ellie

The clearest example of this pattern is her dynamic with Travis. She sees him suffering in the aftermath of his father’s death and latches onto him, in part, as a way of escaping her own pain. Her entire sense of purpose narrows into protecting him, caring for him, and keeping him close, to the point that Sophie Thatcher has described Travis as Natalie’s “obsession.” Nat has felt useless, directionless, and unworthy her entire life, and her dynamic with Travis offers her the fulfilling feeling of being needed. She centers herself on that euphoric feeling of intimacy and her role as a caretaker for Travis, particularly after Doomcoming. Natalie repeatedly prioritizes maintaining access to Travis over respecting his boundaries, autonomy, or well-being. When Travis becomes more distant from her and drawn toward Lottie, Nat fakes Javi's death to draw Travis back to her and her, reestablishing their connection and his reliance on her. In the adult timeline, when she sees that he's apparently happy and living a more stable life in a new relationship without her, she re-invades his life with the explicit purpose of ruining this stability. When he changes his legal name and moves away to distance himself from her, she tracks him down, breaks into his house, and goes to his place of work to find him. The more unavailable he becomes, the more frantic and destructive the pursuit becomes. This reflects a pattern often seen in addiction: the escalating desperation to preserve the thing providing relief, purpose, or escape once it begins slipping away.

Then this pattern takes form in leading the group as the new queen and fulfilling that lifelong craving for praise and usefulness, then it’s a secretive operation to secure rescue from the wilderness, then it’s a reckless investigation into the blackmailer and finding Travis’ supposed killer, then exposing Lottie to her followers at her compound, then finally reconnecting with the Wilderness at the compound in hopes of finding some kind of peace or healing. Every season gives Natalie a new fixation, a new “fix,” and she throws herself into it with the same desperation and tunnel vision that fuels her substance abuse.

It's especially prominent in the latter two examples, as Nat becomes so singularly obsessed with finding Travis' supposed killers and then finding healing at Lottie's compound (her abrupt and jarring shift from fierce non-believer to full-on organic smoothie-drinking cult follower) that she comes off as almost manic in the destructive things she is willing to do to chase these obsessions. She behaves wildly; destroying her entire motel room when she can't gain access to Travis' bank account, almost killing the blackmailer on an impulse, breaking into Lottie's office and screaming in front of all of Lottie's followers in an attempt to expose her, agreeing to hypnosis, encourgaing all of the other survivors to stay at Lottie's compound and engage in her treatments despite even Lottie being hesistant about it. I've seen people argue that these are all evidence of a manic episode, but I would actually say these actions are more aligned with withdrawal. The logic of it feels addictive; she is willing to do anything for even a semblance of emotional relief, connection, or distraction (the euphoria, the high).

Travis is showing signs of addictive, compulsive coping in the wilderness, often when he is emotionally separated from Nat entirely. His struggles are rooted in trauma, grief, survivor’s guilt, repression, and unbearable emotional pain. Nat’s addiction is born from the same place. They are two traumatized addicts who absolutely feed into each other’s unhealthy patterns, but mutually.

Nat says they both tried to keep each other clean. And when Lottie asks her what happened when Nat and Travis last saw each other, she says, “What always happens,” implying there is a repeating cycle of relapsing together whenever they are around each other for too long. Taissa refers to their relationship as a “trainwreck,” says Nat and Travis are “the worst for each other,” and implies that she has had to “drag” Nat out of “that toxic shit” multiple times. It’s a mutually toxic relationship, and that’s what makes it interesting!

Travis is showing signs of addictive, compulsive coping in the wilderness, often when he is emotionally separated from Nat entirely. His struggles are rooted in trauma, grief, survivor’s guilt, repression, and unbearable emotional pain. Nat’s addiction is born from the same place. They are two traumatized addicts who absolutely feed into each other’s unhealthy patterns, but mutually.

Nat says they both tried to keep each other clean. And when Lottie asks her what happened when Nat and Travis last saw each other, she says, “What always happens,” implying there is a repeating cycle of relapsing together whenever they are around each other for too long. Taissa refers to their relationship as a “trainwreck,” says Nat and Travis are “the worst for each other,” and implies that she has had to “drag” Nat out of “that toxic shit” multiple times. It’s a mutually toxic relationship, and that’s what makes it interesting!

This is exactly what I mean when I say people don’t actually care to understand Shauna sometimes because wdym she doesn’t care much about Nat?

With that logic you could also argue that Natalie didn’t care about Shauna either

And this is a crazy statement when in canon:

Shauna is the first and most likely the only person who defended her against the slut allegations “Don’t talk to her that way!”

She told Jackie not to sleep with Travis because she would hurt Natalie

While in her third trimester, she helped to bring Natalie back from the lake and warm her up, keeping her from freezing to death

When she was told to kill Natalie she cried and started shaking. Before she killed her, she put Jackie’s necklace, one of the most precious possessions she owned, around her neck in a way that paralleled her comforting Jackie, giving her a final, I love you and I’m sorry

When she was about to chop up Javi, she told Natalie to leave so she wouldn’t have to witness it

When Natalie was crowned, Shauna put aside her pride to bow to her, when the cabin caught fire, Shauna went straight to Natalie, saving her life a second time

Shauna allowed Natalie to keep the necklace in spite of how much it meant to her

When Natalie was supposed to cut up Coach Ben, Shauna covered his face and gave her genuine advice on how to do it properly

In the adult timeline, Shauna empathizes with Natalie’s grief for Travis and manages to get through to her

When Natalie admits to attempting suicide at Lottie’s cult, she is the first one who is shown to react

When Natalie dies, Shauna is so devastated she hugs Jeff of all people and cries in front of her daughter

On the day of Natalie’s funeral, Shauna smokes from her daughters weed stash and starts waxing poetic about how brave Natalie was at her funeral and depresses everyone

The script’s description of Nat’s emotions in this scene really stands out to me. A lifetime’s worth of humiliation and rage…

In this moment, after years of swallowing her rage, shrinking herself to survive, and living under the suffocating control of her father, something finally ruptures. For perhaps the first time in her life, Natalie allows her anger to move outward instead of inward. She is willing and intending to kill her father in this scene. We are shown without a shadow of a doubt in this scene that beneath Natalie’s restraint exists a capacity for direct, lethal violence that emerges when enough fear, humiliation, and fury have been forced to accumulate past the point of containment.

However, there are immediate consequences for Natalie’s first true outward expression of rage. Although she doesn’t kill her father directly, he still dies as an indirect result of her actions. Nat immediately freezes and withdraws back into herself, carrying the guilt and shame of the one moment where she lost control of her anger, and it’s disastrous consequences.

From that point forward, Natalie internalizes the belief that some part of her is fundamentally monstrous, violent, and dangerous in the same way her father was. Much of her life becomes an attempt to outrun and disprove that possibility. She clings desperately to compassion, gentleness, and morality, trying to become the kind of person her father never could be. Because she associates direct expressions of anger with harm, her violence and self-preservation find other ways to appear. They take form through passivity, manipulation, displacement, and/or self-destruction rather than open aggression. She has brief moments of conflict (with Jackie and Lottie especially), but even in these scenes you can feel the tension of her holding herself back.

But by the end of Season 3, I think we can see the tide beginning to shift for Nat. Under Shauna’s reign, she is once again placed in an environment defined by coercive control, silencing, and repeated humiliation. These dynamics echo the psychological captivity she experienced under her father growing up. In scene after scene, you can see Nat’s anger straining beneath the surface. She’s practically vibrating with restrained rage, as though the effort of keeping it buried is becoming physically unbearable.

I think all of these scenes are showing us that Nat is a ticking time bomb, and with each of Shauna’s actions that further strip her of her autonomy, she gets closer and closer to snapping. I think it’s only a matter of time before Nat’s resolve snaps again and she lashes out, and I think she will have one final moment of direct violence that she will once again carry the guilt of for the rest of her life.

And that is the cycle at the center of Natalie’s character. She internalizes her anger for as long as possible because she is terrified of what will happen if she lets it out and believes she deserves that anger being directed at herself instead. But the repression only causes that anger to intensify until it eventually erupts in one catastrophic, impulsive moment. The consequences of that explosion then fill her with guilt and self-loathing, convincing her that her anger is inherently monstrous and dangerous, which causes her to internalize it even more afterward, building to the point that it will inevitably explode again one day. And in doing so, she unknowingly begins the cycle all over again.

It’s no coincidence that these are the very first words we hear Nat speak in the entire series:

She’s likely referring to Shauna, yes, but I think she’s also referring to herself; and the more dangerous, volatile parts of herself and Shauna (and all of survivors) that she has learned need to be kept under control.

Tai jumps to stop Gen when she pushes Nat:

Tai looks conflicted and guilty as Van yells at Nat:

Tai attempts to diffuse the situation as she senses it’s starting to become dangerous for Nat, suggesting a trial in an attempt to bring civility back to the group and protect Nat from immediate harm (using the same method she saw Nat use to protect Coach Ben):

She steps in front of Nat when Shauna threatens Nat’s life, getting in Shauna’s face, fully ready to challenge Shauna to protect Nat:

And the seething glare Tai shoots Lottie after she crowns Shauna as the new leader. Her anger and disappointment is so palpable in a single look that Lottie immediately avoids eye contact with her:

Nat will think of Tai first when she gets arrested, call her for help, refer to her as a friend, will feel safe enough with her to accept help in a way she doesn’t do with almost anyone else, and then will immediately snap at her the moment Tai answers the phone. Their relationship is full of sharp edges and emotional whiplash, but underneath all of it is a kind of love neither of them really knows how to express directly.

Tai jumps to stop Gen when she pushes Nat:

Tai looks conflicted and guilty as Van yells at Nat:

Tai attempts to diffuse the situation as she senses it’s starting to become dangerous for Nat, suggesting a trial in an attempt to bring civility back to the group and protect Nat from immediate harm (using the same method she saw Nat use to protect Coach Ben):

She steps in front of Nat when Shauna threatens Nat’s life, getting in Shauna’s face, fully ready to challenge Shauna to protect Nat:

And the seething glare Tai shoots Lottie after she crowns Shauna as the new leader. Her anger and disappointment is so palpable in a single look that Lottie immediately avoids eye contact with her: