TC

when considering the sexual violence against trans women, it's important to remember that "people only view us sexually" does not mean the same thing as "people only find us attractive". it means "people can only conceptualize of our existence within a sexual light" because that's how the majority of our coverage in media has been tinged in the past century. as a result of the chaste and patriarchal nature of modern capitalism, gender and sexuality are inseparable in much public discourse by virtue of propaganda, and as a result, a trans woman is seen as sexual because efforts towards projecting specifically femininity is only categorized as sexual. and when paired with the uncharitable perception of "man", that propaganda can often evolve how people view us directly into "sexual threat" anywhere, for any reason. i could be in the freezer aisle of costco looking down at the ground while i push my cart and i'd still get dirty looks for wearing a dress (this has happened).

when i say "they're either jerking off or sharpening a knife", i mean we're either viewed sexually, or as sexually threatening, in almost all scenarios.

I'm on a dating app for lgbt+ people. I've stated multiple times on my profile that i would rather lose an arm than recieve nudes without consent. I will be sent five dick pics for every 2 people i talk to that night.

I'm talking with my dad, who informs me he's been trying his best to learn about trans issues. He says the same things steven crowder brings up when trying to ridicule trans people. I gently but firmly correct my father and get told that ive been fed propaganda.

I'm on instagram, under the comments of a post ridiculing someone for being a misogynyst. Someone's left a comment saying "it must be hard being a woman on the internet" and i respond "it is." I will have every aspect of my appearance scrutinized as a reminder that no matter how well i pass, it will never be enough for someone with bad intentions.

I'm back on that dating app for lgbt+ people. I'm messaged by an attractive looking person, but i can see their partner prominently displayed in all but their main photo, oftentimes striking what im sure they thought was a very intimidating pose. Their bio says "looking for a third for our anniversary." I know that even if I did feel up to it, the gruff partner wouldnt approve of me because i don't pass.

I'm at a job interview for a clothing store. I tell the gracefully-dressed woman interviewing me that ever since i began my transition, i've discovered an interest in fashion, and that this job would allow me to dip my toes into the industry in a safe way. I'm told that i've reduced womanhood to a stereotype, and i can tell by her tone that i lost any chance at the job the minute she realized i was trans.

I'm at the same hospital i got facial feminization surgery in, trying to figure out what's wrong with my bowels. When the person behind the desk gives me a wristband with my patient info on it, i notice a single, lonely, letter M. I ask a nurse in private why it would say that despite me having changed it nearly a year prior. They say they have no clue, and bring in paperwork for me to fill out and have it re-changed again.

I'm living with my mom at the time. I'm new to transitioning, and decide to try my hand at voice training. It feels a bit off, but otherwise im feeling neutral toward the whole thing. I try speaking in this new voice to my mom and she laughs. Now, when people ask if i intend to voice train, i find speaking at all difficult for minutes after.

Armored Lady Monday

i had a vision in my dream of an armor made of hands

And like it's just so striking to see this positioning, a "I don't particularly care, but isn't it interesting that some people do!" It's just a strange esoteric debate to them. The journalist has come down from the mountain with grand new knowledge- trans women are different from us-women. And, of course, this means it WAS a question back then! (anyone who knows their transsexual herstory already knows that of course)

This strange rhetorical move of going "You, reader, did not know this, but you should know, that some women don't think transsexuals are real women". And like what I would give to live in that rhetorical world where people have to be told we aren't real women. Because of course, trans women have always held an uneasy relationship TO feminism, always contingent on cis-women's ability to shut us out whenever they wished.

Notice too how "womon-born womyn" gets mixed together with everything else provided! Whenever someone does apologetics for the festival it's always "Well it did lots of good, and I want to celebrate that", but of course the "good" is mixed together entirely with the transphobic exclusion- the spreading and proliferation of feminist ideals meant a feminist ideals defined by trans women's exclusion.

Which is the very problem and why this conversation keeps happening- Michfest is the emblem of American lesbianism for a VERY long time. I'd like very much to be counted as a lesbian, but the icon of lesbian historiography is tied together tightly with a rejection of me. And like, that just kinda Sucks!

(Copy of the article below the cut)