#zerrin

Zerrin prided himself on being able to predict what was about happen, how a hunt would go, or if something looked too sketchy. What he seemed to have fallen out of practice with, is if another Witcher was about to show up and he will forever blame that one on Vesemir.

The Bear watched as the young Wolf sat across from him at his camp, brow lifted slightly as he watched the Wolf prepare a boar he had caught for their dinner even before showing his face to the Bear. Zerrin’s lip twitching into a small smirk as he watched how skillful the Wolf was skinning and gutting the beast, snapping off the tusks and throwing them over to Zerrin to do with as he wished before setting the meat over the fire to start cooking.

“I didn’t expect you this far south this time of year, Cub,” Zerrin said offhandedly, watching Vesemir closely. The Wolf just shrugged.

“There was a hunt close by. Easily completed, I was just wandering in search of a new contract when I saw you sitting here,” Vesemir said, turning the meat. Zerrin hmm’d quietly, looking towards the fire, and watched as it crackled and snapped, filling the silence.

It wasn’t until the boar was fully cooked and Vesemir had handed Zerrin his share that the Bear realized Vesemir had been staring at him on and off. Getting close and staying in his space for longer than normal, touching lasting longer.

They ate their meal in silence, Zerrin casting the occasional glance towards Vesemir when he felt the Wolf’s gaze heavy on him, wondering if he should be annoyed or flattered that he kept getting stared at. Eventually, he couldn’t take it any more, their meal eaten, fire burning low, Vesemir’s eyes remaining stuck on Zerrin’s face.

“Okay, out with it!” Zerrin snapped, turning towards Vesemir who blinked in surprise at the sudden outburst.

“Out with what?” He questioned.

“You! You keep,” Zerrin waved his hand about, “staring at me! Do I have something on my face, is that it?” Vesemir blinked, staring at Zerrin blankly as he took in the words.

“Aside from your beard, you mean?” Vesemir asked, lips pulling into a cheeky grin and Zerrin growled deep in his chest.

“Why you little fucking sh--” whatever Zerrin was about to say was suddenly cut off, his eyes growing wide as Vesemri had leaned forwards and was now suddenly pressing his lips against Zerrin’s.

Zerrin licked his lips as Vesemir pulled back, the Wolf’s cheeks covered in a faint blush as he turned his gaze towards the campfire.

PINAR EĞİLMEZ

Bazen birşeylerden bahsedersiniz ve hoop bir anda karşınızda belirir ya bu romanda bir Kuzguncuk akşamı muhabbetinin ertesi günü karşıma çıktı ve çırpıda biraz da hüzünle okundu.

Ben TANIK. Olmuş bitmiş herşeyin tanığı.Birlikte çok eğleneceğiz. Gösteri yeni başlıyor.

Uçtu, adamın ruhundan öptü geldi. 11

Kardeş olmanın kendisi zaten manyak bir ilişki biçimi aslında. Aynı rahimde şekil alıp, aynı anne tarafından büyütülen yabancılarız çoğumuz. Bebeklikten itibaren en acımasız saldırıları kardeşimize yapmaz mıyız ?Herkes alıp başını gidene dek kardeşlerimizle aynı çatı altında sürdürdüğümüz vahşi hayat modeli, yetişkinlerin acımasız dünyasının küçük bir modelidir bir bakıma. Ne kadar idmanlıysan bu modelde o kadar işine yarar büyüdüğünde. 12

Kendi yeryüzümün katman katman altlarında , derine indikçe tüm seslerin birer birer kesildiği bir yerde hiç gün yüzüne çıkmamış başka seslerin, fısıltıların çağırdı bir nehir daha var. 15

Annenle aran ister iyi olsun ister kırgın ol ,hep çekişmis, hiç sevmemiş ol, bağımlı ol,bağlı ol, bağımsız ol..Varoluşun hem o sımsıkı kemendi hem o ince sızısı olan, ucuna sıkı sıkı tutunup da ta buralara geldiğin, o aranızdaki göbek kordonu var ya işte onu bir ucu toprakta artık . 30

Hayatta emanet bırakılan çocuklar. .. 41

Kontrol altında tutamayacağın, belli bir süre hissetmeye mecbur oldu olduğun, aşk acısı veya yas gibi duygulara en iyi gelen şey çalışmak, başkalarına yardım etmektir. 56

Temelde aşk simülasyonuydu benim işim, geçmiş travmalar, duygu-durum bozuklukları,tamamen bencilce ve keyfi sebepler,korkular ya da artık her ne sebepleyse aşktan ölümüne kaçan ama yine de aşkla birlikte gelen cinselliğin sorumluluk duymadan, "sonrası" çileleri çekmeden yaşamaya heveslenen, bir başka deyişle "aşka bir bakıp çıkmak" isteyen erkeklere verdiğim bir hizmet modülüydü benim yaptığım. 57

Bu aralar hayatım karşı komşunun kapısını çalıp, kendisini bulamayıp,bir biçimde uyuz,sinir ya da şoke olup,sonra dönüp kendi kapımı çarpmamla mı geçiyor yoksa bana mı öyle geliyor?66

Aslında bütün insanlar dünyaya sadece oyun oynamak için gelirmiş ama sonra büyürken unuturmuşuz bunu. 70

Birkaç dakika daha özlemimi yutmak tuhaf bir zevk veriyordu. 70

Aşık kadının frekansı o kadar yüksektir ki, senin duyma aralığından daha yüksek bir frekansta olduğu için duymadığın sesler gibi, aşkın yanıbaşındaki varlığını bilinçdışı hissederken,nedensiz huzursuzlanırsın. 71

"Güzelim var ya, ben çözdüm kendi olayımı! Ben yataycıyım" dedi. "Yatay ilişki adamıyım, dikey dalamıyorum." 73

Bir yağmur yağdı. Islandı kafa kağıdım.Tüm noktaların, çizgilerin, desenlerim mürekkebi aktı.Sınırları kaybettim ben.Kendi benliğimin hepimizin sınırlarını. O yüzdendir ki kendime " yokmuşum" gibi geliyordum . 81

"Olma"nın kibri veya "olmuş"un hata yapma korkusuysa meclise gelen,sazı eline alan bilge yanın değil egondur.Çok dikkatli olmazsan, ruhunun kavrayış yolundaki o narin mücevherini,egon alır da yakasına nişan diye takar.Seni de dansöz diye oynatılan mecliste. "Olmuş İnsan" yoktur. "Lastikli İnsan", " Kılçıklı İnsan", "Baharat İnsan" kadar saçmadır "Olmuş İnsan" tamlaması. 87

İnsan olmak, daima egonun ve bilgeliğin, yani bu iki zıt noktanın arasında gidip gelmektir.87

Beyin de karaciğer ya da böbrek gibi bir organdır. Yani beyin de diğer organlar gibi pek tabii ki hastalanabilir. Siz hiç karaciğerindeki sıkıntıdan ötürü utanç duyan bir hasta gördünüz mü? 112

Çoğunluğun inancının aksine;çocuk olmak, olgunlaşmaya ,billurlaşıp sadeleşme en yakın varoluş biçimidir. Kendi varoluşunu tamamlayan insan, bir doğru üzerinde ilerleyen insan değil, o doğruyu bir yay gibi kıvırıp kendi çocukluğuna ve nihayetinde kendi doğumuna geri dönerek, zamanda kendi çemberini tamamlayan insandır. 117

Mutsuzluğumu kabul etmeye onu kendi haline bırakmaya karar verdim .Elbette kendi kendine geçerdi. . 141

"Sizin,her birinizin; karşı cinse,kendi cinsinize, doğaya ya da herhangi bir amaca duyduğunuz aşk; Tek Gerçek'le Aşk başlamaya ve bitmeyen Varlık enerjisi ile aranızda olan aşkın yansımasıdır. Hem de hiçbir pırıltısı olmayan küçücük sönük bir yansıması. " 193

Formal Wear

Winter at Kaer Morhen always held the most interesting things happen, the most intriguing events. Zerrin sipped at a mug of warm honey wine, the drink warming his old bones, he didn’t even bother to cover up the yawn that tore out of him. Licking his lips and tracing his teeth with his tongue, the old Bear leaned against a balcony railing that overlooked the training yard, covered in snow but not enough to halt the daily training.

Zerrin watched over the rim of his mug as the Wolf Witcher’s sluggishly moved about, collecting their gear for training, his brow lifting some as he cupped his hands over the warm mug and watched as the White Wolf’s guests now walked into the courtyard.

He watched as the bouncy bard pranced his way into the snow, kicking up the powder in a playful manner towards Geralt’s Child Surprise, the raven-haired woman scoffing loud enough for Zerrin to hear it from his vantage point. Zerrin rolled his eyes, he didn’t like this woman, too serious, too rude, too… everything.

The Bear continued to watch as the bard and the woman began bickering, getting in each other’s faces. The Child Surprise trying to get them to stop but failed to wiggle her way between them, so she ended up calling for Geralt’s help.

The Wolf just sighed heavily and barked at the two to stop, both of them turning a glare towards the Witcher before stomping off in opposite directions. Zerrin snorted over his mug, shaking his head, as he saw Geralt torn to who he should go after before he settled on leading the Child over to the training equipment and began helping her pick out the tools that would work well for her.

“You are up early,” Zerrin looked over his shoulder, smirking at Vesemir as the Eldest Wolf Witcher walked over to him, wrapping his arms around Zerrin’s waist. “I half expected you to be asleep till midday.”

“Mmmm, not yet. Too early yet,” Zerrin groused, turning his gaze back towards the training yard. Both Elders rolling their eyes as the woman’s voice echoed up, her voice pitched high and irritated, pointing angrily at the bard who was sitting off to the side and minding his own business. “Maybe another week or two and I’ll be asleep for hours,” Zerrin teased, laughing when Vesemir poked his sides before slipping next to him and stealing the mug from his hands.

“I miss anything?” Vesemir asked, taking a drink of the wine.

“Nothing much,” Zerrin took his mug back when Vesemir finished his swallow, taking his own drink before leaning heavier against the railing. “Has Geralt always been an idiot when it came to feelings?” Zerrin asked with a tilt of his head, Vesemir scoffed.

“Always. He has the “Witcher’s have no feelings” ingrained in his brain,” Vesemir said with a roll of his eyes and Zerrin laughed, shaking his head.

“Wow,” Both Bear and Wolf looked over the edge to see Geralt standing between the woman and the bard now, guarding the smaller man against the raging sorceress, the bard clinging to the White Wolf with gusto. “It’s a good thing he’s pretty.”

Lambert never claimed to be a well-behaved child. Before he was given to the Witcher’s, he would do all he could to get food or hide from his ungrateful sack of shit father. Then after the Witcher came to get him, when his body felt like it was being ripped apart and put back together, he would be even more of a whirlwind.

Somehow getting into places he shouldn’t, climbing high on the side of Kaer Morhen’s walls and hiding on the roof so no one would find him, once he was even found <i>inside</i> the oven snaking away on a loaf of bread!

Vesemir did his best to keep an eye on the boy, to make sure he was thoroughly whipped out from training and didn’t have the energy to be such a little hellion. But even the Wolf couldn’t keep an eye on the boy twenty four seven, eventually, he needed to not be a baby sitter for the little shit. Those days arrived with the welcomed visit from an old friend, a Bear Witcher that visited every winter, and Vesemir then dumped babysitting duty on one of the other teachers or one of the boys that Lambert was closest to.

It was one such evening, Lambert had snuck away from the pile of boys he had curled up with to try and find sleep, but after about two hours the boy had given up any hopes of finding any rest and started wandering around the keep, testing his stealth and trying to find new holes to hide himself in sot hat Vesemir couldn’t work him to the bone like he always tries to.

Late at night, everyone was asleep, the snoring varying from light to heavy, some very obnoxious and snorty, and made Lambert giggle as he resisted the urge to break into the room and pinch the Witcher’s nose shut. The same noises for the same dull evening and Lambert was about to throw in the towel on finding somewhere new to crawl into to see how long it would take Vesemir to find him.

It wasn’t until he started to hear a different sort of noise that made Lambert pause and contemplate his options that made the young boy push forward, needing to find out what these new sounds were. He approached a door that he recognized as Vesemir’s room, his head tilting far to the side as he stared at the heavy wood door, candle light filtering through a crack and Lambert licked his lips before easing it open a little bit more.

Instantly his eyes went wide, his eyes getting a full view of Vesemir bent over his mattress and the Bear Witcher standing behind him, hips thrusting forward, both men panting and moaning. Lambert’s mouth fell open and he quickly backed away from the door, blinking rapidly, looking both ways down the hall to make sure there was no one there.