Coxswain Yeild

So that's it. 4 years, 2 of rowing, 2 of coxing. Gone like that. For four years, rowing has been my life. Everyday, every thought, every dream, it consumed me. And I was ok with it. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have never been as passionate about anything as I was with rowing. My team was my family. I saw them every day, every early morning. We saw each other at our worst and our best. We laughed, cried, cheered, won, lost, screamed, yelled, complained and smiled together. Each one of them means the world. I spent my high school years in the boathouse. I grew the most inside those doors. The lake has seen the best and worst rows, the early rows and the late rows. The inside jokes we all share and the laughs through the microphone. The intense 9month season filled with joy and pain. The feeling when you win and you put your boat in slings and your coach places a medal around your neck. The person you look up to. The person who has coached you and watched you grow up. The person who has supported you through the worst times. The person who was there with you through it all. Knowing that I only see them 2 more times. I call them my coach 2 more times. Then that's it. I'm nothing to the boathouse anymore. I am no longer a coxswain there. I'm no longer a part of that team. Not to leave out the hard times. The days I walked up the path crying. Running to my car because I didn't make a boat or I was yelled at or my boat had a hard day or I wanted to quit. The countless times I considered quitting. When I emailed my old coach asking what I should do. To think I almost left 2 years ago.. Before my experience even started. Before I won. Before I started coxing. I couldn't imagine my life if I had quit. But now I am. To think that that's it... It hasn't quite set in yet. I'm sure it will. Eventually. For now it just feels like time off. A break. And maybe that's all it is. A break. Making the choice to not be a part of this sport in college was heartbreaking. But it needed to be done. This sport consumes me. I love it and let it. But I need a break. I need to sleep. I need to learn. I need to explore. There is a whole world out there off the water. Who knows. Maybe I'll visit this sport again. Maybe I'll get back on the lake and continue my adventure. But for now, I need to start a new chapter. The chapter where I become the best damn art teacher out there. Page 1...

Me, internally screaming and sprinting: OKAAAAYYYY

I can also proudly say that when the coxswain coach gave the coxswains his business card for us to email him our recordings and stuff, I went back to my dorm and shredded it. I will never speak or communicate with that man ever again.

what a bullshit camp with a few decent people. I can fully say that this camp was the most unorganized and one of the worst experiences in my coxing career. the way everything was handled was completely incorrect and the way we were treated was uncalled for. I met a few people that I am thankful to have met including 2 coaches and a handful of girls. the amount of drama was insane and the coxswain coach shouldn’t be sharing what he did. he felt the need to explain that Hillary was trash and that he supports brexit and more bullshit like that. he also felt the need to say he has won medals a lot and did a whole seminar on himself. when my mom emailed him, he denied everything and said that's how I'm going to learn and that my coaches at home were not supportive and giving me feedback. first of all, my coaches are the best people and the most supportive people I know. also, what kind of person denies all of that and says that my moms email was dumb? what an asshole and what a shitty camp that I spent $1200 on. I would NOT recommend. nobody deserves to be treated how I was treated at this camp. nobody deserves to be crying every night over what someone told them. I will honestly never forget "the coaches loved you. until you got in a boat." and "your coaches at home are shitty".

alright I'm here to tell my story of my experience with Sparks Consultant Rowing camp. if you're not familiar with it, it's a week long camp that is supposed to teach you and help you improve in coxing or rowing. I joined with my best friend and the first day, I realized I had made a mistake. the coxswain coach, (I will not say his name but he is well known) told the coxswains that verbal abuse is good. he went on to explain that rowers are dumb animals, we were probably shit coxswains and that he will set us up for mistakes and yell at us. I should have realized this was a red flag. the second day, I put in with a men's boat (I'm a women's coxswain but this was supposed to help me) and it went fine. I docked and the first thing the coxswain coach says (let's call him Mike) is that I made a bunch of mistakes. whatever. he then called the coxswains over for what he calls "public shaming". we sat in a circle and he told us all the things we did wrong. he told me that "the coaches loved me. until I got in the boat" as a newer ish coxswain, this tore me apart but I held it together. the second practice that day, he put me with the learn to row group. one kid in the boat was having troubles and is a bit slower and he was constantly yelled at. it was rough. on the dock, Mark told me I was to fast and had to "dumb it down for them". I was coxing them on the dock and was being yelled at the entire time I was trying to cox. so of course I was going to be stressed. Mark then explained that basically our coaches are shitty and we aren't being taught correctly. he told us to make a race plan and then told us he was just going to rip it up anyway. I poured my heart into a race plan my coaches helped me with and he hated it. I will add that that race plan helped my whole team win every race we entered in. that night, I broke down and cried for around 2 hours. I missed my coaches and my team and hated how I was being treated. The third day, I coxed the girls and it went amazing for the morning practice. i was happy finally. we also only have two cox boxes for 8 coxswains and 1 doesn't even work. we then had the public shaming and meeting with Mark. He explained that I moved a bit to fast on the dock. whatever. he explained that coxswains need to have an arms length relationship with the rowers. we can't join in or be like them or they won't like us. we are also told to never talk to our coaches if we need help with handling something. the afternoon practice was horrible. the water was shit and I hadn't coxed an 8 in a while. when I was docking, I came in at a bad angle and Mark was yelling at me the whole time. I backed it down to restart and he is constantly telling me I'm making idiot mistakes. the rowers answered a question he asked and he turned to me saying even the dumb rowers knew more. I was coxing the boat out of the water and he screamed saying I was moving too fast and that he was way better. he told me to stop coxing and let him do it because he was better. the way I did it has worked for 14 years at my club and is used by all our coxswains. Mark constantly swears at us and calls rowers dumb and treats us all like shit both on and off the water. my friends parents emailed the director explaining the issue and the director replied saying that how we were gonna learn, by yelling. after crying again that night, I called my mom who emailed the director as well. it is currently the morning of the third day and I have never wanted to leave something more. I'm told everything that I'm taught at my club is stupid and shitty and that I am stupid. I'm aware that many people have had success with this program and that's great! my experience hasn't been great and I know many people who have had the same experience. it is unorganized and plain unprofessional. I would not recommend this camp for someone who is newer or is sensitive or has actual emotion. I'm very upset on how this is run and if you have a similar experience, please message me.