Howdy Bowds!

I was curious as to exactly how Barbie’s face has changed across the 56-year span she’s been around.

“If I gave you a bowl of skittles and three of them were poison would you still eat them?”

“Are the other skittles human lives?”

“What?”

“Like. Is there a good chance. A really good chance. I would be saving someone from a war zone and probably their life if I ate a skittle?”

“Well sure. But the point-”

“I would eat the skittles.”

“Ok-well the point is-”

“I would GORGE myself on skittles. I would eat every single fucking skittle I could find. I would STUFF myself with skittles. And when I found the poison skittle and died I would make sure to leave behind a legacy of children and of friends who also ate skittle after skittle until there were no skittles to be eaten. And each person who found the poison skittle we would weep for. We would weep for their loss, for their sacrifice, and for the fact that they did not let themselves succumb to fear but made the world a better place by eating skittles.

Because your REAL question…the one you hid behind a shitty little inaccurate, insensitive, dehumanizing racist little candy metaphor is, IS MY LIFE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF MEN, WOMEN, AND TERRIFIED CHILDREN…

And it’s not just a small town. 

Now, the Scottish, being the wild party animals that they are, were having a dance that night. This dance must have looked like a lot of fun, because my relative in question decided to pay a modest fee of what would be 5 dollars in today’s world to get in. Everything was going great, until 10 minutes later, the inn decided to close for the night. My dude was NOT having it. They demanded a refund, but the innkeeper said no. 

Shenanigans promptly ensued. They wanted their 5 dollars, and by God, THEY WOULD GET IT. Unfortunately, there was a no refund policy. I don’t know what was worse, the fact that they were robbed of 5 bucks, or that they were thrown so violently off their groove. I will never know what really happened next that night that was so bad, so awful, so absolutely mortifying that it warranted exile, but one can’t help but imagine. Was it murder? Heresy? A combination of both?

In the end, the townspeople chased them off, banished them, and cursed their very name. If they, or any of their children, or their children’s children’s children decided to step foot back on that island, there would be goddamn hell to pay. 

hey

hey juliet

When winter comes…

You’ll hear no lions roar…

No stags grazing the fields…

No roses growing in the meadows…

No snakes in the sand…

The sun will cease to warm the land…

The krakens will freeze where they swim…

The flayed men will rot and wither…

No trouts swimming in the river and no falcons flying in the air…

Not even the dragons’ breath will warm you in your halls…

And the “Others” will turn man to wight… Brace yourselves… Winter is coming.

“Dude. I’m going to get so hammered this weekend.”

“I have to read crime and punishment by Monday- I’ll just do it all Sunday night" 

“If you could get full ride to any college by killing a man, would you do it?” “In a second.”

[A guy showing a girl how to put notes into a calculator in order to cheat on the AP calc BC test]  “My morals have crashed like the Russian economy after the collapse of the USSR.”

“What class is this?” “AP FIGHT CLUB”

“What if we all just didn’t show up for graduation?”

 “It is my unalienable right to not be here right now. I’m entitled to the pursuit of happiness and this isn’t it.” 

“I’ll pay you $15 to do my physics homework.” “Shit, I’ll do it for free if you do my lit homework.”

[1st hour AP Human Geo: A girl pours a bottle of mountain dew and a can of monster into a thermos, shakes it up, and drinks it in one go.] “I have tests in every hour today and I got 15 minutes of sleep. Desperate times, ya know?”

“But if you’re valedictorian, and she’s salutoriain, and the six of us are top 2%, then who’s driving the bus?”

“so. did anyone do the calc homework?” *chorus of no’s* “you know, i don’t know why I even asked.”