, so if you ever wonder what a Cancer patient really needs, many times, just being present does wonders for them.











