card tricks

A spread that reveals your innermost faults, how you are affected, and how to pull through.

1. The darkest aspect of my self

2. The area of my life that is most affected

3. What is my inner demon

4. How do I understand/accept/heal

5. How I can overcome this 

♡ — She had been woken up by a loud banging on her door and had to rub at her eyes once more to make sure she was seeing things correctly. “Y-You? What are you doing here?”

even more starters·random starters from various sources (once again, from spotify playlists, random commentary, tv shows, books, movies, and my brain).

❝A little warning would have been nice!❞

❝You almost shot me! Again!❞

❝Hide your wives, hide your daughters, hell, hide your sheep!❞

❝I saw how you danced for them. There is no more need for that innocent act.❞

❝You’ll have to rip my bento box from my cold, dead hands.❞

❝Book? What book?❞

❝It’s all lies! Slander I say!❞

❝So after we were finished, he reached for his phone and began to play Candy Crush.❞

❝You owe me. I mean really owe me.❞

❝Stop it, you’re being even more rude than usual.❞

❝The cold and I don’t mix.❞

❝You look like you were fucked thoroughly last night. Was it worth it?❞

❝I had sex behind the court house.❞

❝Public sex is the best kind of sex next to make up, angry sex.❞

❝They hold you to a different standard because you are not some peasant roaming the streets. You are royalty.❞

❝If you are going to dance, at least pretend you can dance well.❞

❝You have far too much darkness within your heart. You will not be able to enter this place.❞

❝If, for example, you are alive at the bottom of the sea, I shall cut off my two legs and become a fish.❞

❝I want to fall asleep while embraced.❞

❝I once believed long ago that I could wish upon a star and my dreams will come true. Now I know such things are false.❞

❝I will savor the day I can watch you fall.❞

❝I will hunt you down & I will not show mercy.❞

❝There is little we can do. The rot has begun to set in.❞

❝You can keep your little princess in her proper little place. But if she follows all your orders, does exactly what she’s told? She will never ever grow up, she will only grow old.❞

❝Good deed? You so called good deed sentenced him to death.❞

❝That child will do whatever it takes to survive ; I suggest you do the same.❞

❝I am the Queen/King & I demand respect.❞

❝You will find me at the corner of 5th avenue & 57th street.❞

❝Girls don’t want smelly boys. They want chocolate, pretty shoes, and a good fuck every week.❞

❝I want you to break me with your own hands.❞

❝Have you stepped into your own trap, my lord? Any evidence you have against me, you yourself bought and paid for. Do you now begin to believe it?❞

❝Why must you leave a king to follow you? Why not a QUEEN?❞

❝It is true. I was unfaithful to you with all of them. With half your court. With soldiers of your guard, with grooms, with stablehands. Look for the rest of your life at every man that ever knew me and wonder if I didn’t find him a better man than you!❞

❝ I have a little neck.❞

❝You make love as you eat, with a great deal of noise and no subtlety!❞

❝Will you not kiss your daughter?❞

❝She has the face of a simpering sheep. And the manners. But not the morals. I don’t want her near me.❞

❝How DARE you and the rest of your barbarians set fire to my library?❞

❝You have such bony knees.❞

❝Queens. Queens. Strip them naked as any other woman, they are no longer queens.❞

❝I will not be told where I can go and where I cannot go!❞

❝The King has asked for me?❞

❝Even in carnal matters?❞

❝I shall not go the way of my sister!❞

❝Power is as exciting as love, I discover.❞

❝And who has more power than our dearest king/queen?❞

❝Touch her, and I’ll have her sent from court.❞

❝Mind your tongue, or I’ll have you sent from court.❞

❝I ORDER you.❞

❝…I think I’m a good person. I think there’s good in everyone.❞

❝I see these kids I’ve known all my life and wonder: What happened?❞

❝Remember those days when we were singing and clapping, happy and napping, baking cookies, eating paste?❞

❝College will be paradise.❞

❝Grow up. Bulimia’s so ‘87.❞

❝…Before you answer: I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes.❞

❝For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure.❞

❝You LIAR.❞

❝They will say my child is the bastard, regardless of what you do.❞

❝I care not who has the title “bastard” when I am dead.❞

❝You are the QUEEN. A girl this time, a boy the next.❞

❝Chaos is great! chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling!❞

❝Don’t read it. She’s having extra-heavy flow and wanted some advice from my gyno.❞

❝What’s your damage?❞

❝Sorry but I really had to wake you. See I decided that I must ride you ‘til I break you.❞

❝I think we broke my mattress.❞

❝No sleep tonight for you, better chug that Mountain Dew.❞

❝I’m like oxygen. I’m everywhere.❞

❝Thus ending her hangover. I say we go with Big Blue.❞

❝Shoulda thought of that before you killed me. I’m gonna be coughing up drain cleaner for eternity.”❞

❝Why are you not dead? Why do you live? How do you live? Why do you not lie at the deepest hole of the sea, bloodless, and bloated, and at peace with honorable death?❞

❝There are never enough hours in the days of a queen, and her nights have too many.❞

❝I was hoping you’d rip my clothes off me, sport.❞

❝I bet there’s all kinds of interesting things in that locker. Maybe some “ich luge” bullets…?”❞

❝I hope she’ll be a fool – that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.❞

❝And I like large parties. They’re so intimate. At small parties there isn’t any privacy.❞

❝You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.❞

❝Surprise, surprise.❞

❝I’m older, but hardly more wise.❞

❝Is she beautiful?❞

❝I have borne you a daughter, Your Majesty.❞

❝Your Queen, I cannot be. Your mistress, I will not be.❞

❝For men love what they cannot have, and hate what they cannot control.❞

❝If I must die, then I will die boldly, as I have lived.❞

❝But stars come out at night.❞

❝I am a fool to own it, but I am in a fever for his/her touch.❞

❝Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.❞

❝Is that how it is? You fuck me and go behind my back and pledge your love to another?❞

❝Cut the shrill voice alright? I can hardly hear myself think.❞

❝If you wake me up, I will throw sharp objects at you.❞

❝Okay, I get your angry, but you should know better than to antagonize them.❞

❝They’re as far away as I could send them.❞

❝Are we ruled by superstition?❞

❝I do not fear the people.❞

❝BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE?❞

❝On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?❞

❝It is okay to cry. Crying is a natural response to pain.❞

❝What good is that act, unless every person in this kingdom first swears an oath to you? To both of us?❞

❝Welcome to the nerd lab.❞

❝The more important they think they are, the quicker they finish.❞

❝Stay silent, & perhaps they will spare you.❞

❝Wanna fight for me?❞

❝Hey, are you still alive?❞

❝You speak as though you have seen this yourself.❞

❝You’re late. You missed quite a show.❞

❝Such tragic lovers.❞

❝I honestly don’t find that to be romantic. It’s pathetic.❞

❝Love? You think love will save you?❞

❝Only fools believe that soulmates exist.❞

❝I don’t know why the hell you want to sit courtside, unless you’re THAT desperate for balls in your face.❞

❝Gather the sheets and burn them. They cannot find evidence of this.❞

❝The blood is in your hands, not mine.❞

❝You speak as though you are innocent in this.❞

❝You took their heart and destroyed it.❞

❝Do you like killing? Do you like to watch the fear in their eyes as you bring your blade even closer to them?❞

❝I do not fear death.❞

❝Am I in hell?❞

❝If you think for a moment, then you’ll find it.❞

❝I will not be meek or obedient.❞

❝You do not own me. I am not your property or anyone else’s for that matter.❞

❝And you think sleeping with someone who is married is going to add excitement to your life?❞

❝There are worst faiths.❞

❝I would rather die than be locked in a cage.❞

❝You can take that pen and shove it up your ass.❞

❝Let me see your face.❞

❝My computer is acting weirder than usual. Did you give it an energy drink or something?❞

❝TV makes shit look so easy.❞

❝I could try, but no promises.❞

❝I just want to go home and shower.❞

❝That cat looks like he wants to murder us in our sleep.❞

❝I think there are better things to do in this city other than gawk at the buildings.❞

❝Put. those. cookies. down.❞

❝Oh shit, I made a booboo.❞

❝Banana monkeys apple balls!❞

❝What sort of insult is that? My cat can do a better job.❞

❝I have my eye on you. And I mean one eye. The other one is keeping an eye on the other guy.❞

❝You’re quite defiant, aren’t you.❞

❝Hold your tongue, or I will cut it out myself.❞

❝Bring them BACK.❞

❝I shall go to my grave loving you. HATING YOU.❞

❝Those who refuse will die.❞

❝How do you forget?❞

❝This was supposed to be a surprise damn it.❞

❝High or low, they will sign or they will die.❞

❝I believe in choices, both good and bad.❞

❝I didn’t fall off the horse. I held on for dear life as the horse dragged me along for a period of many years.❞

❝Funny how things work out. You love me now, when I do not love you.❞

❝I hate you. I hate your desire & MINE.❞

❝Call it what you wish, but you and I both know it’s the truth.❞

❝Don’t speak to me as if you know what I am suffering through. You know nothing.❞

❝Shut your eyes then.❞

❝That child saved your life.❞

❝Hey if you ever need some RELIEF, you know where to go.❞

❝I am no whore, despite what you like to think.❞

❝Beauty fades.❞

❝Mac or PC, I don’t care.❞

❝Find a legal way then.❞

❝Their blood is on your hands. Not mine.❞

❝Can’t make a habit of this you know.❞

❝Can I stay with you? I can’t be alone to my thoughts. The darkness will claim me again.❞

❝You swore you would protect me!❞

❝You are a toad.❞

❝What did you do, roll around in pig shit?❞

❝Get out you snake.❞

❝If they hurt me, then I will close my eyes.❞

❝There is nothing you can say that hasn’t already been said.❞

❝Music is important. There are so many advantages.❞

❝I couldn’t sleep. Can I stay here?❞

❝You are my soul mate!❞

❝I once tried to read that. I couldn’t get through the book.❞

❝BURN ME THEN. Do you think I care now that you have taken everything from me?❞

❝To love? Or to spy?❞

❝Which witch is which?❞

❝I signed up for a fun adventure in a creepy mansion. I didn’t sign up for demons trying to murder me.❞

❝Who’s your daddy now?❞

❝I’ll be good, I promise.❞

❝Do you hate me so much you would do this?❞

❝I loved you! I gave you my heart & you stepped on it.❞

❝My love for you surpasses everything.❞

❝I am a fool, yes. But this fool loves you. Do you hear me? I love you.❞

❝Take it from me as best you can, but there will come a time that you can no longer deny it.❞

❝Will you give yourself to me?❞

❝Once, I think I could have loved you. But now, I think I can only despise you.❞

❝My heart cannot take this secrecy anymore. Why must I hide my feelings for you?❞

❝You can try.❞

❝I think that there are better ways to spend my time than to listen to their insults.❞

❝Pathetic.❞

❝Children? Oh no, I– I don’t think I can even have children.❞

❝Impossible things can be possible if you have enough hope.❞

❝Did they touch you?❞

❝I don’t think I can move.❞

❝The best time of year is when I can cuddle with you in front of the fire.❞

❝My heart belongs to one being and it is you.❞

❝I need help. I cannot face this alone.❞

❝You ask far too much. Please, don’t make me do this.❞

❝Are you pregnant?❞

❝I’m pregnant.❞

❝I’m sorry, but your child is dead.❞

❝Who is the father?❞

❝How can you love a person like him/her?❞

❝Monster!❞

❝You are not a monster. Stop thinking that you are!❞

❝There is nothing you could have done. Their life was forfeit the moment they left this place.❞

❝Y-You? What are you doing here?❞

❝The last dance you will ever have is with me.❞

❝We are two ships in the night.❞

❝The shadows grow darker.❞

❝It will not be long before the darkness consumes your heart.❞

❝You belong to me now.❞

❝You WITCH.❞

❝You sold your soul to the devil & for what?❞

❝Revenge will be mine.❞

❝The dogs will eat their fill of you and shit your remains onto the crags.❞

❝Our Grand Rite now is done. Blood dimmed dawn now shall come. Powers of the moon and sun ignite. All flesh trembles at the sight. Thirteen souls fed to hungry earth opens the way for our dark lord’s birth.❞

❝Oh this ain’t right. This ain’t right. Any fool can feel that, even this fool.❞

❝ I shall miss the dazzling wit of your conversation.❞

❝This is my vow. I will meet you here, before the moon goes above those trees. I swear it.❞

❝You know, my father said this was the land of second chances. This can be ours. All we have to do is walk away.❞

❝Living in here and not believing in witches is like living in London and not believing in fog. It is to deny what is right in front of you.❞

❝Love is a two-faced coin and one is certainly betrayal.❞

❝Love is not a lost cause. I will not betray the one true love of my life.❞

❝If. Such a small word with such immense consequence. For all of us.❞

❝The wine is from God. The drunkard is from the devil.❞

❝I recognize the symptoms of your illness, and it’s not called marsh fever. You’re with child.❞

❝He’s insane.❞

❝This is a good day for him.❞

❝If you knew my father, you’d commend me for waiting this long.❞

❝How long may we enjoy your curative presence in town?❞

❝There was a reason for my marriage. Remind me of it.❞

❝Is it murder to defend your mother’s honor?❞

❝And if these times have made you clever, the coming months may thrust genius upon you.❞

❝You care so much for someone you hardly know.❞

❝That was the bravest thing I’ve ever seen, like a man sticking his head inside a lion’s jaw. I would gladly reward you for your bravery.❞

❝All things are permissible in our dreams.❞

❝I believe trust needs to be earned.❞

❝The others bought and sold. We merely proved ourselves better at the game, but we draw the line at murder. Do we not?❞

❝I do tend to win whatever battles I fight.❞

❝You’re not the only one who knows what it feels like to hold desires that come true only in dreams. But every morning we have a choice – forget our dreams or live them.❞

❝True malice like that which powers the Grand Rite ferments best in a loveless heart. I have looked into your heart and it is anything but loveless.❞

❝And so the queen came to rule the king and all of his kingdom and thus became the Queen of the Night. And so she lived happily ever after.❞

❝For it was not by a kiss she might make a frog into a prince, but by a kiss that she make a king into a toad.❞

❝That night she felt one monster on top of her and another inside and she glimpsed what her soul was becoming and learned her first lesson as queen: be careful what you wish for.❞

❝You know the worst part about becoming a queen? You often have to marry a king.❞

❝Not all queens start as princesses.❞

❝Your eyes. So filled with want. The hard part is not getting what you want, child. The hard part is knowing what you want.❞

❝We had a deal.❞

❝I want to be just like you.❞

❝Sometimes in life we make choices. These choices in life they lead us to do things, terrible things and we don’t wish to, we’d do anything not to. Choice informs choice. They don’t resemble anything you’d have wanted or wish for. Tell me if it was like that. If it was a difficult choice. Please. Please. So that I may still believe in goodness.❞

❝I murdered 20 men and I make no excuses for myself. Will you have me arrested?❞

❝The dead don’t lie.❞

❝I am the only one that knows.❞

❝The next lie to cross your lips will be your last.❞

❝You would threaten me, your one true ally?❞

❝So you would buy me outright?❞

❝I want it to stop. The torture, the torment, the suffering… or I will tell them. I will tell them all who and what you are.❞

❝We know that what we desire and what we must do to survive are often at odds.❞

❝My husband’s affliction has robbed him of both reason and sense.❞

❝We’ve lost control. She’s no longer ours.❞

❝Why? Because this is the fulfillment of all our dreams. Vengeance for centuries of oppression.❞

❝I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a mixture of reason and bullshit in a man.❞

❝There was a time when I might have suckled more than a toad.❞

❝All the world shall be yours in return; all the world.❞

❝You asked who would do such a thing. The answer is many people.❞

❝The witch hunt has begun and we will be runninng the trials.❞

❝He/She has all the sweetness of an apple on a tree.❞

❝This dog will come back and bite.❞

❝Save your thoughts. Say nothing.❞

❝You must cry for me, for I have no more tears.❞

❝Where is the murderer?❞

❝Be careful, be very careful, or you might find yourself wearing peasant shoes.❞

❝You see I’ve lost everything in this town that I ever cared for. You however, you have everything left to lose. A sentiment that makes you vulnerable.❞

❝Do not stare at him in public. It weakens you.❞

❝The only thing keeping me alive is the look on your face.❞

❝All things return, like every salty tear returns to the sea.❞

Following my AUs and Prompts List from a few months back, here is a compilation of my favorite sentence starters for all your writing needs. Because most of them aren’t mine, credits are at the end.

SHORT

“Marry me.” “Do you want me to leave?” “You are not going without me.” “I can’t believe you!” “I swear it won’t happen again.” “What did you say?” “I’m not jealous.” “You’re jealous, aren’t you?” “We can’t keep doing this.” “Are you sure this is legal?” “Isn’t this amazing?” “I’m going to take care of you, okay?” “Stay the night. Please.” “You can’t die. Please don’t die.” “Run away with me.” “You did WHAT?”  “Quit whining.” “Get outta my sight!” “Why are you so annoying?” “Were you ever going to tell me?” “Never in a million years.” “Don’t ask me that…” “I might have had a few shots.” “What’s with the box?” “W- What are you doing?” “Say it!” “I could kiss you right now!” “Are you done with that?” “What’s going on here?” “Stop pinning this on me! You started it!” “It’s your fault we’re in this mess.”  “Did you do this on purpose?!”  “Kiss me.” “Are you still awake..?”  “Excuse you?”  “This is all your fault!” “I can’t believe you dragged me into this.” “Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t my fault!”  “I shouldn’t be in love with you!” “It’s not fair!” “I could kill you right now!” “Knock it off!” “Screw you!” “You’re a complete moron!” “I love this song!” “I can’t be in love with you!” “Make me.” “Don’t tempt me.” “I hate you.” “You are infuriating!” “Just shut up already.” “That doesn’t even make sense.” “Bite me.” “Eat me.” “Kiss my ass.” “Just admit I’m right.” “Just admit you’re wrong.” “You are being ridiculous!” “That’s irrational.” “Listen to me!” “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” “Don’t yell at me.” “That’s it. End of discussion.” “I don’t believe you.” “You shouldn’t have said that.” “Fuck you!” “Shut your mouth before I shut it for you.” “How dare you?” “I dare you!”  “It’s you, it’s always been you.”  “Well this is awkward…” “Just pretend to be my date”.  

MISCELLANEOUS

“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?” “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” “I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.” “You know what I like most about people? Pets.” “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?” “What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.” “I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist.” “Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.” “Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.” “Did you really just insult Captain America in front of me?” “Can I touch your boob?” “It’s not that you’re wrong, exactly, you’re just extremely not right.” “You shouldn’t be trusted with small children, should you?” “Give me cake or give me death.” “On a scale from, ’I can sometimes make important phone calls without crying’ to ’I have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worst’, how much of an adult are you?” “You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?” “Despite the cliche, it’s not me, it’s you.” “Obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t.” “No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.” “When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!” “If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?” “I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.” “What have I told you about the toilet seat?” “I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.” “I vote today to be a pajama day.” “You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.” “I don’t leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d talk to my VCR.” “I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.” “You know we’re suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.” “Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?” “I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.” “What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.” “I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!” “This would not happen if I had a penis!” “That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.” “All nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner.” “I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”  “Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch your butt.”  “I’m ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”  “To the night you’ll never remember!” “Excuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?” “Could I sit here? All the other tables are full.” “Are you meeting someone here? Because.. I think I’m that person.”  “You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”  “It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.” “Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole.” “I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.” “You better take care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass!” “This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.“ “It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.” “I could do that, but could doesn’t mean would.” “You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don’t give.” “You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?” “I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”  “Do you need me to kill someone for you?”  “Look out where you’re going, asshole!”  “Fuck the sandwich guy!”  “I did not mean for stripping to come out of this.”  “The whole street is blocked off. The police won’t tell us anything, but I think there’s been some kind of attack… Maybe a bomb?”  “Oh my god, are you okay? I’m calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you.”  “I’m weird, you’re weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn’t for the fact I find you repulsive.” “There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.” “I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?”    “There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.” “It’s midnight, what do you want?”  “I think I know how to use a bed.” “If I wake up in the morning and I’m dead… Wait.” “You are completely unfit to handle a child.” “We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.” “Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”  “When in doubt curl into the fetal position and give up on life.” “It’s not a double date, we’re just third and forth wheeling.”

PREGNANCY

“I have something to tell you…” “I think I’m pregnant.” “I’m pregnant!” “When were you going to tell me that you’re pregnant?”  “You’re smart and successful with an adorable belly.”  “$50 bucks says it’s a girl/boy.”  “Pregnancy suits you…” “Hello little one. We can’t wait to meet you…” “I’ll just be in the bathroom throwing my fucking guts up because our unborn kid wants to be a dick!” “There’s someone I’d like you to meet…” “Shh… He/she’s sleeping..” “I have a special surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.” “No, no, no, no, no, we aren’t ready… We aren’t ready for kids yet!” “Oh, gosh, I felt it! I felt a kick!”

FLUFF

“Your hair is so soft…” “You’re so cute when you pout like that!” “Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.” “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.” “What, does that feel good?” “HA! I found a weak-spot on you, didn’t I?” “Are you wearing my shirt?”  “You are ridiculously comfortable…” “I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with…” “You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…” “You’re beautiful, you know that?” “We should get a puppy!”

STARGAZING

“Aren’t they beautiful?” “These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.” “Shooting star, make a wish.” “It’s actually a comet, but I’ll still make one.” “Imagine if it could always be this way, even in the city.” “Never thought something so beautiful could exist in nature…” “Wouldn’t it be cool to name a star after yourself?” “Y'know, your roof may not be the safest place for us to stargaze.” “This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?” “Is that a– Wait, no, just an airplane.” “I wouldn’t mind falling asleep out here.

FLIRTY/SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL

“Did you just… finish?” “They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.” “I’m not actually feeling anything.” “Are you getting any closer?” “Why do they make this look so easy in all those porn movies?! This hurts like fuck!” “Did something just happen? You’re not turned on anymore.” “Shit sorry, am I going too fast?” “Wow, you’re hot.” “Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” “Hey, I’m open minded.” “Keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.” “I think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.” “I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m really horny, and you’re really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?” “I see someone’s happy to see me.” “I saw that. You just checked me out.” “You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.” “Take off your clothes.”  “Tell all those other guys/girls you don’t need them ‘cause you got me.” “Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.” “Boobs are really just squishy pillows.”  “If you don’t get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.”  “Blasphemy! Sex solves everything.” “I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.”

TEXTS

[text]: What do you want now? [text]: Do you want to bet on that? [text]: Guess who just got back in town. [text]: So I might be in a hospital right now… [text]: We can’t keep doing this anymore! [text]: Come on, come to the party! [text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive. [text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up. [text]: I call bullshit. [text]: You thought you could get away with that, didn’t you? [text] I gave up great shower sex to be here so don’t say I never did anything for our friendship. [text] Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness. [text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall. [text] Who says no to sex and donuts?! [text] I know what you did last summer…

“i’m drunk and i don’t know you but i’ve been a virgin for too long and you look like you know what to do”

“my friends left me alone in ikea and now i can’t find my way out so can you help me”

“i say stupid stuff on the train and you’re stuck listening to me say stupid stuff on the train”

“you just ran my foot over by accident and now we’re both crying.”

“we’re neighbours and you’re standing naked in the hallway with nothing but a towel on because your room mate locked you out of your apartment”

“two words. mcdonalds run.”

“you owe me food and i wish to redeem it now.”