No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut & Angst

Summary: The man who helped you through the darkest times of you life, your soulmate. The one you thought you were never going to meet, is standing right in front of you declaring to be a fan of the stories you created about him. 

Rating: 18+

Warnings: depression, suicide references, anxiety, mental health issues, future smut. 

SOULMATES  (TEASER)

Monday; 5:30 a.m. September 2020.

Laying in my bed, awake, I found myself thinking that the only thing an unemployed twenty-three-year-old -college dropout- should be doing at 5:30 in the morning is sleeping. There was no reason to stay awake. I did not have a job to blame for waking up this early.

Well, I also did not just wake up unexpectedly either. I simply have not slept at all in weeks.

After a few minutes of repeatedly torturing myself with negative thoughts, my bladder  warned me about my need to pee – badly- However, the thought of leaving the bed felt like hiking the Himalaya on bare feet, wearing inadequate clothing during a crude winter storm in the middle of a December night.

After sighing one last time, I decided to take my phone from the impromptu nightstand table located on the right side of my double bed – there was no point on keep on trying to sleep, I already knew it was not going to happen- The bed and the mediocre attempt of a nightstand -which consisted of a wood fondling table- took most of the space of my tiny room, so there was little to none effort made when I reached out for the electronic device.

-Kim Namjoon-

Those are the words I have found myself typing every day for the last 3 months.

Kim Namjoon was a gift from the universe, a blessing or maybe just a coincidence if you are a little too skeptical.

Namjoon, was not the love of my life, there were high chances that we never got to meet each other, and even higher ones, that the love of his life will be someone way better than me.

Even though I knew he was not the person I was supposed to find at the end of my red threat of destiny -if there’s even such a thing- Kim Namjoon, will always be one of the most important people in my life.

He caught my attention because he was all the things, I used to be a few years ago –  the hundred times better version of myself, to be honest-

Kim Namjoon felt like the male version of who I used to be a couple years ago – the sane version of myself-.

Kim Namjoon and I had many things in common, for example, We taught ourselves English through music and T.V shows, we loved the show F.R.I.E.N.D.S, we loved to read books, we were both blessed with the talent of destroying everything around us -by doing absolutely nothing else outside of existing- we loved poetry, we had sexy brains and we also shared a big love for nature and art.

My connection – if I can even dare to call it that- to him went beyond these superficial personality traits or zodiac sign compatibilities, our zodiac signs are actually completely incompatible - just in case you were wondering-.

Every single word he said, every single thought he shared, reminded me of that smart woman who walked around like she owned the world when she was just twenty years old– the woman I used to be so proud to called myself-.

Kim Namjoon gave me a sense of peace; he felt like home -even though I’ve never been in his presence-. He made me feel like I could trust him. He made me want to be a better person. He made everything bearable.

Kim Namjoon was simply my best coping mechanism.

At this point I really do want to believe that there was such a thing as a “past life” where he was definitely my soulmate or the love of my life. I know I should have been laughing at such silly thoughts, he clearly did not write that thinking about me, he probably was not thinking about anything else but his own feelings. However, every time I heard him sing, I felt my soul connecting to his in a way I could not describe with words. It felt as if 40 years ago or maybe centuries ago -when I was probably worth the love and admiration of people- Kim Namjoon was the one holding my hand, singing to me, and kissing my lips with the promise of forever.

Seoul, Korea. September 2024.

The grand opening of one of my dearest friend’s gallery.

An event I would not dare to miss for the world. The sophisticated gallery was located, east from the Gyeongbokgung Palace, a very prestigious area filled with many other fancy, outstanding places for artist to share their masterpieces.

Ji-Hoon, my talented friend, was proud of his achievements. His success was not handed on a silver plate. Ji- Hoon worked hard since the tender age of eight-teen years old to make his dreams a reality. He spent many years studying, investigating and perfecting his abilities, he was smart and talented enough to know how to get to the most important art’s exhibitions, and he was charismatic enough to not only be appreciated for his artistic abilities, but also for his amazing people skills as well.

My career was skyrocketing; I was clearly in a better place.

But even with all the success. I still felt like there was something missing. As if there was something waiting for me. Deep inside me, my core… or soul -according to all the spiritual advocates- was waiting for something to happen.

For something -or someone-  to change my life forever.

I spent years wondering what -or who- it was.

And it wasn’t until I saw Ji-Hoon approaching me, accompanied by a nearly six feet tall, brown haired man, with the sweetest eyes and the most mesmerizing smile, adorned with a pair of adorable dimples, that I knew what my so called soul was craving.

He was here, at an arm’s length distance.

Looking into my eyes. Standing beside my friend, completely unaware of the chaos happening inside my head. Completely oblivious to the pounding heart inside my chest, triggered by the simple sight of a man I’ve thought I’ll never get the chance to meet.

“Hello, Y/N. My name is Kim Namjoon, I’m a big fan of your inspiring words” he hesitated for a moment, but continued nonetheless “and now an official fan of your outstanding beauty as well”

Hey guys, I know I posted a teaser almost three weeks ago, I know you probably don’t really care about my personal life, but I wanted to explain why I haven’t posted anything yet. I’ve been trying to finish the story but tbh with you I have no motivation to write at the moment; I’m currently dealing with my mental health and it literally takes everything in me to even get up in the morning and brush my teeth. I decided to make this post because I’ve been getting some anon questions asking me when I’m planning to update; so i just wanted to let you know that I’ll try to post ASAP but I honestly can’t give you a date at the moment. 

Maybe it is, Idk. However, please don’t take this the wrong way, ok?

Hi, lol. I don’t think I can help you with that, sorry. Honestly, I know NOTHING about tarot. 

However; here’s a theory that may help: 

You may be searching a lot of things about soulmates here on tumblr, and since my fic is called “soulmates” the algorithm thought you may be interested in my post (?) Idk. I know nothing about algorithm either,  that’s just what makes sense to me (?) ... 

You don’t have to follow me tho :) I would’ve help anyways.