"Would you ever want to be immortal?"
James asked the question out of nowhere, leaning back in his chair with a beer balanced against his stomach.
The table fell silent for a moment.
Around them, the pub buzzed with conversation, glasses clinking and music playing quietly from somewhere near the bar.
"Fuck no," Remus didn't even hesitate.
He set his empty beer down and raised two fingers toward the waitress passing by. She nodded in acknowledgment.
James laughed. "You didn't even think about it."
Remus shrugged. "To live forever and never die?"
"'The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.'"
"You absolutely know where it's from."
Remus waved dismissively.
Sirius snorted into his drink.
"It sounds great until everyone you've ever loved is dead. Then everyone they loved is dead. Then every country you've ever known is gone. Then every language changes. Then every mountain gets worn flat."
Peter visibly grimaced, "Right."
"And eventually," Remus continued, "the sun explodes."
"Stop talking," Peter whined.
"Then, you're floating through space forever."
Peter looked increasingly horrified.
"I don't like this conversation anymore..."
Everyone turned toward Sirius.
He was lazily picking through a basket of chips, looking entirely unbothered by the existential nightmare Remus had just described.
Sirius looked genuinely confused by the question.
Remus groaned, "Here we go."
"If I'm immortal, I'm not hiding it," Sirius sat forward slightly. "I'm exploiting it."
James barked out a laugh, "Exploiting it?"
Sirius spread his hands, "I become a god."
Peter nearly choked on his beer.
"You can't just become a god."
Sirius looked offended, "Watch me."
The waitress arrived with Remus' fresh beer. He thanked her before immediately taking a long drink.
Across the table, Sirius was getting increasingly animated.
"Think about it. You survive everything."
"That's not being a god," Peter argued.
James was laughing now, "You'd start a religion?"
Sirius grabbed a chip and pointed it dramatically at him.
"Oh my god," James rolled his eyes.
"They absolutely would," Remus sighed.
"I'd travel the world. Predict historical events. Disappear for fifty years. Reappear looking exactly the same."
"You sound like a supervillain," James huffed.
"Remus is right. Eventually you'd be alone."
"And when the universe ends and everyone you know is gone and you're just floating endlessly through space and time?"
"Why do you keep saying it like that?"
"Because that's what happens."
Sirius considered the question for all of three seconds.
Remus blinked, "For what?"
Sirius said it like it was the most obvious answer in the world.
"If the universe can happen once, it can happen again."
Peter stared at him, "You've thought about this?"
Remus shook his head, "And then what?"
The sort of grin that usually preceded either a brilliant idea or a terrible one.
"Then I find out how to make another one."
James nearly spit out his drink.
"I become their god too."
The table dissolved into laughter.
Even Remus couldn't help smiling.
Only Sirius Black could hear a horrifying discussion about infinite existence and somehow turn it into a business plan.
"You know," James said between laughs, "the worst part is that I think you genuinely believe this."
Sirius popped another chip into his mouth.
Remus shook his head and took a drink.
Across the table, Sirius caught him smiling.
His grin widened immediately.
Somehow, despite the ridiculousness of the conversation, Remus found himself thinking that if anyone were stubborn enough to survive until the end of the universe out of sheer spite, it probably would be Sirius Black.
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