#coxswain

Cox Grade 3 - Commercial boat licence training - NSW, QLD

10/18/25

I just want to be good again. I want to be that coxswain who doesn't have to think about the sport and just knows what to say. I want to be 16 again and racing at nationals. I want to feel confident again. I want. to be 17 and winning every race again. I want to be 18 and let everything roll off my shoulders instead of taking it all so personally. I don't want to be watching my every move.

I want to be good at this sport again. I poured 8 years into it, and all I can see are my flaws. I want to be 15 racing the 2v again. I want to be 14, not caring about medals, just being happy that I raced. I want to be 13, trying to quit because I don't like it even though I'm good.

I don't want to be 19 watching myself fail, over and over again.

I don't want to be 19, watching myself slip back into old habits.

I don't want to fail anymore. I want to race and watch my coach smile, I want him to be proud of me, I want to be good.

I want to be the coxswain he recruited.

Everyone tells me I'm good, I need to get out of my own head, but all I see are old, stupid mistakes. I know I care too much. I know it's just a sport, but after the number of things I've had to go through, this sport has been my only constant. This sport became my home.

I want to be home again. I want to walk into the boathouse again and see everyone I used to row with and be back in that four again.

I want to be a good coxswain again. I want to be the reliable coxswain again. I want to be the one who the rowers come to for anything.

I'm not good enough.

On my way to my first REAL regatta! As we speak :D

I only get to cox two boats (😔) BUT I'm excited nonetheless and so happy to be able to work woth my team :DD

my legs:

Mary Berry: Pear Pudding Recipe for Cosy Nights | Banijay Food

In rowing, a coxswain (also called a cox or coxie) is a crew member who sits at the bow (front) of the boat and directs the rowers, steering the boat and coordinating their movements. 

Imagine a modern day Bobby taking a pic/selfie like this while he’s waiting for the boys to get done chitchattin’😂

“Day’s not getting any younger, boys!” Chuck perks up thinking he heard his name and goes, “WHAT??” Bobby’s like, “Huh?🤨 Oh right. TIME’S A’WASTIN’. CHOP CHOP!” Then he adds in his booming coxswain volume: “HEY YO, MCMILLAN! BE THE TEAM CAPTAIN AND TELL THEM TO GET THEIR BUTTS IN THE BOAT!” Once he’s finally acknowledged he shakes his head and says in his head: “I’m dealing with a bunch of schoolboys…”