#zero o clock

TW: Hey chingus! I don't know if anyone even noticed (since I'm new here) but I've been away for some time now.

Life's been hard lately (it's been a few years like that actually). I won't go into details but to sum it up I'm emotionally, mentally, physically and career wise exhausted beyond words and kind of failing/experiencing setbacks after setbacks for so long that I don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy about my life. I always feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff.

But the reason I'm telling you all this is because I have BTS in my life and what I'm about to share might either blow your minds or warm your hearts -

So today, like every other day, I was feeling lost, anxious, like i could cry non-stop and like I needed some air. So i went up to the terrace of my house for a walk, while mindlessly scrolling instagram reels - when I suddenly came across a concert performance of "zero o'clock" by BTS vocal line. And as you can guess the situation I'm dealing with lately, the lyrics were matching my state of mind WORD FOR WORD. And so I was singing along, tears flowing down my face, looking up at the sky full of stars.

The catch here was that that reel ended just before the lyrics "and you're gonna be happy..." but since I was singing along, I went on to sing this line on my own, a little out loud. AND I KID YOU NOT - just right at that moment, I saw a SHOOTING STAR🌠🥹!!!!!!!

Now, this could completely be a phenomena that never actually happened, it could all be my mind playing some coping mechanism tricks, I wasn't even wearing my glasses but I swear I saw something shine across the sky like it was falling and vanished after two seconds, which means it couldn't have been a plane.

What are your thoughts?

As for me, I would like to remember this as one of the many MAGIC OF BTS ✨ .

how long do I have to wait? 

A brief explanation of time for a fangirl / me.

Zero o’ clock makes me feel warm and cozy. Until I remember it’s just nature’s will that makes each day feel like it’s new. There’s a strange and beautiful madness to this thought, that each day is new only because we say it is. Our beautiful star, our sun, shines so brightly that the illusion of day becomes our reality. Or rather, our agreed-upon “reality”. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. And yes, it makes me sad.

It's the same sadness of seeing someone's images, hearing their voice, feeling their words and still, not truly knowing who they are. Reaching out and not being able to touch them.

Not being able to touch him.

Even if I create a Smithsonian dedicated to Kim Namjoon, who he is, all that he truly is will always be out of grasp. And still, this does not leave me desolate. It does make me feel something. Perhaps because I reach for that which can never be in my grasp, it makes my heart stronger. It makes me feel deeper. It makes a flower bloom within me. A bloom of love, of feelings that help me create.

Another domino falls because of this bloom within me, that, some days I can see time without these neat little divisions of units. Some days, thanks to the love I feel, thanks to an ‘almost is’ relationship, I can glance at...

23:61

I feel for a love like that 61st second on the clock… that is but somehow also isn’t. An ache that’s also a release, like I’m finally finding faith beyond reason.

He has his illusion. I have mine. He has 00:00 every night. I have the rare 23:61.

I look at the numbers blink and I can see daresay I wish for the elusive 61st minute… for time to stretch on at. A forever… before midnight.

He has his illusion and I have mine. His is about turning a new leaf at midnight, finding hope in the confines of minutes. But does time turn over?

All of time is an endless stretch… in a shape we can’t comprehend. So we create. He has his illusion, I have mine. His is about hope. Mine alludes to an infinity, glimpsing another reality at the the thin edge of a page turning over, for evermore.

"when this song ends,