pants-shitting terror

Another vinyl down. Woot!

Actual work email.

I fooded. Hard. #cheflife #steak #nystrip #grill #kamado

I didn't get these from the self help section. Just in case you were wondering.

Root canals are crazy AF yo #weird #theyreplayingdubstep #cantfeelshit (at Ballantyne Endodontics)

Watching Billy Connelly host a documentary while I get my root canal. Awesome. #scottish #whatdidhesay #drillbabydrill (at Ballantyne Endodontics)

Ran into Meredyth in traffic. My sister doesn't even know she's about to be in the drag race of her life.

Ladies, should I cut my hair or not? It's either do it now, or don't do it for 8 months and get my Keanu Hair back.

WHAT!?!? IM NOT FUCKING TAKING THESE! #wtf #buttpiss #forweeks #forMONTHS #fateworsethandeath

Well that's a spelling I've never seen. Try phonetics, lady. #jeremyisntahardname #ffs #sheshotthoughsoiwasniceanyway

DO YOU LIKE IT FREDDIE WHEN SOMEONE SITS ON YOU AND GETS UP IN YO SHIT THE TABLES HAVE TURNED MOTHERFUCKER #owned #pitbull #revenge

This dog is so efficient that spilling the food on the floor doesn't even slow him down. #dogsofinsta #freddie #pitbull #foodmonster

Mercury Poisoning is dank as fuck. Your Saturday is an abject failure by comparison. #tuna #cheflife #eatyourgreens #dinner

Yessss, today is a good day. #vinyl #clutch #earthrocker #live

About to get real sexy in this diner. Puff the magic Panty Dropper. #dinerlife #jukebox #ialwaysplaytheshittiestmusic (at Silver Diner)

Photobombed by potatoes. Photatobombed? Photatobombed. #cheflife #potatoes #hobbit

I made a meat mountain last night. Not as gay as it sounds. I think. Probably wouldn't be very difficult to make it gay. #cheflife #meatmountain #lambchops