the population of my brain

I am the best person

I am the best at being a person

I am unkillable

I am good at everything

I am protected by divine forces and I am their favorite

The Botanists

Bredero hochhaus, Hannover, Germany, 1975, Bahlo, Kohnke & Stossberg

Picture by Klaas Vermaas

Are they afraid of losing their memory with age? Are there any memories they'd like to forget?

Do they believe humans are inherently selfish, or inherently selfless?

Do they believe in fate or free will?

Do they believe some individuals are inherently more important than others?

Do they believe some truths are better left buried?

Do they believe suffering is necessary?

Do they believe that humanity is alone in the universe (whether that pertains to God or extraterrestrials)?

Do they fear being forgotten?

Do they fear death or what comes after it?

Do they feel like their life is one they chose, or one forced upon them?

Do they have any recurring nightmares?

Do they possess a secret that would destroy them if found out?

Do they see more value in individualism or collectivism?

Have they ever done something that made them feel like they couldn't recognize themselves?

Have they ever doubted their own sanity?

How do they cope with intrusive or impulsive thoughts?

How do they cope with the knowledge of their own mortality, or the mortality of their loved ones?

How do they handle long stretches of solitude or silence?

How do they react to the concept of eternity?

How do they react when confronted with something they can't explain or don't understand?

How would they react if they learned that some of their memories were not as they remembered them?

If everything they loved was gone, would they still be the same person?

If no one pays something any attention, do they believe it truly exists?

If presented with the opportunity, would they accept omniscient knowledge?

What are their irrational fears?

What do they believe is life's purpose?

What do they consider real? Do they only believe in things they can see and touch?

What do they think about dreams?

What is their breaking point?

What would they do to uncover a truth they desperately need to know?

When do they consider someone no longer a person? If someone remembers nothing, are they still themselves?

When do they feel the most alone?

When do they think survival becomes pointless?

When thinking about themselves, are they a soul, a consciousness, or a body? Do they think as I, we, or you?

Which do they fear more, the deep ocean or the reaches of space?

1. Are they afraid of losing their memory with age? Are there any memories they'd like to forget? None of the kids have had enough exposure to living organic adults to really be aware of memory loss. I think Xochi is the most afraid of aging in general because of her health, and Nectarie is probably the only one with a fear of forgetting. Horse explicitly has DID and develops multiple trauma related alters, including Secret whose entire purpose is coping with the memories of prophetic visions, so, yes, lots of things deliberately forgotten. Xochi would like to forget her entire life up to being brought to the Sanctuary, because it was fucking awful. Teodora wants to forget when Nectarie accidentally crushed a bird whilst trying to save its life.

2. Do they believe humans are inherently selfish, or inherently selfless? Xochi HAS to believe in the selflessness of others because she is severly disabled; her life is brittle and her heart is bared. She trusts others because she has no other choice. Horse believes the people he loves are selfless, kind, smart, etc. and everyone else is awful and selfish (he includes himself in that, yay self hatred). Nectarie believes humans are inherently selfish and everyone is fighting a losing battle against cruelty. Teodora believes everyone is selfless because they ought to be.

5. Do they believe some truths are better left buried? Horse has knowledge of the end of the universe which she will never share, both because sharing it makes it seems more concrete and it's a terrible thing to know. Xochi thinks no-one should ever try to find out what happens after death or what lies in the cosmos, because it will bring nothing but suffering and will not change anything substantial. I would say Horse, Nectarie and Teodora would all open Pandora's box out of curiosity.

6. Do they believe suffering is necessary? Nectarie does; she thinks some people are born to suffer and you shouldn't care too much about it. Teodora and Xochi are sensitive to others pain and wish it wouldn't happen, but ultimately it is something you cannot change. Horse believes all suffering is preventable and wishes to build a world where nothing bad happens.

7. Do they believe that humanity is alone in the universe (whether that pertains to God or extraterrestrials)? No for all of them because they were all raised by the crystal vertex union, a cohort of spirits and incorporeals who want to escape to the cosmos, believing that there is a perfect world out there in the desert of the abyss. God-aliens are explicitly real and observable in their universe.

8. Do they fear being forgotten? Horse wants to leave some indelible mark on the world and fears 'the second death' immensely. He relies on others a lot for his own self-perception and ties a lot of her identity to others. Xochi feels being forgotten is inevitable, but so long as their loved ones remember her until their deaths, that's okay. This is another thing Nectarie pretends not to care about but cries about it at night. Teodora hates thinking about it and is generally successful at avoiding it, but it terrifies her truly - the fact that the world could go on without her like she was never there makes her feel very, very small.

Are they afraid of losing their memory with age? Are there any memories they'd like to forget?

Do they believe humans are inherently selfish, or inherently selfless?

Do they believe in fate or free will?

Do they believe some individuals are inherently more important than others?

Do they believe some truths are better left buried?

Do they believe suffering is necessary?

Do they believe that humanity is alone in the universe (whether that pertains to God or extraterrestrials)?

Do they fear being forgotten?

Do they fear death or what comes after it?

Do they feel like their life is one they chose, or one forced upon them?

Do they have any recurring nightmares?

Do they possess a secret that would destroy them if found out?

Do they see more value in individualism or collectivism?

Have they ever done something that made them feel like they couldn't recognize themselves?

Have they ever doubted their own sanity?

How do they cope with intrusive or impulsive thoughts?

How do they cope with the knowledge of their own mortality, or the mortality of their loved ones?

How do they handle long stretches of solitude or silence?

How do they react to the concept of eternity?

How do they react when confronted with something they can't explain or don't understand?

How would they react if they learned that some of their memories were not as they remembered them?

If everything they loved was gone, would they still be the same person?

If no one pays something any attention, do they believe it truly exists?

If presented with the opportunity, would they accept omniscient knowledge?

What are their irrational fears?

What do they believe is life's purpose?

What do they consider real? Do they only believe in things they can see and touch?

What do they think about dreams?

What is their breaking point?

What would they do to uncover a truth they desperately need to know?

When do they consider someone no longer a person? If someone remembers nothing, are they still themselves?

When do they feel the most alone?

When do they think survival becomes pointless?

When thinking about themselves, are they a soul, a consciousness, or a body? Do they think as I, we, or you?

Which do they fear more, the deep ocean or the reaches of space?

1. Are they afraid of losing their memory with age? Are there any memories they'd like to forget? None of the kids have had enough exposure to living organic adults to really be aware of memory loss. I think Xochi is the most afraid of aging in general because of her health, and Nectarie is probably the only one with a fear of forgetting. Horse explicitly has DID and develops multiple trauma related alters, including Secret whose entire purpose is coping with the memories of prophetic visions, so, yes, lots of things deliberately forgotten. Xochi would like to forget her entire life up to being brought to the Sanctuary, because it was fucking awful. Teodora wants to forget when Nectarie accidentally crushed a bird whilst trying to save its life.

2. Do they believe humans are inherently selfish, or inherently selfless? Xochi HAS to believe in the selflessness of others because she is severly disabled; her life is brittle and her heart is bared. She trusts others because she has no other choice. Horse believes the people he loves are selfless, kind, smart, etc. and everyone else is awful and selfish (he includes himself in that, yay self hatred). Nectarie believes humans are inherently selfish and everyone is fighting a losing battle against cruelty. Teodora believes everyone is selfless because they ought to be.