Sam Winchesters Missing Shoe

he wouldn't have left.

that's the problem.

if neil ran, andrew would understand.

if neil was hiding, andrew would find him eventually.

if neil was dead, at least there would be an answer.

“I’d like to stay as long as Coach Wymack will have me.”

Kevin sank back onto his cushion, but he was paying more attention to Riko than where he was going. He ended up with his thigh pressed against Neil’s, hard enough Neil could feel him trembling.

He reached for Neil, but Kevin caught his arm to stop him. Riko slammed his elbow back into Kevin’s face without missing a beat.

Abby jogged the last couple steps to Kevin and crushed him in a fierce embrace. Kevin held onto her for dear life while the team hovered nearby.

Kevin had a knee hugged to his chest and his face hidden in the fold of his arm.

Kevin had eyes only for Andrew as he crouched in front of the downed goalkeeper. “So,” Kevin said, “did you have fun?”

Kevin spoke up in French. “I will watch you. If you want to drink tonight,” he added when Neil looked at him. “I won’t let you say something you’ll regret.”

“I know what he’s like,” Kevin said. Neil looked at him, but Kevin was studying his hands. “Riko. If you want to talk.”

Neil considered that, then said, “Good thing you’re not there anymore.” “Jean still is,” Kevin answered.

Kevin still hadn’t messaged Nicky by the time they reached the ice cream aisle, so Nicky gave in and called him. Neil half-expected Kevin to ignore Nicky’s call, but Kevin wasn’t so sour with them that he’d turn down a free snack.

With an astounding thirty-seven goals between their three round-three games, the Trojans were following the Ravens to the second set of death matches. “You could look less happy about this,” Nicky said when he saw Kevin’s satisfied smile. “We’re going to have to face them.”

Instead of falling he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to the mirror. “We’re all going to die,” Kevin said at last.

Then Kevin gave one of his rare real smiles, and Jeremy gave his shoulder a hard squeeze.

Sam Winchester who knew he would have to be trapped with Lucifer for eternity but still gave himself up to save people.

Sam Winchester who thought he had finally gotten away from hunting and was happy in his life, having a life with Jessica and attending university. Only to be dragged back into hunting leading to Jessica's death and being told everything he thought was his freedom was planned by Azazel.

Sam Winchester who believed he was beyond saving, that he was evil and no matter what he did to change it he would always be something to be feared.

Sam Winchester who really didn't get to be normal like he wanted, his chance at a regular life being taken away from him anytime he had it. Instead spending his life putting others before himself to keep people safe.

Like, this is the episode immediately following Gadreel being expelled. Right after Sam learning that he's been possessed without his knowledge or consent for months, had his memories altered, his body used as a sock puppet for a stranger who was handed complete ownership of him by his own brother in the name of keeping him safe.

That's 9x10. So what happens in 9x11?

Sam decides to cope by trying to track down the angel responsible for his latest major consent violation with Cas's help, only the method they find to do so harms him. He tells Cas to keep going regardless, but Cas stops to keep him safe. This is the lesson of the episode: Sam made a wrong choice, so his choice was taken from him, and this was the good and right thing for the other person to do.

It's a very purposeful parallel to the choice that Dean makes for Sam to let Gadreel possess him, showing the writers' hand clearly. They believe that Sam is the one who needs to have his perspective changed by realizing that his autonomy is less important than his safety and should rightfully be taken from him as needed. While I don't think this moral is completely without merit (there are some suicidal undertones to Sam's state of mind following the trials), I think it's WAY too soon to be forcing Sam to swallow that pill considering what's just happened to him.

(Meanwhile, Dean is fucking off in another state making other bad choices completely unrelated to the events of the previous episode, so that's great. Super. Totally not a missed opportunity for self-reflection or growth on his part to parallel what Sam's going through this episode. Bc WHY would they do that when he has nothing to learn!!! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):))

Thing is, I love the Gadreel arc. I do. It's got some great bones to build some excellent character conflict and development off of, but bc the writers are so Dean-pilled, they show their hand early for the kind of resolution they want out of this and force all the emotional labor for it onto Sam, who is the literal actual victim in this scenario!!!

He doesn't get ONE episode -- not even ONE -- to process what's happened to him before being forced to do symbolic perspective-taking for the other side. It's not just bad pacing, it's wildly unsympathetic to Sam's perspective, which is crazy bc he's supposed to be one half of this show about brothers.

Idk when the narrative turned on Sam Winchester so hard, but it's really sad to see bc the show is ultimately worse for it. I think in another world, the resolution to this arc could have been something great. It could have been the last kick in the pants needed for Dean to realize that he doesn't have the right to control Sam like he did when they were kids and he was forced into the parentified older sibling role -- that Sam is his own person and not Dean's responsibility. Sam could have grown to realize the value of his own life on his terms, not anyone else's, which would have been so much more powerful bc it would be a choice he's making for himself.