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Happy ?
So my life is hard for an 18 year old. I dont have parents in my life and my aunts passed away in August, 6 days part.. it happened so fast.. Iām graduating this year and itās so difficult because i dont have support that i need, but i do have a boyfriend who has been there for me when my life turned upside down and heās been keeping me happy and heās been helping me with school.
Yes i am happy but i have my days where Iām super moody, annoyed or sad.
āIn a room full of art, Iād still stare at youā
Always.
My mind is so fucked up
Iāve been sad lately..

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So I recently found out that my tc is moving to a different school. I am heartbroken and extremely distraught. Do you have any advice?
Since your teacher is going to a different school, technically he/she isnāt your teacher anymore which means, you guys can text each other. If you feel like you could ask your teacher for their number or a way just to keep in touch ask your teacher but I would just do that. If you donāt feel like you could ask for a way to keep in touch then, youāll just have to move on with your life since your teacher is moving to a another school. I wouldnt be too worried.. yes itās going to hurt but over time youāll move onto something else
DJ
I wouldnt mine dating a DJ. I find it cool and adverterous because they travel and you get to dance and party with your boyfriend and go back to the play heās staying at fuck and romance in the hot ton and sleep in and forget everything
Why canāt the love of your life just show up when youāre going through a hard time in your life or just shows up when ever and be like in the guy youāre going to marry
I thought you liked me ? Was that a lie? Was everything a lie?
Thereās this guy named Cody and Iāve been friends which him since i was 16.. anyways weāve been talking on the phone almost everyday and texting everyday! We even had a streak with the Red heart! And he would call me beautiful and say that he wanted a future with me but get this! He was talking to his ex the whole time while on the phone with me and texting me. He even let her sleep in his bed... i literally cried and i was so mad because i wanted something with him but clearly everything he said was a lie.

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wtf = wanting true friends
hopeless romantic with trust issues and a sex drive out the roof
āāWho did that to you? Who fucked you up so bad, emotionally and mentally that youāve completely shut down anyone who tries to help you. You donāt talk about your feelings, you push kind people away, and you let negative people in. You refuse to open up and let someone love or care about you. Who fucking did that to you?āā
ā
I can really relate to this
12:40 pm
I want to tell my family about this guy
This guy has been in my life since I was 16
Heās been there when Gari died
He knew what was going on in my life
His family knows about me
And he cares
Heās really sweet
He listen to me when something is bothering me
He gives me advice or tell me that i need to not care
I need to not care about what people thinks of me or says about me
He just doesnāt want me to care
He knows that i do care and that Iām hurt
So this is his way of looking out for me
He has a sister who is in a long distance relationship with a boy named Ryan
But again he wants my family to know about him
Also he knew about josh and I
He told me that Iām going to regret dating josh
Maybe he was right?
I mean, Josh basically brainshed the family with how he wanted us to see him
Cody isnāt like that
Heās more mature than anyone
Heās still in high school
Heās on a 504 due to his asthma
Anyways, Cody is sweet.
I knew him from a guy named Jacob Murphy, they both āworkedā at my home school in the summer to fix the chrome books that the school wanted them to fix
Also the school made them spray paint hornets on the carts so when the teachers signs them out they know who has them and who it goes to next
Thatās how i knew him
Jacob and I arent friends and Cody knows that
Cody respects that i dont like him
And i know that Cody is friends with him and Iām fine with them being friends
But like i said, he cares and heās sweet
His eyes are so beautiful and i love his smile
He is smart even tho heās still in school but atleast heās actually getting his diploma instead of getting a GED and not doing anything about it
He actually has his life put together
Heās going to get a job eventually, here soon i think
Heās so sweet even though we might argue over something that was a misunderstanding and he calls me to explain what he meant and i do the same then we say that weāre sorry and we just talk about me doing photography and how much he wants to help me edit photos and that he wants to teach me the correct ways on how to do it
Canāt you believe that a guy wants to help me with something that i like to do?
Itās like heās so supportive of me and he sees all of my paintings, drawing that Iāve been doing and he told me that Iāve gotten better
Canāt you believe that!
So yeah, I wish i could just openly tell my family about him but now i need to! Now i need too before Cindy is gone.. i donāt want to lose her, sheās still young and healthy. But i want her to meet him. I really do. I just want her to meet him and tell me stuff before she goes to heaven. I mean, Iāve kept this inside and now itās eating me alive. I just donāt understand why I find this hard to talk about. Idk maybe itās the age, who knows but Iām 18, so it shouldnāt matter and he knows that you guys are Christians and he respects that. He knows that i was baptised, he knew about Ruth passing away and Gari like i said. He knows a lot for somebody that Iāve been friends with since i was 16 and now that Iām older and heās older, we both like each other
He wants to take it slooooooow which is a really good thing! And i think that you guys would agree. I even did and i told him if thatās what he wanted then we can and we will
Thereās no point in rushing our lives away
He knows a lot about cars and if Gari was a live, i bet they would of bonded and talk about cars. Thatās what i want. I want somebody that i am able to bond with and be myself without being judged but also somebody who will like my family and my family to like him.
Cody is like 5ā9 or 6ft, I cant remember but he has dark brown long hair, with eyes that changes colors but to me itās mostly blue or green, itās pretty. He has a fake tooth in his mouth, he likes playing PC games
I think that you guys will like him, i just hope you guys do. Itās not like heās 5 years older than me or 10. Heās 2 years older than me.
8:43 pm
I got told some very bad news
Itās the type of news that makes you not sleep
Itās the type of news that makes you hardly eat
But Iām starving
I just ate
Iām so sad
The news is hurting me
What am i supposed to do?
Am i supposed to act like Iām okay?
Iām gonna miss her
Iām gonna miss my aunt
Sheās been there ever since i was in my mom belly
Sheās always been there
Poof sheāll be gone soon
What am I supposed to?
How will i live with my life
Itās gonna be Sad when she died
Sheās already dying though
I dont want her to die
What if cancer never existed
Would she be healthy?
Would she not die?
I need you
Vacation isnāt going to be the same when youāre gone
I love you
Iāll always love you

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5:40 pm
All i wanted to do was shower.
The grease in my hair feels weird.
I just wanted to feel clean before my friend comes over.
But yet what i needed and wanted to shower
My aunt had to show my brother how to clean the toilet.
Most importantly i needed to shower
My friend will be over anytime soon
So they took their time
And she was having an attitude with me
Can we go back to sending love letters