tarably sorry.

You are going through a lot right now, and in this moment of clarity, I need you to know that you’re going to be okay. I know you are hurting, and it is okay to hurt. You put a lot of heart and soul into something that didn’t work out. It’s okay that it didn’t work out, and the pain in your chest and the tears in your eyes will start to lighten, and soon enough, you will be okay. 

I know you want to hold her, and you want to press her into you and remind her of all the reasons why you two fell in love in the first place.I know you just want to breathe her in, and feel at home. To tell her that despite how quick everything happened, you two were suppose to conquered the world one pinkie promise at a time. How the little family you’ve carved out was worth the battles and that you would try to start meeting her half way. That you would see a therapist, get back on your medicine and learn to speak up and say ‘no’. But, you know that will not work. It is too little, too late and you know that. You can love her, but you have to let her go. And it hurts I know it is killing you, well, us.. But stop scrolling through the photos and beating yourself up over it. It is not all your fault. You need to know this. You may have failed on some things, but you soared on others. You were supportive, you went through trails not everyone would of come out of and you held her hand during some of the most difficult moments. You did good. You were what she needed you to be. And its not her fault she fell out of love with you.It just sucks.

Please don’t give into the dark thoughts you not telling anyone about. Don’t allow a few heart breaks make you think that you are worthless and the world would be better off without you -- because it is simply not true. Your mom suicide attempt was not your fault. Hers was because of her demons, and you did everything in your power to be with her as quick as possible and it is not your fault. You did good. You’ve always done your best when it come to support her. 

You need to work on yourself. You need to figure out how to adult and how to rely on yourself for your sake and for your babies.  Make your bed every morning. Wake up with enough time to get ready and be on time for work. Don’t linger. Start working out at night and eat  better. Start living for yourself so you can live better for with someone else. You can do this. You will  be okay. 

All of me.

See me..

Look into me and see me.

Not the physical me

Look past the rolls and the flaws

And look in to the depths of my eyes

Dive into my soul and find out how deep my heart can be.

See me..

Can you see how the depths of my emotions define me?

How love can build me or carve more room for my love to flow through me.

Love will never again break me, because no matter how fleeting the moments may be

Even if we may not be together

They were the purest of of moments and deserve cherishing.

See me, and with tears in my eyes, I will tell you that I'm okay,

Because at end of the day

I will be.

See me.

Love me and know that I love you

“Be nice”, they say. “Kill ‘em with kindness”, they say. But, what’s the point? They world is cruel. It looks for an opening, and makes it wider, ripping at the very flesh of yourself until you are a shell of a person, wide open for everyone to see and, if they will, take advantage of.  You spend so much of your time, trying and doing to make people happy because, after-all, it is the nice thing to do. But at the end of the day, you are left to pick up the pieces after they cram it down your throat that it is what you deserve and your mess to clean up. I’ve tried cleaning up the mess. And when I have all my pieces back in a row, and finally, truly happy, the past comes back and kicks it all back down. In shambles.