Most of my time thus far in life had been dedicated to striving to be a good friend, lover/confidant/spouse, career woman, aunt, artist, humanitarian, citizen of the planet, etc... now I didn’t know what I would be once I made it to the other side...if I made it to the other side. I had to hand over all of my trust and all of my life to two very talented people - although they were indeed the best and highly recommended, it still felt a little strange as I signed my life away, underwent a ton of medication, and watched my husband sitting on the side of the bed with a head so red from stress that I was sorely afraid for him. Would I be okay after the epidural was installed, and after it came out? I had heard stories and had friends in the past that had been moved too soon after an epidural due to a nursing shift change and lack of communication. A female chaplain came in and asked if we would like to pray. I was so appreciative. I hope to find her again one day to thank her. Was everything okay back home? Pets? House? My saintly mother-in-law and brother who had both opted to come and help with whatever time they could spare....none of this will ever be forgotten and it really felt good to just to know they were there...a comfort amidst the storm. The same goes for friends and family (cousins, parents, friends) that sat in the waiting room, even though I could not see them. Just to know that they were there means more than I can ever repay. Even those that came to visit after the surgery, and who can forget my precious little nephew who was so sweet and so curious about the buttons on the side of the bed...I was afraid we were going to have one of those hilarious “Three Stooges” moments where the patient gets shot out of the hospital bed :)) All of this helps the healing, so if you ever wonder what a Cancer patient really needs, many times, just being present does wonders for them.

 Everyone can use this to better understand how to effectively use sunscreen. *According to the American Cancer Society, Skin cancer is by far the most common type of cancer. More info...

Next, I had to decide on implants (yes or no, saline or silicone), or a DIEP procedure where they take belly fat and add it to the breast area to reconstruct the breasts. I opted for the DIEP and would highly recommend it. Let me just say that my reconstruction looks better than anything I have seen on the internet, so be careful of all the crazy photos that are out there. I took time with my surgeon’s scheduler and nurse to look at photographs of his work prior to making a decision. My reconstruction surgeon also came highly recommended by the oncology nurses, some of whom were also his patients. *Genetic testing was still in progress at this time. **We were keeping our fingers crossed for no chemo after surgery, and maybe just Tamoxifen.

At this point the whirlwind of tests was still in full swing. Genetic testing was still in progress, family history had been reviewed and revised (thanks to my brother who was a tremendous help with this), consultations were taking place with the cosmetic surgeon, the HER2 results were in (finally), pre-operative chemo was ruled out and I was beginning to see a set of options unfold before me as well as potential dates and scheduling for our “plan of attack.” Orchestrating all of this was quite a juggling act for me and my husband, but my medical team had it down to a science and I couldn’t ask for a better group of professionals who work so well together.

Tomorrow, I will celebrate my 49th birthday. My new birthday as a cancer survivor will be Aug. 1st. My husband started this tradition for me, and I can’t think of a better way for someone to say “I’m glad you’re here.” Let’s hope the weather forecast changes so I can catch one of these beautiful spring sunrises!

I have recently written to Kim with a question about her website since it seems to have changed. As soon as I get an answer back from her, I can confirm the web address. It used to be www.surgerycapsbykim.com How exciting! I just saw an email that came in this very morning from Kim and I am about to write her back. Her website mentioned above is correct, and she is on Facebook for those of you who do FB. Give her a like or send a message! Her craftsmanship is outstanding!

Before diving into this wonderful database, please read the following disclaimers that you will find on the EWG site to better understand how it works and how you can expect to apply the information… About the Skin Deep® ratings EWG provides information on personal care product ingredients from the published scientific literature, to supplement incomplete data available from companies and the government. The ratings below indicate the relative level of concern posed by exposure to the ingredients in this product - not the product itself - compared to other product formulations. The ratings reflect potential health hazards but do not account for the level of exposure or individual susceptibility, factors which determine actual health risks, if any. Learn more | Legal Disclaimer About EWG VERIFIED™ Beyond providing Skin Deep® as an educational tool for consumers, EWG offers its EWG VERIFIED™ mark as a quick and easily identifiable way of conveying personal care products that meet EWG’s strict health criteria. Before a company can use EWG VERIFIEDTM on such products, the company must show that it fully discloses the products’ ingredients on their labels or packaging, they do not contain EWG ingredients of concern, and are made with good manufacturing practices, among other criteria. Learn more | Legal Disclaimer

Hair care tip (during and post chemo for as long as you like): Find a hypo-allergenic baby shampoo that is Paraben & Phthalate free. One that I would highly recommend is the Lullabies brand (look for it at Aldi stores). It is free of parabens, phthalates, and Quaternium-15. The nurses told me I could use it on my hair and in place of facial soap to preserve my skin.

2. Survivor Talk

Q: Just how close is too close for comfort when considering genetics and breast cancer, or any other serious illness that can possibly be handed down, genetically speaking? How far back down the line, or through the branches of the family tree must one go before it is no longer a consideration? A: The answers to these questions can be dependent on the type of cancer. However, many times, it is not as far down the line as we may think. We do not always have to dig up all the ailments of all the relatives that we have ever had in our ancestral line...BUT...in the case of breast cancer, if you have a sibling, you need to be having the conversation and sharing information. It really can affect the selected components that a medical team assembles into the “targeted approach” to fit your specific needs for survival. In my case, it was important to consider immediate family/siblings, parents, maternal and paternal grandparents, aunts, great aunts, and cousins since there were other occurrences of cancer in the immediate family/siblings of my immediate family as well. Hence, it became an important consideration to look further down the genetic line. Researchers have found significant links among certain types of cancer such as ovarian and breast cancer, therefore it was important to look beyond just my brother or sister. Not only did I have relatives with breast cancer (at least three), my father has had skin cancer and a recurrence of skin cancer, my paternal grandfather had throat cancer, my father’s first cousin died very young (43 yrs. old) of skin cancer, my grandmother’s sister had breast cancer, my paternal grandmother had leukemia, my maternal grandmother had ovarian cancer, and I could list more, but it may not be the best thing in the world for my outlook. I don’t mind facing facts, but I am at a juncture in life as I am writing this blog in which I am working hard at “reinvention of self” and need to guard my positive outlook.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Thank you for teaching us, Holley!

The crowds and the people: Meandering through grocery and a few large retail stores felt really strange as compared to the past during the Christmas holiday season. I felt as if I was almost having an “out of body” type of experience. I was tuned in to different things this time instead of just the items on my list. For instance, I felt like I could actually perceive the stress that many people were experiencing while they looked at “gift” items as if they were conducting a disappointing obligation of a task. The store items and gifts: As far as gifts, I feel extremely different than I ever did before. For instance, I just don’t feel like I can possibly get the perfect gift for anyone that is close to my heart. The idea of gift giving to the children (that I absolutely cherish) still seems the same. I want them to enjoy the fun and excitement of the season as well as letting them know that I truly want to give them something that adds a little fun and sparkle to the occasion. As far as friends and family, I will not return to the “ways of the past” that result in the overkill of items, obligations, and visits that yield little more than fatigue and stress. For cancer survivors, time becomes a serious obsession and it is very easy to feel frustrated watching others act as if they have a total guarantee of tomorrow. Consequently, they conduct themselves accordingly and many times quite recklessly during these “get togethers” instead of checking their “baggage” at the door and making the most of the opportunity to get together. This is what I mean by “presence is more important than presents.”

Lymphedema — a condition in which your lymph vessels are unable to adequately drain lymph fluid from an area of your body, causing fluid buildup and swelling

What is a sentinel lymph node biopsy? When cancer spreads through the lymphatic system, the lymph node or group of lymph nodes the cancer reaches first is called the sentinel node. In breast cancer, these are usually the lymph nodes under the arms called the axillary lymph nodes. In a sentinel lymph node biopsy, often shortened to sentinel node biopsy, or SNB, one to three or more of the axillary lymph nodes are removed and examined for signs of cancer. Usually, if there is no cancer in these sentinel nodes it means the remaining axillary lymph nodes will not have cancer. To locate the sentinel node, the surgeon injects a harmless, radioactive substance and/or a dye into the breast near the tumor.