#zlall

ziall + things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear

“He said he knows it’s about him,” Liam says quietly, carefully, maybe because he knows that this isn’t something Niall’s ever wanted to talk about.

“What?” Niall asks. He knows who Liam is talking about, knows what he’s telling him. He can feel it in his whole body, that ugly feeling, the fear, the anxiety, roiling in his stomach, making him feel sick. This was never supposed to happen.

1. i went to a concert this year!!!!! *crowd cheers* i havent been to any concert in almost 4 years so it was really exciting seeing ed sheeran in june, it was sooo good, queued 18 hours and got to be really close to the stage and i went with my dad which made it a nice bonding experience as well :’)

2. i presented my thesis!!! and it went well!!!!!!! *crowd keeps cheering in the background* this was honestly smth that had been giving me anxiety ever since i stated uni. i was so soooo scared and the process was tiring and my sleep routine, if i ever had one in the first place, was ruined, but hEY, nothing like the feeling u get after u hand in the doc and finish the oral presentation ;-;

3. related to the last one but, my thesis could be published in an actual proper journal!!!!! *crowd cheers louder* I CANT BELIEVE THIS!!!! there were times during the past 6 months that i was like.....gOD why did i choose this topic??? i couldnt have chosen a worst topic..... and then when i finished and i got my grade and everything my teacher told me it was SO GOOD that it could be published and i still cant believe!!!!!!!! honestly, my thesis gave me endless anxiety this semester but it was worth it at the end

4. i finally got my gpa to be higher than the ugly 3,9 i’ve had since first semester! *crowd cheers even louder* now dont get me wrong, 3,9 is a super good number for a gpa but i was sO TIRED of seeing that number after all the effort i put in every single semester. but this year it paid off, and my thesis helped, and now it’s at 4,1!!!!! cAN U BELIEVE??? i cannot. that gpa helped me get the extra financial aid i needed bc i need to take an extra semester for practice which really took a heavy weight off my parents shoulders so i guess i can say im pretty proud of myself.

5. this one is still not like a proper thing yet but, i’ve struggled A LOT with my mental health this year. like, a lot. it’s been honestly so bad at times i just....well let’s say i havent been in a very good place. and i know next semester, with practice, im gonna struggle even more, so im finally doing smth about it. im trying to get an appointment with a therapist so i can....do something instead of letting depression and anxiety get the best of me. it’d be with a therapist from my uni, bc that way it’s free and seeing that my parents know nothing about my mental health struggles and they could never afford to pay for smth like that it’s the best choice....i’d start next semester with some sort of therapy so it’s still not a real thing since it’s december and mostly everyone is on vacations but im pretty proud of myself from finally getting some help in this which hopefully will make next year a lil bit easier.

katelyn hi!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love u lots lots lots♥

11. What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?

there’s 2 at the top of my head that i feel i need to mention lmao. first one is definitely ‘trench’ by twenty one pilots. wow. what an album. full of bops. truly a masterpiece. one of those albums i dont have to skip any songs. and the second is actually an unexpected one? listen i’ve always ignored the 1975 bc it just….wasnt for me…..but their last album has some good songs, im not into all of them, but it was a nice 2018 discovery 

38. What was the best moment of the year for you?

i think graduating from university was a pretty big deal…after 5 and a half terrible years i finally had the physical representation of a ‘u made it!’ lmao djkfhsdkf honestly receiving that diploma was a nice thing….but tbh really thinking about it, the best moment was my last day of class this year lmao….the last semester was awful, like, Awful TM, and on the monday i presented my last ever final and i got out of that classroom, went down the stairs, left uni, got in a bus, got home, put on my pj’s and slept for 18 hours straight knowing that the Deed was Done was absolutely the bEST moment of this year.

42. What are you most proud of accomplishing?

oh, well, as a continuation of the last answer….just, surviving the first 6 months of this year. going in, i knew practice was going to be the hardest semester i’d ever have to go through, no doubts about it. and on the first week i actually said to myself ‘u know what, this may be my 10th semester, the fucking last one, but who cares, im dropping out. i cant do this, there’s no way.’ it was a terrible moment, from january to june i proved to myself that even when i thought i was at my lowest i could go lower?? lmao it was the worst 6 months, physically and mentally and emotionally. i truly am still recovering from it all. so the fact that i passed. the fact that i ended those 4 practice rotations, those ugly 6 months and came out of it alive it’s the damn proudest thing i am about. go andrea.