You are the story that you tell to yourself
But, that story is influenced by selective preference kind of subconscious activities. See… today I like working at night coz, (7yrs back) one of my professors told something that deeply imprinted in my mind "A four hour sleep is sufficient for you coz you are young! ".(probably I was internally searching for a successful (which itself is just an illution) version of me, which instantly applied this statement to that internal character) So this created a structure in my brain that if I sleep less I am efficient. And the thought that am efficient made me feel happy. Now, all of this is just coz that man wanted to motivate us towards hard work (do calculus) on that day. Hard work is not staying up late. Hard work is working to your fullest in your working hours! Ok let go..
So, a huge part of what we are today is just a bunch of these kind of things. You'll be happy... if, you get this, do that, create this, own that…. Everything is just the clutter in our mind. Originally, we were all people with zero selfishness and zero envy, nothing but peaceful!
So, I'd suggest you to rewind, clean the clutter or … or just be still and understand it is all just the clutter in your head.
-Selva
