❝ well the plot, unlike your hair, continues to thicken. ❞
❝ i don’t lose things. i place things in locations which later elude me. ❞
❝ take pictures. not of sights, of moments. because that’s what matters. ❞
❝you treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a Greek goddess, then a person again.❞
❝ i’m sorry. i’m sorry that i can’t do goodbyes. ❞
❝ i tried so hard to tell you. ❞
❝ i’ve kept you from the life you deserve. ❞
❝ i’m not a charity case. ❞
❝ people have sex and kill each other. that’s the real world. not some magical feelings place. ❞
❝ there’s something i have to get off my chest. ❞
❝people always say “goes without saying,” yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. ❞
❝ i can’t help it. my body craves buttery goodness. ❞
❝ i’ve got guts and cellulite. ❞
❝ falling in love with you was never part of the plan. ❞
❝ i am proud, honored and baffled to be your friend. ❞
❝ you’re acting like a child. ❞
❝ come on, let’s hug it out. ❞
❝ i’m just getting started, you giant cockroach. ❞
❝ the truth is, i want to change. i need to change. ❞
❝ i get productive when i’m nervous. ❞
❝ i wanted to be heroic. ❞
❝ you brought me to a crime scene?! ❞
❝ it was either this or ice skating. ❞
❝ i haven’t snuck into your apartment in weeks. which reminds me, you’re out of peanut butter.❞
❝ you cannot sit here alone in a parking lot in a dark car. ❞
❝ i can’t believe you actually thought that text was from me. it lacked all nuance, my signature mocking tone, and was utterly devoid of emoticons. ❞
❝ i have an idea, but we’ll need cool names. ❞
❝ i’d rather shower with a bear. ❞