Onegai Shimasu

Finding people in our community in real life is indeed an arduous task at times. We yanderes in nature are prone to mask ourselves to blend in as we all know there's judgement lurking everywhere, here's what we gathered :

Symptoms, Acute, Emphysema, Anaesthesia

Symptoms

What signs do you see in yourself that tells you that you’ve grown obsessed over someone?

When I start having fantasies about them, particularly domestic ones where we are either married or engaged and living happily. The earliest signs however, are when I am constantly checking their posts, get paranoid they might block me for some reason, or sit around at the phone waiting for them to text me back.

Acute

Are you quick to fall into an obsession, and does it tend to last long or pass quickly?

Yes. So quickly. I could meet someone once and instantly fall for them. With these obsessions, it is very short-lived and I stop caring once we become closer. In other instances, I may be friends with someone or in the talking stage when I start to notice an attachment to them forming. With these attachments, they don’t usually go away. I still think about my old FPs to this day, because we had been friends first and I’d grown to truly enjoy having them in my life. The obsession itself has mellowed down but never fully went away.

Emphysema

Do you find it hard to speak to your darling?

If it is someone I find on the internet and want to start a conversation with, yes. I rarely send asks, and it is even rarer for me to send DMs. I get far too nervous. If they happen to approach me first, I will be nervous still but I won’t struggle as much.

Anaesthesia

Do you wish to hurt your darling in any way, do you feel joy seeing them in pain either mentally or physically?

Yes and no. I don’t wish to see them in serious agony, such as being severely ill or otherwise, but I do like inflicting pain on them in small amounts. This is usually only mentally. For one, I will do anything to make them stay with me. If I have to threaten them or my own life, I will. If they make me upset and I know it will bother them, I will refuse to speak with them for a certain amount of time. I do also on occasion abandon them occasionally so they can feel how I felt whenever I have been abandoned. I like being yan4yan, because I want them to be obsessed with me and suffer for it. Knowing someone is equally as obsessed as I am, willing to do anything if it meant I’d stay… I would love making them work for it.

you hold my heart so tenderly, so closely to yours. i see you, going out of your comfort zone, growing, changing, for me. i see you, applying the art advice i shared with you, trying to mimic how i talk and how i love, being your most honest self when talking to me, because you want to become someone worthy of my love—yet you already know i love you whole and my sole purpose in life is to make you feel loved, to make you feel happy, to make you feel worth it.

i could do the most horrible things a person could do if you were to demand it. i would harass for you, i would kill for you, i would die for you.

but that's not what you want. you don't want to be loved in destruction. you want a friend, a lover, who creates for you. you want someone who is inspired by you, you want someone who starts their day with the will to see another one by your side, you want someone who will comfort you when you cry and who will seek comfort in you when they cry.

that is why, day after day, without ever missing one, i draw for you. you are my muse. my forever source of inspiration. i could never get tired of you, because i am entirely devoted to your person, my Angel.

and when i see the smile on your face when i show you my latest drawing, i fall in love all over again.

- 🍎🥧

I hate being obsessive sometimes. I love you, but like I'm trying to study. Get the fuck out of my head for a moment? Pretty pretty please?

Will most likely be deleting this blog shortly, as I've decided to leave obsessive posting and the constant melancholic ranting behind.

If you want to know my main and wish to follow me there instead, do leave a message!

Do be aware the following rant is in no way directed towards anyone or anything in particular, but is moreso a personal realization that bothers me when evaluating my own posts here.

I think, after a certain point, I've gotten aware of how unhealthy it is to not only be the way that I am when it comes to the thought of falling in love, but also how online I've been, how much time it's taken away. How I vent my emotions and issues so openly on this platform.

Yearning isn't bad to me, nor is being deeply in love with someone to the point it borders on obsession. But somehow I'm at a point where I feel like, is this all that's worth living for? To love someone? To keep working on being palatable so that one might be adored by people who may be interested one day, and drop you the next? I ask the question of, why should I not live for myself, live to improve the way I am instead of remaining stagnant in the lake of water like a bloated corpse? Am I drowning simply because I — either subconsciously or consciously — choose to remain so focused on love, obsession, the bad things of life that haunt me, that I forget to even think about working towards my own goals? That I sideline things that could potentially help me not focus on my misery and have a chance of making me healthier in order to engage in this, simply because I am not allowed nor afforded psychiatric help or therapy? (Not that I am in full support of certain aspects of the industry, but I have heard of good therapy benefitting others.)

While emotional outlet is a good thing, and while someone writing silly pieces on a blog might not necessarily mean they would act upon scenarios so intensely in real life, it leads me to wonder if I was a fool for starting this sort of online journal in the first place. Scratch that, I am quite an idiot entirely.

Not thinking about obsessive stuff is quite a help, and though I am usually sequestered in some prison of depression, anger, pain or the urge to jump off a cliff, I don't think everyone needs to know about it.

Maybe someday, I'll be strong enough to fight my battles on my own and process things healthier that I do now.

If you've read this far, thank you for being here. Thank you for being on this space with me, I've genuinely enjoyed the company of everyone I've met. I wish you good day, and hope I'll see you around some other time.

in another reality the obslove tag is just people loving and appreciating open broadcast software