Here I Go Again

He’s so open and easy to be with that it isn’t hard to relax around him. I even let him come over to my place (!!), which I NEVER do unless I really trust someone. He was very sweet about my shitty apartment and my dog loved him.🥹 His living situation is complicated for the next few weeks, so he’s probably leaving town for a bit. But he still invited me to his temporary place with a hot tub next week~

He’s staying at a friend’s place while they’re out of town and they left him a canvas to paint, so we painted together post hook-up. I ended up spending the night and sleeping in his shirt. It was very cozy and comfortable and fun. He did talk more about how his marriage ended, and how he’s not “available” right now. Which I totally understand. He’s technically still a married man, which he said jokingly at one point. But at the same time he mentioned something to the effect of “whatever this becomes” earlier in the night. So I think he may potentially be open to more? Idk. I’m totally okay with taking it slow right now, so I don’t mind. He’s definitely my kind of weird so even just having him as a friend to do things with would be fun.

I’m trying to be flexible and trying to balance myself out with a version of the “5 crush method” or whatever. I have nowhere near the time or patience for 5 men at once. It’s more the principle of it. I tend to go 0 to 100 and all in on one person, and then I get my hopes up & my heart broken. Trying to let things come and go more gently. It’s a process.

I get it, he’s really not anywhere near the emotional place for anything right now. But man, with everything else I’m going through right now…this just feels like such a gut punch…

I guess I’ll just see where it goes and try with every fiber of my being not to get too excited…