#zonem!ryley

“Oh. Um... yeah, I guess I’ve been kind of busy. You know, equality movement stuff, school, hanging out with Tina, and um -- with Mike. I know you probably don’t care anymore, but I think we’re sort of dating? Maybe? Kind of? I’m not sure what we are, since he’s leaving for college at the end of the summer, and Tina’s not super-thrilled with the idea of her two best friends being together, so we’re just... enjoying things while they last, I guess. But it’s sort of weird to tell you? I mean, as far as I know you’re not seeing anybody, and like I said, I know you totally don’t care, but it’s still kind of strange to just out of the blue tell your ex-boyfriend, ‘Hey by the way, I’m dating somebody else now!’ So... um, yeah. I’m really sorry that I’ve been kind of missing in action. Maybe we could hang out sometime? Catch up, talk about how you’ve been? If you want to, I mean. I’d like that, though.”

5/10:

I... don’t know. They both always acted like those rumors are crazy, and I want to take their word for it. But they are really close, and talking to Ryder lately -- it’s almost like they’re sort of morphing into one person. Okay, that’s not fair, I guess I just was a little freaked out by the whole Uprising thing. But they must have a really special connection for Ryder to start thinking like Jake does and believing the same things as he does. I won’t lie and say -- um, I won’t lie and say it wouldn’t be a little bit weird for me, since people loved to remind me that I wasn’t as important to Ryder as Jake was when we were dating. I don’t want to feel like our entire relationship was a lie when it was the first one I’ve ever had, and... it’s still the only one I’ve ever had. But they’re not, right? I mean, they’re not dating? So I shouldn’t even worry about that, if they say they’re not together then I believe them.”

Marley bit down on her lower lip, mostly to keep it from wobbling as she processed Ryder's words. Was that what she really wanted? To break up with him?

He'd made the leap for himself, after what she'd said about how it was too hard to be around him. But maybe he had a point. Marley had started working on her powers again with Mike, but even being around someone who she knew she couldn't hurt, progress was slow and she ended the day frustrated and feeling still just a little bit hopeless.

She blinked away what she thought might be the hint of tears forming, still remaining silent. Ryder had asked her a simple question, but there was no simple answer. Marley loved Ryder - or at least, she thought maybe she did. It had felt so natural, had nearly rolled off her tongue without thinking that day on the football field...But he'd looked so panicked at her not-confession, and she'd felt no inclination to try and repeat it since.

It was too hard now. All the love she'd felt before was buried in her guilt. Marley hardly even knew how to be around him without feeling like she wanted to throw up as the image of him crumpled on the field flashed before her eyes. No matter how many times he assured her it was okay, no matter how many hugs or kind words he offered, he couldn't make it okay. She had to fix this for herself, and she couldn't do that. Not while she was still his girlfriend.

With a clenched jaw, Marley nodded curtly, still not meeting his eyes as she rode from her spot beside him on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah. Yeah I guess it is." She fought to keep the emotion out of her voice as she turned to open his bedroom door, afraid that if she gave him the time to protest, she'd lose her will and keep him trapped in this relationship with her, this relationship that she couldn't make work until she found peace with what she'd done.

Or worse...maybe he wouldn't fight her at all. She twisted the knob on the door, determined not to have to find that out and even more determined not to start to cry until there was a wall between them.

[MSG] Oh. You think it's weird when people have more than one copy of the same book?

[MSG] I guess I shouldn't tell you how many copies of The Hunger Games I have, then.

[MSG] In my defense, they're different editions! And I really wanted the movie tie-in covers because Josh Hutcherson is cute as Peeta.

[MSG] Not as cute as my own personal Peeta, of course!